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Iz Oct 2018
I woke up today with the stench of self loathing and long held grudges in the room
     So it will be one of those days again,
it very quickly occurred to me,

I didn't expect today back so soon,
I could have swore the devil told me it would be at least another week.
I don't feel like choking down these age old bones
<3
Iz Oct 2018
<3
I had the opposite of
cold feet
when I met you
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
Iz Oct 2018
The chatter in the room is almost mundane
The woman behind me has a dog she’s keeping outside who the neighbors aren’t too fond of because he’s a bit loud at night
I got to my hair appointment almost 15 minuets late as I slipped through the door of the I suppose modern styled ‘Yellow Strawberry’ my mother was on the phone
She wears this head set that wraps around your neck and never realizes she yells when she is talking to people and it makes me cripplingly anxious
The mirrors are tall and filled with unimpressed faces glaring at us as my marvelous royal purple polyester velvet skirt glistens in the sunlight peeking in from the dropped shades
I mutter out the time of my appointment apologize that we are late and give them my name
I know it is spelt wrong in the computer, and the odds of one of the people in here having a dog named bella are unbelievable high
As I’m escorted back to my hair dressers station I remember, I need to repaint my chipped glittery red nail polish before I pick all of it off and feel disgusting
But this particular nail polish is extremely difficult to get off and I regret every-time I paint my nails with it
But it looks so ******* beautiful in the sunlight and my lover adores the color against my almost porcelain  like skin so I indulge from now and again
I am here to hopefully cut about three inches off of my hair, it’s getting too long it sits painfully at about an inch or two below my shoulders
Four months ago I cut off about 10 inches and I felt about 50 pounds of anxiety lift from my chest
I think my fears started to manifest in my curls and the knots that kept returning reminding me over and over again I needed a desperate change
And now I’m finding myself approaching another much needed change, it’s nice
Iz Nov 2018
Beautifully rich plants grow against the house
We are here often
The cat he’s a beast
A true predator
He’s loyal
And delicate
He lives a life of respect
The geckos run against the ceiling
On the top edge of the wall
Catching moths and spiders
They fear me
But I do them no harm
I love the wild life
It’s a life I wish to live
One of simplicity
And endurance
For I am only a human
I run on guilt and misery
Iz Aug 2019
It’s funny how easily
We can feel abandoned
Even when they’re in the same
Room as you
Something as simple as a look
Sends your anxiety through the roof
It starts
The questions
The never ending what if’s that
Suffocate any logical thought until it’s
But a faint whisper amongst the roar of doubt
When will I move on
And realize it’s okay to be alone
Even if I’m not
Iz Nov 2018
I’ve been painting again
The colors they drip
Emotion
For it’s not what you see
In these
Trash paintings
I pour my guts out into the canvas, I call them trash paintings because it’s not about what you see
Iz Jan 2019
I walk along the shorelines of your ever deep
Soul
The waves grab at my ankles
With ulterior motives to trap me here
only my feet leave prints in this sand
These are uncharted lands and I am
Trespassing
Iz Nov 2018
I know I’ll always love you
Both of you
She is my other half
And you are my home
Our breath is one
Our bodies
Submissive to the chemsetry
We are one a temple of new hope
A trio of the gods picking
Iz Jun 2019
I find myself touching you
Just to remind myself
You’re real
Maybe I’m in disbelief
Or I’m just so scared of one day waking up and you not being there
I have to remember you were here once and every time I touch you that’s the proof
Iz May 2019
If greed was a drug
Maybe I’d consider
Getting sober
Iz Nov 2018
In a world full of busybodies
I find myself alone
With you
My eyes
Locked on you

There is nothing else
There never has been

The world melts away when I’m in your arms
I’m untouchable
Invincible


You make me strong
Iz Nov 2018
Metal
Gore grind
Alternative
Rap
I want to draw
As I flip through my colorful music selection on my phone I’ve been adding to for the past 7 years
I regret not painting my heart out of my chest
And drawing until my wrists shrivel up and fall off
All I do is write
And it’s
Never enough
I stuff myself into a shell
And refuse to get out
When will I be me again?
Ash
Iz Nov 2018
Ash
Remember when we burned like sparked matches
We smoked and spread but in that blistering heat
I felt love
Ash
Iz Feb 2023
Ash
I don’t think I’ll ever forget what it felt like
To be struck like a match
And burn out in your hands
But I’d be a strike anywhere for you anytime
Because your heat was unforgettable
And my heart was left nonflammable
Iz Dec 2018
Snot drips from your nose
Tears trickle down your face
Like crystals in this light
And I know
I know I am no longer enough
I know it is me
Who’s brough you this pain you’ve been feeling
I know it’s me who stole the peace
In your once serene being
Iz Oct 2018
I am the
s
     l
i
     c
k
rocks in your water beds
across these vast forests
in those beautiful eyes,
always there never moving
stuck but not trapped
the gentle current always has something
I could never think of to say
so inspiring so consistent
time here is like
no other place this form of me has been
I believe the word to describe how I feel
in you is
home
I've never felt this way, so safe so secure.
Iz Dec 2019
Oh the feeling of relief it brings to finally see who someone truly is
And to no longer resent the ominous nature of their persona but to embrace your new found vision
By finally moving on
Iz Jul 2019
In the mists of my agony
I begged to stop breathing
Then I found myself here in endless purgatory
Iz Oct 2018
I just spent the last 30 minuets crying into my boyfriends chest
In the middle of my tear fest I choked out
“can we get Wendy’s?”
I’m a ***** for a good emotional binge
Iz Mar 2023
I’ll go years without talking to my father but in one moment of lapsed judgment I’ll pick up and in those calls it’s as good as it’ll ever be between us, we’ll act as if nothing ever happened and we talked last week, we never stare that elephant in the room down we don’t even take a glance, but we both know just as well as the other once that line disconnects it’s back to a familiar silence that’s far more comforting than the possibility of fixing it all, because some bridges may stay burned but that doesn’t stop you from casting a line or two into the river and seeing what you pull up even if it’s
bad fish every time
Iz May 2019
Sometimes I miss the rhythmic sound of my ballet slippers
Hitting the vinyl floor
The way I would soar through the air with grace and elegance,
I miss the discipline of the dance
The punishment and the reward
Iz Aug 2019
‪When you hear “think before you speak”
what you should be hearing is
“ be aware of the emotions you’re about to convey and if they’re actually how you feel” recognize what you feel
before you push those emotions onto those around you ‬
Iz May 2020
There’s pictures on the walls of my childhood homes with holes so deep behind them you’d get lost if you went in alone
Iz Feb 2019
There is not a day that goes by
I am not reminded Of how your rough hands gripped my body
I remember the pavement cold and damp
My hair a mess sweaty and tangled
From the stress and the struggle
But I am only so strong and so able to defend
You were tall, narrow face, dark hair, ****** eyes
I should have run when I saw you
But I trust even when all signs tell me to hit the road
You watched the life leave me body
And I left a ghost, a shell if you will
Of who I once was, you used me, you killed me, and left me a rotting corpse,
I ******* Hate You
And what you did to me on that cold bathroom floor
Iz Jan 2019
We only see
What our eyes
Are meant to see
Iz Apr 2019
There used to be a blue Jay that would visit a tree in my backyard daily
Last April I found him dead in the road
Stiff and lifeless
My backyard has since become very mundane
No birds visit anymore
Not even the ducks
Only weeds grow now in place of beautiful flowers
It’s odd how times change
But even more odd how we don’t notice until all the change has come and gone
Iz Dec 2018
The morning after Is filled with
Crusty eyes
And an unstable balance
I don’t think I’m sober yet
Iz Dec 2018
I am the rocks
In the rivers
We used to skip
Sunken to the bottom as if
None of the smooth
Hops across the water mattered
Stuck in mucky water
With nothing to show
Except a few smooth
Dances across the still surface
and a swift fall to
Resting grounds
Where all the memories we shared lay on each and every stone
Iz Dec 2018
I don’t think
I’ll ever love you again
The same way I did
When I saw fireworks in your eyes
And Supernovas in your soul
Iz Nov 2018
The way your eyes told me a million words
In that rear view mirror
I still get butterflies thinking about the moment
I met my forever
Iz Jan 2019
There’s a hole in your throat
Where your harsh words
were once birthed
Your once strong exterior
Is now slouching flesh
You’re wrinkled, worn
The chemo left you sick
Iz Jun 2019
We sit and watch South Park
In a room so tense you could cut
The air with a chainsaw like a ******* tree
Iz Mar 2019
I just want to stop feeling like I’m ******* choking all the time
I just want to breath
Iz May 2020
Think of the trauma
As a seasoning
And you
The fine steak
Iz Jan 2019
There was Marley and Romey
Then nalla
Then zeus
Now Dominic
These are the cats who showed me wisdom
That words could never match they’ve cared for me more than the hands of loved ones, and the hearts of friends and I am forever greatful
For my feline family
Iz Dec 2018
I don’t know what to write
I can’t put it into words
how I feel
It’s a mix of envy and hate
I can’t tell you who I am
I can’t tell you what I’ve done
I can just tell you I’m not who I want to be
And I’m not who I’ve been
I’m someone so distant from who I once was
I might as well consider my true self
Gone
Iz Jul 2019
Brittle nails
And crunchy hair
That’s all I’ve bubbled down to be
But I’m okay,
For now
Iz Oct 2018
The sheets are a deep teal
The cat has a UTI and is ******* blood
Theres a bowl next to me,
Half smoked
You’re touching my ***
But I can’t shake the thought
Of never being enough for you
We live together
We sleep in the same bed
You pop my pimples
I check your eyes for styes
I scratch your hair
You hold me when I cry
But in the mists of it all
I feel I fell short somewhere between the *** stained sheets and the moments we can’t breath because we’re laughing too hard
I feel it lies somewhere in my character that I will forever fall short
Insecure and ******
Iz Jan 2019
They were once soft and plump
Like a ripe peach
But I find myself biting them so hard some nights
I don’t know how I have not bitten them off yet
My lips I mean
I bite and bite and bite
Until they bleed
Then I bite some more
They’re cracked and dry
Just how you left me
Iz May 2019
You dipped me in varnish
Like a beautiful work of art
But  must’ve  forgotten when you roll up
An unframed canvas it cracks
Iz Dec 2018
It hurts so bad sometimes
I’d rather blow my brains out
Than see tomorrow
Because nothing  changes
It’s going to always hurt
Iz Dec 2018
I have spent a year loving you
I’ve spent 365 days stuck in a trance
Your love is utterly hypnotic
I am a slave to your hearts rhythm
It moves me every time
My feet go left my body sways right
The air it glides across my skin
Like shooting stars in clear night skies
Your love is like morning dew
It covers me at dawn  
I glisten and shine
In the lights of your suns
At last I understand
Whats been missing my whole life
What I’ve searched the ends of the earth for
Has always been
And always will be
You
Iz Dec 2018
It’s relieving to now see
Everything I have ever done
It’s all lead me right here
To you
Iz Dec 2018
I’m so ******* tired of these bones
Of this flesh
I’m tired of my thoughts and who I have to be
I would give everything in the whole world
To just get five minutes of not having to be me
Iz Jan 2019
My words run short
Like melted wax
Creeping down the sides of
Candles who have lived a smoldering life
Iz Dec 2018
It's like I've been laid out flat on my back
and the whole world is pressing against me
I cant breath
I cant speak
All I can do is feel
But I don't like the piercing sensation of the skyscrapers in my chest
Much similar to the knives you left jammed into my back,
Won't you sit with me and do me the gracious favor,
Just watch me bleed.
Iz Oct 2018
My dryer recently broke out of the blue
Just stopped heating up
But I understood my dryers pain on such a deep personal level we bonded from that moment on
Except I didn’t break out of the blue I stopped heating up after you started to let other versions of you slip out
I stopped admiring how the light reflected off your once so utterly perfect face, I stopped sitting so close to you
Hugging you back
I stopped thinking you were the best thing I’ve ever seen and I started understanding every time I said it I meant it
“I love you more”
Really everything I did once upon a time
Almost made my stomach turn now
Like a dog in the night
You wait for me
Like a broken dryer I shake and rattle
But at least I don’t text other women
Yea big dummy is my name don’t wear it out
Iz Oct 2022
In the ground we rot
Seeds turn into luscious plants
From the dirt comes life
Iz Aug 2019
Without these words
I am nothing but dust and bone
Iz Feb 2019
I used to sit outside of liquor stores
For the beast who helped make me
Dripping in sweat with frizzy pig tails
And curly blonde hair
***** clothes that were too small, blisters on my feet
Bubblegum overchewed leaving a sour taste in the back of my throat but i keep squishing it between my teeth
***** hands with little fingers
Small body no dreams
I was clueless
I’d make mud pies in the sunlight on hot summer days
Florida has never been beautiful to me
But it’s where I’ve always lived
The palm trees are rough and the sand sticks to your toes
Coyotes often roamed the areas so I wasn’t permitted to go out at night
Orange trees sit in the backyard dying of disease
They’re sick and twisted, they reminded me of me
I’d **** squirrels and birds in me free time
I never felt a single thing
My eyes were blank and emotionless
I was only a child when you did this to me
My memories are bad but what I remember is vivid
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