Minimum energy state explorers
With a toe on the shore for the first time
“That empowerment is for them.  That drive for life is for them.  That fulfillment is for them.”
I that room
I feel afraid of experiencing my rage
Regret and longing for someone outside of me who’s never coming back
I remember the joyous disconcerting experience of meeting Mickey and Pluto for the first time
Neither inherently positive nor negative
Wanting to play and run freely in the sun’s light
In your grey-blue oceans
My soul is met
Malleable memories that can reshaped in the neural clay
I need a help up
I need to be some else right now

Alpha male ‘fear of loss’ projections
Delusional self-protection fantasies
The externalized world leaving tracked footprints in my wet mental clay
Whatever the mind perceives, so it is
Social persona distortions with intersecting boundaries
Fears of feminine invalidation crystallizing my shadow identities
Cold terrors of feral fraternal chaos sweeping me away in the woods
I feel afraid to live

I want to punish myself with resistance to my own activation
Square shorts minimizing my attention span to zero
My frozen heart in a block of ice melting from the fanned flames
I am angry at myself for my rigidity and self-deprivation
Dysregulation disconnecting me from my present moment
Accepted normality paradigms wearing me like old rusty iron suit

My life has occurred in memories.
Many moments that were seemed so real,..so rich when they happened.
At the time.
I walked along the sunsetting beach holding hands with her.
I thought I never forget one frame.
It was nice.
So many years later.
Only impressions left.
Emotional fragments savored.
Spacial pieces of life that proves, I existed some way before.
Our feet leaving footprints behind on the memory’s grainy sand.
Between our toes.
In astral time.
Moments.
Never the same.
Molded thoughts softly pressed within my mind.
Ever so, slowly being washed away with the tide.

The joy I feel beneath has to be told
You can’t stop me from loving myself, I have a choice
The light within will always win in the end
Keeping my head up is sometimes difficult
But, I stretch, meditate, and love myself and begin again
The darkness is but the shadow of the light
Never separated
Abundance I feel teaming within so I crack my grin in the dark
I get an intuition that my life is right on track
It helps very much to connect that’s a true protection
I let wealth fill my pockets and fill my heart now
I am cultivating a self love that will never be apart from me
I am emerging anew with a sweet new fragrance of my healing life
The positive changes in my world you can truly see
They give me hope that I truly just be

Metallic thoughts crumpled against my mind
No relief do I find
Horror scenes of my past, present, and future
Making my pain seen and unseen
I want to be be free
I want to be protected
I have burned every bridge before
And I can’t wait to light the match now
The escape fantasy that always results with a bullet through my brain
I want the pain to end
Sublimated infrastructure of my slavery within

No hope in sight
Only feelings and thoughts harming me
Only mistakes and comparisons cannibalizing me
Ego won’t subside
Ego only hides my true identity
Angry and selfish always seem right alone
It comes off of me like a rancid fragrance
I have to find the futile solution
Shame and guilt loops always leading back to my hell
So I stay away to keep my hidden pain from hurting myself or others
I get rid of the splinter by cutting off the my arm
I spite the face by cutting of my nose
And no one cares

As I die here alone and watch my life force leave my body
I am surprised by the end
I am startled by the un-attached truth of what death really is
Trapped in the next realm regretting what I have done
Too final to change now
Am I alone here?
Was I always alone?
Can anyone help me?
Does anyone hear me?

Looking down the road of my past to my choices and actions.
Some great, some grave
Some failures, some successes
What did it all mean?
What equity do I have now to show for it?
Am I entitled to any?
Does someone owe me anything?
I’ve been crying lately.
I’ve been crying inside for very long time.
As I cry in my room, I let out deep emotions that have been with me for as long as I remember.
Sticky and visceral they linger as I cathartically release them.
I wept for so long.
My floors begin to be completely be covered with my warm salty tears.
The carpet is soggy as I walk across it now.
Crying in my covered hands over my face.
My tears fill up the sides of my walls.
Lines of slow salty progress continue.  
I cried for so long I didn’t notice my salty ocean around me.
My tears began to gargle in my mouth as I have to gasp for air.
I waded in the salty waters looking up to the top of the ceiling.
Floating in space.
If I don’t stop crying, I’ll drown in the very tears that once helped me to heal.

Superpowers,
superheroes,
Humility,
vast,
Ancient,
great,
Small,
­solving,
Twisted,
en vogue,
Gregarious,
modest,
Active,
undeniable,
unrecognizable,
Sp­iralling,
Spirited,
regal,
Challenging,
Loving,
bearing,
unleashe­d,
Audacious,
Horrible,
gentle,
True,
beautiful,
Ferocious,
super­natural,
Colossal
familiar
Beyond human
Humane.