its been a day after you left
an accident scene
a victim who was run over
to smithereens

no no there was no blood
no gory sights either
i think you know what i mean
you were the not so grim reaper

Born. Once again.
Air filling in my wet lungs.
Cant open these eyes.
Even if they did, i cant see

The skin, the hair
Are my only shields
And the sun and rain
Will make them hold me in

Oh my lessons from the past
Why cant i learn from them yet
I keep coming back
Just to see the sun set.

I grow in size
But my soul it seems
Is just a balloon
Holding all my sins

A day then comes
Of my final gasps
A check out bill of things
i lost and grasped

Again.

Can't wipe this smile off my face
the joke was on me, i know
but this was not a time or the place
to cause a row

all the storm, i seemed to cause
by my complete devotion
now this pregnant pause
followed by your cold emotion

"...i cant make that choice" she answered
to a question i never asked
"Now that i have already devoured your heart, its time to snap off your head and finish the task"

yes I know I need some love
but it shows up like sudden rain
and I then wonder if
I  should delight myself in it

all these years gone by
the lies and the pain
then I ponder
if I could love again

the hide and seek
of the clouds and the sun
the warmth and drizzles
change my plans again

the mirror has been spoilt
shows me strangers
in its sight of the demons
i had slain

as I sit on the stairs of my home
in the silence and alone
I think of you
and it makes me smile in vain

have you seen life
in a single light
would things be all
black or white

good or bad
flight or fight
would it be easy
to do whats right

heart or mind
plight or might
would you know
to feel day from night

all your breaths, all your sighs
all the tears of joy and slight
you just realise now
there is no black or white

How dare I
put pen to paper
talk about your god
with a caricature

this is where i laugh or cry
this is where i get scared
i am wondering now
who is really mad

i think i am losing it
i can’t see any difference
between a religion
or a mental institution

You are going to send me
to heaven or hell maybe
i get your message now
Oh this is blasphemy!

the cord umbilical
the finger of our father
the hand of our lover
the hug of our child

something to hold on
someone to hold to

the kiss from a mother
the pinch from a sister
letters from a stalker
the stolen glances from a distance

something to remember
someone to remember

the hurt from a lie
the arguments and the cries
the bruises from a monster
the doubt in the eyes

something i dont want to remember
something i have held so far

for now i have got you
all that is left in me
are the memories
of bliss coming my way

and then one day you find
a soul you want to bind
someone who makes you feel
you birth was not unkind

the garden of bougainvillea
is made of pretty flowers
but her branches and thorns
keep out the lovers

all you can do is
just be mesmerized
seeing the bloom
waiting to be euthanized

my feet firm to the ground
gravity so unkind
but the bright colored balloon
wants to unwind

the weight of my body
digging in
the string holding it
in my palm so thin

i am jealous of its sways
and it's free spirit
i release the balloon
wishing i was it

as i see it soaring away
into the skies
i look down to the ground
back again to all the lies

Disappointed i am
for i was dropped
like a potato
not that i was hot

Disappointed i am
for i was given heat
as i had erred
not that i was ****

Disappointed i am
for i lost the man
i used to see in the mirror
not that i can recognise anymore

Disappointed i am
for the time lost
in learning to love
and to have lost it all

Disappointed i am
while the world tries so hard
to put a smile and be grateful
and know its a slow death for us all

we sat across, eyes entwined
our thoughts making love
i am not surprised
the pause, it got pregnant

the smile, the eyes
tilted head on the side
we did not need words
our bodies mere remnant

the sight and the smell
sounds of ground coffee
it broke the spell
we left the cafe repentant

pain a color of million shades
yes, i have worn a few
some tints darker, some light
some old, some new

i was empty in the beginning
but realised something so true
and as the pictures started forming
life is not all that blue

pick the colors in the pallete
that make a picture so true of you
you have just one canvas
before you bid adieu

did you know
how incredibly difficult
it is to just look at you

did you know
i could not
see much further
than your eyes

did you know
i choke to get words out
out of my parched throat

of course you know now
for i see the smile form on your face
as you read this

outrageously funny
the matters of the heart
makes clowns of us
when we play the part

the cast keeps changing
with the part

from stalkers to streakers
charmers to weepers
lovers to cheaters
playboys to loners

the cast keep changing
with the part

walking out of the theatre
of dead spectators
i think i played
each part

the cast was nothing
but only my past
and my heart
it plays no more parts

dust. grime. and a lot of time.
staring out through the window
of rusty squeeky chariots of mice
holes ditches people honks shouts

yes this is the good life
this is what we traded our past for
steel and glass. angst and sighs
lust and wine come to save our ghosts

a tender flower
full of glee
she looks up to the sun
with dew soaked leaves

along comes
a wandering butterfly
and circles around her
as the breeze helps, she looks at him

awestruck he fumbles
words dont come through, he rambles
gathering all courage he dives
into her nectar filled womb

wings open and fold
as he sips her love
a dance so divine this
this was an eternal groove

standing on the edge
of this empty well
looking within i had planned
to end it all, maybe end it well

the deep bottom i see
is dry, parched and old
skeletons of desperate souls
my brothers who jumped before

the well was full once
brimming with the village soul
it quenched the thirst
was more than a watering hole

my body is weak and bone is dry
the thirst is gone
the lines on my face
tell my story wry

the rope still hanging
on the pulley loose
used to bring up water
now it has turned into a noose

i held her hand
the transfer of warmth to cold
she smiled and glanced aside
should i continue to hold

the hesitation in her mind
like a boat being told
to trust the sail
and throw away the oars

i wonder each day
aching to know
what she meant when she said
go with the flow

sitting alone
in this garden of stone
everything so heavy
almost too much

demons of the past
lurk in the woods behind
the sky a dull grey overcast
guess i m losing my mind

i get up to take a walk
dont know which way to go
and theres no one but me
a chill goes through my spine

its only me. its only me
and now i know i cant get free

Please go in
Please go back

I am so sorry
That i ever wished
Wished something
Wished anything at all

Please go back
Take everything back

Little did i know
That you would
Make it all happen
Yes it did. And more than that

Please go back
And send me back

The first time i felt
This sun lit world
The smell and sound
The tastes and touches

Why do i wait
The rest of my breaths
Waiting to feel it
Once again

Please go back
And take me back with you

saw a ghost today
floating around the town
looking for love in the wrong places
he was dead but not gone

saw a ghost today
he could still shed a tear
with sighs of exasperation
his loved ones only felt fear

saw a ghost today
he was drinking by the sea
glass after glass he drank
to get rid of his sobriety

saw a ghost today
he was smiling at me
through the mirror he said
hey there! how have you been?

Starting again, staring at a blank page
Was this going to be a ramble, about a gamble?
Nah nah… it was just me, trouble
Cmon, start even if it's just a preamble

Words they are just that. Words
Can never capture the real world
Actions and guilt, sorrow and spilt milk
There you go, now you have an ensemble

Its season 3 with a similar plot
The casts different but protagonists not
Promising beginnings and shattered trust
Ah this is familiar, you are back in the temple

When you feel the bed, the sheets
the room silent, cool
you can hear the sound of rustles

Aching for your hands on my back
nails that gently scratch
warm breath on my ear

I wanna stretch you open
and fill you deep
as you turn back to look into my eyes

And bite my finger hard
to stop from screaming out
and let out a shudder

You don't realise yet
that i was just getting started
and the rest of the day
you will be sore and tender

glowing faces
staring at their phones
oblivious to this plane
although they are not alone

these worlds of words
offer a new form of hope
pings, nudges and forwards
long distances can afford

leaving us surprised
at how close we get
untrue in our real world
thats the only regret

the sun
it drops gently on my face
rays of warm light
burning my bruises away

the coffee aroma
the light breeze
the honks of the traffic
carrying worker bees

i was surprised
at myself how i could live
in this city of bodies
but alive so few

the orange ball of fire
gives me hope from above
as each new day arrives
with unrequited love

Am on a new drug
guess its working
a placebo for my condition
my reflection a little less hazy

her words guide me on
prayers i think they are called
take me to the other side
breathing becomes easy

thought i saw land
or was it a glimmer at a distance
should i row towards it
or let the sail take me there

in middle of this ocean
in a boat without an oar
no land in the distance
this silence is a roar

no gulls flying by
no fish in the sea
no storm either
this was not melancholy

neither day or night
nor dusk or dawn
why did you put me here
am i just your pawn

branches, flowers and fruits
they dont weigh me down
the soil has been my mother
my roots are soaked in brown

summer burnt me over
winter stripped me down
monsoon was my lover
almost always out of town

time it passed so quickly
from the day i was once sown
yes i did wonder sometimes
reasons for which i was born

years turned and twisted me
but i still wear my crown
i am bent but not fallen
is that why you axe me now

let go she said
i did not know how
a punishment so severe
to severe the love

was waiting to hear
a gasp or a tear
all i heard
was only fear

is this why
you say bye
is this how
you dont have to cry

just be cold
expect me to know
by just telling me
to let go

you lied to me
about who you were

did not tell me
that you were the morning dew
waking me up

with the sweet drop
of your love

no walls
no ground
no boat

pitch black
no direction
trying to stay afloat

no coordinates
no echoes
sound of my own breath

no time
no lapse
no life. no death.

sharp pain
and joyous bliss
boredom of the futile wait

linger.
for this is never happening again.
linger.
for this is all it that could have been.
linger my dear.

cold hands. warm feelings.
hot flushes. cold sighs.
tear me down. put me together again.
you glances weaving through

linger. for this is just love
between two lost souls

magenta had a new shade
she never knew how or when

magenta wore her today
she did not know it either

magenta stopped being a color
she's running and ran her tint
all over me

why do they call it
making love

when love
makes us do all those things

she stands across her mirror
puckers her lips, puts the color
looks into her eyes
checks her own demeanour
its almost wry

finally she put to sleep
her demons of past weeks
and the spell
has finally turned weak
its almost dry

another day. another night.
she breathes easy now
another body. another soul.
she smiles to herself
it was all a lie

waking up
thinking of you
wondering
how you look in your sleep

maybe you are curled up
in a warm quilt
or in a warm embrace
of my guilt

i can trace the outline
of your lips
your glowing face
and your arched hips

oh how cruel your slumber
how deaf your ears
did you not hear
my loving sweet nothings

i just cant sleep
i cannot breathe
i am awake here on the other side
the dawn incomplete

the days of morons and assasins
are here to tell us
stories so macabre
that the ghosts get the chills

for our children will know
that hell is where you are born
and heaven is just full of bright lights
and dark nights

morons of religion. morons of faith
who just want one god
made of hatred and pain

the book of the morons
has a sharp edged blade
for one who reads it
does not understand whats said

blow them to pieces
shoot them to shreds
for these are our children
and its your right to make them dead

you say your god is better
that my god is not there
i think i agree
for if he was here
then my child would still be here

the moon it hides
behind the high rises
of this noise
bumps and grime

he probably knows
the evenings of the souls
getting plyed home
to their pigeon holes

for when he retires at dawn
they start again with vigour
dreaming of better days
they race without a trigger

hypnotized they seem
this rat race has no pity
careful not to blink here
this is maximum city

i m wearing black
and so is she
wanting to dissapear
in this night of revelry

miles apart we smile
amidst the niceties
holding our drinks
high on memories

the spirits have a mixer
of my feelings tonite
i hope they reach you
at the speed of light

I don’t want to speak with you
I don’t want to see you
At all.

For I am unable to see anything else
Unable to hear anything else
Can't taste anything else.
Can't feel anything else

I don’t want to speak with you
Our conversations are still ringing in my ears
Your fragrance still lingering in my heart

Is this how the toxin works
Not through my veins but on my thoughts
Is this how the spell binds
Through a maze of your eyes

I dont want to speak with you
ever again
For the word again"
ceased to exist the moment i met you

another morning
a subtle ache within
tired of this feeling
cant wake up. cant think.

my body is right here.
soul in another place.
cuddled up warm and cosy.
in my love's embrace.

i wonder how she feels
the moment she wakes.
will she even remember me
our love left no trace.

this party has been good
the people, learning truths from lies
some laughter, some cries
but its the time in between

those are the toughest times
conversations of my mind
as i sip the spirits of thoughts
in these bars of time and space

mingling with the crowd
of solitude, despair and hope
i keep looking for the exit
and suddenly meet you at the door

pieces thats all thats left of me
i am trying to put myself together
the blood and veins and skin
doesnt work

pieces thats all left of you
i try to put you together
but its not you
its looking like me

maybe i need
to put our pieces together
and see us from above

i think its making sense now
****. this must be love!

the dawn it feels different
the weight on my bed gone
i can still feel the warmth
i realise its just my own

i hear the chirps outside
the traffic sounds thin
getting up from the dead weight
of thoughts of what could have been

as the warm water clears my mind
the muscles spring back to life
i plan to make this morning
a new chapter without strife

the smog filled breeze
fleeting thoughts of you
head's feeling heavy
the new years here too

the past months weeks
and the recent days
tormented souls
the maddening craze

i had held my breath
now its a good time to exhale
its time to let go
and start a new trail

it all begins with a capital
noun and verb
no commas just words
three of them
wish you heard

wake up
i told myself
wake up
the day is here

wake up
it may be different
wake up
it may actually be real

rise
it will be worth it
rise
it will be true

rise
it will have a meaning
rise
its all you have to do

so he asks the master
why me. why now.
i dont feel like putting up a fight

you throw roses at me
i bleed from the thorns as i pick them
you seem to delight in my plight

who am i said the master
to cause anything
the roses are yours
and the thorns too
from your seeds within

the rose will give you
a glimpse of the divine
the thorn will remind
you to stop saying "it's mine..."

the engine rumbling slow
hum echoing inside
trying to contain
beat of my flesh and hide

the world flowing by
impervious to my cries
for i am so keen to meet
my baby and stop the lies

its probably time
to say good bye
to parts of my past
with an unending sigh

some days are empty
some days so full
i have become a sieve
filtering residual love

i get filled up with beauty
but the joy passes so soon
am left with memories clinging
on the perforations of my soul

wish i was impervious
or how i wish i was open
holding back or letting go
is such a heavy burden