J,
I painted a picture of the deep blue sea today.
Mrs. A said she loved how I put the sea in the shape of a sphere
Going from a deep sapphire, to a light cerulean,
Until it reaches an inky blackness in the middle.
Such art.

I said thank you.

I didn't tell her about your blue eyes,
And how they reminded me of the sea.
And the air and the heat,
And the earth and life.

I didn't tell her how it feels,
When your eyes glaze over me
Like my soul carries no body.

E asked me this week
If I still collected sharpeners,
Before she whispered about how you got engaged.

I'm so happy for you.
Honestly:
I'm so happy for you it hurts.

I think she wished I hadn't heard her.
I bought more sharpeners that day.

I saw Dr. O yesterday.
She asked me if I still heard your voice
When everything's dead at night.
I know you're not wondering:
But I do.

She asked me if I'm taking my meds,
And sometimes I don't want to,
And sometimes I just want to take them all at once,
But I said I did.

She asked me about the letters.
I told her I filled my fifth box that day.

She told me to stop,
Because they weren't doing me any good.

That's why I wrote you a poem today.
I hope you don't mind.

I saw you with her this evening,
And your family,
And her family.
That's a lovely ring.

I know you're doing well,
And I know you're loved.

I hope you will always stay golden.
Really. I mean it.

Happy Holidays.