It feels as though every day your maggots eat at my brain--
every time i see something rancid, i think of you.
on television, I see the horrors of humanity, I think of you.

How can I blame you for eating away at me?
I am garbage,
rotten,
a horrible shade of gray-green.
You are maggots,
you cling to and feast on those like me.

Being who I am, being what I am,
it must've seemed like an invite.

When garbage cans become infested,
owners blame their own recklessness.
It is the conditions they created
that invited the maggots.

When I became infected with you,
I could only blame my own recklessness.
It is the conditions I created
that invited you.

the endorphin sigh                   of
                           a lover re-adjusting
                                             post-coitally
---a small rush---
                 a wonder what they're doing
                          a hope they won't leave
                                        a fear they may

A feeling of reassurance and import
                      as the fuss was only to feel
                                  somehow even more
                                              comfort
      ­                                     against you

               the intense relief

                                 of being        ------[and JUST being]
                                          (when you
                                                    are

    ­                                                loved)

SALVE
                           pungent and potent

             an emollient embrocation.

                           my sweet succor,

                   the
                           salve of my soul

6.
I was wearing my beetlejuice underwear.

5.
It happened.
I was a fool to think it wouldn’t.
Our lips touched.
So softly it could have been written off as an accident.
So light, so airy, so pure, so simple.
It happened so slowly and then all at once.
It’s all happening so slowly.
I love that.
“What did you think of our New Year’s kiss?”
How could I be honest?
How could I tell you the exactly three tiny lip kisses we shared today made my heart leap?
I think you’ve stuck and trapped me forever.
I can’t tell you how badly I want you.
I still feel your arm around my thigh.
My muscle memory clings to you. Wherever you touch, I blush.
My blood tries to leave my body, to touch you, to engulf you.
Every time you kiss my chest, I know you feel my heart race.

4.
Your love reaches me.
I know you feel how I feel.
Splayed o’er me, trapping me, pulling my arms above my head.
Holding me exactly where you want me to be, I feel safe.
It excites me beyond belief to feel as if it really is possible.
Your sporadic kisses became more frequent, closer to my mouth.
I keep expecting to be surprised.
I know you wouldn’t [kiss me] without asking, but I know you’d never ask.
I readjust and your innate fear of my leaving must be combatted.
Your body weight keeps me where I am, keeps me in your arms.
I wanted so badly for you to be mine.
I hadn’t considered what it meant to be yours.
I no longer want to have for me, I want to be for you.

3.
I want to buy you things.
I want to buy you everything.
If I could, I would buy you.
I would buy you, just to give you to yourself.