I awake most mornings
in the afternoon, right on time
drenched in the bean of a valley I’ve never been
plucked from a mountain
I’ll never climbed
my brain has scheduled
random acts of unkindness
partly in the parietal
languishing this limbo
in my limbic
every wrinkle pressed for time
Be more creative
Be less critical
Be more elated
Be less cynical
I’m trying my best
to be more than just fine
scanning my heart and the horizon
for a new infinite
of entombed emptiness
the mountain ahead and the road left behind

this seems different
this ******* terrace
this bottomless bi-way
those stark yellow lines that simply ask we obey
and that we stay in our own ******* lane
that limit our movement but promise safety
amidst the controlled chaos

this seems different
I am the poster child of panic
abstract to the point of alienating
aware most parishioners only fall victim to loving
& listening to long winded rants
asking simply for company and 20% less depression than “normal”
it’s not a lot
but most days I have so little

I ask myself
How many day and night, have I spent languishing on an empty road
documenting its vapid variations
selfish and soliciting online onlookers for attention
hoping to find some connection
some reminder that if you see me, I’ll hear you
and we won’t be alone
But this seems so so so very different

In closing
This could be us
But you’re isolated, on your island
And even though I don’t know you
and even though the hubris of our time,
these prescient moments are… indescribable
You are saving someones life
And I love you

But remember
I drink to avoid
Stumbling upright
On the keys
Arguments of my demise ensue
Swirling in darkened puddles at my feet
My stomach rumbles
So it's back to my knees
Back to what I knew
Before there was we

But remember
I drink to be employed
Mumbling something
Anything soft & discreet
Whispering sweet nothings
Grunting & grumbling as I please
My thoughts crumble
Call me the breeze
Those nothings mean nothing
How dumb can you be

Eat that *****
In a climate conducive
To a lack of currency
She will eat you
Inevitably
Swallow that man
In an environment *****
To hopes that last an eternity
He will hollow you out
Eventually

But remember
I drink to an asteroid
Cheers to iridium
Iridescent
Exposing the barren
Craters of defeat
In the daylight
Harpooned by all you see
Dreaming of nooses & nudes
Hanging on the hopes of being free

I can’t remember
Why I drink to devoid
Seared relationships
Inconsolable as to
What I think
So mighty
Is a man
Built in the rewards of captivity
Baited by the lure
Bathing in your sink

Eat that *****
In a climate conducive
To a lack of currency
She will eat you
Inevitably
Swallow that man
In an environment *****
To hopes that last an eternity
He will hollow you out
Eventually

Now I remember why I drink
So heavily
Sub par thread count
Substantially indebt
To a heart that bleeds
Soaked in *****
& campari
The stench of *****
& depravity
Keeps me on my feet
Keeps me warm
Swallowing
Every last drop  
& still
I need
A measure for quality
A plow
An axe
An analysis of seed
Treasuring the fallen tree

If you've had a drink
If ya had a few
Or if you had to think of what ya knew
It's on the brink
Tounges of youth
Indistinct
Tons of truth

Oh where the wayward go

If I had to guess
What would it be
If I had it dressed
in nothing to see
It's on the desk
Naked physically
Caressed tears form
Each one a nominee

Oh where the wayward go

If I found my ships lost
Where do i invest my lumber
The goods have been tossed
Livings the new plunder
I belong to this boss
Calling out my new number
Tithe to the cross
Counting sheep for an exponential slumber

Oh where the wayward go

If I heard your song
If it made me cry
Would the captain be strong
Would you know why
The best & worst wrongs
May deserve to die
But the rest of this route's long
We deserve better inside

Oh where the wayward go

If every page turned
Another plot thickens
False casting endures
Another old man fishin'
Into the depth of the pure
A well of wealth made for wishin
New babies insure
An old one is sickened

Oh where the wayward go
Where one dreams it will
But desires to never know
Happenstance will
Have it's dance
You will have your horse
You will have your show
You will have a friend
You will have an end
Please understand
The wayward just want to know home

I have tried to embraced death once
It had left me numb
Turned out
Oliver twisted & entranced
No tingle
No storybook hope
For a reunion with love
Tuppenance or parlance
Of a mum tongue

Left alone
Responsible
For my actions
Of course
& the actions of those before me
Re-course undoubtedly
Them that dost the shaping
The future representatives
Left Inconsequentially

I imagine what kindling kinship must think
Of my timely deliverance
& movement
How sorry they felt
Discarding my relevance
Like an apple fallen
Far from the tree & left in sight of bruising

Not enough baggage
I am afraid
For the life
Alone
Absent to the words
Without her
Pre-setting & upsetting my dial tone
& how I came to find me
Losing bout to bout
When facing failure & the unknown
Buried in that water
Like the stomach & lungs of the forgotten
Gasping for air in the murk
Choking on chipped teeth & promises
Inaudible moan

Stillness
Have yet to touch death
Only been manipulated
By It's fiery folds
In that water
Beneath the moss
Lies that certainty
I will never know
For who does this child belong too
& I am still just a nervous kid
In lackadaisical search of atonement
Afraid of his own place in the universe
The state
The town
This conversation
& that moment

That which brought you
To your
How can I say resting place
You do not nap
You take loans out on heart strings
You were taken from the factory line
Post haste
Unfit for full scaled production
Shoveled
& packaged antiquity
Into that burden laced case
Left beneath a woman
Or above the boy
You never could face

No it doesnt help to think
Every map I disregarded
Every opportunity to love
I avoided
Cause of me & myself & the departed

But maybe I know
Something you don't
I am alive
& still full of the shocks
& pangs
Shocks of what I will
The pangs of what I won't

we are begrudgingly looking
when we finally see the longing
cooking a better meal
for better weather
a better man
when that old star song came on
in another room
another rain soaked awning
showed you how to add one step to two
bout dancing to the drum of acceptance
feigning your record players existence
instead of fawning

You cannot escape the kitchen
without
breaking a plate,
messing about with the cabinets,
or spilling left overs on the granite counter
The hope is
for a broom
& a dust pan
Coated in the soot & crumbs
of the last time you attempted
to make things better
When you danced around
the *****
Listening to Sam Cooke
Salvaging the life
you wish
to proudly call yours
But you notice the pieces on the floor
The ***** pieces you have strangely organized,
as if that organization of filth
would somehow make things better
Make them more controlled
Every piece
a part of your construct
A part of your menagerie
Some pieces you wish you could take back
But they are broken
& some pieces are worth recycling
Unto a better home
A new existence
Some pieces
You just can't be bothered with.