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Cordelia Rilo Sep 2015
Candide
with his mind full of optimistic thoughts
appeared before God with his arms held forward,
palms up.

God,
the large black man that he was,
leaned down to Candide,
his throne shaking the heavens.

Candide spoke softly
as to not upset the almighty powerful God,
"God," he said,
"I have lived my life to the best of my ability.
I have hurt no one and keep a faithful and honest mind,
may I enter the heavens?"

God,
having heard Candide's words
appeared very angry
and slammed his large fist against Candide's head.

His strength was so
that it plummeted Candide past purgatory
and into the pits of hell
where the Devil had been anticipating his arrival.

Satan,
the small white man that he was,
walked over to Candide laying on the ground,
hurt and bleeding from his fall and said,
"Welcome home."
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2016
.i. if Kant could have his von Kleist... well... who else to juggle juggernauts if not me? as a task of redeeming that poor soul who succumbed to the terminator of all poetic ambitions, with his systematisation off-the-page, as eccentric and punctual as a sunset on a sundial at 16:11... and in case either the spring of sunrise, or the autumn of sunset... but so many hours after exacting a sunset... that gluttony of the eyes to stare at it... 16:11 is the zenith of a sunset in november the 15th... much prolonged when warmer... supersized sun when setting in summer, and all that whiskey-copper wiring for the eyes to stare at it: oh for goodness sake, who really cares for Ikea likened assembling of words... we're not putting together a coffee table, we're looking for Darwinistic entrapment, we're scared of the aeons and yawns... we're trying to create a Darwinistic entrapment saying what segregates us from apes! that's how anti-Darwinism works - if they can easily call you a poet and a technophobe... then that hardly makes you a merchant with a Quran... to encapsulate the language of our modernity we're doing everything against writing the onomatopoeia of our beginning... monkey ooo! monkey ooo ah ah! or a gorilla grunting and then snorkeling... we're encapsulating our language more and more... because beginning with ape and then looking at history, and then looking at the consensus of the contemporary: Darwinism's greatest enemy is not theology... it's history... Darwinism and history are not compatible... oddly enough Darwinism and theology are compatible, simply because they are dynamically equal for the case of furthering both arguments in debate... but Darwinism is an odd starting point to argue, given that physicists argue from the perspective of prior to dinosaurs, prior to all things formed.

how can i begin this? it will leave me having to
write it for two days,
the anti-narrative sketch first, then filling in
the gaps sober... just to get second opinions...
i might have to cook a quasi-Hungarian borscht
and fry up a few potato flattenings to a crispy
yum... first the narrator comes in to describe what's
in store, a bit like a translator comes in and says
of Joyce: that's Irish... well, yeah.
               hence the italic preface...
as some would say, the person who wrote these
sketches worked quicker that an algorithm in asking
and also quicker to copy & paste the required
atomic encoding... e.g. ч and ch
                   э and euro and epsilon...
      once upon a time there was nothing prior
to Copernicus, then the somersaults came,
    h ч y        what coordinates where?
    well of course perfecting the encoding of something,
if things weren't stated awry there would be
no optometrists either...
                  it's not hard to read, it's hard to
remember how to read, given that being literate reached
the omnipresent velocity, the new powers had to
include some new power struggle...
mingling Latin and Runes, Greek and Cyrillic...
     and the proto-Latin of additional diacritical marks...
they exposed the entirety of humanity to literacy
within the framework of post-industrial society,
after hitchhiking a ride on the 19th century donkeys
they suddenly had to reveal their power-secret of
being literate, and by the account of women:
corset bound and bored in salons...
      but something else appeared that didn't really fascinate
them: that over-complication of Latin with
punctuation marks above letters: or diacritical
distinction, crowns over letters, subatomic particularisation
of once favoured: universal applicability...
as a narrator? i have to make a complicated
introduction, the sketch lends itself to do so,
it suggests that not all writing can be as simple as
a nursery rhyme, not all writing can actually
    **** memory, not all writing desires being remembered,
not all writing can be remembered,
                in the mediation of the two chiral opposites
there's fiction, which is suspended in an armchair of
pleasurability... but on the opposite side of a nursery rhyme
or a well versed poem? writing akin to arithmetic...
  something truly painful for those competent with
lettering, but not really competent with ten digits...
      as a narrator who has already read the sketch,
i'm trying to not write a "filling in the gaps" to the sketch
like an art-critic might do to a painting deviating from:
brushstrokes were employed. well... d'uh!
variation of italics as in transcending the pause that
implies a condescending variation of taking a pause,
also excluded are: dot, comma, hyphen, semicolon
and colon.                         dot-dot-dot is not joining up
the dots: it implies a variation of how to anticipate
a punchline: drummed: tu-dum wet snare!
     i am actually a narrator who is trying to find
that other part of me that might digest this sketch properly,
     and return fully competent to pick up another
sketch... if ever there was a narrator in this sketch,
it has to be me, after the sketch has been scripted,
and i am left to suggest a need for a dot-dot-dot connectivity
of the strokes of the pen...
i warned myself: do not overdo the introduction in italics,
you know how picky people are...
whether pickled pineapple of cucumber...
i swear Turks invented pickling chillies...
         oh look! an inflatable gazebo filled with helium!
no one's laughing: only because i didn't mention vegina.
narrative puritanism? you get distracted a lot...
but this sketch is really a thesis for narration,
all i have to do is find the antithesis of narration in it:
an actual narrative!          it stretches for ~30 pages...
   well that's me turned archaeologist with a Grecian urn
with a snap of the finger... because that's how this
sketch looks like: ancient -
                         but understandably modern.
              so .  ,  - and ;
        were racing... out came the world record
             9.58(0)         the full-stop is the bracket-bound
0... i.e. it actually happened: hence the pinpoint...
or in Formula 1 a timed nonsense of ave. m/ph
     noted to three decimal points: 130.703...
                                    or chicane cha chicane cha cha!
as said, this is an actual representation of a narrator
encountering this sketch: so before you lose your head...
i've lost mine!
  look at the correlation though!
we've gone way past atoms with the atomic bomb
and encountered subatomic particles...
    we're not going to get beyond subatomic particles
because we're going to encounter the already apparent
reality of obatomic particle: namely our bodies,
   the perceived ******* (ob- is the antonym
                                                  prefixation of sub-):
             that's were the microscope adventure ends,
    and this is parallel to cutting up a second with
three decimal points, as the safetynet suggests:
                                                              π / 3.14;
yep, the obstructive - hence we can't spontaneously
combust... but then again Goethe's Werther did:
  out of love... down the spiral: you sweet little *******.

~ii. i'm actually too lazy to write the sketch and fill
in the blanks... so i'm going to fill in the blanks as i go along,
  or that's what's called the rebellious stance of narrator: mmm,
work in progress, could you see that coming?


ii. a beer in between glugs of whiskey - runes
combined in the ******* / sigma, variant of agliz or
the rune-zeta extended toward a dark shadow of the rebirth
of Ishrael: zoological enclosure; sigma *******
sigma ******* sigma *******, sigma *******...
rune-zeta... we cannot say there are ******
mathematicians and poets akin,
not then one optic encoding states
     a b c d e
         another states f u þ a r
yet another а б (ρ) в г
  α β γ δ:
for worth of gamma into a trill only because of
   a wave, that's ~ approx. on the side of the letter
   e.g. г & r.
   or rho upside down? what the ****?
did Voltaire write this? reading Candide,
i hope he ****** did!
you the problem is pixelated paper? if you know
how you enter a deciphering mode...
                    but you require a personal library to boot,
all that dos formatting,
                       well there's formatting in the humanity
outstretch of this white medium too...
after it isn't all ******* white when all the psychiatric
pills are white too... i have really found something better
than the Bermuda Δ...
       Greek, Latin, Cyrillic and Runes...
i could say neo or proto otherwise,
but i still haven't unearthed the sketch, that
is probably puzzling the Danes, with Cnut on the forefront...
                    but the arrangement of numbers is universal,
but it's not universal, given the particularity of
how language is encoded and why some people are
richer than others...
            but it's still a beer between glugs of whiskey that
makes more sense...
i said, retype the sketch and go to bed...
and i figured: that's probably the wisest of all possible
events stemming from this...
    that's ~27 pages of notes to retype... and i'm already
in a disclosure mode as to expect what's to be jargoned...


p. 1        cкεтч       /      σкεтχ
   necessity of                        (acute
a-       -the           (ism)
is that of language structure,
          only from the use of one's language does
a deity present itself: from within the noumenon
ground work, not the reverse, as in from
(pp. 2, 3)
                 a phenomenological exercise in
the use of language: Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, (etc.)...
       e.g. Islam is a phenomenon,
  it's not a noumenon: or a thing-in-itself...
  for the Islamic god to emerge from Islam's-in-itself
Islam will have to prevent itself from being-outside-itself...
or overpowering other in-itself contentions
but still: to no apparent success narrative of true intention
as satisfactory appropriation and hence lending itself
to a widespread nod of approval.
  challenging space: word compounding, or the space
between conjunctional deficiencies: nod-of-approval (e.g.).

p. 2    concussion (great film, Alec and Will, 2015, NFL)
concussion... Blitzkrieg Alzheimer's....
brain is fat.... dementia = attacking proteins...
  steroids... the noumenological use of language:
e.g. that ****** is an enigma,
therefore his views will not go viral,
and he'll not become fashion trendy...
it's not individualistic idealism, it's reality.
as will die sonne satan - orbis reach more than 5K
views... so... clap clap... clap, clap.
           what i meant about the a-     and -the
and the ism is following a sentence that sort of
does away with conjunctional fluidity,
apart from the big words, i treat all minor words as
categorically conunctional... and, the, a, is, to, too...
given the sentence: brain fatty *****,
brian organic giraffe wall... ******* hieroglyphic...
           stood above the rest, rest assured.
  dementia: invading protein cells
   (bulging prune of the opportune: purely
digestion?) no thought to eat or eat itself like,
cannibalistically. the brain is fatty...
not fat in muscle for mmm, schmile and flex
for the selfie. how about a protein inhibitor?
(by now, rewriting the sketch, i've lost the page count,
it's actually p. 5 of note paged toward 27).
how about the explanation that we're living in
times of post-industrialisation and thanksgiving
feminism? to me post-industrialisation has created
a class of meaningless white-collar workers
and no blues... it's what the Chinese blues call
the Amazonian nomads: ******* happy...
no amount of crosswords or sudoku will exert
your body to do things for others...
   no amount of mind games will actually tell your
brain to be equipped with: a bunch of hyenas... run!
dementia is a result of creating too many
white-collar jobs (thanks to feminism)
and exporting the blues to China (thanks to feminism
and: oh i broke a nail, can i get a Ching plumber to
fix my heating while i get a ****** to **** me up my
****?!) - maybe i'm just dreaming...
it's great to censor dreaming, i mean: you stop dreaming,
you get to see reality, and you don't even need to
read Proust on a ricochet.
  - so we have brain as fat, and invader cells as protein...
protein digests fat... and creates cucumbers out
of people... where do the carbohydrates come into play?
it can't be at the point of a.d.h.d., can it?
     i'm blaming post-industrialisation, the complete
disappearance of the blues (formerly known as the reds,
in the east) for the whites...
or that old chestnut of: my god you're goon'ah luv it!
   to till for worth from the sweat of yer brow -
funny funny funny... to earn your loaf of bread
you will toil...
                   and toil until you are physically assured
that not ghostly / mental life can enter your world /
books... that went well... didn't it?
   i should be tilling a potato plateau rather than
be bound to be writing this epic (by modern standards)
poem...
             but that's the curse of exporting all the blue
collar jobs to China, then importing mindless
white collar jobs to the west, what the hell do you think
would happen, not the pandemic of dementia?
if you do not exert the body, and then you do not
exert / exhaust the mind... do you think
you can secure a narrative with a post-industrial
westerner on the premise of that person simply being
able to solve a crossword? well... i believe in santa
claus too... but i don't believe in him giving out
presents... because to me, in my oh-so-called maturity
that's called an anagram of satan's clause: which is a legal
term for: i can turn civilisation into shrapnel
of what's said and what's to be said: and what's not to be
said. people can't expect to turn honest labour
for the recreational run on the treadmill in a gym...
and they can't expect photocopying in an office space
to replace Newton's curiosity, and then compensate
all this distraction with mind-games...
          can they? well... they did!

poets are gagged by writers of prose,
no wonder they write so sparingly,
      they are gagged in the sense that they write
as if asphyxiated: they need breathing room.


well sure, if he can revive the Polish steel industry
and i can go back to steel plates and pillars,
then the rust belt will get a polishing also.

or what's called: shrapnel before the waterfall of
narration: darting eyes, and poncy **** all the way through...

     muse... muse...

        well, how about we take the fluidity out of language?
declassify certain words into one grammatical broth,
say words like i and they
                              a  and the    are all conjunctions?
how about that? let's strip it bare, after all: what categories
of words exist for us to primarily speak (let alone think)?
     nouns, verbs, adjectives... adverbs?
       but all those words in between are so jungly classified
into a tangle that i'm about to sprout a handshake
          of a Japanese vine grip: and never let go...

an actual extract from the sketch:

      https that doesn't recognise UCS
                   and insists on IPA cannot be deemed
       encyclopaedic


              i need runes for this! i need runes for this idea!
i don't need transliteration right now...
                but hey! that's an idea, etymological transliteration...
bugly term, sure, but the previous night i was thinking
  of transcendental etymology, as you do, likened to
carbohydrates... so it was transliteration after all...
but a dead end when it comes to geometry and Pythagoras...
      
    three words... and they are computerised (i guess you
have to buy a decent book to decode this), a bit like
buying paint in a d.i.y. shop...
       16DE (dagaz / d) 16DC (ingwaz / ŋ / grapheme of n & j)
                  16DF (ōþala / Valhalla / o / ō = oo),
in total d'njoo / d'nyoo - even i concede the fact that this
is a ******* mind-******... it's a ****** congregation of
four optic encodings of phonos... i moved away from
the ancient greek fetish for the logos... i'm looking at
the phonos... not the logos with Heraclitus et al.
               φº θ þ фª f

ªgreek
  ºcyrillic                ever see a prettier pentagram?
                      i haven't.

(false original title:
škic / cкэтч / φº θ þ фª f: thespian pandemic - pending)

looking at the phonos is painful, actually painful,
it's like reading a book with a myopic pair of glasses:
a ******* aquarium blurry right there, befor...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

'e'? were you: was i, looking for an 'e'?

i can say this much...
what do you get when you mix a shot
of whiskey with a shot of bourbon:
i'm moving between bottles...
it's nearing christmas eve and i'm a ripe
taoist... i.e. i better this world:
by not having the world mind me...
on the odd occasion: oh... you're still here?!

yeah... i'm still here... i have glued-to-fascination
with my shadow... i'm just waiting
for the atom bomb to relieve me of a body
but ensuring my shadow is kept intact...
as if it were a Monet signature on a wall...

but i lament... the momentum has vanished...
i don't even know why i'm so idiotic as
to presume that: from the hour 22:00GMT
to the hours 00:00 circa 00:30GMT...
something will land into my lap,
my lisp... my cranium the oyster shell
my tongue the oyster...

it will not... i can't simply **** anything into
an existence that doesn't want to exist...
perhaps lurking in a canvas of:
"lost luggage" in an airport...
perhaps "there"...
i could be excused my... lethargy...

when was this written? back in 2018?
so i was thinking about teasing cyrillic even then?
wasn't i?
sketch cкэтч or?

what do you get when you mix a shot of whiskey
with some bourbon?
a Burguandian whisker...
i am not going to sound witty...
Ron's key...

that's still a cyrillic "or"... isn't it?
шкиц: škic...

i'm... deflated... nothing "new" has come my way...
i would have thought that...
reading some Knausgård would have /
could have... invigorated me:
reading him was supposed to be my:
dialysis my transfusion!
my zombie-go-to-literature...
it has proven an exhaustive enterprise
to begin writing again:
i became too comfortable
in reading - i almost forgot
the agony of writing...

alas... a contemporary of mine...
and someone well adjusted to prose...

notably: who would have thought
that death in june - the calling (MK II)
was something to be recorded in 1985...
for one: i wouldn't...

but i did begin: back in november 2016...
begin what? to tickle the cyrillic alphabet...
which is way before i discovered my reply
to the runes... to the ancient greek...
and this... "ancient", ahem... still in use...
latin script...

that script that went into the molloch couldron
of being invested in to code...
pristine as the hebrews cited:
how many holes in it?
to write onto a canvas of 0?
q Q R O o p P A a D d g b B...
which leaves...
W E T Y U I S F H J K L
Z X C V N and M "out of the equation"...

škic / cкэтч / φº θ þ фª f: thespian pandemic (pending):
i better rename it as... circa 2016...
that's way before i even acknowledged
the cyrillic text applying diacritical markers...
i thought them too crude at the time...

beside borrowing outright from greek...
the already at hand oddities of glagolitic,
notably: Ⱎ...Ⱋ...

it's only a single word i'm using...
i have abandoned all notions of metaphysics
in favor for orthography...
i'm not going to burden myself
with: what's after the physics...
i'm after: what's now...
in the respective tongues...
2 tongue deviations from
the original latin and greek...

what came with the runes and what
came with the glagolitic scripts...
what was ****** and had to succumb
to inter-breeding...

come 2020... i will have one clarification
to base my existence on...
pronouncing the growth of my ****** hair...
i will hope to aim at a length of beard
that will forever hide the neck...
i will aim at... somewhere to the level
of my heart... when i will then manage
to turn my beard into an orchestra's
nieche of violins when i procrastinate with it...

since 2016...
i have identified russian in ******...
i've seen it... finally!
зъaрт... i.e. żart
and the "hard sign" becoming a "soft sign"
in źrenica: зьрeницa...

i still think the russian orthography
is... as... primitive as the western slavic...

after all... зъ = ż...
зь = ź...
the balkan slavs have a caron...
which is neither a hard or a soft sign / acute...

their caron is... ч (č) or cz...
CHeaper in english...
and their caron is ш (š) or sz...
SHeep...
or the two together...
and always шч (šč): szczekam...
i'm barking...

pu-shch-air... a rare example in english
of the puщair...
but then lookie lookie 'ere:

CZACHA... skull...
ЧAХA...

perhaps this is my "revenge ****" on russia?
hey! boris the kremlin mascoot...
come and 'ave a look...
with how i disect your orthography
on the / with the language that asks
too many metaphysical questions and no
orthographic curiosities!

i'll meet you in Warsaw... given that you're
probably moving from Novosibirsk...
and i'm either in Stockholm...
Edinburgh or the outskirts of London:
Warsaw will be halfway for both of us...
you don't have to like Warsaw...
i only like it when the Ukrainian smugglers
and the Mongols appear
in the West Warsaw coach station...

smart as who? i am discovering this for
the first time myself...
i was only teasing it back in 2016...
way before i found the right sort of accents
in mother russian...

i do know that that crescent oddity:
above the ja: йa... is what it is...
if you only cut off the head in english... ȷ...
again: it's я given that most russians
are pulled toward an anglophile world-view...
they all see the window to europe...
the baltic and st. petersburg is somehow...
London... and the atlantic...
like hell it is...

i guess i feel it was a waste of time to
have re(a)d Kant, simply because:
i'm not here for the schematics...
i want to know how my thought my labyrinth
building architecture is coming along...
but with no one to talk to about it?

i found the categorical imperative most
dissatisfying... i didn't want to abide by universal laws...
poetry is already shoved out of waiting room
of the republic...
if my "poetry" is not a categorical imperative...
and it's not quiet a a hypothetical imperative...
it needs to be sharpened on a thesaurus
and some grammar...

categorical (adjective)... imperative (adjective)...
well two adjectives never imply much
if there's no noun involved...
and i'm pretty sure that... if i sharpen
the next word i'll compound with categorical-
in that hyphen construct that's only
allowed in oxford dictionary english:
since it's not: propergermannonhyphenfaustian:
i.e. carboxylic (carbo-xylic) acidity...

poetry doesn't belong in either
the categorical imperative focus...
nor the hypothetical imperative focus...

i.e. i must write a poem... to feel better...
i must write a poem... to organise my thoughts...
no! a poem is not a maxim is not a categorical
imperative! a language of poetry is not
a language of morality: it's a language
of experience - or a lack / a lackey's "sentiment"...

i need a... categorical: impetus!
it's not enough to have read kant's critique of pure
reason... it must also involved
having re(a)d the: groundwork of
the metaphysics of morals...
but i'm a democratic reader...
i need to hear the other voices...
i can't be a kantian scholar...
a snippet 'ere, a snippet v'ere (funny how
THETA disappears when making the posit:
THERE - ver!)

who needs metaphysical absolutes...
when orthography (or a lack of it)
in english... spreads open its legs...
and the tongue remembers its tongue-brain-phallus
stage of co-existence in the oyster?!

i'm pretty sure that a categorical imperative
is by no means a categorical impetus...
this had to be written,
but it had to be written in order to disregard
anything a priori... prior to it...
a poem is a shady concern for action or inaction...
it's a deviation from the cartesian crux:
res cogitans (thinking thing)...
into the cartesian levy (res extensa)...
it's an action of inactivity...
as much as it's an inactive activity...
"the rest"...

impetus is not an imperative...
an impetus sources its meaning in a per se
investement... of itself - in itself - for itself...
an imperative?
in pronouns... impetus: i want... i will...
imperative? you want... you will...

an impetus is self-dictative...
an imperative is: indicative...
someone would rightly claim...
those that mourn indicatively...
will don the right garments for the process
of mourning...
which is indicative and devoid of
the per se manifestation of mourning...
it is an imperative when compared to
the impetus to mourn -
which is self-dictative...
which does now shallow itself in
grief by making a socially agreed to fiasco
of a very specific choice of wardrobe...

basically: however you like it...
an IMPERATIVE ≠ IMPETUS...
the year is almost over and i want to break-off
the dust from the thoughts that fudge-packed themselves
as worthy of occupying the minor instance
of having to count a depth of:
not dead within the year of being written.
Peeka  Aug 2014
Wisdom Teeth
Peeka Aug 2014
Wisdom teeth- you're out.
Sneaking four, about to commit a heist- no doubt!
Fuzzy and tingly- then darkness consumed the high.
Awoke, the sting of absence felt.
I've taken my drugs- cried and iced.
I caught ya. Wisdom teeth.
I will plead for sleep.
Gone now, but if I ever lose my molars?
How wicked would that be?
My wisdoms couldn't aid me!
I'll accept the philosophy of Candide.
For "all is for the best" arguably,
In "the best of all possibly worlds" supposedly.
Wisdom teeth out today! Finally feeling better. By the way, all should consider reading Candide. :)
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2016
it's understandable, they confused by complex bilingualism as schizophrenia; oh sorry, it's not actually a scary word, before people start to theorise the mono-lingual pre-maturity of a condition that affects older people, they should seriously begin to listen to what a person is saying; there are tales of surgeons leaving surgical equipment in bodies during surgery... well... at least the physicality of such blunders is more pronounced than leaving regression variations of negated ease (disease) in man... (uncouple that compound and you'll find the subtler alternative)... when psychiatrists make mistakes it's not a heart surgeon making a mistake, the mistakes psychiatrists make are far more profound, given the nature of the mistake being seemingly trivial in comparison... yet these mistakes make our mental life worse by disrupting the narrative, psychiatry, being a science, primarily disrupts the (cognitive) narrative; it's hard enough to find yourself in your mind, let alone a worthy narrative that you encompass... it's hard to reemerge with a good enough narrative when you're branded like an ox, a ******* during the height of Christianity, or registering a car for road tax... it's ****** hard.

so they (i've lost the paranoia additive of this pronoun
a long time ago) thought my bilingualism
was worthy the label of schizophrenia...
well... d'uh, isn't bilingualism a split-mind scenario
in itself?
                    bilingualism is more complex than you think,
it reaches to the depths of each language,
it's not a multilingual acquisition, a polymath hooray!
it's bone deep,
                        bone deep, it goes as far into identity
as all conceivable points of psychological architecture;
which is why my bilingualism was so well
established that i became a bit difficult to society:
my upbringing was to match the difficulty -
i was never supposed to utter a single intellectual
disparity, given my stature i was supposed to be
a manual labourer - a position i'd have gladly undertaken
but (see my earlier entries), but...
                                i never really felt a need for
an animosity toward the English -
                                           i loved everything about England
(or at least London) -
                                                 i left my native country
early enough to sponge-up the new culture,
                   but of course when our family was applying
for citizenship we were the obscure minority,
                 after the floodgates opened and the less
creme of the crop entered these shores,
       i was forced into a spiral reinvention, i was no
longer was the British termed "exotic"...
exotica, hmm, funny how i imagine things exotic as
things in sunny places, slaves in the Caribbean,
the platitudes of certain African Savannahs...
something Voltaire might find befitting to write about
like he did in Candide - there's this neurotic passage in there...
                the passage to India... a book i'll
never read: why? can't be bothered, the t.v. series *Indian Summers

does it for me;
                                  plus i do like cooking curry,
so there's the f                        u                            to take-away
curry...           i have an arsenal of spices and i bomb Kashmir
with whiffs of the stuff...
                                    that part of my is what the intended cultural
assimilation was intended for: the rest? n'ah ah.
                               what spurred me to write this poem?
Heidegger's concept of someone moving and integrating
into a different culture: to be honest, the country i was born
in was uniquely pressed to turn its habitants into nomads -
      it was a town primarily based on the steel industry -
now it's a town of pensioners - the steel industry fell to ruin
and people had either the choice of: elsewhere in Poland,
or abroad.
                                    still, things were much nicer
   when the barrier was up... selfishly said? i agree, but then
i had enough air to breathe as a sole artefact of the ethnicity,
and a good enough reputation as a person needing to
persistently learn... had i been a crook? well, now i find
my ethnic background elsewhere, in a near mythical place
in Scandinavia - not that i want to, but i don't actually
have an atypical (a typical) physiognomy of a Slav -
so that's a plus...
                                     but what really spurred me on
was what Heidegger describes as the threshold and indeed
the essence of integration: to learn the language,
to use the language, nothing but language in terms of
being considered a certain noun - in this case, British;
so this is a German perspective from the 20th century...
the British perspective in the 21st century?
                         kinda like **** Germany...
language? forget it... you can speak with a ****** accent
and even ******* grammar... what's at work here
is ethnic cleansing, on a spiritual side of things -
language can rot in hell for the English, what they want
new citizens is to: a. eat fish 'n' chips
                                  b. talk ***** when *******
                         c. lick the **** of Americans
          d. have a sense of moral superiority because of
                    that poncy accent that's becoming a dodo
       e1. forget their mother tongue
         e2. only speak English in private
                            f. respect the Muslim attire but
        to never respect fellow European's concerned
                           about many other things
      g. amongst other things...
so it's not enough to learn the ******* language, that i have to
become a ******* serf? oh wait, i have some spare change
in my pocket (puts hand in a trouser pocket and takes out):
the *******!
                                  or how you find yourself
in an imploded British Empire, go beyond London and you
enter something less resembling a global community
and more a national socialist set of self-evident dicta
wrecking havoc to your senses.
                              and all this from a humble background?
well: freaks and mutations sometimes happen...
                    being born near to the date of Chernobyl doesn't
really help to counter the argument:
           yes, even in Poland, the effects were felt,
my great-grandmother remembers streaks of radiated trees
and un-radiated trees in the park -
        the radiated trees were born... a strange kind of rainbow...
and yes, i do take the **** out of **** Germany
while talking about it and Jewish mysticism -
                                Malachi the arch-heretic (who introduced
a polytheistic concept that does not fit in with monotheism:
reincarnation) -
                            oh look:      something came out of this
conviction that told me to duly apologise to the concept
of the two late monotheistic religions:
                             on your own, can't be bothered -
Christianity was always going to be more image orientated
(after all, the crucifixion is a good enough image)
   and Islam was always going to be more word orientated
(something to shout about, actually, to just shout it) -
the Judaism i found?
                              not being circumcised and what not,
not adhering to the religion as such?
  the lord of the rings and harry potter...
simple... how?
                               please make oaths, swear, use profane
language... maybe that will make your actions less profane
and this isn't 19th century Victorian society event where
people talk polite but play ***** according to the escapades
of Dorian Gray...
                              i'm still adamant that auto-censorship
of a name (the name, i.e. ha-shem) does wonders for your
vocabulary - oath, **** **** ****, words are actually:
                or conjunctions, and this means you can use them
to destroy the barricades of fluidity -
                                 do we really need to say certain names?
Islam says the name all the ****** time,
        Christianity doesn't even know the name of the father:
Jules?                      Jason?                Jeremiah?
                                           can't be Yves...
                   and did 1st century fishermen write?
wasn't that a rebellion against the literate Pharisees etc.?
             so it's pretty much like the harry potter / lord of the rings
rule: Sauron
                       designates the tetragrammaton
   and the necromancer designates ha-shem...
                                                or...
         Voldemort designates (as above)
              and tom-riddle                   blah blah...
oh i have actually washed my hands clean of two most
populous religions in the world -
                            i can't believe that so many people can be
right about something,
                                    would i desire to argue to this
to the grave? not really, i prefer to look at it as a chance fancy,
my real concerns are based upon the question:
   why would bilingualism, ever, be treated as a case
of schizophrenia?
                                           perhaps the language is too
difficult to follow, perhaps i'm reciting a poem by
                           half caste by john agard -
but this **** isn't skin deep, i can't blow the sax in a liberating
transcendence of slavery, or do that other form of
rebellion -
                    &nb
Crispin as hermit, pure and capable,
Dwelt in the land. Perhaps if discontent
Had kept him still the pricking realist,
Choosing his element from droll confect
Of was and is and shall or ought to be,
Beyond Bordeaux, beyond Havana, far
Beyond carked Yucatan, he might have come
To colonize his polar planterdom
And jig his chits upon a cloudy knee.
But his emprize to that idea soon sped.
Crispin dwelt in the land and dwelling there
Slid from his continent by slow recess
To things within his actual eye, alert
To the difficulty of rebellious thought
When the sky is blue. The blue infected will.
It may be that the yarrow in his fields
Sealed pensive purple under its concern.
But day by day, now this thing and now that
Confined him, while it cosseted, condoned,
Little by little, as if the suzerain soil
Abashed him by carouse to humble yet
Attach. It seemed haphazard denouement.
He first, as realist, admitted that
Whoever hunts a matinal continent
May, after all, stop short before a plum
And be content and still be realist.
The words of things entangle and confuse.
The plum survives its poems. It may hang
In the sunshine placidly, colored by ground
Obliquities of those who pass beneath,
Harlequined and mazily dewed and mauved
In bloom. Yet it survives in its own form,
Beyond these changes, good, fat, guzzly fruit.
So Crispin hasped on the surviving form,
For him, of shall or ought to be in is.

Was he to bray this in profoundest brass
Arointing his dreams with fugal requiems?
Was he to company vastest things defunct
With a blubber of tom-toms harrowing the sky?
Scrawl a tragedian's testament? Prolong
His active force in an inactive dirge,
Which, let the tall musicians call and call,
Should merely call him dead? Pronounce amen
Through choirs infolded to the outmost clouds?
Because he built a cabin who once planned
Loquacious columns by the ructive sea?
Because he turned to salad-beds again?
Jovial Crispin, in calamitous crape?
Should he lay by the personal and make
Of his own fate an instance of all fate?
What is one man among so many men?
What are so many men in such a world?
Can one man think one thing and think it long?
Can one man be one thing and be it long?
The very man despising honest quilts
Lies quilted to his poll in his despite.
For realists, what is is what should be.
And so it came, his cabin shuffled up,
His trees were planted, his duenna brought
Her prismy blonde and clapped her in his hands,
The curtains flittered and the door was closed.
Crispin, magister of a single room,
Latched up the night. So deep a sound fell down
It was as if the solitude concealed
And covered him and his congenial sleep.
So deep a sound fell down it grew to be
A long soothsaying silence down and down.
The crickets beat their tambours in the wind,
Marching a motionless march, custodians.

In the presto of the morning, Crispin trod,
Each day, still curious, but in a round
Less prickly and much more condign than that
He once thought necessary. Like Candide,
Yeoman and grub, but with a fig in sight,
And cream for the fig and silver for the cream,
A blonde to tip the silver and to taste
The ***** gouts. Good star, how that to be
Annealed them in their cabin ribaldries!
Yet the quotidian saps philosophers
And men like Crispin like them in intent,
If not in will, to track the knaves of thought.
But the quotidian composed as his,
Of breakfast ribands, fruits laid in their leaves,
The tomtit and the cassia and the rose,
Although the rose was not the noble thorn
Of crinoline spread, but of a pining sweet,
Composed of evenings like cracked shutters flung
Upon the rumpling bottomness, and nights
In which those frail custodians watched,
Indifferent to the tepid summer cold,
While he poured out upon the lips of her
That lay beside him, the quotidian
Like this, saps like the sun, true fortuner.
For all it takes it gives a ****** return
Exchequering from piebald fiscs unkeyed.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2017
akin to Candide, and to match Voltaire i have a revision... tending to one's garden, i.e. minding his own business... well, there's tending to a garden, and then there's: growing a beard.

i always deemed a selfie as a take
on curiosity...
         a reviving of a curiosity -
which also translates into
the following few words:
on the new continent (north america)
the nationalists is called a patriot,
foreign bodies coming into
the land of this spoken tongue
are called immigrants,
        but native bodies coming out
of the land of this spoken tongue
are call expatriates....
   well... hello sunshine...
i'm not an immigrant,
i'm an an expatriate...
   ******* english foxes
and welsh weasels...
          hard to stomach the word ascriptive
akin to neo-****, when your people
fought the nazis...
even in britain in the r.a.f.,
check st. paul's cathedral and look
for the placard: polish r.a.f. pilots
took part in the dog fights...
             take your somali-irish
and shove them up yer ****!
             it's called nationalism in
europe, but patriotism in england...
it's doubly called fascism in europe...
*******...
                i'd wipe my *** with my hand
and give them quasi-woad marks
to suit their grimacing faces
to simply prove the point...
         akin to the brother *****, czech and rus

the brothers fin, *** and esto...
          sunny boy,
the natives speak of fellow natives
as expatriates and not as immigrants,
and there's a slight difference
between being a nationalists and being
a patriot...
                     but i guess that doesn't
exactly compute in your 'ed.

p.s. note: ***, hún (han)
and hūn (hoon)...
                     difference being,
this is not about
the Aryans and fetish German,
the Caucasians...
  the model being:
you move from skin difference,
you move via the individual
to the collective,
then through the nation
and via the nation to the grander
ethnic picture of Slav / Germanic / Celt,
and then arrive at your
desired destination:
  the Caucasus,
and then see the Turkic peoples
as neighbours...
           almost all wars have been
waged in the form of familial
feuds...
   inbreeding seems hardly the taboo
when in-warring is all that ever was
worth staging wars.
Danny Wolf Aug 2014
Darkness calls on us like the Siren's Song,
with the optimism of Candide, we charge on
because we know "things are exactly how they should be,"
But we're ignoring the fact that we cannot see!
We cannot be free!
No wonder Yossarian went so **** crazy,
trapped with no way out...
Like the old woman protecting her individuality in her burning house.
In this day and age,
Individuality burns out faster than paper in flames.
As fragile as Hamlet's mental state,
****, it's gone.
We're left as scared and self-conscious as J. Alfred Prufrock.
Questioning ourselves,
We don't dare disturb the universe.
Forced back by scrutinizing hands
through the shrunken entrances of our comfort zones,
Left torn and scarred
because they don't accept who we are.
I walk the halls with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern,
Watch identity evaporate without concern.
Ignorant voices, the poison dripping into my ears.
I walk the halls a ghost.
They think I'm weird,
Maybe a few screws loose,
but I'll tell you what...
"Crazy" Orr is the one who escaped Catch-22.
Though I fear there is not an Odysseus within all of us,
I fear we are not prepared.
For when Darkness calls on us like the Siren's Song,
temptation is seldom overcome.

6/13/14
This began as one thing, and  unintentionally turned into a mash-up full of references from the main poems, books, and other excerpts we read in my AP English lit class this past year. It's references are to the following: Siren Song by Margaret Atwood, The Odyssey, Candide, Catch-22, Farenheit 451, Hamlet/Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, and The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. It ended up being one of the funnest and
most challengeing pieces I've written.
Mateuš Conrad  Jul 2017
ו
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
ו
םתוח
השׂטן‎

and i thought that ancient egyptian
was retarted...
looks like there's a contender!
hebrew!
    this language doens't know left
from right, or up from down...
hebrew is, by html encoding... a dodo project!
it's retarted!
   hebrew can't survive in the html age...
it's retarudus proximus!
oh, you think arabic is any better?
don't think semites should
be laughing at this point...

trying to write hebrew script is like
juggling pineapples...
     what does it say?
   the seal of satan... satan?
well that implies guardian
      of the tetragrammaton...
i still agree hebrew evolved from
ancient egyptian script...
but hebrew wasn't used in writing
html or any other computing script...
that's why it's so retarted when trying
to write it in html mode...
nope, can't convince me...
you can't really write hebrew in html mode...
i call this the extinction precipice...
    if this ****** is going to keep up
its copernican acid tripping not knowing
left from right...
   might as well leave it at the roman
long-handshake... where hands
don't actually touch, but hands touch
nearing the elbow... namely
   forearm-grip.

as the original stated:

the smaller the audience: the greater span of historical worth, and desire to upkeep: that pangloss citation from voltaire's candide: better us tending to our own conerns, that bother ourselves with the concerns of others.

oh, i know what a small audience implies...
didn't christ have only the 12,
didn't pythagoras only have the approx. 30?
there's something quite telling
about a small audience...
         not exactly cultish...
                  but something beyond the realm
of influencing people within a single
lifetime...
                   take en sabah nur and his 4:
oh come on... rewrite tolstoy's
war & peace in a comic form:
  just to ease the gates for poets,
and leave barren, the boring narrator...
let's keep it at just that:
there's something telling about a small
audience...
          look at the 1 and the 12,
and now look at the billionth marker -
  funny, isn't it?
                what am i claiming though?
ah, that's simple, that's a revival of
"judaism" - i say "judaism" because
i am the one ordained with neither prophecy
or anything worth mastering:
  i am the guardian of the tetragrammaton...
and sure, the god within the confines of
philosophy has to necessarily not exist...
but?
       well... you can't really evaporate
the tetragrammaton out of existence!
             whenever the right time comes,
i loose the title: chief prosecutor, and become
chief defendant.
Victor Hugo  Jun 2017
Sagesse
À MADEMOISELLE LOUISE B.

I.

- Ainsi donc rien de grand, rien de saint, rien de pur,
Rien qui soit digne, ô ciel ! de ton regret d'azur !
Rien qui puisse anoblir le vil siècle où nous sommes,
Ne sortira du cœur de l'homme enfant des hommes !
Homme ! esprit enfoui sous les besoins du corps !
Ainsi, jouir ; descendre à tâtons chez les morts ;
Être à tout ce qui rampe, à tout ce qui s'envole,
A l'intérêt sordide, à la vanité folle ;
Ne rien savoir - qu'emplir, sans souci du devoir,
Une charte de mots ou d'écus un comptoir ;
Ne jamais regarder les voûtes étoilées ;
Rire du dévouement et des vertus voilées ;
Voilà ta vie, hélas ! et tu n'as, nuit et jour,
Pour espoir et pour but, pour culte et pour amour,
Qu'une immonde monnaie aux carrefours traînée
Et qui te laisse aux mains sa rouille empoissonnée !
Et tu ne comprends pas que ton destin, à toi,
C'est de penser ! c'est d'être un mage et d'être un roi ;
C'est d'être un alchimiste alimentant la flamme
Sous ce sombre alambic que tu nommes ton âme,
Et de faire passer par ce creuset de feu
La nature et le monde, et d'en extraire Dieu !

Quoi ! la brute a sa sphère et l'éléments sa règle !
L'onde est au cormoran et la neige est à l'aigle.
Tout a sa région, sa fonction, son but.
L'écume de la mer n'est pas un vain rebut ;
Le flot sait ce qu'il fait ; le vent sait qui le pousse ;
Comme un temple où toujours veille une clarté douce,
L'étoile obéissante éclaire le ciel bleu ;
Le lys s'épanouit pour la gloire de Dieu ;
Chaque matin, vibrant comme une sainte lyre,
L'oiseau chante ce nom que l'aube nous fait lire.
Quoi ! l'être est plein d'amour, le monde est plein de foi
Toute chose ici-bas suit gravement sa loi,
Et ne sait obéir, dans sa fierté divine,
L'oiseau qu'à son instinct, l'arbre qu'à sa racine !
Quoi ! l'énorme océan qui monte vers son bord,
Quoi ! l'hirondelle au sud et l'aimant vers le nord
La graine ailée allant au **** choisir sa place,
Le nuage entassé sur les îles de glace,
Qui, des cieux tout à coup traversant la hauteur,
Croule au souffle d'avril du pôle à l'équateur,
Le glacier qui descend du haut des cimes blanches,
La sève qui s'épand dans les fibres des branches,
Tous les objets créés, vers un but sérieux,
Les rayons dans les airs, les globes dans les cieux,
Les fleuves à travers les rochers et les herbes,
Vont sans se détourner de leurs chemins superbes !
L'homme a seul dévié ! - Quoi ! tout dans l'univers,
Tous les êtres, les monts, les forêts, les prés verts,
Le jour dorant le ciel, l'eau lavant les ravines,
Ont encore, comme au jour où de ses mains divines
Jéhova sur Adam imprima sa grandeur,
Toute leur innocence et toute leur candeur !
L'homme seul est tombé !- Fait dans l'auguste empire
Pour être le meilleur, il en devient le pire,
Lui qui devait fleurir comme l'arbre choisi,
Il n'est plus qu'un tronc vil au branchage noirci,
Que l'âge déracine et que le vice effeuille,
Dont les rameaux n'ont pas de fruit que Dieu recueille,
Où jamais sans péril nous ne nous appuyons,
Où la société greffe les passions !
Chute immense ! il ignore et nie, ô providence !
Tandis qu'autour de lui la création pense !

Ô honte ! en proie aux sens dont le joug l'asservit,
L'homme végète auprès de la chose qui vit !

II.

Comme je m'écriais ainsi, vous m'entendîtes ;
Et vous, dont l'âme brille en tout ce que vous dites,
Vous tournâtes alors vers moi paisiblement
Votre sourire triste, ineffable et calmant :

- L'humanité se lève, elle chancelle encore,
Et, le front baigné d'ombre, elle va vers l'aurore.
Tout l'homme sur la terre a deux faces, le bien
Et le mal. Blâmer tout, c'est ne comprendre rien.
Les âmes des humains d'or et de plomb sont faites.
L'esprit du sage est grave, et sur toutes les têtes
Ne jette pas sa foudre au hasard en éclats.
Pour le siècle où l'on vit - comme on y souffre, hélas ! -
On est toujours injuste, et tout y paraît crime.
Notre époque insultée a son côté sublime.
Vous l'avez dit vous-même, ô poète irrité ! -

Dans votre chambre, asile illustre et respecté,
C'est ainsi que, sereine et simple, vous parlâtes.
Votre front, au reflet des damas écarlates,
Rayonnait, et pour moi, dans cet instant profond,
Votre regard levé fit un ciel du plafond.

L'accent de la raison, auguste et pacifique,
L'équité, la pitié, la bonté séraphique,
L'oubli des torts d'autrui, cet oubli vertueux
Qui rend à leur insu les fronts majestueux,
Donnaient à vos discours, pleins de clartés si belles,
La tranquille grandeur des choses naturelles,
Et par moments semblaient mêler à votre voix
Ce chant doux et voilé qu'on entend dans les bois.

III.

Pourquoi devant mes yeux revenez-vous sans cesse,
Ô jours de mon enfance et de mon allégresse ?
Qui donc toujours vous rouvre en nos cœurs presque éteints
Ô lumineuse fleur des souvenirs lointains ?

Oh ! que j'étais heureux ! oh ! que j'étais candide !
En classe, un banc de chêne, usé, lustré, splendide,
Une table, un pupitre, un lourd encrier noir,
Une lampe, humble sœur de l'étoile du soir,
M'accueillaient gravement et doucement. Mon maître,
Comme je vous l'ai dit souvent, était un prêtre
A l'accent calme et bon, au regard réchauffant,
Naïf comme un savant, malin comme un enfant,
Qui m'embrassait, disant, car un éloge excite :
- Quoiqu'il n'ait que neuf ans, il explique Tacite. -
Puis près d'Eugène, esprit qu'hélas ! Dieu submergea,
Je travaillais dans l'ombre, - et je songeais déjà.

Tandis que j'écrivais, - sans peur, mais sans système,
Versant le barbarisme à grands flots sur le thème,
Inventant les auteurs de sens inattendus,
Le dos courbé, le front touchant presque au Gradus, -
Je croyais, car toujours l'esprit de l'enfant veille,
Ouïr confusément, tout près de mon oreille,
Les mots grecs et latins, bavards et familiers,
Barbouillés d'encre, et gais comme des écoliers,
Chuchoter, comme font les oiseaux dans une aire,
Entre les noirs feuillets du lourd dictionnaire.
Bruits plus doux que le bruit d'un essaim qui s'enfuit,
Souffles plus étouffés qu'un soupir de la nuit,
Qui faisaient par instants, sous les fermoirs de cuivre,
Frissonner vaguement les pages du vieux livre !

Le devoir fait, légers comme de jeunes daims,
Nous fuyions à travers les immenses jardins,
Éclatant à la fois en cent propos contraires.
Moi, d'un pas inégal je suivais mes grands frères ;
Et les astres sereins s'allumaient dans les cieux,
Et les mouches volaient dans l'air silencieux,
Et le doux rossignol, chantant dans l'ombre obscure,
Enseignait la musique à toute la nature,
Tandis qu'enfant jaseur aux gestes étourdis,
Jetant partout mes yeux ingénus et hardis
D'où jaillissait la joie en vives étincelles,
Je portais sous mon bras, noués par trois ficelles,
Horace et les festins, Virgile et les forêts,
Tout l'Olympe, Thésée, Hercule, et toi Cérès,
La cruelle Junon, Lerne et l'hydre enflammée,
Et le vaste lion de la roche Némée.

Mais, lorsque j'arrivais chez ma mère, souvent,
Grâce au hasard taquin qui joue avec l'enfant,
J'avais de grands chagrins et de grandes colères.
Je ne retrouvais plus, près des ifs séculaires,
Le beau petit jardin par moi-même arrangé.
Un gros chien en passant avait tout ravagé.
Ou quelqu'un dans ma chambre avait ouvert mes cages,
Et mes oiseaux étaient partis pour les bocages,
Et, joyeux, s'en étaient allés de fleur en fleur
Chercher la liberté bien ****, - ou l'oiseleur.
Ciel ! alors j'accourais, rouge, éperdu, rapide,
Maudissant le grand chien, le jardinier stupide,
Et l'infâme oiseleur et son hideux lacet,
Furieux ! - D'un regard ma mère m'apaisait.

IV.

Aujourd'hui, ce n'est pas pour une cage vide,
Pour des oiseaux jetés à l'oiseleur avide,
Pour un dogue aboyant lâché parmi les fleurs,
Que mon courroux s'émeut. Non, les petits malheurs
Exaspèrent l'enfant ; mais, comme en une église,
Dans les grandes douleurs l'homme se tranquillise.
Après l'ardent chagrin, au jour brûlant pareil,
Le repos vient au cœur comme aux yeux le sommeil.
De nos maux, chiffres noirs, la sagesse est la somme.
En l'éprouvant toujours, Dieu semble dire à l'homme :
- Fais passer ton esprit à travers le malheur ;
Comme le grain du crible, il sortira meilleur. -
J'ai vécu, j'ai souffert, je juge et je m'apaise.
Ou si parfois encor la colère mauvaise
Fait pencher dans mon âme avec son doigt vainqueur
La balance où je pèse et le monde et mon cœur ;
Si, n'ouvrant qu'un seul œil, je condamne et je blâme,
Avec quelques mots purs, vous, sainte et noble femme,
Vous ramenez ma voix qui s'irrite et s'aigrit
Au calme sur lequel j'ai posé mon esprit ;
Je sens sous vos rayons mes tempêtes se taire ;
Et vous faites pour l'homme incliné, triste, austère,
Ce que faisait jadis pour l'enfant doux et beau
Ma mère, ce grand cœur qui dort dans le tombeau !

V.

Écoutez à présent. - Dans ma raison qui tremble,
Parfois l'une après l'autre et quelquefois ensemble,
Trois voix, trois grandes voix murmurent.

L'une dit :
- « Courrouce-toi, poète. Oui, l'enfer applaudit
Tout ce que cette époque ébauche, crée ou tente.
Reste indigné. Ce siècle est une impure tente
Où l'homme appelle à lui, voyant le soir venu,
La volupté, la chair, le vice infâme et nu.
La vérité, qui fit jadis resplendir Rome,
Est toujours dans le ciel ; l'amour n'est plus dans l'homme.
« Tout rayon jaillissant trouve tout œil fermé.
Oh ! ne repousse pas la muse au bras armé
Qui visitait jadis comme une austère amie,
Ces deux sombres géants, Amos et Jérémie !
Les hommes sont ingrats, méchants, menteurs, jaloux.
Le crime est dans plusieurs, la vanité dans tous ;
Car, selon le rameau dont ils ont bu la sève,
Ils tiennent, quelques-uns de Caïn, et tous d'Ève.

« Seigneur ! ta croix chancelle et le respect s'en va.
La prière décroît. Jéhova ! Jéhova !
On va parlant tout haut de toi-même en ton temple.
Le livre était la loi, le prêtre était l'exemple ;
Livre et prêtre sont morts. Et la foi maintenant,
Cette braise allumée à ton foyer tonnant,
Qui, marquant pour ton Christ ceux qu'il préfère aux autres,
Jadis purifiait la lèvre des apôtres,
N'est qu'un charbon éteint dont les petits enfants
Souillent ton mur avec des rires triomphants ! » -

L'autre voix dit : - « Pardonne ! aime ! Dieu qu'on révère,
Dieu pour l'homme indulgent ne sera point sévère.
Respecte la fourmi non moins que le lion.
Rêveur ! rien n'est petit dans la création.
De l'être universel l'atome se compose ;
Dieu vit un peu dans tout, et rien n'est peu de chose.
Cultive en toi l'amour, la pitié, les regrets.
Si le sort te contraint d'examiner de près
L'homme souvent frivole, aveugle et téméraire,
Tempère l'œil du juge avec les pleurs du frère.
Et que tout ici-bas, l'air, la fleur, le gazon ;
Le groupe heureux qui joue au seuil de ta maison ;
Un mendiant assis à côté d'une gerbe ;
Un oiseau qui regarde une mouche dans l'herbe ;
Les vieux livres du quai, feuilletés par le vent,
D'où l'esprit des anciens, subtil, libre et vivant,
S'envole, et, souffle errant, se mêle à tes pensées ;
La contemplation de ces femmes froissées
Qui vivent dans les pleurs comme l'algue dans l'eau ;
L'homme, ce spectateur ; le monde, ce tableau ;
Que cet ensemble auguste où l'insensé se blase
Tourne de plus en plus ta vie et ton extase
Vers l'œil mystérieux qui nous regarde tous,
Invisible veilleur ! témoin intime et doux !
Principe ! but ! milieu ! clarté ! chaleur ! dictame !
Secret de toute chose entrevu par toute l'âme !
« N'allume aucun enfer au tison d'aucun feu.
N'aggrave aucun fardeau. Démontre l'âme et Dieu,
L'impérissable esprit, la tombe irrévocable ;
Et rends douce à nos fronts, que souvent elle accable,
La grande main qui grave en signes immortels
JAMAIS ! sur les tombeaux ; TOUJOURS ! sur les autels. »

La troisième voix dit : - « Aimer ? haïr ? qu'importe !
Qu'on chante ou qu'on maudisse, et qu'on entre ou qu'on sorte,
Le mal, le bien, la mort, les vices, les faux dieux,
Qu'est-ce que tout cela fait au ciel radieux ?
La végétation, vivante, aveugle et sombre,
En couvre-t-elle moins de feuillages sans nombre,
D'arbres et de lichens, d'herbe et de goëmons,
Les prés, les champs, les eaux, les rochers et les monts ?
L'onde est-elle moins bleue et le bois moins sonore ?
L'air promène-t-il moins, dans l'ombre et dans l'aurore,
Sur les clairs horizons, sur les flots décevants,
Ces nuages heureux qui vont aux quatre vents ?
Le soleil qui sourit aux fleurs dans les campagnes,
Aux rois dans les palais, aux forçats dans les bagnes,
Perd-il, dans la splendeur dont il est revêtu,
Un rayon quand la terre oublie une vertu ?
Non, Pan n'a pas besoin qu'on le prie et qu'on l'aime.
Ô sagesse ! esprit pur ! sérénité suprême !
Zeus ! Irmensul ! Wishnou ! Jupiter ! Jéhova !
Dieu que cherchait Socrate et que Jésus trouva !
Unique Dieu ! vrai Dieu ! seul mystère ! seule âme !
Toi qui, laissant tomber ce que la mort réclame,
Fis les cieux infinis pour les temps éternels !
Toi qui mis dans l'éther plein de bruits solennels,
Tente dont ton haleine émeut les sombres toiles,
Des millions d'oiseaux, des millions d'étoiles !
Que te font, ô Très-Haut ! les hommes insensés,
Vers la nuit au hasard l'un par l'autre poussés,
Fantômes dont jamais tes yeux ne se souviennent,
Devant ta face immense ombres qui vont et viennent ! »

VI.

Dans ma retraite obscure où, sous mon rideau vert,
Luit comme un œil ami maint vieux livre entrouvert,
Où ma bible sourit dans l'ombre à mon Virgile,
J'écoute ces trois voix. Si mon cerveau fragile
S'étonne, je persiste ; et, sans peur, sans effroi,
Je les laisse accomplir ce qu'elles font en moi.
Car les hommes, troublés de ces métamorphoses,
Composent leur sagesse avec trop peu de choses.
Tous ont la déraison de voir la Vérité
Chacun de sa fenêtre et rien que d'un côté,
Sans qu'aucun d'eux, tenté par ce rocher sublime,
Aille en faire le tour et monte sur sa cime.
Et de ce triple aspect des choses d'ici-bas,
De ce triple conseil que l'homme n'entend pas,
Pour mon cœur où Dieu vit, où la haine s'émousse,
Sort une bienveillance universelle et douce
Qui dore comme une aube et d'avance attendrit
Le vers qu'à moitié fait j'emporte en mon esprit
Pour l'achever aux champs avec l'odeur des plaines
Et l'ombre du nuage et le bruit des fontaines !

Avril 1840.
J'entrai dernièrement dans une vieille église ;

La nef était déserte, et sur la dalle grise,

Les feux du soir, passant par les vitraux dorés,

Voltigeaient et dansaient, ardemment colorés.

Comme je m'en allais, visitant les chapelles,

Avec tous leurs festons et toutes leurs dentelles,

Dans un coin du jubé j'aperçus un tableau

Représentant un Christ qui me parut très-beau.

On y voyait saint Jean, Madeleine et la Vierge ;

Leurs chairs, d'un ton pareil à la cire de cierge,

Les faisaient ressembler, sur le fond sombre et noir,

A ces fantômes blancs qui se dressent le soir,

Et vont croisant les bras sous leurs draps mortuaires ;

Leurs robes à plis droits, ainsi que des suaires,

S'allongeaient tout d'un jet de leur nuque à leurs pieds ;

Ainsi faits, l'on eût dit qu'ils fussent copiés

Dans le campo-Santo sur quelque fresque antique,

D'un vieux maître Pisan, artiste catholique,

Tant l'on voyait reluire autour de leur beauté,

Le nimbe rayonnant de la mysticité,

Et tant l'on respirait dans leur humble attitude,

Les parfums onctueux de la béatitude.


Sans doute que c'était l'œuvre d'un Allemand,

D'un élève d'Holbein, mort bien obscurément,

A vingt ans, de misère et de mélancolie,

Dans quelque bourg de Flandre, au retour d'Italie ;

Car ses têtes semblaient, avec leur blanche chair,

Un rêve de soleil par une nuit d'hiver.


Je restai bien longtemps dans la même posture,

Pensif, à contempler cette pâle peinture ;

Je regardais le Christ sur son infâme bois,

Pour embrasser le monde, ouvrant les bras en croix ;

Ses pieds meurtris et bleus et ses deux mains clouées,

Ses chairs, par les bourreaux, à coups de fouets trouées,

La blessure livide et béante à son flanc ;

Son front d'ivoire où perle une sueur de sang ;

Son corps blafard, rayé par des lignes vermeilles,

Me faisaient naître au cœur des pitiés nonpareilles,

Et mes yeux débordaient en des ruisseaux de pleurs,

Comme dut en verser la Mère de Douleurs.

Dans l'outremer du ciel les chérubins fidèles,

Se lamentaient en chœur, la face sous leurs ailes,

Et l'un d'eux recueillait, un ciboire à la main,

Le pur-sang de la plaie où boit le genre humain ;

La sainte vierge, au bas, regardait : pauvre mère

Son divin fils en proie à l'agonie amère ;

Madeleine et saint Jean, sous les bras de la croix

Mornes, échevelés, sans soupirs et sans voix,

Plus dégoutants de pleurs qu'après la pluie un arbre,

Étaient debout, pareils à des piliers de marbre.


C'était, certes, un spectacle à faire réfléchir,

Et je sentis mon cou, comme un roseau, fléchir

Sous le vent que faisait l'aile de ma pensée,

Avec le chant du soir, vers le ciel élancée.

Je croisai gravement mes deux bras sur mon sein,

Et je pris mon menton dans le creux de ma main,

Et je me dis : « O Christ ! Tes douleurs sont trop vives ;

Après ton agonie au jardin des Olives,

Il fallait remonter près de ton père, au ciel,

Et nous laisser à nous l'éponge avec le fiel ;

Les clous percent ta chair, et les fleurons d'épines

Entrent profondément dans tes tempes divines.

Tu vas mourir, toi, Dieu, comme un homme. La mort

Recule épouvantée à ce sublime effort ;

Elle a peur de sa proie, elle hésite à la prendre,

Sachant qu'après trois jours il la lui faudra rendre,

Et qu'un ange viendra, qui, radieux et beau,

Lèvera de ses mains la pierre du tombeau ;

Mais tu n'en as pas moins souffert ton agonie,

Adorable victime entre toutes bénie ;

Mais tu n'en a pas moins avec les deux voleurs,

Étendu tes deux bras sur l'arbre de douleurs.


Ô rigoureux destin ! Une pareille vie,

D'une pareille mort si promptement suivie !

Pour tant de maux soufferts, tant d'absinthe et de fiel,

Où donc est le bonheur, le vin doux et le miel ?

La parole d'amour pour compenser l'injure,

Et la bouche qui donne un baiser par blessure ?

Dieu lui-même a besoin quand il est blasphémé,

Pour nous bénir encore de se sentir aimé,

Et tu n'as pas, Jésus, traversé cette terre,

N'ayant jamais pressé sur ton cœur solitaire

Un cœur sincère et pur, et fait ce long chemin

Sans avoir une épaule où reposer ta main,

Sans une âme choisie où répandre avec flamme

Tous les trésors d'amour enfermés dans ton âme.


Ne vous alarmez pas, esprits religieux,

Car l'inspiration descend toujours des cieux,

Et mon ange gardien, quand vint cette pensée,

De son bouclier d'or ne l'a pas repoussée.

C'est l'heure de l'extase où Dieu se laisse voir,

L'Angélus éploré tinte aux cloches du soir ;

Comme aux bras de l'amant, une vierge pâmée,

L'encensoir d'or exhale une haleine embaumée ;

La voix du jour s'éteint, les reflets des vitraux,

Comme des feux follets, passent sur les tombeaux,

Et l'on entend courir, sous les ogives frêles,

Un bruit confus de voix et de battements d'ailes ;

La foi descend des cieux avec l'obscurité ;

L'orgue vibre ; l'écho répond : Eternité !

Et la blanche statue, en sa couche de pierre,

Rapproche ses deux mains et se met en prière.

Comme un captif, brisant les portes du cachot,

L'âme du corps s'échappe et s'élance si haut,

Qu'elle heurte, en son vol, au détour d'un nuage,

L'étoile échevelée et l'archange en voyage ;

Tandis que la raison, avec son pied boiteux,

La regarde d'en-bas se perdre dans les cieux.

C'est à cette heure-là que les divins poètes,

Sentent grandir leur front et deviennent prophètes.


Ô mystère d'amour ! Ô mystère profond !

Abîme inexplicable où l'esprit se confond ;

Qui de nous osera, philosophe ou poète,

Dans cette sombre nuit plonger avant la tête ?

Quelle langue assez haute et quel cœur assez pur,

Pour chanter dignement tout ce poème obscur ?

Qui donc écartera l'aile blanche et dorée,

Dont un ange abritait cette amour ignorée ?

Qui nous dira le nom de cette autre Éloa ?

Et quelle âme, ô Jésus, à t'aimer se voua ?


Murs de Jérusalem, vénérables décombres,

Vous qui les avez vus et couverts de vos ombres,

Ô palmiers du Carmel ! Ô cèdres du Liban !

Apprenez-nous qui donc il aimait mieux que Jean ?

Si vos troncs vermoulus et si vos tours minées,

Dans leur écho fidèle, ont, depuis tant d'années,

Parmi les souvenirs des choses d'autrefois,

Conservé leur mémoire et le son de leur voix ;

Parlez et dites-nous, ô forêts ! ô ruines !

Tout ce que vous savez de ces amours divines !

Dites quels purs éclairs dans leurs yeux reluisaient,

Et quels soupirs ardents de leurs cœurs s'élançaient !

Et toi, Jourdain, réponds, sous les berceaux de palmes,

Quand la lune trempait ses pieds dans tes eaux calmes,

Et que le ciel semait sa face de plus d'yeux,

Que n'en traîne après lui le paon tout radieux ;

Ne les as-tu pas vus sur les fleurs et les mousses,

Glisser en se parlant avec des voix plus douces

Que les roucoulements des colombes de mai,

Que le premier aveu de celle que j'aimai ;

Et dans un pur baiser, symbole du mystère,

Unir la terre au ciel et le ciel à la terre.


Les échos sont muets, et le flot du Jourdain

Murmure sans répondre et passe avec dédain ;

Les morts de Josaphat, troublés dans leur silence,

Se tournent sur leur couche, et le vent frais balance

Au milieu des parfums dans les bras du palmier,

Le chant du rossignol et le nid du ramier.


Frère, mais voyez donc comme la Madeleine

Laisse sur son col blanc couler à flots d'ébène

Ses longs cheveux en pleurs, et comme ses beaux yeux,

Mélancoliquement, se tournent vers les cieux !

Qu'elle est belle ! Jamais, depuis Ève la blonde,

Une telle beauté n'apparut sur le monde ;

Son front est si charmant, son regard est si doux,

Que l'ange qui la garde, amoureux et jaloux,

Quand le désir craintif rôde et s'approche d'elle,

Fait luire son épée et le chasse à coups d'aile.


Ô pâle fleur d'amour éclose au paradis !

Qui répands tes parfums dans nos déserts maudits,

Comment donc as-tu fait, ô fleur ! Pour qu'il te reste

Une couleur si fraîche, une odeur si céleste ?

Comment donc as-tu fait, pauvre sœur du ramier,

Pour te conserver pure au cœur de ce bourbier ?

Quel miracle du ciel, sainte prostituée,

Que ton cœur, cette mer, si souvent remuée,

Des coquilles du bord et du limon impur,

N'ait pas, dans l'ouragan, souillé ses flots d'azur,

Et qu'on ait toujours vu sous leur manteau limpide,

La perle blanche au fond de ton âme candide !

C'est que tout cœur aimant est réhabilité,

Qu'il vous vient une autre âme et que la pureté

Qui remontait au ciel redescend et l'embrasse,

comme à sa sœur coupable une sœur qui fait grâce ;

C'est qu'aimer c'est pleurer, c'est croire, c'est prier ;

C'est que l'amour est saint et peut tout expier.


Mon grand peintre ignoré, sans en savoir les causes,

Dans ton sublime instinct tu comprenais ces choses,

Tu fis de ses yeux noirs ruisseler plus de pleurs ;

Tu gonflas son beau sein de plus hautes douleurs ;

La voyant si coupable et prenant pitié d'elle,

Pour qu'on lui pardonnât, tu l'as faite plus belle,

Et ton pinceau pieux, sur le divin contour,

A promené longtemps ses baisers pleins d'amour ;

Elle est plus belle encore que la vierge Marie,

Et le prêtre, à genoux, qui soupire et qui prie,

Dans sa pieuse extase, hésite entre les deux,

Et ne sait pas laquelle est la reine des cieux.


Ô sainte pécheresse ! Ô grande repentante !

Madeleine, c'est toi que j'eusse pour amante

Dans mes rêves choisie, et toute la beauté,

Tout le rayonnement de la virginité,

Montrant sur son front blanc la blancheur de son âme,

Ne sauraient m'émouvoir, ô femme vraiment femme,

Comme font tes soupirs et les pleurs de tes yeux,

Ineffable rosée à faire envie aux cieux !

Jamais lis de Saron, divine courtisane,

Mirant aux eaux des lacs sa robe diaphane,

N'eut un plus pur éclat ni de plus doux parfums ;

Ton beau front inondé de tes longs cheveux bruns,

Laisse voir, au travers de ta peau transparente,

Le rêve de ton âme et ta pensée errante,

Comme un globe d'albâtre éclairé par dedans !

Ton œil est un foyer dont les rayons ardents

Sous la cendre des cœurs ressuscitent les flammes ;

O la plus amoureuse entre toutes les femmes !

Les séraphins du ciel à peine ont dans le cœur,

Plus d'extase divine et de sainte langueur ;

Et tu pourrais couvrir de ton amour profonde,

Comme d'un manteau d'or la nudité du monde !

Toi seule sais aimer, comme il faut qu'il le soit,

Celui qui t'a marquée au front avec le doigt,

Celui dont tu baignais les pieds de myrrhe pure,

Et qui pour s'essuyer avait ta chevelure ;

Celui qui t'apparut au jardin, pâle encore

D'avoir dormi sa nuit dans le lit de la mort ;

Et, pour te consoler, voulut que la première

Tu le visses rempli de gloire et de lumière.


En faisant ce tableau, Raphaël inconnu,

N'est-ce pas ? Ce penser comme à moi t'est venu,

Et que ta rêverie a sondé ce mystère,

Que je voudrais pouvoir à la fois dire et taire ?

Ô poètes ! Allez prier à cet autel,

A l'heure où le jour baisse, à l'instant solennel,

Quand d'un brouillard d'encens la nef est toute pleine.

Regardez le Jésus et puis la Madeleine ;

Plongez-vous dans votre âme et rêvez au doux bruit

Que font en s'éployant les ailes de la nuit ;

Peut-être un chérubin détaché de la toile,

A vos yeux, un moment, soulèvera le voile,

Et dans un long soupir l'orgue murmurera

L'ineffable secret que ma bouche taira.
Anna  Aug 2013
the absolute truth
Anna Aug 2013
I was the one who received the faithful letter from Mr. Darcy
I was the one who held Holden when he cried
I was the one who Guy Montague thought was beautiful
I was the one who Heathcliff came back to the Wuthering Heights for
I was the one who Mr. Rochester tried to illegally marry
I was the one who D'Artagnan grieved over after the abduction
I was the one who Captain Wentworth fell back in love with
I was the one who Dorian Gray actually cared for
I was the one who Candide brought the gold for in El Dorado
I was the one who Winston Smith kissed in that attic
I was the one who cried when they all left me with a silent flipping of a page
the truth is I fall in and out of love by these beautiful men...
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2016
man, a shattering of woe against the shoreline of synonymous
due applause - or kindred with the devil,
burrowing to circumstance the saharan shadow,
tipped shortest via noon,
                    how experience
    humanity without a language,
that god brokered, and not sanctify
Pontius Pilate as the saving grace?
  lava mea mani mundi -
wash my (mandi(ble)) hands clean (purus) -
aristocrats of Pompeii... ugly *******;
       differed - as was the price
of entering Oxbridge.
                 which is why the content
of dreams was questioned, rather the context...
because who was the narrator, after all?
                  why didn't Freudian theory
question the narrator, but instead superimposed
itself as the gravitas narrator: combining both
content and context of dreams?
                   i find it scary that Freud
managed to toy around until the point where
he found a dysfunctional dummy staging horror
that lacked all necessities of a ventriloquist
       framed toward a subplot: embedded in needing one.
  is Freud the only person to provide narration
for the phenomenon of dreaming?
                i still find dreams caged in Kantian noumena...
i.e., why do they happen in the first place?
        i think it's strange that dreams occur in the first place,
that's the context question,
  Freud already answered the content question:
****** Pythagorean truce: it's called all geometric shaping
fits the answer: *******.
      yes, that's me done & dusted...
                           i'm just wondering about what need
we have within Darwinism to dream... what are
the evolutionary downsizing benefits?
isn't dreaming a delusional cauldron that disturbs
our will... or is Hollywood dead and our fancies
are no longer fanciful... what would a history
of dreams reveal, merely Joseph as the sole
dream architect?
                     Freud was but a man,
he said something about the content of dreams,
he didn't say anything about the context of dreams,
i can't find anyone to explain to me
                a need for a context and a need to dream...
i guess the people who dream are as easily
impregnated with a summary of Voltaire's Candide...
that this is: the best of all possible worlds...
          sure, but inscribe upon this world
a concentrated censorship of dreams...
       let me dream the last thing i might see
and give it all the mechanics of what others dream of
to the tilt of fully-embraced enhancement fakery...
             i will still not understand how you managed
to lodge a photon inside my cranium, or why there's
a need for me to dream, that's Freud point + on the content,
but that's also Freud point minus given the context...
    not if i have to hammer a thousand nails into
planks of wood will a dream matter to me....
             by god, make your money from analysis
dream content, but you'll end up a pauper analysis
dream context... are our lives so dandy and simple
that we retreat from political hierarchies
                            and what needs to be addressed
and with tails dragged between our hinds
                  we create foci for translating dreams into
a realism that can never be realised, because being
a realism, it's only a superficial version of
the pain that reality is?
                  yep, so much "wording",
and how many breaths did you inhale and exhale
while i said that? me too, on words: too many.
             Freud can have his content-invoking
affirmation of life and the subsequent prejudices...
but Freud cannot have a context-angling depravity
     to forward life, and consequent pejoratives
being suitor:
             for those who dare not think
                    are easily converted to dreaming...
and those who care to not dream,
   are ushered into the most obscure thinking
   that has not parallel with celebrated thought
akin to Einstein or Newton... but then again,
the celebration of dreams have only one representative,
and he's biblical... oh sorry: mythical.
yet that's where it all begins,
and it is a great sacrifice... to abandon the comforts
of dreams, in order to think uncustomary
   or even murky, uncelebrated thoughts...
                         to think the mundane and non-applicable
insistences... and then dream nothing,
and then see humanity's impecible practibility
  in the do rather then the lost assertive of be,
for humanity does the most, and is the least...
  for every hundred of do instances,
there's but a hundreth of a be instance worthy a mention;
meaning? do the plumbing...
       chop the timber, fix the electric...
                    no one tells people to reach a frantic embodiment,
or calls for an impersonal god that might leave them
   personal & authentic... everyone always asks for a personal
god that leaves them impersonal... robo-tectonic akin
  to Islam... thus ascribing: quantifiably nihilistic...
                   is my life too unbearable to continue or
unbearable to convene such a life, and quote:
  "simply nodded" on my Christmas greeting card...
******* cha cha cha...
                             i ain't a trebuchet,
but i'll swing a plum with a pair of knuckles
should you need more lip-balm for a smooch;
i'm just jittery about the date you'll test me.;
because the other-half-of-me was particular
about that dietary schematic of anorexia;
some said it was cool amphibian akin to ambiance
and hence the strobe light and break-dancing epileptic:
                       coffers full of chuff!
o lookie lookie, who the ****** unit of the
daffy bunch: quack squint-mc-dire...
no wonder she says her name's Chelsea postscriptum.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2015
i thought two things prior, prior walking out
ensuring a tree branch could support
a heinekken bottle on a branch...
well it was as clear as day: thinking proves we have a soul,
the existence of thought proves soul and nina simone...
it would be depressing otherwise, the highest understament
of creation being a dog’s bark and *******...
but there’s something bothersome about monotheism
and the ritual rites of burrial that makes it less sophisticated
than polytheism, such as the pagan greeks knew
and the hindus continue to approve...
see it as: why would man engage with the paradox
of coming from dust, and returning to the element of earth...
it’s missing something... ah yes... intelligence...
the pagans were unified in the burning bush...
the plague that unified the world... the 9th plague
in canada: huh?! w.t.f.?! the 9th plague in japan: huh?! w.t.f.?
the 9th plague is the origin of aztec pyramids...
you’ve been warned.
you see, i see the monotheistic coupling of the corpse
with the earth, coffin and favourite track and ceremony
really groutesque...
i like the hindus and pagans coupling man’s body with fire...
this monotheistic coupling with the element of earth
is too morbid for me... i prefer the bit they put two choins
on the sockets for charon... and burn you,
so the metaphor lives: we had fire in us, even though
we were primarily composed of water... we had fire in us nonetheless!
all this gothic coffin bits: the epitaph post-mortem rather than
vivus maxim... all that tending to the grave like it’s a garden...
no wonder voltaire rebelled with candide...
it be natural that a bush on fire be guidance of man’s true origin
and ontology... that it was fire that spoke... rather than earth;
and yet we give ourselves to the false elemental coercion...
it’s not earth that spawned us, earth was but a canvas...
it was fire that spawned us... with each splinter of the spark
of the brush stroke.
or i could tell you about the many times i spent in the brothel
in goodmayes...
the time i gave one ******* an ****** and she said that it hurt
when she composed herself to put her clothes back on,
the time i cried with one,
the time one almost nibbled my ******* off with a death-stare,
the time one stole my debit card and had me go back
and see the stash load of other cards exhibited by the ****,
the time i thought they were romanian girls but
were in fact bulgarian girls...
the time i ****** a ***** off and was asked: do you want to use it
and thus replied no...
the time i was asked if i wanted a ******* and
took the orthodox route and had the same woman for two hours...
and this concern, the freudian madonna-***** complex,
a fine divide... i can go limp **** with girls outside the profession...
why? because i haven’t objectified them,
in the case where they objectified themselves it’s no problem...
but outside the industrial profession of getting turned on
synthetically using cream it’s more difficult...
i need to know the person, i can’t objectify her in the way
she can already objectify herself...
i can be limp **** with a girl who’s a cashier in a supermarket,
but i can never be limp **** with a girl from a brothel...
it’s not that odd... it’s the explanation of freud,
as all theories, there’s a hyphen inserted to compound
and in a grammatical sense it’s the reverse of mathematics,
in grammar the hyphen is like = when two things are added,
subtracted, multiplied or divided...
time-space is usually a narrative of some sort that’s the adequate
answer...
madonna-***** complex also has a narrative, like this one,
i’m not ashamed of a quasi-impotence...
i just **** professionals drunk, i need the calories...
i’ve had *** with prostitutes and was aroused immediately...
a bit like acknowledging: in a dentist’s chair,
i’m about to get my rotten teeth pulled, rather than get a botox insertion
or a heart transplant.
as simple as that.
(the one that stole my saracens' beanie i will never forget,
i got it buying two saracens' supporters
a pint of beer each at a pub in liverpool st.
by faking delusion associating them with
the actual saracens rugby team...
i really want that saracens beanie back!)
well, we'd get nowhere with space~time or madonna~*****,
only because our linear foundations would
fluctuate in the realm of trigonometry:
they break your heart... you break their mind;
forget direct relation, endear indirect relation
where the former is time-space and the latter is time~space.

— The End —