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skyblueandblack Oct 2014
Within this solitude,
I have grown in ways I never knew possible.
I have delved deeper into the caverns
of each chamber
of this sacred abode
we call the Heart,
and discovered there is no end..
It is a perpetually incessant journey.

I continue to swim,
propelled through this bloodstream, ~ this heart’s dream..
my tears becoming one with the ocean
within the vessel that carries me forth.

Guided by a gentle hand, the inward immersion continues..
It is dark.. warm..
it envelopes me.
I cannot see .. rather I feel,
moving by the sight of faith.

There is safety in this sanctuary,
the guiding hand a cord,
the darkness a soothing, protective womb.
I inhale deeply –
as I hear the voice whisper:
everything is allegory
      pain is a sculptor (it keeps us upright)
         love is a painter (his brush divinely guided)
            lust is a cello… (but what good is an instrument without a song to sing?)
and I am ecstatically transported to Tagore:
I have spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument
while the song I came to sing remains unsung
.”

I exhale cathartically –
Releasing..

It seems an eternity between the inhale ~ and the exhale..
a lifetime between each breath.
woolgather Jul 2017
The release of energy

Such as I cathartically spewed out mine;

You shiver.

Do I bother you that much?

Yet;

Even if you are bothered,

I'll still feel the same way;

It doesn't define how I really am;

If you could see how I'm capable

Of making you feel the same way;

As I cathartically spew out my energy;

Hold my hand.

*Maybe then you'd see why.
I'm sorry
OnwardFlame Mar 2016
Could feel it just like
A thorn in my side
The need to cathartically spell out symbols
With red and purple
No maybe, olive green
Liquid.

3 hours of sleep
We prepare ourselves for late night debauchery
My Moon Sisters will never fully understand
Or truly keep up with how different
Wildly outrageous the fire within Chicago grows
And flows through me.

Didn't wanna third wheel tonight
But I'm the most free I've ever been
I don't define myself through the voices and faces
Of men, though Mama & Papa
Gotta comment and state
They are waitin' and hopin' for me to meet someone
Real nice.

But its the furthest thing from my radar
Perhaps visualizing it, wrapped in my own blankets
I was tempted to have a fresh newness
Cooking eggs incorrectly
I feel like I repeat myself
10 times over.

Betray, slay, *******
All things I tampered with
My thin elegant queen hands
I curl my hair and ponder the aesthetic for the night
Honey, honey.

The Wolf places me in between his ravenous claws
But my bite is sharper.

I've been through so much love
So much heartache
Its so easy to place it on a melancholy pedestal
And for the first time in my life
I allow it to free me
What a special, interesting thing.

I knew all along this is what it would take
So I check off numbers, somewhere between sleeping and dreaming
My photographic memory reminds me of my
Lasting and powerful words, when I feel doubt.

It rings so true, just like the Liberty Bell
Cracked down the seams in Philadelphia, PA
I use to chirp and chime down those streets
Until all the fire within me could no longer continue
To ignite the town.

So I went my own way
For the third and not the last time
I ripped off the tentacles attaching me to faces, love
The past that howls my name from time to time
But I don't tread in gasoline.

No, I don't know what I want
What a beautiful thing to celebrate.

Lets be wild, free
Dance into the spring and summer sunshine
Answering to no one.
OnwardFlame Dec 2014
There is nothing in this world as courageous
As children.
Fearless, no apologies, committed to the end
Lets make a mockery of all the people
Who do us wrong.
Rewrite history cathartically but secretly
Lets draw on dolls with sharpies, paint their bodies and faces
Perform funny voices, themes
Spend hours building sets

Shrill voices, laughter that makes your stomach ache
There is nothing as brave as a child.
And though the world looks at us
And we look at ourselves
We wonder and they wonder:
Who are you?
We are heroes.
OnwardFlame Apr 2016
Just about swallowed a mouthful
Of ginger
I'm so ******* tired.

Its good, its sweet, I sweat
Without glistening
Fires, I sent them all around me
Dancing in the center
The movie star of my own life
I've seen my leading man
Fall through pits in the ground
I stop sometimes, take a deep look, trying to fish them out
Until an army of beautiful distractions
Pulled me away.

Decided to stay in tonight
Cathartically luxuriate in solitude
Beautiful words exchanged next to an atm
I snap photos of my friends
In our own way
We are all up here
Naked
Getting body painted.

Whiskey ginger
A man that likes my best friend
Called me last night
Beautiful Innovator and I laid on my gypsy bed
I talked about you.

Dodging bullet
I sop and stamp out mud
The mud that sank deep into my pores
Your new girls best friend was out with us last night
And she ******* dug me.

Twirling, twirling in red, blue, and white
Sometimes--I'll think back
To just how you wanted your voice to sound
"Thats what we do"
As if chewing on a toothpick
The toothpick of everything you wanted me to be
So that you could cower and hide
In your lack of
Your lack of
Your lack of

To connect.
To build.
Two of my favorite things in this entire world.

Ain't no man out there that can take that from me.

A beautiful woman caught my eye last night
She hung a tree glued into a bullet shell around my neck
The string broke the next morning
I took it off for work
And hung it on my polaroids and special trinkets
She said it guarded against darkness and death
What a year its been.

We gotta change the date
I guess sentimentality can indeed wait
As those higher up than us command the states
My voice still so raspy
I put certain things away
Can't afford that
Can't afford that
But most of the time I feel so good in the pits of my soul
But sometimes at work
I catch myself feeling so much hurt.

The hurt.
Shall we address it?
Or keep it as a little secret
A secret hidden in the crevices of a music box
That I am sure you now too, store under your bed
Or the treaty gift I gave you
Just around Valentine's day
A new man once again
Sleeps in my bed.

Dark like the epitome of the night
He cuddled me all night
I woke from a strangling sensation
Anxiety overwhelming me
He woke up too, reassured me
Held me
Remember
Remember
Don't you remember
I try to forget.

Its whatever.
It didn't last for that long
You were a fake, a mistake
Threw me away within minutes
"**** boy"
Hung across every room
It trickles and weighs in the sockets of my eyeballs
At times
But then I do, I remember
A series of negative harmful cards
Played out in front of my eyes
As if I were to never escape
"Is there anything I should know, or warn her about"
Your new girlfriends best friend asked me
"God bless."
Was all I really said.

Silence.
There truly is something golden about silence.
I wasn't kidding when I told you
One day you would have to see my name everywhere
But may God bless.

I'm so tired.
Theres so much to be done, to do
Chicago whirls and whispers just like the wind
I remember standing in East Lakeview
My father took pictures of me
Not much has changed
But then
Everything has changed.

Lets let it be a lesson
I don't know where this takes me
I don't want to hate you
But I go get drinks after work
My plans to avoid your presence
And all the ways in which
You made it about you and you and you and you and you
and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and
And
And
and
&

She allowed herself
To be happy.
(alternative title - Hew Seep What Chew Roe)

After drafting previous poem describing effort
to brainstorm (grossly analogous to draining
a swamp), expound, and incorporate avast ga
mutt of threads into fabric when literary in spur
ration most profuse (temporarily exempt from
anxiety, famished and fully rested, perhaps not
necessarily in those exact words nor alphabetized
order) post anorexia nervosa (minus bulemia),

this faux south paw aimed, and beastily strove
to be a two ****** ham handed, double barreled
eating machine way beyond where I could stow
mach, one more forced mouthful of food into
gullet forsaking comfort (at the expense of former
starvation), nonetheless robotically, obsessively,
mechanically knocked worst, imaginary transcept
posts, when unwittingly, ignominiously, and

defiantly disobeying crossing guard (steepled
finger hut arc). Intolerably excessive caloric intake
compensation sans zero sum game when meal time
rolled around. The deliberate refusal to eat (purpose
fully attempted to disappear) undermined requisite
nutriments. Upon supposed recovery from restraining
necessary sustenance, the deficit attrributable depriving
prepubescent body of necessary food attempted

to be counter acted via stuffing my measly under
sized physique way past stated satiation. Despite
feeling sick to the stomach (yet luckily no instances
of regurgitation occurred), a reflexive gorging ceased,
when every other person in the household, (or visiting
friends of parents nobody but this poor soul) remained
painfully pushing forkfuls or spoonfuls of this, that
or other ample menu item. This aha awakening asper

obsessive compulsive disorders prompted loosening
mental restraints, and avoid perfecting burst of
awareness until complete with the epistle. That com
ment mentioned because no intent arose to dash off
another writing assignment. A goal of one missive a
day (to keep...what? Ghosts of past away perchance),
I discipline with some degree of tolerance. Rather
than feel fixated and fanatical (indicative of refraining

from adequate eats, or forcing self to take an excessive
number of platefuls), I accept that maybe some deficit
of energy, a bout of minor unwellness, or fatique means

that obeisance to thee ****** temperament must
be accepted. That philosophy also applies to passions
of exercising and reading. Although a natural euphoria
usually experienced during and/or after the self crafted
routine (best attempted as an natural aide to assist sleep,
which utilization of two ten pound dumb bells alternating
every other late evening with jogging/marching in place.

If you wanna a good laugh, I could possibly rig up some
precarious getup to create a short youtube blog. Until that
time just envision a middle aged older mwm bee bopping
in with the rhythm of music (usually fm 102.9) – soft
decades old rock and roll tunes. Information gets triggered
as of this moment, whereby regular efforts to publicize
the life of one ordinary older chap fuctions therapeutically,
holisitically, cathartically plus an unknown reader may

invisibly share a bond (even if she/he stock key) pertaining
to quandary written in a fashion much more under
stand able than usually the case. Impossible to
categorize style, yet each screenful of purged
sentiments, a sifting how to express emotions, ideas,
thoughts, et cetera seems to settle, akin to a capped jar
of blended tiny pieces of matter, whereby specific gravity deter
mines how lightest to heaviest particles settle according
to unwritten precepts of chemistry and/or physics.
KCatharsis Jan 2017
Nervous steps,
she finally took.
Courage to form a syllable.
She didn't care if he wasn't her's,
for her affection was for him, entirely.
The strong sense of hope while she looked at him,
constant tautness in her weak regions, her strong desire to cafune.
She didn't love him,
for he was art
and art was not loved, but appreciated.
He made her insides burn,
with the alternate movement of his fingers,
knew she was gone deep.
Knew she had fallen,
for he wasn't a love interest,
he was a story.
Story with each turn of page, a new chapter.
Passionate, fervent
his thoughts differed.
Encircled arms around hourglass waists,
she wanted to relish him,
for him to be all her firsts.
Gone too deep,
She knew she had it,
Down there, strong clenches.
She dreamt him,
imagines into reality.
She didn't care if he wasn't her's.
She adored his intense love,
for his love.
Knew she would never be the girl he sincerely cherished,
but that did not stop her.
From keeping a special part of her, for him.

Cathartically,
she wasn't suffering,
for this was the kind of love, without him being with her.

He was the matutine,
and she was the night.
They were meant to interlace, but never seen together.

   ~ kc.
            23.4.16
The feeling.
Onoma Mar 2019
blue with smoke--

stunned with atmosphere,

softest to the touch.

you **** with your

feel for that place.

where all the world's a

leaving--upon which all

my love arrives, and i can

hardly stand it.

you hang there my moon--

cathartically there my moon.

over the perimeter i man~
OnwardFlame May 2016
Sleep becomes more and more of a chore
As time lingers on
Weary eyes so lethargically greet the sun
And so wispy eyed with annoyance close
I place a mask over my eyes
Turn off my phone
Tonight
Write and cathartically release inner thoughts
To silence my mind for the night.

11:58pm
Its 12:58am in Philadelphia
11:58pm in Alabama
And whenever people ask me where I'm from
I say I'm a bit of a mutt.

People ask what my end goal is
What I want
Where I see myself going
I don't know.
I really. Don't ******* know.

But thats sort of not true
In truth
In glimmering, exotic, and plain as day
Sight in the corners
Of what we deem goals
I see and I feel
And I long for so much
That I cannot possibly
Possibly articulate it
Into one sentence.
One paragraph.
One essay.
One monologue.
If only I could take the visions and fantasies in my mind
Slurp them away only for a millisecond
To show the viewer.
As if in a decades long
     somnambulant trance
     for majority of years
     I finally awoke,
three score minus
     one orbitz tracked 'round el sol
     by this human drone,
a custom made incognito

     stitched while in utero
     yeah... my birthday suit mask
     disguised this bloke
yet plainly visible, aye donned
     a permanent cloak
always fitted me skin
     tight easily permitting
     ingress and egress okey doak

majority of mein kempf
     ambivalent about (no...no...no...
     despised) self as
     apathetic behavior did evoke,
yet slip out from
     under the Harris tweed,
     Scottish door Matt,
     parental tender caring folk

now, such indifference,
     whether dead or alive,
     tummy this thinking haint write
especially nearing quotidian,
     the terminus twilight
     of existential parabola
     fifty nine submucous cleft palate
     nasal note more'n slight

     chalked up to biochemically, right
     hermetically, and neurologically quite,
though not profoundly disabled,
     a riddled quirky
     ******-social plight,
(cultivating an unhealthy
     absent self esteem inferior complex)
     I exhibited half

     hearted feeble feints
     to muster willpower morning till night
oft times nobody home,
     and nary boot faint light
doth shine on me
     (feeling comfortably numb),
     a puny white knight er
     rather pawn on chess

     board of life with 20/20 insight
while standing at a paltry
     just shy of seventy
     two inches in height
shortchanging latitudinal longitudinal
     maximum parameters to attain
but more critically, detrimentally,
     emotionally constitutes current bane

analogous to Atlas
     hold the world
     did more than force him to crane
his neck, but imposed
     a global estuarial drain
as all the seven seas underwent
     gravitational pull that's
     the best aye can explain

oh...but such fiction a mythological sling
shot across the bow civilization
     the metaphorical resonance
     pertains to me, and doth ring
real asper millstone over bearing
worth repeating here,
no matter mentioned in previous poems
     bitterness of mine despairingly cathartically airing.
Did Fistbump With Ole Man Winter

Once again, this fella alights
this poetaster and trots out weather,
nope not cuz freezing cold bites,
this poetic instance highlights
spate of unseasonably warm temperatures

circa early February 2019,
melting oppressive plights,
whereby totally tubular solar balm
energizes and alights
to zoom into heavenly heights

pleasantly zapping dendrites
with heaven sent
sunny rays, which excites
every fiber of this fella, writes,
a diametrically opposite

meteorological pleasure
pitch perfect to fly kites
versus torturous blast, sans
polar vortex arctic
cold one futilely fights,

where no complaint as
ecstasy knows no heights,
asper in above average winter
cathartically, holistically,
therapeutically... quiets

cabin fever with sneak
preview of summer -
skipping over stone temple rites
of spring despite dramatic
unseasonably warm weather

this anomaly nonetheless delights
this wordsmith voluntarily
holed up days and nights
from bone chilling, crushing brutal
(cudgel wielding) cold

understandably inducing flights
of fantasy imagining
(like...just yesterday)
hightailing to tropical
island paradise sights

blinds this sun worshipper
twittering revelling,
basking with robins
noah matter an old gipper

slakes insatiable thirsts
nsync with teetotaling
brewster herbalist honeydripper
ah... methinks this clime
makes me chipper

recalling good ole times
feeling like a day tripper
sprawled out atop roofed mansion
fronting happy hunting grounds
upon memory steadfast gripper

amidst haunting demesne
of "Glen Elm" transformed
courtesy where backhoes did stripper
of native flora and fauna
into ticky tack vinyl city for hipper
crats all in the name of progress!
Madame X Nov 2022
Looking down the road of my past to my choices and actions.
Some great, some grave
Some failures, some successes
What did it all mean?
What equity do I have now to show for it?
Am I entitled to any?
Does someone owe me anything?
I’ve been crying lately.
I’ve been crying inside for very long time.
As I cry in my room, I let out deep emotions that have been with me for as long as I remember.
Sticky and visceral they linger as I cathartically release them.
I wept for so long.
My floors begin to be completely be covered with my warm salty tears.
The carpet is soggy as I walk across it now.
Crying in my covered hands over my face.
My tears fill up the sides of my walls.
Lines of slow salty progress continue.  
I cried for so long I didn’t notice my salty ocean around me.
My tears began to gargle in my mouth as I have to gasp for air.
I waded in the salty waters looking up to the top of the ceiling.
Floating in space.
If I don’t stop crying, I’ll drown in the very tears that once helped me to heal.

— The End —