I approach the bridge as the cool California air gives me one last bitter sweet kiss I stare down at the ocean below the way people eye
the stars at night  
"soon" I tell my self as my mind races back to happy times
In that moment I almost walk away but the thought passes when I check my phone and the butterflies begin to build to the point my chest feels like its about to burst open
how did it come to this you with him and once again me all alone
the white hot flame of sadness has been ignited and raindrops erupt from my eyes
  I turn and look away from the water one last time and for a second i just watch all the cars drive by thinking about how many with spend their night arguing with a spouse or playing with their kids
I smile though I may not experience this myself the idea that I might brings a dismal smile to my face as I climb the railing of the bridge I smile big with tears sprinting down my cheeks  and with that I let go like a falcon about to ****** it's prey I fall racing to the blue concrete impact to shatter my bones

She was only a kid, her
Sleeves always Rolled down
Its seems like a long time
Since her Dads been around

Moms drunk at her boyfriends,
showing up half the week
When she's home. she's always
screaming, her drunk Breath Reeks

She's afraid on the Pavement,
while she jogs down the street
With thugs selling crack on every
Corner, afraid who she'd meet

With all this Pain and Desolation
seem, to be on every side,
And her Life outta Control
Makes her wonder if she died

So she gets out the Razor Blade
and Rolls up a sleeve
And see's the map of her past
when the Hurt wouldn't Leave

The Blade Pierces the skin, And
the Red Snake proves she can bleed
Feeling the Pain is the only way
she knows she's Alive...

The Salvation she finds comes
from a Sharp Steel Knive
In this deep black whole,
its her only way to control

What a shame that its all
for this poor young Soul

I cut myself
to see the blood
the contrast of red to the white
surface
to check
if there is still a heart beating
underneath the smooth
finish

I cut my children
but they don't notice
it is more like mental cropping.
I cut emotions
into bitesize portions
they can play with
and learn to become good
cutters themselves

My husband is a cutter too
he cuts attention
into little appetizers of affection
and serves it around
wearing a big generous smile
the biggest pieces are reserved
for the screen
and the xbox controller

I cut myself open
online
words gush out of the open wound
luring predators to feed
on dangerous conversations
inviting the Devil to join
as I don't trust the angels
who once lured me into this...