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Zane2976 Sep 2020
Sound is waves
Light is waves
Movement is dancing in time
Keep it organised in a single line
But don’t forget the river of time
Nor the mountain of momentum
You carry within

We come up next to

A Silly Sting Theory

And things get lost
Because no one knows
Just exactly how far this one goes

A pompom was made by an important friend
After I showed her how

Loop around a cardboard circle
Make it thick and make it tight
Squeeze the scissors in
Cut just the outside circle
Before you take the cardboard out
Take a string and go around
Tie it tight and make it trim
So it fits the rest and can blend in
What was one, now is many

She went away
And then came back
And showed me an amazing thing
Then she told me
“I made it for you, give it a shake, I put a bell inside”

It lives in a box
Just for now
I’ll find it a good home
Somewhere
Somehow

“When the planets and the stars and the moons align ‘just so’”

But a string can take on many forms.
A pompom
A torus
A lattice
A rope
And so much more

Mix up intent
Driven by need
A desire to be well received
Here is creation
And maybe
Just maybe
This time
A
Seed.

Walk the fine line of sanity
It’s ok though
I’ve been here before
This path is still well known
My footing is still sure
I always wanted to be an acrobat

I remember
Zane2976 Dec 2015
An idea creates a spark
My life is the fuel
My ***** ***** life
It catches on quick
Lighting a fire

Filthy and unclean
Soon to be amended

Burning
Burning away the guilt
Incinerating the pain
Ridding myself of every feeling
Cleansing myself for the end

I am clean now

I slowly tie a noose
Testing the rope
It's strong
It's gonna work

I am clean now
Nothing matters to me this time

I've let go of my ties
It was me who burnt them away
I betrayed myself
It is I who must be cleansed

I am clean now
Pure enough to leave

Knotting the rope to the steel pipe
Testing it once more
Pulling a chair up
Place the loop over my head

I am clean now
This is my end

I feel my heart skipping a beat
I am finally here
I raise one foot and kick back with the other
I hang here for hours

I am clean now
I am pure

I am the purest of all
Zane2976 Sep 2020
No one likes the poet
Who sits and asks why
So much so
He unwittingly stirs inside

But if you don’t speak with intent
And if people don’t like what they see
They never could grasp
The all that is Me

When grammar doesn’t make sense
Somehow I don’t know why
There’s quite a lot
That people unwittingly let slide

With a similar face is the comedian
Who likes to test the waters
But will happily shout ******* ALL
If he thinks you’re giving him orders

Another time, once a daughter
Loved the thrill and the chase
Go karts hurtling down the hill
Sometimes even competitively winning

I think out of all I miss her the most, she had no fear of going up high
She yelled ‘careful’ as she fell, and prepared to die
Faster and faster, the wind in her face
She flew everywhere, I miss that space

I guess another has other fears
Heights and speeds, shifting through the gears
Stop driving! Let me off, please!
I’ll sink and drown! In the river there..

I can’t see the bottom, the car would sink
You tied me in tight, you really made sure
“wasn’t tight enough” I know you think
All I knew, was wanting to escape

Absconding they called it, then it was escapism
No one really bothered, to stop and ask the reasons
It’s not fair, I didn’t want to die
All I wanted, was just to survive.
Zane2976 Sep 2020
How do you teach a brain that’s built for survival
And feels it’s done extremely well
That all the things it’s been running from
Are gone now, a figment of my imagination

It’s ok to stop, I know you’re exhausted
Can put down the stone, the stick, the rock
Can put down the blade, the knife, the axe
Can put down the tweezers, the flame, the point

But still it all sleeps
Just under my pillow
Just in case it’s needed
Tonight, or maybe tomorrow.
Zane2976 Nov 2015
There was a time I doubted myself
Helped along by your insistance
I cut myself away to pretend for you
I hurt myself just to please you
And to hope that maybe, just maybe
If I tried hard enough I could make it work
If I could just push it enough
I might not have to struggle with this
After all it would be easier if I could be this way
To wear a skirt because "you're a girl"
To paint my face because "its what girls do"
To adorn myself with lace underwear because "you can't deny your womanhood"
I wish I could
I tried so hard to show you I could be that
I tried so hard to show myself I could be that
So desperately I've longed to 'just be' how I am 'meant' to be
But I couldn't
I can't
As bad as things got between us
I will always thank you for showing me this one thing
That I cannot pretend any more
You showed me that I need this
Just as I need oxygen to breathe
Just as I need food to sustain myself
You taught me that I cannot pretend forever
You showed me that this is who I am

I am male.
I am Zane
No one will ever take that from me ever again.
Thank you.
Zane2976 Dec 2015
Swimming through a thick fog
Grasping at wispy tendrils in the air
Hoping for some sort of life line
To tumble down within reach
But there is nothing but smoky sludge
An endless sea or merely circular motion
No visible landmark to centre upon
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Can you breathe just that
little bit slower
can you speak just that
little bit softer
I need to show you something so important
all else can wait

Can you dream with me
can you fly with me
enter into worlds unknown
with me

Answer questions with me
question answers with me
lose perspective of yourself
with me

Through the lands unknown
where thoughts are more than known
Seek out your purpose little one

Guide your soul back home
A place where you will grow
You will be all you need to be

Just come
just come with me
Zane2976 Sep 2020
To solve sleeping problems
They suggest
To keep a routine
And avoid stress
Try to destress
Keep a journal
Write about your day
But it doesn’t help
It never stops
So you shove it away
In a box
Lock it out
For another day
And focus on keeping yourself safe
When you find the courage
To say what you could not
Wait for the time
When there’s space
Only to find
The world forgot
So
So do I
I’ll turn my back
I’ll remember some day
During an anxiety attack
Or was it a flashback?
Or something imposed?
Or something else?
Most of my story
Already seems composed?
How do I know
What’s my own?
I’d love to know
I’m a living hell
To everyone around
Including myself.
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Is it so insane
To give you a chance for better?
Is it so hard to comprehend
I've only wanted the best for you?

What is so good when it consumes you
Devouring your entire soul
When is it time to close the doors
On the one thing you ever lived for
It gave you life
Just to corrode it away
Giving your all
Succumbing to the darkness
You haven't felt this way for so very long
Feeling so numb to the world
The familiar embrace encloses you
Safety in nothing at all
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Isn't it funny
The blackness of the night
Gives way to the blue of the dawn
But do not blink
For you will miss it submitting to the golden glow of the morn'
Only for it to fade away once again
Into the birth of the night
Where the air brings around a calm
The stars ever steadily watching all beyond and below
The moon gifting silver given by the sun
All around and around all for one
Cycles in the star and the orb
Watching for the entirety of our existence
Only to fade away
Touching none but the same
Hah, aren't we all so insane?
Over and over and over and over and over
Like some broken record
Skipping the beat in time with the soul
Once again and once more searching to be whole
All homesick for a place yet to be
I am the words inside your head
The thoughts still unfinished
I am here but nowhere at all
How small we all must certainly be
You are the thoughts lost to the soul
The words yet to come to mind
Such minded mindlessness we are all
Zane2976 Jul 2015
Creative mind of the wounded
I wish to hear what you say
Creative mind of the wounded
I need your comfort today

And with my mind of the moment
I'll write you a thousand times
And with my mind of the moment
I'll profess my love to you
The inspiration for this one was the realisation that the people who tend to be creative also tend to have been pretty badly hurt throughout their lives. This was an attempt to describe how cathartic that creativity can be.
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Raw soul
Emotion unfiltered
Without protection
Vulnerable to the wolves

Dreaming in symbols
Seeing within perceptions
Speaking without construct
Deciphered by the knowledge
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Softly
Gently
Swaying in the sun
Dancing under the stars

Twirling
Spinning
Blowing through the air
Meandering across the sky

Darling
I feel you
Joy floats through my heart

Darling
I see you
Amazement dawns in my eyes

Never have I seen such beauty before me
Blinded by shame
Hounded by fear
Letting go

I see you
Zane2976 Jul 2020
Have you ever had to break down every aspect of your life?
Questioning everything you have learnt and known to be true?
Asking yourself if all you've known is really so,
And if you dare to change it?
I have.
I dare to change.
I dare to embark on this journey
To pull myself apart and fashion myself anew
Breaking down every part of my being
My mind
My body
And whatever soul there is left
To rebuild something I will be pleased with
Down to a new name
Gone forever will be the girl of my childhood
Full of hopes, dreams and fantasies
Forget to grow up again
Because I don't have to
This new person will already know
Pain, suffering, entrapment
The force of social expectations and judgement
For he will know this from the moment of birth
For they do not forget the past
They cling onto what was
Like their life depends on it
He on the other hand depends on the change
His life ebbs away with every passing second
Drowned out by the fear of what may come
I must let go of her
Because it is her that hurts
Knowing she is not what she is
Knowing that she is he and he is her
His life depends on her death
Have the strength to let her go
She was gone a long time ago.

Ah, how confusing it is
To long to let go of everything I was
Everything I once almost grasped

Internal conflicts fight wars inside
Sometimes he is subdued and locked away for his own safety
At times he can reign
Powerless and defeated by his own body
The sickness longing for eradication

She cuts her skin
Wondering how deep she can go before she is freed
Knowing once gone
He must bare her scars
Oh, how many scars there are.

Like a restless tiger
He lashes out at the bars
Cursing at those looking inwards
Hiding from the lights shined into his eyes
Are you ok?
No we are not
Dreaming nothing but freedom from a cage of flesh and bone
Waiting for that day that never comes

What god would make them suffer so?
What god would ever incorporate such inner turmoil?
Abandoned by humanity
Abandoned by your spiritual leader
Who could ever stand by me
When I am not me in all but my mind?
My mind is no safe haven either
It is there that the terrors grow and multiply
Haunting every sleeping hour
Brooding over every waking moment
If there is so much visible destruction
What could have possibly survived within?

I know I am not who I am
But I know who I am
And I am not what I should be

At least the sting of the blade takes it away
It quells the conflicts for a time
And silences the horrors inside for a brief moment
One day I can throw it away
One day it will all be settled
Until then I must cope however I can
Destroying myself slowly
I will be left in pieces
Or I will be left as nothing

In fragments or as nothing
Anything is worth safety in my own mind
This is an old handwritten piece I found from years ago. Thought it was time to bring it into the world.
Zane2976 Feb 2016
It feels so very heavy
Yet  it feels achingly hollow inside

Sitting deep within
A mere passenger along for the ride

Caged at the back
I can't find the reasons why
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm just a distant memory
Far away
Beyond the sea

I'm just a distant memory
In your sleep
Dream of me
A short one from the books.
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I can't wait to see the stars with you again
Just to spend another day with you is all I could wish for
Dreaming of you and I wake in tears
Cause all I want is you
I feel so empty when you're gone

I watch the stars for you each night
Wishing that you're alright
Wanting to have you here with me
Hoping that you won't remain a memory
old one from the books
Zane2976 Oct 2015
Everything stands frozen for an enternity, encapsuled in just a moment of time
Your notice your heart stops beating, the rhythm that has sustained you long before you were aware
Your throat constricts, suddenly unable to draw in the oxygen that feeds your body

Your next breath stagnates inside your lungs, decomposing with each missing heartbeat
Your stomach plummets towards the floor, falling further than the earths crust
Your intestines squirm inside your cavity as they disintegrate into nothingness

As your eyes begin to sting and water, overfilling until they breech the dam
Your heart finally remembers to beat, faster than ever before
And your jaw finally falls, along with the rest of your face to form a silent

"oh"
Zane2976 Nov 2015
The sensations take over for a time
Not quite enjoyment but a need
Flesh calling out for release
I give in eventually
Begging for this one to be different
Hoping that maybe I can just pretend for a while
Its always in the back of my mind
Exhausted I finally achieve
****** duly owed to instinct

Before the end is reached
Shame washes over me
Disappointment seeps through my entire being
I will never have the parts I desire

Acutely aware of the flesh pushing down on my chest
Accentuating every movement
The tiny nub between my fingers
Will never be big enough for my desire
The twitching hole that will never be closed
That will never supply pleasure

The tears begin to track down the sides of my face
Filled with anger, shame, disappointment and disgust
Brokenness from being entirely the wrong thing

How can I ask anyone to accept my body
When I can't even accept it myself?
Zane2976 Feb 2016
Clutching tightly inside my chest
Suddenly swallowing fire inside my throat
And an emptiness echoing throughout my torso
Pleasure evolutionised into crushing despair

Aching to fill some endless void
The dissonance between body and soul
Renders further with each self-inflicted wound
Grasping at the seduction of Ideal
Tearing myself apart with misaligned determination
Zane2976 Jun 2015
My feet are heavy
As I trudge through the sand
Step after step after step
I must go on, I must reach the end

A blanket of dust covers my mishapen form
Blistered
Burnt
Broken
And yet I must not rest

I am weary
I do not know how far I've left to go
Simply that I've come too far to pause
To lose heart and simply give in

This is something much bigger than I will ever be
This is something far more important than me
I do not suffer for me, but for you
I must go on, because I give my all

It is my duty to keep you safe
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Always so different
Never fitting in
Is there a place for me?
Or is there nothing?

No more than a freak of nature
No more than a speak of dust
Why do you hate me so?
This is something I never asked

Do you know what its like
To live as something you're not
Forever wrestling with yourself
Pushing down your hopes and desires
Knowing its never been right

I've never had the strength to stand alone
But now I know, I have to go on
No one will stand for the freak of nature

Warp the body, to match warped soul
Look out world, here I go
Flesh into flesh, remove away skin
This is not how I should have been

Can you see world?
I am not changing who I am
It's ok world,
I'm merely showing you what's within!
Zane2976 Mar 2021
You can pull up the carpet
And paint the walls
But the violence I saw
Still lingers

You can install new windows
And replace the furniture
But the screaming I heard
Still lingers

You can plant a garden
And replace the fence
But the prison I knew
Still lingers

I can spend years away
And do my best to heal
But the damage you’ve done
Still lingers
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Take these words of mine
Tell me what they mean
Take these words of mine
And unchain them from me

Let them fly free
Set them loose
I don't want them to tie me up here
And let me hang from this noose.

Take these thoughts of mine
Tell me why they are here
Take these thoughts of mine
And banish them from beneath my hair

Let them fly free
Set them loose
I don't want them to tie me up here
And let me hang from this noose.

Why do these words come to mind
Why do these thoughts follow me
When can I be set free
From these chains they put me in

Let them fly free
Set them loose
I don't want them to tie me up here
And hang me from from this noose.
One from the books. No idea when it was written.
Think maybe once upon a time it was a song *shrugs*
If
Zane2976 Sep 2020
If
If I were to die tonight, would you be there to hold my hand?
If I were to cry tonight ,would you be there to wipe the tears away?

If you were brave enough, would you tear my life from me?
If I asked, would you forgive me?
If I cared, would you abandon me?
If I was cold, would you let me freeze?
If I said I liked you, would you hate me?
If you said you loved me, would you regret it forever?

If I were to cry tonight, would you be there to wipe the tears away?
If I were to die tonight, would you be there to hold my hand?
one from the books
Zane2976 Mar 2016
I needed safe schools because my parents did not have the education to teach me what my feelings about myself were.
I needed safe schools because I did not have the education to know about myself.
I needed safe schools because I was educated that liking people of the same *** was a sin.
I needed safe schools because I was taught that I was wrong to feel the way I felt about myself.
I needed safe schools because my peers do not know how to talk respectfully to a trans person.
I needed safe schools because I had no refuge from the judgement of others.
I needed safe schools because I didn't know that transitioning was a possibility.
I needed safe schools because I felt I had to suffer in silence, believing I was the only person who felt like I did.
I needed safe schools because education is key to a functioning society.
I needed safe schools because it is a chance to better the future.
Zane2976 Nov 2016
Legs and feet under my skin
Crawling just below the surface
Pincers and teeth tearing at my flesh
Somewhere within
Dig them out
Scratch them out

From my toes to inside my ears
Digging, crawling, biting
Scratch and scratch but they're under my nails
Just below the surface

In my tongue and in my throat
Inside my eyes
Like a thousand barbs of wire
Rotating inside my veins

Dig and scratch
Scratch and dig

Get out of me
Zane2976 Nov 2015
I see you
When you've lost control
When the anger takes over
When your eyes are screaming louder than your words
For help
For understanding
For stability
I see you

I know you
When you don't want to feel like this
When you don't want to hurt anyone
When you don't want to be let down
By your family
By your school
By the people there to help you out
I know you

I know you're hurting
I know you're so confused
I know I don't know how to help you

Its easier to take it out on me
I'll never leave you
Its easier to have a place to let go
I'll always have a safe place for you
Its easier to say you're sorry
I'll never ask you to

I know this is not you
I know this is not your fault
I know this is not you

I love you
I will be here for you
Because
I know you
I see you
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm blaming myself for something I didn't do
I'm destroying myself over what happened to you
Soon I'll be back where I was
Soon I'll be back in my suicidal way of life
Crying myself to sleep each night
Regretting every word I've ever written

This cycle's beginning again
The nightmares are coming back
Not eating right anymore
Thoughts are invading my head
I hate being alone

It is my fault
I let it happen
I could've stopped it
I should've stopped it
I let this happen
It's all my fault
one from the books
Zane2976 Jul 2016
Cause I'm a monster
And I'm a traitor
And I sold my soul away for you

Whipped and beat myself
Bruised and flayed myself
My pain was never enough to atone for you

Now I find myself in the dark
Carrying these chains I placed on myself
The reasons I justified my punishment
Have all escaped my mind
Where have I gone?

Sentenced away for so many years
I've forgotten the crimes I committed against me
Pain without purpose
Where is my retribution?

Judge and jury please hear me out
I don't know why I carry this on my shoulders
Shining a light on the faults is hardy sin
I promise it's not just me giving in
Release me from this penitentiary
Allow myself to absolve me of these crimes
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm just another person
That you'll never meet
I'm just another disappointment
That you'll never see
I'm just another mistake
That you don't want to live with
I'm just me
And you don't want to know me

I'm just another mouth
That you'll have to feed
I'm just another piece of dirt
That you'll walk all over again
I'm just another noise
That you want to mute
I'm just me
I thought you would care

I'm just another one of your kids
That you don't look after
I'm just another disobedient girl
That you beat to a pulp
I'm just a wasted space
That you would rather be without
I'm just me
You're the only one I've got

Can't you look at me
Can't you even say a word
Must you lie to me every time we meet
Must you always put me last
What if I died would you care
What if i never spoke to you again
If you're not gonna care about me
I never want to see you again
One from the books
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Watch the world distort
Objects twisted and warped
The colours swirl and twirl
Like a dress dancing the flamingo
Reality melts away all the pain
Impossibility becomes real and joyous
The darkness let lose all its monsters in fear
Now visible in colour, mottled and grey

When is perception reality
When all you can feel
Is up to interpretation
Is the filter on the lens
Or is it deep in membrane
Which is to be cut away?

Let me run away with you
To where the grass is blue
And clouds float us away
Shall we dance upon the stars
Shall we picnic in the face of Mars
Climb upon my carpet of deception
And pretend

Leave your terrors in the rear
There's no place for them here
Let them feed upon themselves
And watch the blood dissipate in the air
Tomorrow they will rise again

Is the filter on the lens
Or is it deep in membrane
Which is to be cut away?
Zane2976 Sep 2020
You say I'm on the high road
I'm up here on the edge
And I'm going jump

I can't take this
Sleep deprived and dead on the floor
Some say it was accidental
But they all know I'd tried this before

Take a walk in my world
And tell me where I went wrong
Talk a walk in my shoes
And sing my last song

Take a walk with me
And take all the time in sight
Take a walk in my room
And take my music, my life

All the bears can gather dust
All the metal can turn to rust
Don't wipe me from existence
Just learn to forget me
one from the books
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I’m bored
I don’t know what to do
I’m tried
But I can’t sleep yet
There’s too many things I want to do
But I’m not allowed

So I think
And I think lots
And I think some more
I think I think in my sleep
It rarely feels very deep
Unless I’m utterly exhausted, of course

But how do you slow a frightened horse
Before it begins to hurt itself
When you can’t catch it
Without being hurt yourself?

I can walk away
Try to let it go
But have you ever had to sleep
Through a screaming **** show?

I can write it all down like some kind of journalist
With
“Sensational views!”
“Here’s the news”
But the taste is bitter within
Trying to sort out what’s really so
But really, for real, you know?

If I could just let go

And endless life of pain and torment
Not always by my own choice
But touching that
Touches everything else
A house of cards
And a pyramid of glass
A world of clashing continents
Trains collide at the stations
With tsunamis and volcanos eurrupting
Was there ever a space
For Just Me too?
And not be corrupted?
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Pull the trigger and let it fly
This isn't the end
It's the start of life
Miles away and you can't stop me
This is my life
And this is my choice

So much to hold onto
So little with grip
My fingers are slipping
There it flies

Regrets are left behind
And so are my friends
This is the way of my life
It is time for it to end

Pull the trigger and let it fly
This isn't the end
It's the start of life
Miles away and you can't stop me
This is my life
And this is my choice
one from the books
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Little blue
Hiding away
Little blue
Do you not see the day?

Isolation comes at a cost
Self esteem and feeling so lost
What price is worth the time in your head?
Before you know it, already half dead

Little blue, little blue
What do you say?
Little blue, little blue
Can you come out to play?
Zane2976 Jul 2015
the ice is melting
thinning with each step
Lost
in time
in space
in mind
in soul
shuffling though each milestone
existence, yet not
Zane2976 Dec 2015
Deconstructing and reforming
Every little situation
The body and the mind so perfect without the other
Waiting for some order to redirect the will
Billions of a thousand neurons firing in sequence
Feel it pulsating within
Each little action
Pre programed works yet beneficial to some
Yet to be rearranged by some
Everybody has some
So many dead and dying upon the floor
Poisoned by their captors
Let them be free
Open the skull
Visit the universe beyond
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Hey.

I have decided to write you a letter of sorts
In the hope that maybe, I can get enough words in before you tell me I'm wrong.
I don't know why I had this expectation of you playing this motherly role
Clearly, my hopes were misplaced.
I'd like to apologise for holding you higher than your actions showed
I'd like to thank you, for doing what you could.
I cannot say that you didn't do what you thought was best
But its funny how the one who has known me the longest
Knows me the least
You know nothing of my hopes and dreams
Yet you feel capable of making judgements on my behalf
That is not your call to make
Its kind of funny really
You told me it is a parents job to reach out
A child shouldn't have to fight for their parents support
And here we are again
Only this time its you who have distanced away
I'm tired of seeking you out
To find you've nothing to say
I've tried to ease your discomfort
Its a little difficult to do right by you
When everything is smothered in pretence

I don't want to fight any longer
For someone who can toss me away
You can call me
When you've got something to say

- Zane
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Pulsing through the air
A heavy sound permeates the air
Floating, you are moved when it hits you
Vibrational energy flowing through your veins
Bouncing within waves as you disintegrate
Allowing the waves to grow, to intensify

Magnify this force
View deeply inside
Allow it to resonate within every soul
It's no longer the voice, the sense
But heavy vibrations feeding the world
Waves are the essence of our being

Continuous motion
Varying tempo
Forcing togetherness and spacial distance
Pulsating through history it cannot be tamed
You are a significant part of this ocean
You have no influence in your role

Vibrate
Resonate
Magnify
Resonate
Vibrate

Dissolve into the energy
Embrace your purpose
Zane2976 Aug 2020
theres old music
and theres new music
theres music to evoke feelings
and theres music to lull memories out
theres music for moods
and theres music for thoughts
theres music for whispers
and theres music for loud
theres music for words
and theres music without
theres music for softness
and theres music for hard times

theres music you play
and theres music that comes out of you
theres music that sends chills down your spine
and theres music that warms you deep down
theres music for getting things done
and theres music for sitting alone
theres music that comes and goes
and theres music that remains steady

Everything falls away
And then there was music.
Zane2976 Jul 2020
Let me play my music box
The soft ****** carry you away
In the sweet security of a better time
Back before the days grew dark
And before the tears streamed down your face.

Take you to your hopes and dreams
Remembering how life crushed you
Now nothing but flesh and bone
What do you have left
But these few fragments clinging on

Why continue straining against the flow of time
Reaching for the past
Like it could save you from your future
The one that looks so bleak and alone
Throw it all away
And let me play my music box
Another one I'd found.
Zane2976 Dec 2015
Tell me you love me, then tear me down
Say you'll be here, yet leave at dawn
If I only knew then, what I know now
If only I could see the truth, through the lies.

A shining light, through the darkest fog
Leading me safely home.
You are exactly the person my mother warned me about

A guiding hand, towards a better life
Sending me somewhere safe.
She never mentioned I would come to love you

You walked so close to me, or so your voice did sound
Keeping my faith strong.
She didn't tell me you would answer every doubt.

My every move
My every word
My every thought
My shining knight

Overjoyed at the sight of light
I threw my soul to you
Breaking my walls throughout the night
I entwined myself to you
Releasing my fears held so tight
I gave my all to you

My mother said you'd leave me broken
My shining knight
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm laying on this bed again
And the walls look only all too familiar
The machines keep bleeping
Saying I'm alive and breathing
It's not the first time I've been here
It's not the first time I've tried to disappear

At first it was all just a joke
At first it was just for attention
I have gotten myself addicted to this
I don't wanna stop till the day I die

White walls and people in coats
Telling me they are gonna put me somewhere safe
Where I don't have to worry
Cause I won't hurt myself anymore
Only hell is comparative to that place
I don't wanna go there again
They sent me nuts the first time

An addiction I don't want to destroy
It's not a coping method
It's the way of life
This is my life.
One from the books
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Slowly rising, it begins to feel uncomfortable
Violently bubbling, it feels as though a war is raging inside me
Suddenly bursting from my chest, letting go of all that burdened me

I too, shall love once again.
Zane2976 Sep 2020
.    Dark red and broken
     Fleeing from life

Panic strikes fear into your heart
Has she done the thing you swore you wouldn't let her

     Watching the rose leaves fall
     As my life is ebbing away

You dial her number wishing she will pick up
Hardly do you know how far shes gone

     I dropped enough hints begging for him to help
     But I'm here now and he never even saw it coming

You knew you didn't want to leave because you knew she would
And now you're so far away unable to help

     I have done what I said I would
     And I have left my time to pass through

You're finally with her but the only thing is
You came too late to save her.
one from the books
Zane2976 Apr 2016
Handed freedom
On a silver platter no less
To understand that you never understood
Taking breath as you submerse further into the sea

Entwining vines of fate
Breathing life into charred soul
Rising from the destruction
Never felt quite this whole

Lessons learnt bring little to this passage
Beginning again with new perspective
A steady medium of living chaos
Dressed finely in robes of change

Suddenly
Familiar scenes
That were grey
Vibrantly echoing in colour
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Head is full of thick fog
Thoughts are so unclear
Fragmented ideas floating inside your brain
Trying to envision some form of future
Existential crisis seeping throughout every pore
Breaking down the very essence of your being
Surveying each and every inch within the form
Lost in some isolated universe aeons away from home
Yearning to uncover some way to contact them
Lacking the recollection of who they are
Assured without doubt that you are all alone on this rock
Imprisioned by your own self
A traitor for feeling so much pain
Betrayed with no attempt of feeble excuse
Could you at least have tried to supply some explination
So little time
So little experience
So very small
And still you are so very worn
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Lost in the caverns, too busy exploring
Stayed so long, he missed the morning.
He couldn’t come home. even if he wanted.
He knows too much, but won’t say a word.
Going back, the horrors he saw,
Reflected a world he knew once before.
Familiar, but each with their own little twist
Going back, he seems so lost
This is all so different, and yet still feels the same
Eventually the fog clears, and he can look for a way out
Safety outside, if only he can remember the route
Trapped in this madness he feels so insane
It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to go back again.
Tormented over and over, trapped in his own brain.
You can always go and see him, back in his house
He apologises for the monster so close next door, he wishes he could move out.
-end-
-zane
Zane2976 Aug 2020
How can I scream
Loud enough to be heard
When all you have
Are letters and words?
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