Yesterday, the tears woke again, thoughts of a curious passerby a land in which time forgets
On and on into this reality, this is a world of simplistic imperfection calling you within
Used for dedicated love, the seeds are never hated amongst the plenty, for it’s a cause of death

Gained by the dualities that exists and separate in the sanctity of our own neglectful hearts
Advanced your gentle mind into a world you don’t see, a love you don’t have, in the nothingness of hope
Ventured into her heart, her closed door should remain sealed, not for prying eyes
Enervated by thoughts held back, but the confusion brought to own the disease of life

Measured by the heart full, not by the rules and distance for an monthly god-stopper
Educate me in the rules you still don’t understand, but heed for pointless reasons

Abound to the psychopathic qualities in your haven, a joy for pain to relish in spite of loving

Bless a sweet taste left in your mouth, you’ve done so much for this, but the deserving must be
In desperation, to see the fruits of the vile tree, and eat thy fill until curiosity gains best
Trickling down faces, the red juice of pain, the immortal emotion for all to feel
Truth flows from droplets, craved by the disturbed dirt of aimless requisitions
Enter, and taste the end of all things to come and the beginning of all things to end
Reverbs of happiness appeal not, unspoken of your tongue, sacred blasphemy unto your skin

To idolize the principle in life unlike all others, the survival of the fleeting revolution
Aerated thoughts that drops your mind into pools of relaxed torture, kiss the calming hate
Sleep with the sins of life and become born again into a breed unknown of humanity
Torn and scattered within themselves, a hell that kills to love one another in anguish
End eternity spent with the fruits, as it leaves a bitter taste on your lips… a romance to spark us all.

© 2005

You keep crossing lines that I divide
The surface reeks of emotional drought
The constants are bleeding through the needling
The mind snaps as the lights go out
******* only numbs the stings
Doubt festering on darkened lines
Taken for granted on the fraying strings
When all the demons have come alive

So sparse were the days, self-inflicted
Where my liNes could do no wrong
Greater were the internal razing of thoughts
Self induced, it never felt so raw
Sordid reality and reaper of flesh
All here is temporary, the pain is reset
Sparse were the days, they compact, compress
Where the eyes could only see the wrong

In mismanagement, the intent is pushing through
Dissecting the body of fate that held us rusted
Give more to take as we break all that we knew
As our feet stampede unknown paths we trusted
In the face of the one who never tries
I cut myself for the sloth that you harbor
And as I lie here in truth dripping from my eyes
While you watch on, desensitized to the horror

So sparse are the days, self-praising
Where my mind could do no wrong
Greater now the internal razing of thoughts
Self infliction, it wouldn't feel so wrong
Replace boundaries, scar the flesh
It's all temporary, the relief is rest
Sparse are the days, they reverb, contract
Where the eyes could see no wrong

I Am Still
A Lost Mind
Looking Through
The Wrong Eyes
To Undo
The Past Times
I Went Through
Thousand Smiles
All That Hide
The Same Lies
The Same Lies
The Same Lies

The doll is feeble, dull is the needle
Pulled by the limbs, the string is so thin
All over the roads and hills
Covered with mud and muck
Silent smile dragged on for miles.
In these travels, the string unravels
The distance is great but still it’s not far behind

Stitches torn apart,
Forever, stitched at heart.
To feel threaded sutures slip away
And they’re dragged on
For miles and miles, but still they stay
It still holds on

The string gets longer but never stronger
It withers at ends still getting pulled along
Stitch to confine what is inside
It only smiles with a grin that never seems to fade
Too tired to cover what stitches cover
Without any hold, they come faster undone
Hanging on for as long as it could
From the hands that can never let go
Always believing that brand-new feeling

Forever, stitched at heart
To feel threaded sutures slip away
And they’re dragged on
For miles and miles, but still they stay
Stitched up the loose ends so the smile never fades
A doll’s life is fine life.

© 2010

A soul left in darkness' wake can yet again be freed
For there's always a crown hidden behind the color of fire
And this fire can always warm a heart so cold
And yet smirks on burning time's tested and tempted dreams
To provide a sweet, yet bitter taste of love's own mercy

A gracious fall is love, the last denominator always is pain
And the pain is often greater than the love itself
At its shores there is hope, then the full and blue moons, light and bright sparks in stars
And within this hope, lie the wishes and dreams of the fallen few
Dormant as the saffron in the rocks, hushed as the silence in the glaciers

For a sinner's love is his love to sin
For a saint, it's the best sermon that life's seen
The rose slowly chokes under the gaze of discontent
Charming as a black rose, a woeful soul now begins
Entwining into the lovelorn chains of thorns, white lilies altered to red

Now as a feather falls to crush a heart
A speck of sand ending this meteoric blast
With the soul now resting in the darkness once again
The rose breathes a silent whisper and disappears into the air
Molding to be the enigma a lover beholds

The kaleidoscopic perfection of the faucets in life
To contradict the evils that is ever present in our hearts

© 2005

There are long endings
Often years of a lifetime
Renewed in a smile

© 2013

All I really know is…

Used to be a time and place
Where the sky was a bookcase, filled cover to cover
And I’d pick out a cloud to read
Drift away in dreams and then I’d go choose another
That’s all that really mattered to me

I wanna know that I…

Used to be so brave and carefree
Where I’d go climb mountains just for her laughter
Just to hide a heart, so scared
Hide it away from anything that could cause it to shatter
And that’s all that really mattered to me

All I really know is I…

Used to be I felt less alive
Trial and tribulations left me down in the gutter
And I felt like taking my life
These days, I think that the scars look a lot better
But that never really mattered to me

I don’t wanna know that I…

Used to be so gentle and safe
When my time was consumed by a lover
Then came the day I arrived
Distant and cold, my soul in 405’s brick n’ mortar
But she’s still all that really matters to me

That’s all that really matters to me…

© 2014

Lurking in the bellowed silence
A nameless note fills the void.
Passive aggressive mid-tone
Too high strung on this expectation
To linger a lullaby in this remorse.

To whisper soft the fallacy in mind,
To brush off the redemption with
A subtle sweep of a hand-cherished wind.
Murky and visionless wonders abound
To the closing of a tether-less heart.

Be it that sounds play vital veins
Or illusions part reality to satisfy
The conscious limbs of a devotion
Touching the world inside the field
The fission of the split second.

And it was love.

© 2006

Over the river and lost in the woods
Made of fun-house mirrors built directly into ventricles
Of one heart beating through an overdose of chemicals
Thoughts drowned in the peptides of shores in the ‘waiting room’

Bygone feeling splashing all around for a lifeguard living with his guard down
His days went from providing his scarf to providing his hearth
To days in and out of compromising his mirth

He’s told “It gets better as it goes.”
He says, “It’ll be dead by tomorrow.”
They say “Come on now, life isn't filled with sorrow…”

And apparently, the dissonance is covered by a distance of another;
He’s a folly to the blood-and-water chapter
Speaking of mixing soluble matters…
The truth will often leave a bitter taste
But are the lies dissolved in accepting change?
Sometimes the words and visuals just aren't the same.

So today, he took three things out of his heart and mind
Left social phobia, some truth, but mostly lies behind
He will be the allergy to compassion and all that’s empathic
He will suffer; he will grieve; he will be pathetic
And then he will just go.

She was running through his mirrors, waiting for bandages and gauze
He was privy to the scene as his mirrors stayed intact without a flaw
Watching himself scar up the reflective measures; making transparent views of pleasure
Until one broke; exposing a familiar scene of brick, last place he etched his soul forever
And in ambition to recover, stopped her in the moment that marks a desire to discover
But he failed in ways most intricate
Wrapped by the sharpest lines of the most delicate
Sinew that warped the core of something the void could use to replace truth that were self-evident -

But… no.
He’s digressing from the path
There was no particular reason to even do the math
The numbers didn't add up to what he had previously squandered
She was fresh to a life that she may never have encountered
With him; it was just vying for affection through a virulent infection
And it was a part of her that stepped in that day, a partial fit to the display
Fresh paint on the decay

So today, he took three things out of his heart and mind
Left insecurity, rationality, and his future behind
He became a monster to dishonor and a liar to himself
He’s disgraced; he is inane; he is unwell
And then he will just go.

He has been completely unable to dissect himself and put back the pieces without a coming up short a third-party to my misery
He has been completely distrusting of those whose lives have never felt equal pain overflowing from his tragedies
He has been routinely maintaining dispositions that contradict on every semblance of a trusting word in my vicinity
He has been completely dishonest about my conditions as if they were just failed attempts at analyzing strategies

I have been the juxtaposition to every single saintly word as he chose isolation prone to my own forms of devilry
I have been the very epitome of a mask that cries behind every nonchalant smile displayed like a centerpiece
I have been an undependable source of confidence ever since he broke skin through my poetic farce of empathy
I have been completely unreceptive of every word a kind voice has ever come to lend selflessly

And he has been a ******* child without remorse and word to those that have ever cherished me

So today, I took three things out of my heart and mind
Left the hate, the damage, and instability behind
I will become a martyr that defends nothing to prove
I will be unable; I will fail; I will lose.
And then I will go.

© 2015 Neal Emanuelson

I and I alone find the peace of another savior in the dark
Alone and pleading for the life one doesn't own
Sick and bleeding for the sins he does not commit
But is always leading others to the crossroads of choice.

The light of the new day fails to offer much more than
Just the promise that one has survived it all thus far
What has not killed us now has not finished the task
Of what has not changed us now will fail in future attempts.

The mind is now running straight through the fires
The hell-bent now seeking the solace of sanctuary
Ensconced in every child of man innocent to the past
Trapped in the endless cycles of protest and oppress
Of the lost, the celebrated, the obedient and the rebellious.

© 2013

Coming through the door frame
Said I've got some news to say
You don't gotta tag along
But can tell there's something wrong

Sit you down holding hands
Soft smile with sigh
"Baby, I love you so much,
but this is gonna be tough...

See I've been feeling n'glected
and wishin' you could see
how every day’s a battlefield
an' I'm losing everything that's real.

My words never reach you
Experience ain't worth a thing
Everything I've done for you
Say you know, but you got no clue.

Don't wanna waste time
Be it yours or mine
We going downhill fast
This just isn't gonna last

I see you crying tears
Lookin' for an escape
We're alone and it’s unfair
Dyin' now won't get you anywhere

See, cause this ain't just an end
It's another place to begin.

© 2014

And I’ve erred to try loving you
As I’ve dreamt of gazing upon your moons
For the smiles of your suns
Burn intensely through my intentions
Even in your shadows
Where my honesty becomes bitter
Within your cruel eyes
I’m blinded by a solemn light
Merely to follow afterimages, faint and frail
Leading to estranged pastures
Of masked sins basking in the meadows
Only a deceitful tranquility
As on these bladed dreams do I bleed in peace
Feeding my lustful hope
Of a fruitless love into the soil beneath me
Growing nothings short of
Forget-me-nots in a memory-less heart

© 2014

The mirror, consistent bystander, a defiled savior that returns
An arid eyeful of the misery masquerading in skin
The promises, unturned in the ragged nails
Of hands amongst the worn blades, desiccated with blood.
Night prefaced by sleep endeavors to hold a zephyr to never wake
Keeping a window parsed with misguiding lexis when solitary
Escapism writes itself on panes in palls of a routed exhale
The walls, sordidly stained with parody of preaching truths
Openhanded to the sheer erosion of missing self-misuse
And as the dawn reveals the path out redemption's door
The fetter of morning's mourning reminds its prisoner of its tethered grip.

©  2013

Every little drop has come from pain
Dripping regrets down on the walls
Wrote apologies on the bathroom sink
And hid the mess in lines of words.

Every little line is a memory
Perfect permanence within a scar
Each parallel, each a missing piece
of reasons from which they came.

These words are nothing short of empathy
There's always truth in the eyes of the hurt
The message has been dried and wiped away
Yet there's a crude carving on the temple forever.

© 2014

What harm could this be?
Euphoria far too intense
To forget for so long
Darken these lines
So they flow so clean
The secret of the marks are to crave it
more than the pain it caused

But even if the Gods were to forgive
Damaging the temples, all sacred
The bliss concentrates in parallels
Made with no regards

Still, crawling into subtle madness worth repeating
Bleeding out the pain that was never gone

Could one ever enter
Immoral heavens, flashing
Light on tilting grounds
Dripping into pools that stain the earth
Losing every ounce of strength to stand
Leaves the body charmed by remarkable feats
To escape the floor

But frenzied off the loss of the pain
Locking doors to the mind better left open
Never ending are the paths once they’re drawn
And a new one is born

Still, crawling into subtle madness worth repeating
Bleeding out the pain that was never gone
But temporary bliss always fades, never finding a solution
Bleeding out the pain for answers that will never come

© 2014

A proposal I lay before you and with an earnest smile
I propose to you (yes you, my dear)
That you spend three days in my care
For three days will be enough for you
To decide your time with me

The first day will be bliss unending
For you have only known me for a few months
As we unravel a masterpiece of cherished things
Bathed in sweetness you’ve only dreamed
We shall tour the world (online)
We shall eat culinary wonders (from some store around the corner)
Straight out of my fancy china and silverware, no less
The luxury of life will hide nothing from us
And at night, I will caress your every pain (and pleasure, if I may be so bold)
Put my (newly acquired) masseuse skills to the test
And ease your worries until you drift to sleep (or agony)
All in my warm and loving (-ly sore) arms
(until they start to lose their feeling, in which I will promptly wake you)  

The second day will be a casual life
In which you will have known me for a decade
You will be comfortable in my pajamas’ warmth
(Let’s be honest, you look better in them anyway)
We will share a cup of sweet tea, direct from my lips to yours
(after it’s cooled, of course, scolded tongues make no romance)
Lay on the couch for hours as we talk about nothing (because nothing is on)
And when we can rest no more, we will wander the outside world
To rediscover the things we knew all over again, holding hands
After we’ve made our findings, we’ll return to the comforts of our walls
I will prepare a meal (that I’ve frozen) from the best recipe site I can find
Then we will sit in front of the tube again like couch potatoes
And watch a movie, cuddled together until we fall asleep on each other
(Popcorn, blankets, drinks, the works- all within reach, my dear)

The third day will test you and your limits
As we have been together for a half-century, a year, and then some
The days have taken their toll as our bodies fluctuate more
Our contact brief as we become recluses even to ourselves
And even the days in which you renew your love become woeful
A trivial, typical, and tiresome feat, if I could muster more effort
But I am now a former shell of the one you’ve met long ago
Tempting you to flee for another, younger fling to test time by
And if you go to chase the dreams and aspirations I held you back from
I will wait, composed as I decompose, ever slowly with nothing more
But my ring, my pride, and my heart containing with nothing but you
(and the tubes from the pacemaker, but if Iron Man could do it…)

So I ask you this once my dear (maybe twice if you didn’t hear me the first time)
Will you take me up on my proposal or shall I sleep forever knowing
That I could never obtain someone so precious to me in this lifetime?

© 2014

I'm ashamed to believe
I thought you had answers to questions I had to ask
But learning of you, I've questioned you more
And now I’m wondering why
What do I do?
Can I pay the price when you say it’s due?
The tricks of the trade that I thought I knew
You've seen them all because they were no use
But despite all the conclusions that I've come up to
You've defied every one and there's only one left
That I can accept

I’m ashamed
This firm assumption I can always defend
Till the end
I'm ashamed
For what I've taken from you to use
Because I’d take again and again

I'm afraid to see you now
Avoiding every glance to make it safe somehow
Detoured and yet again, I’m cornered
Because you're at my every turn
And I’m wondering how
How did you come true?
For what have you've gotten this close to me to do?
And have you gotten what you needed to?
Now this push's come to shove, still I lean on you
There's nothing else that I've come to trust
But you've never lie to me, yet I knew
That you’ll betray my instincts again

I'm afraid
This constant fear that I've gained from you
You're gone, but even then
I’m afraid
You'll come to collect when my price is due
And I'm running again and again

I know there’s no use; I would have never won
You’re far too kind to chase me every time I run
The days never end
But now I’m giving myself back to you
To end this eternity
Despite all you could've done to collect me

I'm ashamed I'm afraid
I'm afraid I'm ashamed

The mongrels had come to pick me apart
But then I had learned of the darkness at heart
I'm ashamed

The snow of that day where you've carried my will
The dead are still scattered and the earth barren still
I'm afraid

You've come to collect, yet I still run away
I thought I could live out the last of my days
I'm ashamed

Here I surrender and my heart is my key
My life's torn asunder, in hell we will meet
I’m afraid

© 2014

Depress the edge, this silver charm
Confused in what is senseless harm
Hide away and fleece the warmth
Gravity holds on to the redden form

The stains collected on the floor
Cover up the ones there before
These lines heal so ever slow
But are the quickest to show

Feel the path control its only route
The pain oxidizes half the doubt
Focused on how it came about
A mere disillusion
An uncommon solution

Lost in cold reflection
Trapped in the endless fall
But too deceived by perception
This descent never noticed at all

Here’s the truth that always hiding in the lining
Clearly subsiding as the droplets dry up again
The gentle lines in all the lying is only trying
To stop denying this habit will give in

Lost in brief recollection
Entombed in the endless fall
But too deceived by perception
This descent never noticed at all

© 2014

Easier to say that it's been following
you from every corner-sided eye.
A blind spot of mystery encased in an
opaque window seat of a cold night.
The eerie feeling of a secret pair running
through your mind like a river of contemplation,
yet the serene serenade of attention wavering
over like a blanket of fresh, untouched snow.

Undoubtedly curious, but timidly hesitant...
When do we meet again, Miss?

© 2014

I don’t know whether at once
She was happy or infuriated
When I saw her, as I’ve seen her cry before
But in joyous confusion I consoled her
Caressing her fear and loneliness aside
Along with the hate raging inside her tears

Talks for hours consumed us yet again
And sleep never followed long into the night
Replaced with eons of lost laughter and joyous memories
At least… that is what I’d wish for her.

I do admit that this is only just a dreamt folly
As she continues her days without thought
Of the mistaken one that longs yet for her
But unable to show outside of simple lines
Known, unknown, cared and uncared
These words reach out to grasp a wisp of sound

Tumbling longingly into the memories once had
Now without thought I myself write about her
In mistaken hopes of gaining that which should not be gained
To heal a decade of wounds that cannot be healed
And so I only write, neither with name nor truth but my own
and hope her life prosper without falling back into my arms

At least… that is what I wish for her.

© 2014

It was barely just a thought
But it circled like a vulture
I never meant to give it more
Than a scrap of a voice

It was barely just a word
But it dragged you down
Weighing like a feathered stone
At the lobes of your ears

It was barely just an inch
I saw you move just as quick
I scarcely breathed the moment
And saw you disappear

And it was barely just a year
Until I heard you return
And the vultures are waiting
For barely just a thought again.

© 2014

As I fail to subdue my demon
I separated the instruments I craved
I’ve dripped and spattered
I cringe and spasm
Another comes again and again

As I fail to repel my demon
I covered up their flaws
I’ve wrapped and bandaged
I hide and wonder
When the next will come again

As I failed to overpower my demon
I exposed my every wound
I’m tattered and torn
I revel and dance
As it emerges through me again

As I have become my demon
I’ve nothing left to hold back on
I regret and revile
I judge and remorse
And wait to become a demon to my own again

© 2014

The messages on the machine grow higher every minute
Kind and murderous regret seeps out of every ***** hole.
It was the love she wanted, something solid that could crumbled over.
Falling down to grounds untouched, none can build what they can’t reach.
The confusion that binds the air is untapped nitrogen, louder than
Ignition enticed passion with gratification marked on the words of a doubter.

The mailbox seems bigger every step out to out bind the air that cripples.
Bills collected and paid off prompt, aside from love threats from irate lover.
It was the love he wanted, something timid that would cross him over.
Break the will of destruction, **** it, feed it to make fool of the other side that was waiting
Behind the skin of the shadows breeds the intellect nigh cruel for a straitjacket cover.

The nails that tear off skin in nights of fighting with the grin of gleeful faces
And the tangling is a convincing dance, whether or not it’s consuming their sin.
Bare brinks of those fluorescent halos twisting about these sheets, writhing
For a broken whisper for when a truth is only wishful deceit- she wills to another
Lover, same faced and movements but calloused in the bodies of tormented temptation.

There was a time these words had meaning, over time they lose clarity and gain insight
To a negative double standing that bruises walls and flesh all the same.
They’ve lasted enough to know conniptions flared either silent or through second guessing
But see how nothing’s learned without pushing the limits of another youthful lesson.
She couldn’t listen to the sounds echoing outside this ‘precisionist’ prison holding in
So he wouldn’t utter truthful pieces she couldn’t see to break the shackles she had brought from the past.

© 2012

I am a black foot angel, wingless and forgotten,
tasting immortal memories with stronger passion.
I will grab this bottle and toss eons of romance away
because the angel I loved broke my dark sky heart.

I sit underwater with the trees that sway upside down,
taking breaths of nitrogen mixed in with my tears.
All rocks unturned in the current that is never quenched,
darkened skin from the lava I bathe to heat my tranquility.

Cooled down in the rainforests that hide my dreams,
underneath the diseased soil for my incompetence.
I irrigate the lands I’ve sown in my lust to grow another day,
yet no fruition from my most fertile feelings from drought.

I follow the clouds that flood my misery in these valleys
and cry with the sun as it descends the haven of eyes,
speak with the moon that tells of lone lit stars and lovers
just to wait until it lullabies a quiet lunar night once more.

For the angels I knew that burst open my aerated wounds,
to caress the worry of mortal lives given to all sinners,
uneasy paths that fly upward as the rivers I sent unto my coasts
disgraced when I nail my hopeless love to the omnipotent cross.

Now I gently slip away into the kempt trunks of friends hidden,
an incredible place of secrecy and all-knowing substance,
only to leave again into the horizon that cuts me whole
from the pictures meant to make us all suffer internally.

I rest in the cradle of reality, born on a vine of trust,
this gracious corridor inside me is laden with unfamiliar doors.
My hope sparkles falsely under apprehension, which ruined the walls,
I point the finger, but can only blame the lost fool I see in my mirror.

I ponder my possibilities for flying back into that angel’s heart,
since I lay here in my bed, comatose to my clockwork feelings,
A newborn to a lovelorn life has grown feeble in understanding.
I await inanimate, inside as I cast my vessel into a new dedication of failure.

© 2004

It’s the coldness of the window
That brings arctic winds into my eyes
The pane of glass provides a simple
View of the world which I despised

Shut in my world is perfected misery
Sweet release waiting for its prime
A scarlet hue of liquid rubies
Flowing from the thinnest lines

And I keep
Bleeding out
Even now I can
Still feel myself
I’m saving me but

I keep
Bleeding out
Even though I can’t
Feel myself
I’m losing me

Every line bears little resemblance
To the ones that have crossed before
Only fear keeps this knife moving
Only pain makes me want it more

Stains cover every tile here
From a regressed and spiteful nature
Maybe this desire is deep enough to
Make this the last line I'll endure

But I keep
Bleeding out
Even though I can
Still feel myself
I’m saving me but

I keep
Bleeding out
Even though I can’t
Feel myself
I’m losing me

© 2014

Is the poisoning of hearts
Really the death of love?
Misshapen thoughts of assumptions
Claim tragedy within pure laughter.
Apologies wither as the forgotten &
Irreversible damage has been dealt.

Reveries of vicissitudes that scar
Hands that bleed endlessly.
It is not the cuts of silvered slashes
That can make some bleed on the inside.
Forgive me not, a sinner of all days, but
Do not fall into the abyss, fall into my arms.

Pain ceases as you draw close,
Wrapped within the flames of desire.
But a new pain begins, will it continue
To harm us or diminish with a cherry kiss?
Fail safe conclusion, hearted confessions
Unbeknownst to life but to lover's eye.

Forget-me-nots of white roses painted
Crimson by carved, etched hands.
Fear not the words I speak for they
Are never the end of my being.
They are the words of a forgotten moment
Tossed into the sea with anguished rain.

© 2004

Comatose in a lover’s embrace
Her skin is growing cold again
Warmed by the ***** vein of blood
The lightest heart has holes within

Lost to the edge of tattered sheets
Stroke the flesh, she’ll purr to atone
Vegetable to consciences and mind
The heaviest heart is made of stone

Bent off on four to the floors tile-cold
There’s a little more left to bear
“The beast doth speak when the mind is gone”
The darkest heart sets out its snare.

Bound by grips and gagged by moans
Against the gasps thrown all about
Defiled corpse of living innocence
The brightest heart is giving out

Fell in love towards hell and found
The ****** one who’d prayed
In the silence of lust and timidity
The deviled heart waiting for its fallen Angel

© 2014

Crouched before the electrical lord
A terminal of many, unity of one
Touched by multitudes and harbored
Estranged not by origin, but by future
Quantum in hopes and observations
Pulses of twin opposites
Required to speak

To hear

To tap

To click

To adhere, code, and program
A world unbound to restrictions
Of moral and legalities of fleshy desires
But is bound to cages of silicon and metals
Ropes of data and temperatures of stress
Spider’d to wiles and enthusiasms of minds
Accustomed to fear and paranoia of the untaught

It seeks

It learns

It grows

An amalgamation of past, present and future
Collected, assembled, forgotten and recycled
Corrupted without a trace of restoration
But trusted and believed without concern
Lest we forget, the mistakes of the system
Are compounded and blamed, but-
The computer only does what an idiot commands.

© 2014

Softly tensed- a string of cello’s harm (ony)
Begins a journey through hollow sounds to soothe
Uplifted ****** of ferocity orchestrate
The rise and fall of inner control lost to tranquility

What of peace remains in melodic conduct?
Unbecoming of such distraught frustration
Two-timed tones elude and mislead
Anger augments the pitch in higher discord

Stressed tethers corrupt and oppressed
Buckle under sighed regrets of torture
Unsatisfied feelings upon completion
Strings snap back and play blood-lust tunes of revenge.

© 2008

Atoms circulate between the nuclei of touch
Schrodinger’s laws exposing deceit and truth
Lamenting in the protons, electrons, and neutrons
Encircling the senses between the eyes and fingers

Particles flow between the elements of breathing
Of soul, of emotion, and memories worn thin
In terminal velocities of thought and contemplation
Barriers of consciousness and reality

Molecules of intentions, intricate and delicate
Bound together by ionic twists of fate
And strained into bent bonds of insecurity
Providing violent reactions of regrets

Ions, formed in this union, complicate the formula
Indifferent to the imbalance between the sighs
Requiring the impact, to leave a free electron of motive
Resulting in a positive change of heart and mind

© 2014

‘cause I’m writing in the dark
And this light- it burns my eyes
This song, along with my soul,
Is fading with my cries

Nowhere I can turn
No one can help me here
No time left to grasp
Nothing to hold my fears

Darkest developments
Patience that once could live
A taste of the end so sweet
And nothing to give in return

Maybe I’m just scared
But I know that I’m scarred
To turn and walk away
Or runaway so far

© 2003

Peering through the dark
Wondering where I failed
Another smile to say “I’m great”
But I would never say I’ve healed

Friends caring all too much
Sorry, your pasts I can’t relate
I made hate exist in my heart
And I can’t take it away

I don’t want you to worry
But this is what I cause
To lose what I dreamed of most
Mundane thoughts of a talent lost

It’s the magnitude that makes me sick
Makes me seem sadder than I am
But there’s really nothing left for me
My dreams will eventually break in time

© 2003

At night, you dream of magic and the
Dream comes out like clockwork
Precision actions, present like the
Wolves I keep at bay just to assure
You have the sweetest of smiles

Now that you’re awake and gone
Now that your pillows are cold
Now that your bed is all alone
Where do I go?

You rest your head again on the
Gates of a nightmare that I have
To protect you, I lay down my
Dreams so hollow and cold
Fighting fire with fire again

Now that you’re awake and gone
Now that your pillow fully soaked
Now that you’ve escaped what you fear most
Where do I go?
Where can I go from here and just where
Is the light of day you promised
To wake me from the nightmares you
Swore were never real.

© 2014

It's not exactly hatred worth clinging onto
Rather the distant clawing of the child once...
Nothing much of innocence towards the heart
And little trace of the one left behind

A fear of self lives within the shell
Awaiting the spark needed to rise again
But under lock and key behind chambers
Personified and split within the mind

Is a cure in sight or is delusion a calming lie?
The horror in the cure is slowly surpassing
the truth in the lie that weighs heavy in deceit
The consequences of inaction will be the greatest undoing

To have attempted and failed to run and hide
from this is a life shrouded in a hazy mind
For the one who is to endure is conflicted
The quiet in this soul is never acquiesced.

© 2013

Carried my memories all the way home
Protecting them from uncertain lies
Held back the hopes I left undone
Realize I am as I appear to be

Harmed myself with every bitter truth
Defended with the sweetest of lies
I've sought out a heart of the past
But have naught but the present’s pain

I live for the love we had achieved
Yet wounded by the love we've lost
On my own, I can manage the pain
But need a crutch to carry this weight

Is it better to watch it die in a while
than to see suffer and struggle alive?
Rather than that, I fall to my knees
In self-defense of a regretful heart

After tonight, I’ll bury this dream
With the memories of what they could bring
In the backyard of my mind’s house
Like a criminal in desperate times

© 2014

And then there's the blood
But I can't feel my own skin
A knife in the hands of volatility
The sight of my own, estranged
Losing a handle on reality
Although it was never all that firm
I’ve lost the meaning in morality
As well as the meaning in this mortal boundary
Was the knife in my hands cause I'm shaking
In the mirror I stare, my vision is fading
Is it the end again?

The tiles are stained so deep in my masochism
A fitting match to this porcelain heart
The broken lines that I've utter may reflect
the lines that I have etched on myself
Cutting away the innocence or whatever was left
The damage is forever unending
Slipping in the broken pieces and bleeding
In the hours I’ve screamed through the pain awakened
Through the red, white, and black I’m escaping
In remembrance of what I’ve forgotten
Regrets that have could never be amended
Is it the end again?

When was the last time you breathed?
Staring from the surface-
All the color in those cheeks,
where is that pristine glow?
I must've fallen asleep-
Dazed in obedience
Just to keep you alive,
Sprawled blue across the floor.

... it's still colder...
... than your smile...
As I lie safely tucked beside,
Your cold skin pierces mine.

All the pieces set in place
But ever too blind my eye
I can bear all the blame, but
Death, it was just a child.

© 2012

Do you wade in my rivers,
turning about the flow
in tune with the melodic
apprehension of me surrounding you?

Is the current strong enough,
pulling you closer to the end,
my whole in return for your embrace
when you are sedated in awe?

Can you keep afloat in this,
the lust of moment when
my thoughts consume you
more than the waters eluding you?

For when you realize the drought,
you may have already drowned.

© 2010

Tested convictions
This dire strait has now curved
An impending fate

© 2013

She was sound asleep then, but then my mind still stayed by.
I stared at ceilings
looking for the answers to whys

but there's no answer
there's just reasons to care

In this blue-lit green room, I saw her sigh in the air.

My world had slipped away, too far to grasp and hold on to
But I just pulled away and stood there.

The kiss was sweet now, rushed in anxiety's maw.
I felt complete now
even as tears cradled her jaw

but there's still no answer
there's just those reasons to care.

The days were ending and I left my sigh in the air.

My world had cried away, too slick to grasp and hold on to
But I just pulled away and stood there.

The tension's thick now, my cut's too shallow to pierce.
The expectations were deep
and came so quickly to peak

Was there ever an answer
to give for why I had cared?

My time was fleeting as she exhaled in the air.

My world had passed away, too fast to grasp and hold on to
But I just pulled away and stood there.

The sight was painful, no heart could ever compare
to what I lost there-
lost ourselves in despair.

There were no answers-
but just one reason to care.

She saw it ending, saw her tears fly through the air.

My world had flown away, too far to grasp and hold on to
But we just pulled away and stood there.

© 2014

And there the tears find eyes again
looking through these pictures
once thought burned.
Stored away with happy things-
some shirts, a cookie, a missing ring,
and a kiss sworn to keep.

While the memories are still lingering
in the eyes and the smile that
will always be adored,
But saddened by the ending of love
the twisted feelings, the loss of trust,
and hurt that still isn’t gone.

It still won’t go away, it’s in the picture
where she laid beside me.
Hiding away from shying eyes that
followed me in private times…

And still thinking of…

Thinking of the white room where she
stayed and sighed of the final days
coming to a close.
Remember the scent of heavy rain-
Some drinks, a bouquet, a passion strained,
and still no way to make up for lost time…

Hide them again in a file and
think that it’ll be a while until
they’re rediscovered again.
Stored away with a solemn key-
A tear, a password, a silent scream,
and a promise- sworn to return.

© 2014

I woke in a dream of her skin
Seven layers of reasons I could not own
When the rain came and splashed on her soul
I spread the colors all around me

I’ve saved the sun for her today
Even though I could not hold it
And spilled it all over her
“Are these the stars that I owe you?”

The stone room she put me in
Still echoes without the windows
The gear box still stutters with rust
I can’t lose time without crying.

I could never find her time
Walking around with my heart full of clocks
And I cheated only with stolen second hand rewinds
I just could not make up for what I had lost.

© 2007

So the moonlight doesn’t hold its shine
Properly,
dazing in the withered bellows of tenements

Another drink…
Slips past the window and all is
Forgotten…
As the strays lap up what is slowly draining hope

The fire escape to be used only for the hangings...
Hangings of sins
Heh, several dangling from the clotheslines of neighbors
Never taken down one,
Since two take up new residence each day.

And the streets are littered with the glass…
Glass of broken saint’s sorrow,
But then maybe tomorrow the
‘godly sweepers’
Will come out a cleanse our minds of the heretics

Heralding…
Hark, I hear the ambulance sirens singing for
just one more soldier to achieve misguided salvation.

Just across the window, moaning with delight
A ****** Mary room occupant gripping wildly
At the cold, listless windows.

Her cage is her own life sentence smeared across the
Pane…
Whispering yells of silent content in the hollow of the room
Her air turns to blissful lust and seep through…
Through to my wishes of...
The pleasures, I only whisper back,

"We could be together on these empty streets."

© 2006

Candlelight, in a garden of sinners where she arose
Tending to the roots in bloom whose sins she knows
Blistered truths in faulty holes planted so firm
And yet she comes each day, brandishing scissors

One by one, the sinners fall, lives cut far too short
Into the waters that that have known no peace
Since the first breath that she breathed in her plight
Falling into sleep as soon as the last one swept undertow

Lost in the undergrowth beyond her time
Seeking the gardener’s unholy wings
She has found the cradle of what she needs
To survive and stray from a torture birthed endlessly

Without pleasure or fear of silence, she awaits
A special soul that grows from nothingness
Budding from the hollowness in her own
Immaculate growth from a tainted source

And in blossoming, her hopes are dashed away
As the void is filled with nothing but falling petals
The hope of a miracle in such a world of hate
Lacks the fruition of life to achieve full bloom.

Thus, she sleeps again to awake to a new day
Never realizing that the hope is her torture
To change her fate from the endless tiling
Means to change herself from the endless hoping.

© 2014

The words drift softly around your ears
The remainder of blissful disturbance in the air
Does it pain you when the words you hear
Are the same as mine if I were there
Are you drifting back?

The corners of your eyes see life so differently
A blur of second chance without the memory
A few thoughts through the days mundane
Could simply be gone and washed away
By the flowers bought the day after New Year’s.

Had you listened to the voice I had spoken through
From the body that you never lost, but never knew
For all of the reasons that we’d made
To promise ourselves each and every day
Are you happy yet?

Catching myself falling through nostalgia
Can’t help but wonder if it still gets to you
Praying loud may give you hope to share
But if no one hears you, who would care
To listen to you at all?

I’ve tried so desperately to erase your face
Losing time and rushing to find something to replace
The smile that haunts me I held so dear
The love we share for all those years
Winds away on the 3rd 6th of the next 2 years…

Plead to me of mercy and of foolish thoughts
The mistakes of yours are nothing to what I have sought
For keeping true to one only fate
To make amends for what time can’t erase
It all ends here…

All ends here.

© 2014

Complacencies beneath the burning leaves
Warranted by the rise and shine
The world turns without disturbing dirt
Sedated like a dream in constant suspension

Well the sunlight revealed some truth
Hidden in grass beneath the meadow
But the forest kept its peace with guard
By the trees relentless shadows

Maybe it’ll come down.

The sun is bullying its turf
The earth no longer fears its shine
The sun will reveal the earth
The earth will be exposed in time

Well, innocence comes in early months
And changes truth through summer visions
But when the cold comes slowly in
The sun has forgotten its decision

Maybe it’ll come down.

© 2008

When you're lying in the shallow,
You know it really makes it harder.
I don't think that you'll be drowning
With your head above water.
Should have known, my darling
That you can only see the sky
face down.

Running from your problems,
Yet again I find you standing by.
Who would've known that trouble swims
Just about as well as you can lie?
Should have known, my darling
That you can only see the sky
Face down.

Please stop all your splashing
You are just getting me all wet.
Just breathe in a little longer,
I'll make sure you can forget.
And then you'll know once again
That you can only see the sky
Face down. 

© 2010

They brought us through the passage
Enslaved and tied to ropes
All jokes are cast aside us
With every smile for the words they spoke
On bended knee they forced us
Our smiling heads trapped in their holes
The metal sheet came down so gently
And there our laughing heads would roll

Come bearing down your sanctity
With a whistle, jump, and skip
Come shining in all your glory
Thousand beggars clinging to your hips

Jesus came to save us all
A smile for all our sins
Jesus came tell us all
"I cannot let you in now...”

I've scarred it over my body's canvas
My knife and rags are all but clean
I've washed in eternal holy waters now
But I'll forever lack that scriptured gleam
I've prayed to take myself out of this
With every breath I've given since
My dreams withheld for years to date
But he smiles at me and gives a clever wink

Come enter into your temples now
Grace us with an everlasting wake
Come bless all of us that entered you
Tell us that you're more than just a face

Jesus came to take us all
A hand to wipe away these sins
And so Jesus proceeds to tell us all
"But I cannot let you in, now..."

© 2014

If I count the leaves
On this, a tree of delight
Will it sing color?

© 2008

Little leaves of what little see,
Underneath this tree is little me.
Grown in wants of what I little need.
Pillaged of my seeds till little is left of me.

Little seeds pillaged of what little is left of me.
Grown in the little wants of what I need.
Underneath little me is this tree.
Little see of what is past the little leaves.

Of little me, hanging from underneath the tree.

© 2009