Forget the crimson lips and heart,
forget they made you pale
Just write about your aching being,
Forget the fairytale.

Paint not a picture of your dreams,
Envisaging sweet laughters
Face life and look beyond,
Beyond the happily ever afters.

I’m not empty.
It’s not that I don’t feel anything.
The exact opposite.

I feel so much.

So much I get desensitized to my own emotions.
They flow around like water in every corner of my body.
Mixing in with my blood until there is no cell untouched.

It used to be a gentle lake.
But now It’s an ocean.
So all I can do is sit here and pretend that I’m a puddle.
Just like everyone else.

if you are going to love me,
love me all, even when i break,
love me all, even when there are things left unsaid,
love me all, even when words is stuck between the throat to speak,
love me all, even when body is left in the cold being weak,
love me all, even when i cannot stand hypocrisy for you to plead,
love me all, even when i give myself in to my own defeat,
love me all;
even when you never said “i love you” which i refuse to believed.

if I can make only one request
would you dream of me?

A heavy ear
an empty heart
Breathless voice
with eyes that dart
Love forsaken
rebirthing pain
Hope redundant
—lost refrain

(The New Room: January, 2024)