sober. i am feeling sober.
the fuzzy heavy head's gone
the distance. i think it helps.
but the ache. its still there.

lighter. i feel lighter.
all that gravity, the weight
pushing me towards you.
i guess its all i want.

conversation. what conversation?
i dont recall a ******* thing
that breeze through the car window
the moving lights. deep piercing eyes.

we had a moment, you say
eternity did you mean?
we had something going you felt
was i even breathing then?

now that i am coming to
i think i have been had
your sinister evenings with me
were the best i ever had

why do you leave your preys half eaten
is that a cosmic tease?
i am trying to still figure
if i m alive or deceased

if we had the ability
to keep a copy
of the people we loved
with us

a version of them
the way we remember
and if we could let go
the parts we could never fix

maybe then, we could breathe
maybe then we could move
past love that probably never was

maybe then we could.
just be.

i opened my eyes
the room had turned smaller
walls closing in
air much more warmer

I lit up a mild
my mood anything but
scattered thoughts
one more cigarette stub

there was a small window
next to the mirror
there was no door to this room
how the hell did i get here

somethings not right
in all of our days
and most of our nights

somethings are never right
on sunny days
the fall of the light

we wake up **** and shower
and put on clothes of power
and live one more day of plight

its not quite right
we get ****** all day
and copulate by night

pretty lit walls
with passages lit bright
soaps to eat with
news that fright

its not quite right
falling in love.
temporary insanity
ends up in profanity

the silenced breath
seems just right.
far away from the cacophony
into the white light

this moment is but a thought
already passed and free
to be whatever it wants to be

but those who are coming in soon
bring me a lot of hope and warmth
of unsmelt flowers full of glee

oh how i ache to make time stop
to fill myself with the falling drops
of cloudy breezy days
those lazy ways of promises

take this hand
take it with you
take this soul
take it with you

i am mixed in your colors
i am mixed in your shades
of mixed emotions
running in your head

i can still feel the texture
of your feelings
its ok to breathe baby
its ok to feel alive

i cant say i dont miss you
i can still feel your warmth
cuddling into my arms
And looking up into eternity

finally i open my hand
letting go of hers
the grip, muscles and veins
blood rushed in fast

liberated i felt
she dissapeared so quick
like a ghost in a hurry
my mind now not so thick

a deep breath dives in
my lungs exhale quietly
she was the muse for my verse
amused its over. it was terse.

i met her in another city
an early breakfast
warm sun in the cool breeze
even the day turned out pretty

the cups and cutlery sailed
the sea of the table between
our thoughts too far
a lot remained to be seen

where was this going
would this turn into a tale
we already had our own journey
didnt know if we shared a trail

how does one
just pick a flower
from a full bloom

how does one like
just one thing
of this divine spring

love every flower
say the bird and the bee
this is nature. no monogamy

And then i come to a fork
i have to decide
take the highway
or the lazy road on the side

with a destination unknown
i am in no hurry
the journey so far
has been nothing but blurry

I chose wisely i think
and turn to the side
seeing the streams and flora
i tell myself this maybe a good ride

i roll down the window
fresh breeze rolling in
wondering why its taken me so long
to feel so good within

there was a plant in a ***
next to my bed
its was green and healthy
seemed well fed

for each night
it was watered drop by drop
by my painful memories
and resulting sobs

now the plant has turned dry
it has lost its leaves
it looks so weak,
regretting its wants over its needs

for i once cared for it
with all my joy
i gave it water
and gave it no lies

but all it felt were
suspicions and fears
it did not want water
only my tears

now that the plant
is withering away
i have just come to realise
it was just a cactus anyway

that thick quilt does not work
it does not feel right
it does not give me
my lover's caresses or her bite

that thick quilt does not cover
or touch all those places
that belong to my lover
they are empty spaces

that thick quilt does not shield me
from my love's piercing stare
at my naked being
although there is nothing bare

shes packing her bags
her thoughts and feelings too
shes going away
maybe this will change a thing or two

her hair falls on her face
as she puts clothes in her case
her lovers hover around
they dont seem to get enough of her

the sideway glances
the messages on the phone
shes knows someone out there
feels all alone

i can't bid adieu or say good bye
i just have to hold my breath
till she says hi...

so i tell myself, i can survive this
and this heartache is nothing
but an affliction of love

its just a few hours
no communication
i had taken you for granted
thought it was my ration

time it stops still
i struggle to just go through
a time i cant ****
waiting to hear a whisper from you

as i wander this city alone
wiping the sweat of my brow
and see the dust and grime
on my kerchief as i wipe my face

the mind it seems to be distant
sees your eyes and smile
feels your warm hand
and aches for your light kisses

the loud noises here
the soot filled air
its just the body here
as my soul is with you there

the day passes too slow
and the nights dont let me know
time teases me with its two hands
making me wait for your love

will talk to you tomorrow
she says
the next day begins
with no moment to laze

my pings of "hi"s
have become pangs with sighs
and shes been too busy
to take notice of my craze

one more day. one more night
i keep counting untaken breaths
awaiting her voice and sharp gaze

so you create me
and show me the beauty
of your other creations
then desire fills me

the needs and wants
pain and joy
prayers and pleading
then the lessons of karma

and then back to the dust
did i ask to be created?
or is this a game you play
to **** your boredom

i dont want your grace
your bliss or pity
my only request not a prayer
just uncreate me

i see you
opening your eyes
out of your sleep
a familiar touch

there's no trace
of me in your thougts
waking up without me
is this the end?

the warmth in your bed
is of your body alone
no fragrance
of our love

as the morning sun
comes up on you
i m dissapearing as quick
as a ghost

you can hardly see it coming
as it starts forming, builds its rise
you see it
almost too late

its coming your way
it picks up speed
gonna slam in to you
almost too fast

then you hold your ground
the sand below your feet
running towards it
almost feels like fate

and then as the wave hits
you find yourself still standing
you feel blessed and realise
its only your faith

and they all applauded
at the holy union
dressed in their best
all congratulations

bright flashes.
cliques of pictures
same old rituals
of society's preachers

the audience of near ones
ghosts of dear ones
all seem present here
crossing their fingers with fear

what happens post this
may be hell or bliss
no one prepared the two
its all a hit or miss

being with you.
being myself with you.
being. just being.
i m here.
where i have always wanted to be.

seeing you.
seeing you with my hands in yours.
seeing. just seeing.
i see.
what i always wanted to see.

thinking of you.
thinking of the cross roads
connecting our parallel universes
i cant think anymore.
but i know i found a flicker in your soul.