and while your presence may be enchanting, I find that it hinders my breathing.

but the way that you know exactly what to say to make the pain go away and the serotonin want to come out to play

well I'd be a liar if I told you that it wasn't my favorite part of every single day

and when it hits you

it'll feel like waves of anxiety

dragging you into a sea of euphoria

and drowning you in peace

But what I’ve learned now is that our bastardized love cannot be written in a silly journal

nor can it be sliced into my flesh as my previous loves could have been.

What I have learned is that our love is old and, though previously unspoken

it often leaves us both dumb and craving more.

Before I loved you, I wrote disorganized thoughts on my skin with blades and needles.
Before I loved you, every inch of my body was sore from the nightmare induced thrashing

Now, because I love you, I write disorganized thoughts on a piece of paper with a red pen
and now, because I love you, every inch of my body is sore from the pleasure induced thrashing.