These hands
Written on by life
Will write
With only my words
This death I’ve died
A thousand times
Is mine alone

This skin
That stood out in fields
Alone
That has drowned in  sees
Alone
That has scarred from
Words and glances

These veins
Pumping through
This life force
The blood that brought
The marrow to the bone
That brought a life
That was never mine
Into the fabric of this body
Into the struggle, the effort
The wisdom, the peace

The day I was launched off my feet
Sleep crawling
To side lines
That I might never leave
The debris
Has scattered into memories
Forgotten
Even by themselves

These lungs
Have whispered prayers
Bellowed poems
And swallowed pride
Choking on the ghost of death
One last time

These bones have set
In crooked ways
A skeleton
That’s lost
The art of support
Stiffened from
Bracing for impact

From the very day
That I decided
That if I can’t shine
I’ll slay
Support myself in every which way
Support this weight
That I’ve hoisted on my shoulders
These boulders
That I’ll stand up

These feet
Leaving no trace
But the distance between us,
Will go
Where no-one will find me
Will dance through ditches
Curve into corners
Coast out of questions
Throttle and choke
The fear

Atomic, we are
She and I,
And all of us
Covalently co-valiant
Exchanging energies
Between us
Building a bond
That’ll keep us entangled
Our essences
Bursting out of shells
That’ll no longer define
Our properties
We change states
As we do shapes
Solidly condensed, we are
No longer ephemeral
Feminine, maybe
But on our own terms
Strongly nuclear
In our common core

These chances that surround us
As subatomic particles
Descendents from the brightest stars
Blinking in and out of
An existence that registers
On cosmic scale alone
These bones
Might tingle
Hinted by a ripple
Traveling through time and space
That once returned to dust
Our essences might mingle
And dance on winds as one
This spine, yet
That I was taught to have
Has stiffened
Standing firm above the force fields
A scarecrow there to daunt
Even the dustbowl of our love

I wish I could feel the pull
That I would know where to go
To be in her reach
Which frequency to tune into
To feel this spirit
Fuel my soul, form my self

There, where the universe is flat
I gain a dimension
Am brought into my extensions
Where the background energy
Keeps drafting the blueprint
Of me

But when left to my own devices
In a world that towers over me
I am lowered into voids
In which I can't but disappear

I wish I were made of steel
Drawn to her, magnetic
Through a space, permeated by it
This body it inhabits
For a short while
Matter, embodying the story
The narrative that whispers
Of what is

And me
One story incarned
Suspended in this vacuum of ignorance
Until returning to a wave state
Tuned into the frequency
Of reality

How?
If even there were
A force in this universe
Sustaining life beyond just breath
Beyond this web of neurons
Firing in predictable patterns
Prescribing every inclination and desire
A flame in which is fully forged
The consciousness that
Dreams and dares all things
Beyond our mere survival

If even there were such a force
How would it be made known?
How does a foundation work
When the fundamental building blocks
Are massless, pointlike?
As much wave as particle
Basking in the sunlight of uncertainty
Existing in duality

How, when everything else is
Nothingness
A void a million billion times more extensive
Than anything substantial
That surrounds it
A vacuum that renders
The remaining matter pointless
How could force be hollow
Yet encompass all
What does it all mean
When all of matter falls in between

This unseen field
Rippling, wriggling, rigging
Everything it fills with the seedlings of decay
Each day
Moving along the breakdown towards
Entropy
Splendid chaos,
Almost too perfect to be called such

How could we not see
The force
Still elusive, but unchanged
Striking a balance
Between fate and volatility
The neverending battle
That morphs each how into a why
The demon and the butterfly

When it comes down to it
At the elemental level
Of this reality
There’s me and there’s you
The anti-me
Perfectly symmetrical, but anti-
Me
Linked so closely
Yet
Ill-fated to be
Upon collision
Destined for annihilation
Leaving only traces
Of the energy that bound us
From opposite sides of the charge
Of the mystery

Yet this, here, you and I, we
Matter
Separated by the fundamental differences
In our nature
Still, both, tethered
To the laws of physicality
The laws of motion that are woven
Into the fabric
Of this galaxy
This universe
That sees us
That sees you
Unversed in the ways of being part of someone’s world
A rare but precious sight
And me,
Beyond any particular probability
Afraid of what could be
Of the decimation that would ensue
Upon our union,
Opting out of the us, the me and you,
Instead to be
The anti
You

Why light another candle
For a soul already lost
Why say another prayer
For a world as contorted
That words, so hollow
Are worthless
Mere moulds we fit to
A deformed sense of purpose
Mostly,
Heaven is what works for us
At any given time
Just as often a struggle to overcome
As it is a fate we acquiesce in
Victory, contentment
Both equally worthy
Of pursuit
Both virtues
Both sins
Ever in need of salvation
We breathe life into
The miracle of the mundane
Resurrecting a reasoning that absolves
Reincarnating a consciousness of hope
Of whatever will let us
Exalt it, adore it,
Extract from it
A narrative
To subscribe to
To believe in
To be God