The last thing that I want to do
Is to think of you
Again and again and again
But I just can't help myself often

The last person that I want to see
Is you being near to me
But just like how I dream at night
I want you by my side with your hand in mine

The last sound that I want to hear
Is your voice ringing in my ear
just like how I hate every high pitched sound
But still I go crazy when I hear it around

The last emotion that I want to feel
Was when you left my heart broken and unhealed
I know how much it hurts and how it can be painful
But still I wanna love you like you love me too for real

It shouldn't matter if you're covered in fats
It shouldn't matter if your bones almost pop out
It shouldn't matter if your height is too short
It shouldn't matter if your height is a tower straight

The color of your skin should not be the basis
It must not be a bother what ever your race is
The language you speak must not be seen as a joke
The culture you're in shouldn't be hidden under a rock

We all complain about equality
We all ask for even judgement from the society
But what we want is for those eyes to only see
What we can offer best and not our imperfections and weakness

What we needed is to embrace ourselves
From flaws and imperfections
From incompleteness and being hollow
To the greatest things we do and know

Have you ever had a bad dream?
Or a nightmare but you don't feel like it?
Something that feels more like a bad memory
But instead it is appearing in your sleep with someone else

It's like a deja vu of the past
But with people of the present
And when you wake up
You feel like you're being squished by a truck

It's scary.
Too scary and exhausting
As you cannot get out of bed
Because you're feeling tired, scared and paralyzed

And then you wanted to do something but you feel too weak to move
You feel glued to the bed while sweating beads
Your mind running thousands of thoughts
Your eyes fixed at the ceiling while thinking

Eyes not averting nor closing
because if you look at your surroundings
You know you're surrounded by darkness
And if you close them, you see the bad dream

It's like you're being trapped
Without you realizing
So you end up not moving
Like you're dead but still breathing

I don't know but I kinda forgot myself
I don't know but I kinda don't know what's left
I don't know but I think this is some kind of factory reset?
I don't know but maybe this is something like a love receipt

You see? I was lost when you left me
just like before nothing matters, just you and me
The only difference is now the nothing that matters is me
No I don't feel sad, I just feel empty

Because when you told me that you're planning to stay
I'm already thinking ahead of the bills that we need to pay
I already saw us argue over what to cook for lunch and dinner
What to do tomorrow, what color of shirt to wear

I was black but you were all the colors
I was the sky while you are the clouds
I was the post and you were the lamp
But I realized I'm just a trend and you are a follower

I thought I highlighted your colors and yes I did but just your true color
I  thought that we're fit and we could make it work
But no I can't make you shine and you can't even shout "she's mine"
But it's okay, I understand that I'm tough and it was just a "challenge accepted "

Don't worry about this love receipt
It's fine, I had the choice to throw it but I decided to keep it
Well just in case that you come back to ask for satisfaction rate
I could show it and maybe ask for refund or in front of you maybe I could rip it

I didn't loved you
because you told me so
I didn't loved you
So you can hear I love you too

I didn't loved you
because I needed you
Nor did I loved you
because I wanted you

I loved you
The moment you understood my brain and my pain
I loved you
The moment you watched the night sky and the stars with me

I loved you
When you said you'll never leave
I loved you
When you said you'll always be here

I loved you
When I saw you looked up and  and stare at the moon
I loved you
When under the moonlight you held my hand

I loved you
When you swore a little too much
I loved you
When your brows are drawing a straight line

I loved you
The moment you showed me your soul
I loved you
The moment I felt that I am in love with you

I loved you
Even though I don't know if you did too
I loved you
Even though I don't know if yours was true

I loved you
Even though I don't know your truths
I loved you
Even though I realized you don't feel the same too

I was a fool
Not listening to my mind
I was a fool
Thinking that you'll be mine

I was a fool
Believing your made up story
I was a fool
I forgot you're a real writer of stories

But yet
I didn't put a thought on it
But yet
I still continued ignoring it

Because I loved you
Not because you made me
But because I fell in love with you
And I chose to love you

You have that bright smiles
And your loud laughs
You show your wonderful mood
And your oh so joyful eyes

But behind of all of that
You are really not
Truth is you are scared
Feeling hopeless and hurt

So can you pull that mask off?
That mask! That mask you are wearing
That mask! That mask of happiness
Happiness you are showing us

Will you let us know?
Know those thoughts?
Those thoughts that hurts you
Those thoughts that haunts you

Please let us know, let us see
Let us feel your pain
Because what all of us knew is your mask
Your mask of happiness

Where are you when it's dark?
When it's hard to take what they bark
When I needed to breathe my deserved air
When in their eyes I feel so naked, so bare

I wanted to know you ever since
Ever since everything knocked me down and made  some sense
But yet you were nowhere to be found
You weren't there, you left me behind

Was this your natural nature?
To not show up even if everything is so hard to endure?
To let me be dragged and lay on the floor?
To let me be drowned on my sea of failure?

You kept running away
Leaving me to doubt myself when I fail
Putting me in the box with couple of locks
Caging me with no escape luck