I kissed his lips at midnight and somehow he convinced me that Sunday mornings were made for bacon and cuddles and Saturday nights shouldn't be spent crying yourself to sleep

I kissed his lips at midnight and I learned what it feels like to have someone who truly wants you in all their timidity, someone who is ready to lift your chin up and grab your face and lean in despite height differences

I kissed his lips at midnight and I realised that sometimes the best decisions are made spontaneously, out of the blue in the middle of the street with hands intertwined as if we knew each other for ages when really it was two hours

I kissed his lips at midnight and my heart was left in his hands, because those kisses continued until Sunday at four thirty pm and since then he's all I can think about

god i ******* miss it

i miss the hole in your jeans on your right thigh that always had your hair sticking out as if beneath the surface was some kind of animal

i miss the smell of cigarettes and the way you smoked like it was going out of fashion and the smell of your fancy cologne on nights when i was constantly close enough to taste every single cell in your body over and over again

i miss the way you would look at me with your eyes, a way that was filled with first desire, then hunger, then greed, and finally, love

i miss the unsaid things, the way you would call me beautiful because love is too hard of a word for you but you were okay with taking baby steps to slowly let down a guard that had been built since the day we started talking - the day she broke your heart the first time

i miss you, i miss the way my powder would stay on your black shirt after i hugged you so hard for so long that i was convinced i would break you, i miss the way you would grab my hand first slowly then more abrupt until finally you let the fear go and my timidness flee, i miss the way my cheeks would burn red hot when i saw you because i was shy, and i miss the way you would put your finger on the lighter and light that white candle you had because in a room full of sin we had to light innocence

missing you hits me in waves and right when I think I'm swimming I drown again

they say no amount of alcohol can drown the pain but I've learned that when I'm with you and I'm ready to mourn the loss of what once was three glasses of red wine are enough to make my head spin and make me forget about the memories that once seemed irreplaceable

everytime you're late I turn on the same song and the same tears burn my cheeks, I'm surprised scarring hasn't happened by now because you've been late so many times that I've lost track and the result is constant pain

I wanted this to be a fairytale love, to be midnight swims and laughs, to be dancing and screaming in the best way possible, but I was given the remainder of an old love and forced to rebuild you, and now you're ready to move on and there's nothing I can do about that

please grab my hand and tell me it'll be okay, pull me in and kiss me harder than ever before and tell me that it'll be okay, squeeze my shoulders until they hurt, leave an imprint in my skin

convince me I'm not watching it fall apart or let me leave the remains while I can

"no strings attached" hurts, but when your only other alternative is goodbye even you can make compromises to ease the pain
- no matter how much you tell yourself he wants to see you, all you're doing is etching the pain away into a ball covered in lies - he will message you when he wants, he will see you when he wants, and when he's busy, he's not thinking about you
- being nice will only get you as far as you let it, because eventually it'll lead you to sit in a chair and listen to the sound of your tears hitting a floor you used to lay down on
- on days when you're particularly down, the sun is truly a friend, because at least the heat helps you realize that you're alive and still breathing
- the only source of happiness comes from within, and moments of "maybe I can live without him" come a lot more frequently when you open yourself up to the beauty of the world around you -  a world previously overshadowed by him
- do all that you do for you and no one else, wear dresses and shorts, **** cellulite and insecurities, love life and love breathing and love your split ends because in the end it's only one life and living it to the fullest is truly what it's all about
- letting go of your fears will make you more wholesome [bugs are still scary, but the peak of tall mountains are there for the view and not the pain]
- never tell yourself something is impossible, because climbing up 10,000 feet seemed terrible to you but you did it and realized there is so much more to this huge world that you've never realized
- reminding your parents everyday you love them isn't something to be ashamed of because in a month you'll be living alone and that means no more of dads sandwiches and moms comforting talks
- don't worry about your appearance - having pimples is okay, dying your hair is okay, having stretch marks is okay... just be yourself and the rest will fall into place
- drama will be drama no matter where you are, but only you can let it get to you
- in the worst of times, calling up your best friend and laughing it off even when it seems impossible is really what will get you through another day

Dear you,

God, falling in love with him was a breeze wasn't it? At first it was a smile and a laugh, but soon it was hands and feet intertwined, and before you knew it you'd fallen harder for him than anyone before

At first the late night thoughts don't scare you - they are premature, eager thoughts about when he's going to call you and where your next day will be, when will he kiss you and does he even like you the same way

It seems like every cloud has a silver lining, but please don't forget about the rain, because it can make the silver melt under the weight of every drop

It'll sting and you have to keep away, wear that raincoat everyday and tell yourself you will make it out okay, grab onto his heart harder than ever before and hope that if you fight for it you will win

But here's the thing: nature is nature

If it's meant to rain, baby don't fight it / go with the flow, follow to ebb and tide to the edge of the world and jump off into a galaxy completely your own, forget about everytime he hurt you with another cancellation, another ignoring session, another ******* comment

Float above the stars in a world that is only built for you, without him and without her and without them, because it'll be the only thing that saves you from the nightmares you're having and the daydreams that are becoming worse and worse through every text

False promises and dark lies are his speciality...let the mysterious ways of the world be yours

Flip your hair, wear your cute dress, and catch another eye, because even if he doesn't notice it anymore, ****** you're still worth all of it