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Sep 2015 · 912
Our love was taken
A Sickening Love Sep 2015
Sweaty palms
Nervous laughs
That's where you find love

Looking when they aren't
Turning blushing when they look back
That's where you find love

Love should not be mistaken
Our society has condemned us
Our love it has taken

Know what they stole
Take it back
Choose to be true
That is when you'll find love
Sep 2015 · 457
Not tonight
A Sickening Love Sep 2015
You touched me
I cried
You apologized
I lied

Read my mind
Know what's right
I'll fight you off
You won't lay a hand on me tonight
Sep 2015 · 620
Have faith, my dear
A Sickening Love Sep 2015
It's a sad life if you can't believe
Believe in those things that you can't see
So have faith, my dear
That not everything is as it seems
Jul 2015 · 656
Pretty little dolls
A Sickening Love Jul 2015
Pretty little dolls
With their makeup on
and their clothes just right

I once was a pretty little doll.
I wore my makeup.
Had my pretty clothes
and my hair done nice.

But I was still never liked.
No no.
Never an ideal,
Society didn't want to play with me
I was not to their standard still
I was looked down on by Barbie.

She was the pretty little doll I could never seem to be.
... I don't want to play dolls anymore.
May 2015 · 401
Blank page
A Sickening Love May 2015
A poem shows how I feel
Expresses me
So why are there words on this page?
I'm writing to express a blank page.
Words growing across a barren plane.
Thoughts forced through an empty mind.
May 2015 · 910
The depression virus
A Sickening Love May 2015
A bacteria
A Virus
It comes at you
you don't expect it
Something so small
Keeps you from living
Yet we still don't believe
Depression is a sickness
But something so small it can't be seen
Is slowly killing me
I can't leave bed
I can't focus
I can't unfocus
And it gradually
Makes me smaller
Until I too am just a bacteria
A small
Infectious and causing no good
It's long but the lines are pretty short... Sorry it's so long guys.
May 2015 · 470
Wash you off
A Sickening Love May 2015
A shower to wash you off
Water to wipe the tears
Steam to cloud your memory
A shower is the remedy
Apr 2015 · 376
The choice
A Sickening Love Apr 2015
In both hands I hold my life
In one hand my bible
The other holds a knife
Apr 2015 · 345
The gray
A Sickening Love Apr 2015
Yin and yang
The dark and the light
The good and the bad
Dusk and dawn

The gray.

The in between.

The undefined.

You can explain to me
The right and the wrong.
But tell me
What about the gray?
Mar 2015 · 396
The roses are dying
A Sickening Love Mar 2015
We fought for hours
You bought me flowers
I never asked for diamonds
I didn't ask for much...
I got them anyway...
But you still didn't stay.

So now the roses are dying
You're baby is crying
But where are you now?

Does she listen to you scream?
Are you everything she dreamed of?
Do you buy her flowers?
Or give her diamonds?
Tell her she's everything,
Did you tell her about me?
And how...

The roses are dead
your baby got no dad
You left us all alone
And I'm stronger on my own.
This is really long... Sorry
Mar 2015 · 428
Hitting the ground
A Sickening Love Mar 2015
I am
A single drop of water.
Falling silently.
Awaiting to break apart when I hit the ground.
To shatter
Into so many small bits
So far apart
No one will even notice
I ever existed.
Mar 2015 · 466
A Sickening Love Mar 2015
The tears
Just masked
By a simple
Mar 2015 · 3.8k
I can't love myself
A Sickening Love Mar 2015
How am I suppose to be myself?
How can I be someone I hardly know?
Someone show me who I am!
Someone show me what what I should do!
Someone tell me what I am...
'Cause I can't find myself...
Without you.

My own reflection tortures me
A tortured being staring right back.

Tell me I'm beautiful.
Please tell me you love me
I need someone who can love me enough for the both of us.
'Cause I can't love myself....
This is actually a mash-up of song lyrics I wrote but why not make it a poem, right?
Feb 2015 · 756
Torn in two
A Sickening Love Feb 2015
My heart is torn
Torn in two
Your love you swore
You swore was true

How do I choose
What can I do?
There's too much to lose
And I won't lose you

Now where do I go?
Where can I go from here?
My feelings I can't let show
My feelings I so... Fear...
I originally started writing this as a song but oh well
Feb 2015 · 587
Promise me you'll stay
A Sickening Love Feb 2015
You taught me
To ride a bike
To laugh at bad jokes
To never give up
That sometimes things hurt
But that's life
Learn to love the pain...

I'm not ready for this pain,
Promise me you won't let go.
Promise me you'll stay.
There's still so much I need you for...

I put on a strong face
I act like its fine
But your sick
So promise me you won't let go
Because I'm not ready to let go of you
Feb 2015 · 380
Life has limits
A Sickening Love Feb 2015
Your time here is coming to an end
Your life has limits
But I won't be at your funeral.
I can't see you like that.
Close the casket
That's not right.
They aren't dead.

I'm not dead...
Feb 2015 · 1.3k
Make a wish
A Sickening Love Feb 2015
Make a wish
I wish for your
Sweet lips to kiss
Your touch of silk across my skin
I've all my let temptation win
I need you here
I want you now
So please don't leave me
Here to drown

Make your wish
You feel like ecstasy
You feel like bliss
I trust you here
In this place
So let our bodies fill empty space
You've stolen my heart
Captured my soul
Promise you'll never let me go...
Well I made another about 11:11 but it's different.
A Sickening Love Feb 2015
A broken relationship
A broken heart
A broken soul
A broken life

A heart can be sewn
A soul can be mended
A life can be repaired
But a relationship takes two people...
And if one isn't willing
It will never be put back together...
Dec 2014 · 1.3k
Skin to skin
A Sickening Love Dec 2014
As heat transfers
You're body to body
And skin to skin
Cold hard hearts
Another night
Another girl
The way you live.
U n a t t a c h e d
The love without love
You find unfulfilling fulfillment.
Dec 2014 · 497
A Sickening Love Dec 2014
The thoughts in my head
The feelings in my heart
You don't have to leave
Yet I'm watching you go
Every minute of everyday
I see you slipping further away
Nov 2014 · 1.2k
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Tik tok...
Tik tok...
Always checking the clock.

Too much anticipating.

As I sit,
Looking for distractions.
My mind blinded.
Unable to remain unfocused,
On the pure,
Nov 2014 · 1.1k
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Sorry I'm such a burden.
But my depression can show up so sudden.
It comes an goes,
Sometimes when I fake that smile to the world,
I can fake out myself.
I think I'm happy sometimes.
But I never am.
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
You care too much about winning,
When you're suppose to care about me.
My "best option" isn't you.
Let me go, I don't want to be your next
Your child isn't a prize,
Your child is me.
I'm a person,
I'm sorry that you can't see that.
Another rant, sorry people. Rough week.
Nov 2014 · 380
I want you gone
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
The fury.
The rage I've been building.
The breath for me to scream,
Has been sitting in my lungs.
This waiting game,
Is ******* ridiculous.
Why should you be allowed to decide?
My life should be my choices!
Stay out of it!
I want you gone,
So you called the police.
You're getting out of hand.
I won't back down,
I'm enjoying the anger I cause you!
I hope you feel hurt!
I have no regrets,
Except I didn't do this sooner.
I shouldn't have to fear,
Fear my own mother.
Well that's a summary of my week... More of a rant but, I needed to. Sorry people.
Nov 2014 · 604
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
So confused
All turned around.
New people
New sounds.
Do I stay?
Do I go?
There's so many people,
So why am I alone?

I like to be alone,
But being alone surrounded by people,
That's not alone,
That's terrifying...
Nov 2014 · 310
Into the world
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Into the world I go,
Naked and alone
Just follow the path I'm shown...
Into this world so cold.
Nov 2014 · 465
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
When we say goodbye,
You remind me it's not forever.
You told me it seems like,
My goodbyes feel like I won't see you again...
I cant tell you but...
My sanity relies on you,
Right now my being relies on you,
A day could be forever to me.
This week without you,
I'll go insane...
My goodbyes aren't only to you.
I say goodbye to myself everytime you leave.
Nov 2014 · 1.1k
The mask
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
This mask is too tight,
I can't seem to get it off.
I put it on so long ago,
I never thought it'd get stuck.
It's been so long I can't remember,
I can't remember what I look like.
All I've known for so long is the mask.
But I've always fit the mask so well,
I can't seem to pull it off of me.
I put it on so long ago.
I put it on too tight.
It's form-fitted to me now...
Can anyone help me rip it off?
I'm begging...
Nov 2014 · 384
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
When I see you,
I want to run into your arms
For you to hold me tight
For us to never let go.
And I know you wouldn't mind.
But I hug you fast
And I just settle with "hi"
A soft quick word.

When I see you,
The emotions rush over me
My smiles wants to grow
I want to smile uncontrollably
And I know you wouldn't mind,
But I keep the smile smaller,
For fear you'll realize how twisted it can be,
And my true self I can't allow you to see.
So I settle with "hi"
I say it fast and soft,
And smile a subtle little smile.
Nov 2014 · 531
A person like me
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
How could I love a person like that?
Ugly and fat.

Misshapen and all wrong,
So weak.
Their problems drag on.
Foolish and gullible.
Naive and selfish.

I person so uncaring,
with words so harsh.
Dramatic and foolish.
I know I should try,
But it becomes harder and harder...

How could I love a person like me?...
Not my best. But I can't think of words that truly describe how I see myself....
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
True beauty was shown to me.
I prayed for it to be,
And now all I've seen,
Is beautiful.

The light streaky clouds,
So indescribably miraculous.
Impossibilities floating in the sky.

A smile of a child,
The laugh of a baby.
So happy to see,
But one person...

Feeling so important.
Feeling it's right.

Lucky, for I see
That today God showed to me,
But some, of life's true beauty.
I actually wrote a happy poem... Yay. Belonging!
Nov 2014 · 374
Without you
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
I lie awake
I can't sleep
I want to
But I don't want to
I want to dream of you
But then when I wake
It was all a lie
You don't care
You won't be there
What do I do?

I want to fall asleep
But I hope I don't wake up without you.
Nov 2014 · 306
Deep enough to drown
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
The world is dark
cold and
Yet still deep enough to drown in.
And you expect me to step into it willingly?
Nov 2014 · 495
My dark heart
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
How do I love you so much?
My dark heart,
Is filled with hate...
You cracked my heart.
A light is leaking.

Nov 2014 · 413
My shell
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
It was too much,
life was too much.
So I made a shell,
I locked myself in.
It was safe,
But being alone in that shell so long, made the lock become distorted.
Now it won't unlock,
and I can't let anyone in.
It's a nice shell,
but sometimes,
just sometimes,
it gets lonely.  
I guess I'm just waiting for someone to break the lock,
I want someone to set me free in the world.
Though I may get scared leaving my shell,
someone will help me understand this scary, ******* up world.
And someday I can do more than survive it.
I will live in it.
Nov 2014 · 1.7k
I know you're not fine
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
When you say you're fine.
I know you're lying.
You're my friend
I know something's wrong.
Why can't you talk to me?
You may not know it
but I've been there too.
I've been depressed.
I've been so low.
I know how it is
to be alone.
I care too much
for you to feel it too.
So please just talk to me!
I worry about you.
Nov 2014 · 267
A little shit
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Even plants need a little **** on their roots to grow to their full potential.
I guess this is more or a quote by me than it is a poem... I don't know
Nov 2014 · 856
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
You don't need to be well planted,
or perfectly taken care of
to bloom beautifully.
Though weeds grow on their own
they can still be quite beautiful.
I hope to be a beautiful **** after it all.
Nov 2014 · 335
Who we were
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Who we were
Is not who we are
And who we are now
Is not who we have to be
Nov 2014 · 272
Someone worth while
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Maybe I didn't do it for them.
Maybe I did it to prove to myself
I could do something right.
So when I looked in the mirror
I could see someone worth while.
But I failed...
Nov 2014 · 808
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Waiting for 11:11 in the morning
and staying up at night.
Watching for the first star
to come out at night
looking for shooting stars.
Just to make that 1 wish,
the same thing every time.
With just a small hope
it can come true someday.
Nov 2014 · 300
It's ok
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
It's ok.
I don't mind what they say.
I hate me
More than they hate me.
Nov 2014 · 224
Only water
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Why cry?
All I've learned is tears,
Don't help.

They're only water.
Nov 2014 · 504
The pain was too real
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
I cut myself open
To watch the hate pouring out
I close my heart up
The pain was too real
But I forgot how to feel.....
I've gone numb
I've grown cold
I'm detached
I'm all alone
I don't know what to think
A blade pressed to my skin
Just wanting to give in
I want to feel the pain
Just want to feel anything.
I know it's wrong
Yet it feels so right
Just one more time
Then I'll feel alright....
Until tomorrow night...
This is an old one but I'm feeling it tonight guys
Nov 2014 · 232
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Resisting my addiction...

My own form of art,
My scars.
Nov 2014 · 254
Words said
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Your pain hurts me
Much more
Than those words you say...
Nov 2014 · 253
Finding what's right...
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
Knowing what's wrong
That's not the problem

Finding what's right,
That's far more difficult.
Nov 2014 · 227
My Life (5w)
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
I wish I didn't exist.
Nov 2014 · 537
Lowercase i
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
i am not important.
i do not deserve to be uppercase.
i'm not that important.
i shouldn't stand out.

so insignificant
i'm so fake sometimes,
i don't deserve to call myself me.
i'm just who i try to be.

i'm not Me.
Nov 2014 · 516
Leaving Hurts
A Sickening Love Nov 2014
I don't want to hurt you,
But I know I have to.
I'm done worrying about others.
I need to worry about me too.

I don't want to leave you,
But everyone knows I have to.
You don't see why,
But I need my own life.

I know it's hurting,
It's hurting us both.
The difference is;
I cry at the thought,
You just yell on the spot.

One day I hope you realize what went wrong,
But please try not to take too long.
You're still my mom...
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