But can biology explain
the physical pain
in my chest
that I feel only
when someone
whispers your
name

I can pick at my skin for hours
Focus on every conceivable flaw
Shake until my body curls up on the shower floor
Most have never seen me at my worst, when
I’m stuck in an apathetic neutral state
Washed out between the highs of my need for thrill
And the lows of panic screaming in my veins
I have the the soul of an extrovert beaten to submission
Shot down and repeating the mantra “worthless”
What do you believe, if not yourself
How could I?
How many more steps do I take before I’m back,
Before the mirror doesn't make me want to shatter
What is my mantra now?

But some things are just too broken to be fixed,
No matter how hard you try
Because pain doesn’t care if you’d give anything
To stop someone from hurting inside
It will take everything you have
Even if what you have
Is nothing at all
And I stopped believing that love conquers all
When I tried to show her how perfect she is
But she still didn’t want to hear the words
‘You are beautiful’
Because she fell in love with a sadness that did not belong to her
She fell in love with the pain that she saw in movies
Or read about in books
She fell in love because she wanted to know what it felt like
To have a reason to want to **** yourself
She fell in love with that pain and she kept it as her own
So on the nights she wakes up screaming because she is scared
Not of the monsters in the closet, but the ones in her head
On those nights, there is nothing I can do but
Sit there and watch her trembling, trying to regain her breath
I can only sit there and watch her cry,
Watch her fall apart one more time
When we met, she told me not to fall in love with her
Because she breaks everything she touches
But the truth is,
The only thing she’s been breaking is her own heart and soul
And she won’t stop until there is nothing left but
Broken whispers of the girl she used to be