suddenly my fingers have decided to dance across my keyboard
let them form what they may
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you, you pretty boy
i've been avoiding writing this and making it out to you
as if you were a treasure i'd found in a cave or cove that i couldn't bare to lose
as if you'd brought me so much fortune and happiness
but really you were more of a leech
not letting me go and keeping me within your sights
giving me an inch, a speck of your attention, a sliver of you
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you kept me up at night
the way you'd run across the mind
never leaving but instead made yourself too comfortable
interjecting when anyone else thought of coming into the palace you'd built for yourself
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i was crazy about you
despite you being a walking log of inconsistencies and disappointments with your random texts and acts of closeness
despite you hurting me so much with your constant returns and empty sentences because you've never had enough to say
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still i just couldn't bring myself to say or even think anything negative about you.
i wanted to keep my faith in you, that you'd let me in the murky waters you'd surrounded yourself with.
even now there's still this atomic size of hope i've kept locked away for you
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for so long i wanted to remain mature, the bigger person, the adult
but i'm only 17
so, in that case
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******* and *******.