she has endless power
over me because I
gave her my warm body
to wrap herself in & when
she did I had fireflies living
in my heart-chest & sometimes
she'd hum to them a lullaby thru
my chapstick smeared lips
or lure them out by
tickling my ribs & calling herself
mrs-my-last-name

that was two winters back but
I can still hear her perfect white teeth
& tongue bounce as they pronounce
the last vowels in it

These days the habitual ache
Is far worse.
Far worse because
I know it cannot abate.
The storm is forever,
Shelter reserved to hurried moments
Scrambling beneath the eaves
Of a thousand trees;
Bearing no fruit
In the stone-cold furnace
Of my self-regard.
Things got too hard.
Things got too heavy.
Things accumulated like unread books
On weak shelving.

Eventually
It only took one word
To bring the whole thing down.

Eventually
It only took a whisper
To be drowned in sound.

There was a time I walked with you
Beneath the railway bridge inside my mind.
Where rain fell hard and we stayed dry,
Collecting memories and passing time.

There was a time I would talk to you,
The vestige of care for my swollen heart.
How it overflowed with love for you,
How it still does, though we're apart.

And I still dream of you, you know,
I dream most every single night,
And when I wake, this broken man,
You are the only smile, the only light.

But you chose to stay and I understand
His love was safe and warm as a glove.
I blew hot and cold, a Bipolar storm,
You cannot rely on me, my love.

So you'll grow old and fat and kind,
Beneath the eaves of his easy years.
I'll grow wise and tough and cold,
Bent and crooked, effaced by fears.

But if you ever feel the breeze of doubt
Inside your confident stride,
Just know that I still walk with you,
Beneath the railway bridge inside my mind.

If I could grow a pair of feathered wings
I’d flap ‘em clear to mid next spring
Across icy skies and frosted clouds
I’d flutter past the city crowds
To the mountain peaks and fields of green
Where the air is crisp and the waters clean
I’d float down on Shoshone land
And let those wings erode to sand

If I could wave my arms and fly away
I’d wave and wave till summer days
I’d soar beyond asphalt and steel
To prairie grass and rains that heal
I’d fly towards those wild creatures
Where a starry sky is the only preacher
Id float down on that western vale
And vanish with no trace or trail

If I was blessed with the gift of flight
I’d glide away in the dark of night
In tears I’d leave with no goodbyes
As I beat my wings through smoggy sky’s
And left all I knew and loved behind
I’d cry and cry till I was blind
‘Till I floated towards that Earthly eden
To freeze and burn with passing seasons

These wings they’d fly but one direction
Far from streets paved with dejection
Towards a pink horizon beyond the gray
Where the sun still shines on smoky days There I’d find those golden grasses
And even in beauty in the ashes
I’d fly on down to amber flames
To melt away these heavy chains

But I can’t float or fly or glide
These wings are clipped these hands are tied
So I walk and walk with blistered feet
On crowded, asphalt, dejected streets
Where the air is foul and the water black
Where the flowers sprout through pavement cracks
So when I dream I’m floatin’ by
Soaring towards those crystal sky’s

I always think I'm prepared
but,
every time I bump into you,
my heart turns to a thunder clap in my chest and,
the world spins
a little.
Just before I left you told me,
you liked my hat.
I wanted to tell you,
I liked your everything
but,
you would know,
I never did corny very well.
So I just said thank you,
lit a cigarette with shaking hands
and walked.