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So
So this is what desperately
Sad feels like,
Not a harsh dynamic
Jabbing pain,
No explosions or clashing swords,
Just a semi sleepless night
And a waking
Full of realisation and
An awful cloying
Mass of futility,
A physical pain clamped
About the heart,
Enough to recall
My heart attack,

Well maybe so,
The pain is ramping
So maybe heart broken
Is not just a token phrase
This time
My almost grown grandsons
see only a stooped withered
old man when they look at me,
no clue of the young man I used
to be. Or where I have been, the
things I've done. They've only
known me like this. Even 20
years ago, when they were born
I was already a senior citizen.

In my mirror I also see what they
see and can barely recall that
once upon a time younger me.

Time moves on leaving erosion
behind upon mountains and
people too.
Erosion on mountains is
a slow process, we humans
are not that fortunate.
When you're 21
and barely
employed
and wholly
depressed
people expect
you to pull
your ****
together
and handle it
well,
you ought to say
f*ck you
**** is nasty
and I expect
to flush mine
down
the toilet drain
I traveled through a littered sea
of fiery waves
and singed debris
of floating fish
and bloated whales
sinking ships
orange plastic pails

I washed upon a familiar beach
where many gasped but couldn't reach
I slept for hours and days it seems
my life went by in familiar dreams

at last I had awoken
and saw a man in ancient wear
he told me in a thought unspoken
'the day is new
I will see you there'

he vanished from my hazy sight
the shoreline now was clean
save for one unfortunate soul
who's clothes seemed oddly pristine

my thoughts were scattered
yet his voice was clear
'find this soul a resting place
and bury him with your fear'

who is this man I wondered
face down in sand and sea
I gently rolled him over
and discovered it was me
I've already edited this 3 times...it may take 3 more
the dead find me amusing
it's why they come around
they visit at their choosing
no time is out of bounds

they notice if you notice them
and there-in lay the key
they have no use for non-believers
or those who'd rather flee

once upon a gloomy night
I began a chat at 4am
this 100 year-old private school
that I protected
perhaps from them?

I rattled off the first few lines
of 'Roses are Red' down this long dark hall
and a spirit replied to his companion;
'He knows poetry' as if in awe!

The lone light flickered
and a chill rushed by
as I continued on my way

I had a good chuckle
and wished them well
we shall chat another day
true story
Three people I know very well
confided in me today
they won't mind leaving
when their time comes
this life
this place
has suddenly become a world of old souls
fighting to adjust to a world of cold souls
how did we get here?
a nightmare has unfolded before us
we've lied to each other for so long
to mask what we all knew was coming

Dear Lord how we have fouled your precious gifts
we are soon to be
hopelessly
forever lost
When I pause here
in this private spacious room
and allow the silence to swirl around me
I bathe in love and anticipation
of finding a free spirit
in the small details of my day.

Here I don’t hear the sounding horns
the low moans of trucks
the frenetic exclamations of TV mavens.
All I hear is a quiet voice
calling me to stay here
my attention undivided
if only for a few moments.

In this quiescence I discover
the depth and the richness
of just being.
The eye of the hurricaine is still and lonely.
The sands on the beach are left untouched.
The church pews sit empty.
The store shelves are scant.
The pitches are quiet,
The playgrounds are empty.
The fields are burnt.
The waters are grey.
The air about is thick and acrid.
The windows are shuttered, doors are barred.
There are no moving bodies on the streets.
Cars sit idly parked.
Schools are childless.
Does this sound like the dawn of the apocolypse,
Or another four years.
isn't it a pity
we're heading towards the end
there's a war without a winner
and no-one left to mend

an idea that's long been buried
by those who run the show
give peace a chance is over
a dream we'll never know

for the dreamers now are silenced
truth they can't afford
the end days set in motion
resolutions go ignored

isn't it a pity
they hurried us along
made us smart but we're not ready
now we see why that was wrong

they watch and wait and wonder
do they save or let us go
are we worth our own salvation
or do we start again...

all things come to pass
and the day will soon be here
so we smile and make our way
as if we have no fear

isn't it a pity
isn't it a shame
R.I.P. George
I played with words
much like I fed the birds

    one morsel here
       another there

then suddenly became aware

they pulled together
     and made sense

have been a player ever since
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