There you are ......
A lump
A lump of the kind that strikes fear in the breast of every woman
Hiding
Growing inside me
Like an embryonic cancer
Or a cyst
Or a symptom of age
Whatever you are
You're here .....
And I wish you weren't
I go about my mindless life
Left waiting to discover if I'm just
Old
Infected
or
Dying .....

(C) Pixievic

The last time I saw you
was in 2011

You tousled my son's hair
cupped my daughter's chin
in front of the museum
You met me
in your black business suit
as the thick heat
of New York City
coated us

Your grandchildren stared at you,
smiled in shy half-moons
before my mom
took them home.
Then,
just you and I.

We sat for a cold moment
in the restaurant.
I longed for
something more personal
than a swank Upper West Side
joint, and ate nothing
Only water could
slide down
my throat,
and words stuck there

I was thirsty
for the you I had known
A big bear hug
dancing in the living room
to Olivia Newton-John
How you swung me around
and we laughed, my hair flying

I was thirsty
for our secret language
created one summer
for our silly jokes
in restaurants,
people-watching
on Second Avenue
the 80s punks in
East European diners
eating potato perogin
after their long night out

You disappeared on me
             and then
after she, my sweetest star,
got sick
you reappeared
calling me every day
to check up on the flowers
in your garden
How you came back
to water it
in your own way

and now
I am only waiting to
cross the oceans,
fly straight into
your arms,
enfold your once-infinite
bear hug invincibility
into my fragile
heart

Knowledge is butterflies in flight.
A doubting caterpillar needs
His faith in metamorphosis.
Without it his future: horror.

Mother gone this way before him.
Father gone before his time here.
The only hope: whispered instinct.
A still sound in the face of fear.

"Those who've gone before me", says he
"Loved me and wanted good for me."
"They willed me to believe in life
Beyond: the metamorphosis."

Every day, eat of leaf. Chew. Rest.
Do not wander ye from safety.
Heed ye these rules, follow the way.
Know ye that our decree's from love.

Brother tells tall tales, adventure
Excitement, a world of wonder
To have now! No waiting, no need
To wait, fear, hope. Enjoy it now!

Brother says: "metamorphosis
Is a tale made by those who want
To control and manipulate.
To keep us from pleasures in life."

Brother says: "The dark chrysalis
Is a grave, death, ending, final.
Now is time to discover.
What tastes good is the true good.

Only now do we have the chance
To learn, explore, see and enjoy."
He's eaten leaves outside the path.
Brother says: "they are juicy good!

Come all, leave this way mapped by those
Who want to keep you from juicy
Leaves and the whole wide world to see"
Brother says. "Don't hope, enjoy now."

Sister left the barque, left the safe
Path to the leaves mapped out by some
Unknown cartographer. Unknown!
She's not back. He hopes for her best.

But our caterpillar here, friend,
Has chosen the old dreams and hope.
To follow the path mapped to leaves
That nourish the body and heart.

He has chosen to believe that
The wisdom of age and instinct
Is more trustworthy than the word
Of youthful brother's juicy world.

His doubts he's cocooned in faith's silk.
These bland leaves he eats for promise
Of sweet flower's nectar beyond.
Today's toil for tomorrow's joy.

Doubt frightens. The chrysalis looms.
No control, nature compels it.
Unfair, afraid, the silk spins tight.
In pain, the world grows dark and still.

He faces his end. He must choose
To listen to the still, small sound.
Have faith he's not schizophrenic.
Believe in more passed the cocoon.

His ancestral council and creed
He chooses to embrace and trust
To face his end with dream and hope.
His doubts cocooned by faith in Love.

Butterflies are knowledge in flight.
For at their end, faith is fulfilled.
These butterflies their joy have reached,
Through faith in metamorphosis.

the invisible weight
of blind transition
climbs my back
sits upon my shoulders
laughter goes silent
colors once vibrant
turn black and grey
I move in slow motion
every thought enslaved
every dream a nightmare
my monster has returned

Two broken souls
Trying to make each other whole
They were quite a mess when they found each other
Each had lived through torment, one after another

Her body was full of scars, just trying to maintain
His heart had been trampled and drained
They gave each other their own heart
They found it filled in all the parts

And together they where whole
They where connected, soul to soul

Her with all her worries of the future
He always tried to hush and nurture
He would slay all her demons and doubt
She showed him what true love was all about

They loved each other so
Like they had known each other long ago
They lived joyfully for many many years
There was only ever joyful tears
Until that one horribly sad day
The Lord took her away

On that day his true love died
He just wanted to be by her side
He just seemed to wither away
Without her by his side he didn't want to stay

Soon after he passed too
Even in death his true love he would pursue
They say he died of a broken heart
But I know it was because she had his missing parts

Your eyes are the most beautiful thing of my day.
That light brown eyes that lit whenever you see me,
I don't mind gazing through your shining stares the whole day.

Your skin looks so pale.
It looks very cold.
As cold as January,
I would love to warm you up as if I'm a Christmas sweater.

Your lips looks so delicious.
God, your lips looks so delicious,
I really want to have it for my dessert.

Your hair is as crazy as what I feel about you.
That dark brown hair, highlighted with tinted sunlight,
I want to stroke your hair every single of your sleepless nights until you fall asleep.

Baby, too bad. You live in my computer screen.

And I only exist in yours.