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  Jul 2014 rockywhoreor
Fake Knees
I watch myself lost, trying over and over again to find my answers in things like the paintings on the wall and the torn fabric in the carpet. I blame myself for using these pictures as a shield to cover the holes and I blame myself for never grabbing that ******* carpet and lifting it up. Knowingly letting the dirt settle in and STAIN something that was once beautiful and I apologize that I sit here and stew in it.

Adding to the nicotine stains around me.
  Jul 2014 rockywhoreor
Hollow
A pen is the bridge between denial and self acceptance.
  Jul 2014 rockywhoreor
megan
september 14, 2009
10:13 pm
why is the garage door shut? i cant get in
your phone must be dead my messages wont go through

september 14, 2009
10:15 pm
i can hear the car running in the garage oh god oh god i called an ambulance butm my fingers arree shakingi you have to be okay dont

september 15, 2009
11:27 am
i opened the garage and you were sitting there with a tube running into the drivers seat and why did you ******* do this you cant you wouldnt you shouldnt this isnt real none of this is real

september 17, 2009
3:04 am
babe, i miss you
i miss you so much i cant take it

september 17, 2009
3:07 am
they havent shut down everything yet its only been three days
how has it only been three days

september 19, 2009
11:17 pm
your funeral was today (i didn’t cry)

september 29, 2009
12:23 pm
did it hurt? i need to know if i should join you but i dont want it to hurt because im scared, im too scared
im scared of the fact that ill never see you smile again
i love you. did i tell you that enough? i dont think i did

october 17, 2009
1:39 am
YOU SELFISH ******* *******, ITS BEEN A MONTH AND IM STILL HERE AND YOU STILL ARENT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
I FOUND YOU, YOU ******* *******. SITTING IN THE CAR IN THE GARAGE WITH THE ENGINE RUNNING. DID YOU WANT ME TO SEE YOU LIKE THAT BECUASE ILL NEVER FORGET IT ,,,,,
mayvbe ive benee drinnking a litlter morre than mnusula but yoi shouldve let me comem with hoyu becaussee youre my hnhome and evertyone think sims  insanen i just miss you msoo much comee hooome to mew

october 31, 2009
7:01 pm
its halloween and im going alone this year
why do i have to go alone

november 24, 2009
2:24 am
i had a dream that you were making me dinner and you gave me a spoonful of something tomato-y and we were laughing and dancing in the kitchen and you kissed me but your lips dissolved into paper and your skin slid off into a puddle on the floors and the walls collapsed around me but i could still hear your voice telling me everything was okay
when i woke up my lips tasted like tears and i couldnt breathe

december 2, 2009
3:36 am
you cant be dead on my birthday
last year we had a picnic in the park and drank macchiatos and you told me a story about the magician you had at your birthday party when you were seven and barely tall enough to see over the table he was doing tricks on
you cant be dead on my birthday you cant

december 24, 2009
10:17 pm
christmas eve was ****** without you
i hope its better wherever you are

december 25, 2009
9:03 pm
christmas day was also ****** without you
how do i get rid of this ******* headache

january 3, 2010
4:19 am
how do i do anything when everything we did together is laced with arsenic?
******* for taking away my favorite places
******* for taking away my favorite bands
******* for taking away everything

january 10, 2010
8:56 am
your pillow doesnt smell like you anymore

january 17, 2010
5:49 pm
this is so pathetic im still sending you messages its been months
my eyes should be dry by now

january 22, 2010
7:08 am
did you know that your mom called me crying yesterday because she found your old baseball trophy in the attic and we cried over the phone together and its the closest ive felt to you in ages and ages but it slipped away through my fingers faster than quicksand

january 25, 2010
3:45 pm
i almost took a whole bottle of pills and slit my wrists last night but you were standing above me whispering to me and i couldnt do that to you even though you did it to me first

february 4, 2010
1:01 am
was this my fault? did i do this to you? i warned you that i was broken but you pieced me back together with strands of moonlight and i wish i wouldve seen how bad you were hurting before you stepped off the edge

february 6, 2010
6:36 pm
i hate you

february 7, 2010
4:49 am
i could never hate you
you know that
my head is pounding

february 27, 2010
12:32 am
happy anniversary sweetheart
*message failed to send
recipient account terminated
rockywhoreor Jul 2014
Your soul poured into mine like vinegar
Pure enough to see through,
But too sour to taste.

But I drank it anyway,
Downed all your
                             cigarettes,
                                                 bruises,
and.          dusty.      records.

And I knew the skies would dull
But for now, that was okay
Because you didn't
mind my
                  empty bottles,
                                             scars,
and.      unread.     books.
rockywhoreor Jul 2014
I think its funny
how we think
bees are beautiful,
but we stay away
because they sting.
             .
             .
             .
It's even funnier
how this never
crossed my mind
until after you left.
rockywhoreor Jul 2014
The sun has come up and

I'm,


Still.


Awake......
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