i know now why i'm up this early
i'm starting to forget the names of your family members
what were they?
i see four faces along with yours
but letters begin to fade
i can't tell if this is a step forward or back

two octobers ago seems like two months ago
a broken nose to match my heart
running through a sea of people trying to find you
you must've been hiding

do you ever think of me?
i can still hear your voice ringing through my head like church bells
the taste of you still sits on my tongue and refuses to wash away
i don't like it anymore

my hurt turned to anger
my anger to sadness
my sadness to guilt
my guilt to acceptance
and now i suppose
acceptance to disappearance

you still exist in my early morning thoughts before I've left my bed
in the middle of the night when i wake up saying your name, which i have over and over and found myself panicked screaming a year after you left

how has two years flown by and you still weigh something?