It had been so long, since these thoughts had occurred.
I thought they had vanished, guess that's absurd.
They yearn to tear me apart,
piece by piece, slowly and agonizingly.
These hateful, spiteful, horrid thoughts aimed solely at myself.
I need to feel something other than this all consuming rage.
I need the pain to take over me, the same way it used to.
Burning, cutting, destroying myself.
I need it. I crave it.
These thoughts rarely ever truly go away.
Its on repeat.
I finally take some steps forward, before I'm pushed.
Pushed over the edge into that monotone oblivion.
The oblivion where you don't think
or sleep,
or see the world around you.
It vanishes, and you're put on autopilot.
Maybe acting like a machine is the real me.
Maybe after this time I won't ever return to how I used to be.

Throughout history, humankind has made little more than fairytales into deities.  In fact, the most advanced civilizations have done this.  I'm not saying that's what we're doing now, but it wouldn't be the first.

My eyes keep secrets that no one else can see.
These eyes will never tell you what it could be....
All these eyes can say is wait and you will know someday, and maybe just maybe you will see what these eyes see.
All the memories painted in Red, to tell you a story you will never forget....
All the laughter and the tears... All the pain, All the faith, hope shared between you and me and everyone in between....
It was you that showed me fear in your eyes,
So much fear, I became fearless inside.
My eyes became dark, emotionless, they gave fear to anyone who dared to look at me....
Now do you see the power these eyes possess for me.

In life we'll be forced to do things
          
              things that hurt us
  
        that tear us apart,
                
                                that make us feel empty.

We will be placed in an environment

          where we hate ourselves
  
      where we will be put down,

                                    harassed.

Life doesn't give us lemons
      
                        it gives us hateful words
  
           that we sculpt inside out head
  
                   and spit out onto people like
  
             dirt.

It's true when they say life isn't fair

                it takes us for a nice ride

then while we're sleeping in the backseat,
        
                          not paying attention

it goes over a road bump without warning us

                  and we're jolted out of place

         put out of our space  

               as our world comes crashing down

and you wonder why you were never warned.

Tell me how you can stand there and tease a kid

                                      for wearing glasses

                or liking superman

      or not exactly 'fitting in' with a certain

  group or clic.

In life we will be forced to do things

                like move over in the hallway

because the cool kids take up it's entirety

          or keep our mouth shut about bullies

    because the teachers call it 'child's play'

In life we will all scurry around

                           on hands and knees

          and no one will offer a hand

                   they would much rather tease.

I'm not exaggerating when I say

         this life isn't for me.