saw the wounds marks and I felt cold.
why?
My emotions switched off.
i think i didn't want to believe your skin was so fragile and soft.
how you have been tainted and bruised.
if the birds could feel for their young, why can't i?

Struggling to feel I sometimes force myself to cry.
then, it would be true right?
What is wrong with me?
My heart turned to stone.
and I am reluctant to pray and feed my spirit.

Lord, please take me back.

Blood dripped from the walls of my brain and i am hurt.

Wished that it could disappear as how i wish i didn't exist.

Been through storms and seas but never quite liked the memories that didn't seem to cease.

Broken glass made up my eyes and I couldn't see through the fog that seem to become ice.

But the Sun still shone. Its rays still sat on my school uniform and I didn't want to give up.  

Happier now, i sat in my room.
Listened to a song that said "fight on, fighter."
I wanted to destroy myself with more than a lighter, but the urge made me a stronger fighter.

The memories and thoughts still linger.
But with the scratched and scars, the light in me grew brighter.
and i became a fighter.

tears like bullets scarred the floors
and the floors were made of gold.
the couch was soaked in tears and i could see my fears.

i didn't know I had claws for fingers and ice for my skin.
and confusion became more familiar to me.
and sin drowned me still.

but when all seemed lost.
and when the noise seems to **** me within,
i....hear...you.

i looked beneath me and saw large,  large shoulders, far and wide.
shining with glorious white.
the oceans below was more treacherous than my rivers.
and the fire burned more than the voices in my head.

Lord, you carried me.
through and through.
on your shoulders....
black and blue

the cross before me,
it was meant to be mine,
and i saw love.

how your eyes gazed across the vast oceans.
how your heart and mind wondered how you got here.
in the middle of nowhere, your song meddles with the distortion of waves.
afraid to fall.
afraid that when you need help it won't be there.

the sun is shining, your skin burning.
the sharks nearly got you.
the boat shaking,
the waves nearly got you.

one light shone, the sky dark,
the trees painted your eyelashes and the waves made the tears of your eyes.

light flashes.
camera clicks.
you remember again,
you were in that popular clique.

at home.
you cried again.
at the boat.
you were afraid to swim again.

can't change your fate.
going through a lot.
a star shone,
the Savior was born,
he reached down,
and you danced upon your heartache.

Letter to the devil, and the pains of this world.

Dear devil,

How you doin with the fact you have already lost?
How you doin with the urgency of Jesus' second coming soon?

Just to remind you, you already lost, and, do I have to remind your suffering in the fiery lake of fire and sulphur...forever? Ye...I don't think so.

Depression, stop hanging on to them, stop hanging on to me! Stop pestering the children of God, and just stop blinding them of the light of the Joy of Christ. Stop it! You somewhat comforting and soothing feeling, yet is the sharp sword that really kills...

Anxiety, stop making me stop in my tracks and feel like a failure, stop making me stop in my tracks on doing God's will and plan for my life. Stop dragging me down.

For the pains and diseases in the world, you would never stop them from being loved by God. Never ever.

Final note: God rules, God wins, God is in control, God is the Most high, Most pwerful, All mighty, Holy Holy Holy, the Holy one, worthy of all praise and glory and whole-hearted sincere love and trust and obedience. You are not, devil.

Sincerely and truthfully,
The one you tried to hurt and pull down.

Under your loving hands, like an infant, I rest, protected in hand.
Under the vast emptiness and dullness of the galaxy, your light shines, your robe, O so white!
SO glorious your face, your presence!

Your presence, it caresses me, with just a little bit more, I would have been crushed and would have been drowned under my own tears and would have dented the marble floor with certain and whole-hearted knees.

How marvelous is that cross...a word won't fit it.
That cross...if only words, dots, dashes, and punctuation can have more to offer. An endless murky drowning sea of words of different fonts and sizes won't quite make the mark.

You made my mouth like a sharpened sword. Ready to fight for your name, ready to stand my ground, ready to make the darkness fear and make fallen angels regret their mistakes. They already are.
ready to open hearts and minds, as you call many to you.

You make me like a polished arrow. Ready to go wherever you shoot me, ready to tear down what the devil has built. Ready to have your word, the gospel tied to me, as I fly through the spiritual realm and spread your word, the gospel. Simply the gospel. NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS.

You hid me in the shadow of your hand. You cover me. You protect me. You hide me even if it seemed like all eyes were on me. Maybe they are on you. I want to be more like you in image O LORD.  

You concealed me in your quiver, God USE me!!! IF only words quite make sounds of hunger and thirst and the cries of my spirit and my new heart to you! You polished me and I am ready.
Ready whenever you say its time to go, or then I have to stand strong. Ready whenever, wherever, however you call me.

You polished me.
I am sharpened.
I am a polished arrow and have a sharpened mouth.
"Okay LORD GOD, I am ready."

The voices, they are loud.
Help me.
I am drowning.
I need help.
Is there anybody that can help me!!??
Help!!!
The blanket of voices, they wrap around my head...so..loud...
Help me...

"I love you."
You said.
Lord, that's what you said, in a gentle whisper. After the winds, the earthquake and fire.
Came a gentle whisper.
So when I hear it, your voice, may I pull my cloak over my face and meet you at the mouth of the cave I have been hiding in.
Beckoning me to come out.
Help me to hear your voice in the storms of others.

I love you too Lord.

Have you forgotten about the love for each other? And replaced with the materialistic love for money and things.

Have you forgotten about the beautiful, uplifting, life giving, meaningful music in the past. And instead made ones of self-praise, boasting money and pride.

Have you forgotten about those who cares for you? And instead pushed them away. Dismissing it as childish and only would happen to a child.

Have you hated the truth, and love the lies.
Have you hated and never loved...love.

What happened to loving God and ourselves?
What happened to loving each other?
What happened to being united as a Church, as people.
What happened to the connection between you and me, face to face.

It seems that being connected more and more makes us have less of a connection with each other, face to face, heart to heart.

Behind those screens, water in front of fire, or fire in front of water.

Dreams of money.
People wanting to be living barbies.
People wanting to be gods and be in false jolly.
Crying souls and loud cries and shouts.
But no one knew who was the ones crying for help.

O, Lord when would you come and save them all.
When would they ever stop suffering...
O Lord save us all, in this kingdom of darkness...
Save us...

[Verse 1]
Teach me how to love You
Show me how to trust You
More than with my words or with a song
No, it's not been easy
To live life down on my knees
But with faith I know I'll carry on

[Chorus 1]
There is more to see than with my eyes
But fear sometimes can leave me paralyzed
I realize that I'm not in control
Yet it is well with my soul

[Verse 2]
The enemy's against me
Arrows all around me
Never knew the fight would last so long
In seasons of depression
I plead for Your protection
Make me right, I'm tired of being wrong[Chorus 2]
Every time there's hope, it seems to die
And the voices all around me feed that lie
Everything I see tells me to let go
Yet it is well with my soul

[Refrain]
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul

[Tag]
Soul, my soul, woooh, my soul
With my soul, my soul, woooh, it is well with my soul
With my soul, my soul, woooh, my soul, woooh

[Chorus 3]
This fight I'm in is not of flesh and blood
The weapons that I need are in Your love
Lord, don't You ever let me go
You make it well with my soul

[Refrain]
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with...

[Outro]
Soul, my soul, woooh, my soul