I don’t get why people want me to stay the same

When all I want to do is change

Never been normal or human

I’ve always wanted to be a shapeshifter

Now look what I am

An ever blooming flower

Don’t try to stop something that’s supposed to happen

I exist for a reason, not sure what

Try and stop me

I dare ya.

I am a lot to handle

Not to you maybe , but I know I am

I feel the emotions fade

For I am a crooked tree on the brink of breaking

I am but a weeping willow awaiting its rot

You do not understand this, nor do I

Yet here we are, you assuming that I was something that I am not

And me existing as the rotting willow I am

People assume I’m happy when I do not cry

Assume I’m sad without a smile

Some say I’m lonely, but I prefer comfortable

Others say I’m comforted yet I am alone

Don’t assume.

Who knew a gift of birth could cause such pain

That a name could make tears fall like rain

Who could have foreseen such destruction

Caused by a word used for introduction

They created a kind little girl

Ended up with an angry alien in the world

Every time I hear that name all I feel is shame

They say it to mock me it seems

When it’s heard, I rip at the seams

For I am not what I was meant to be

I am not her and she was never me.

Anger

An emotion most of us have deep within

Something people like to plant in us for fun

Most don't realize when they create a monster of anger it will be their demise

They laugh and taunt as my fist goes through the wall

But I hear no more remarks when my fist goes through them all

I was sweet and kind and loving you see

You killed what I used to be

I am a monster, a blackhole of anger and spite

Laugh all you want, I’ll give you a fright

You say my scars are beautiful
Never specify which ones
But we both know you mean the ones when I wanted to die

You say you understand my pain
And that it’ll all be okay
But everyday is harder to stay

Waking up is like climbing a mountain
DONT get me started on school
Yes I get I seem lazy
But I have no motivation

You can yell and scream
Doesn’t change the feeling
Either way I just want sleep
I sleep all day and I’m still tired
My life is in dismay

But you say it’ll be okay

Hot tears running down my cheeks
Puffed up eyes, makeup stained sheets
But of course I’m fine

The same three songs all on repeat
Oh I’m fine, nothing bad I say
But I don’t want to stay

So I say; goodbye my friends, what a bitter end
I just wanted to rest
Goodbye to those who I hated the most
You made me who I am

when I sing this I don’t wanna die
I just want to sleep another wink and not cry
I’m not going anywhere , just going to rest
DONT you fret I’ll be back in 10-20 minutes

Being cold all the time is strange
But no one questions it in the winter
No idea what I’ll do in the summer
No one notices a thing if I still have meat on my skin
They won’t say I’m pretty, they won’t say I’m skinny
I’m not large, not small; just someone stuck in the ****** middle

Seems like no one pays attention till your time is almost up
I know I can accomplish things, but I can’t do them alone
Sometimes I realize I don’t know what can help
And others I just need a hug

Please don’t give up on me, I promise I can be okay
For now I’ll be sad today, but sometimes you give me a smile at night
So thanks for existing, it really means a lot
Can’t promise I’ll be here for long, but I know I will while I can