Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Far more than a body
Far less than just substance
A paradox in existence
Absolving the tether with wisdom and clarity

The constant constellations, lead me to revelations.
To disconnect the cortex, and spiral into flight.
Spiral into photosynthesis, forgetting your hypothesis.
Conclusions will decompose your will, to experience the universe.
Stretching far beyond the mortal grasp, consuming your given vision.
Zane2976 Jul 2015
Sold myself out to suffering for a time
Bringing myself down because I don't deserve it
A place for me
Security for me
A life, for me
Misconception that all I have known
Is all I need to know
This false belief in myself
Ensuring I never step out too far
Finding comfort in the uncomfortable
Zane2976 Jul 2015
Once again, I feel it snaking it's way through my emotions
Through some magic door I've yet to discover
Relief floods through me, still wary
As I begin to reassemble the pieces
Who I once was
Who I will be
Sometimes the pieces cannot be repaired
So I fashion myself anew from my learnings
Cycling through assembly, oneness, and broken
I know this may happen again
Maybe, in time, I may be able to prevent this self destruction
But for now, here I am
Zane2976 Sep 2020
My therapist said to me, that one time
“How do you eat an elephant”
She asked, and I danced around
The answer she wanted was “one bite at a time”

But the thing about time is, when you forgot
The weather and the preexisting conditions
Cells break down, and bacteria sets in
I can’t stop time, I can’t change the set

So you build a fridge, to control the weather
Maybe a freezer, to preserve even longer
But even when frozen, nothing tastes quite the same
Forget about the ****, you don’t have the energy to even reheat

It’s all well and good, if you know what you need
So you take out your lists, and you plant your seeds
But what happens, when winter lasts too long
Summer was fine and the calendar‘a long, I’m losing my mind so what’s gone wrong?

I’m not an elephant, nor a plant
A plain old human, or that’s what they say
But all has a reason, all has a purpose
There’s so many things to do, and there’s not enough time

The summer is coming, the time of fire and drought
Keep an eye on your crops, I think there’s an arsonist about
Tolkien I think said it best, talking about strider - the man who just wanted to rest
While somebody else whispers “you know nothing, John snow”

Ned stark said “winter is coming”
And in the end, he was always right
Zane2976 Jan 2016
I step into the smothering darkness
Surrounding all around
Wrapping me in its warm embrace
What do I have left but to encase myself in the familiar comfort of nothingness?

Suddenly a blue ray of light cuts through the thick blanket
Piercing the window with its striking brilliance
Echoing throughout the hallway
Slanting upon the walls

What trickery is this I wonder?
To dawn during such a disconcerting time
I question what is in store for me next
Maybe, just maybe, a ray of hope has been born
Zane2976 Jun 2015
Turn on the lights and the music
The carnival begins!
Wear your most intimidating outfit
Entry is free!
Don't dawdle through the gates
Space is sparse!
Cram as many in as you can
The show is about to begin.

The performers stroll out onto the stage
One by one, their faces are the same
Sword swallowing gone wrong
Acrobatics until fatigue sets in
The crowd jeers as you run from the bear
Lion's already had his share.

Laughter as your skin melts in the flames
False praise as you are torn limb from limb
Encouragement to walk with limbs distorted
Taunts as you fail to catch the trapeze again
While faces are etched in various degrees of pain

Entertaining the demons inside my head
Is never really quite that dull
But please let me know when it'll end
It is my personality that they cull.
Zane2976 Dec 2015
I apologise
For all the hurt I have caused
I am sorry
For all the things I have said
I regret
Thinking that I might come through
I despise myself
For allowing you to believe in me

Forgive me
For how I feel
Forgive me
For pushing you away
I need to protect you
From myself

Nothing more than internal death and destruction
Something so pure would only succumb to my corruption
A poison seeps though my pores
Eroding away that which is closest

Don't touch me
Lest you catch my disease
Don't believe me
A veil of deception clothes my words

As the autumn sun shines
I wilt away
Powerless against the evil
Blinded by darkness' entirety



In the darkness the horrors swarm before my eyes
In the darkness the terror plays on my mind
In the darkness the tendrils weave themselves upon me
In the darkness I scream unheard

In the darkness they remove my flesh
In the darkness they tear out strands of my hair
In the darkness they burn away my soles
In the darkness I betray myself

In the darkness my body tears apart
In the darkness my pain consumes me
In the darkness my trust was broken
In the darkness I will never heal

In the darkness it dissolved my soul
In the darkness it stole my worth
In the darkness it befouled my body
In the darkness I lost myself
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Whirling around in your head
Taunting you for being so weak
Faster, faster, faster you spin
Like some sick merry-go-round

You catch glimpses of hollowed eyes
Sunken behind the skull
Their mouths locked into a vicious snarl
Salivating at the thought of you

They launch towards you as you begin to feel sick
Gnawing on your wrists
Tearing skin from your flesh
A faint gasp echoes inside your lips as it begins to burn

Yet somehow all this punishment you send to yourself
Somehow all this pain you endure, day after day
It never reaches into your core
Never to relieve the pressure inside

Tick, tick, tick, tick
You know the day is coming
You know you have failed
Failed to diffuse this bomb inside

Send everyone away
Before I infect you
Like some kind of disease
Before it's too late.
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Don't chase the dragon
He will come to you on his own
Such a majestic being
Why would he bend to the whim of mere mortals
Don't chase the dragon
He will take your ******* head
Zane2976 Jul 2020
Everything changes
My whole world turns upside down
That one discovery
Wishes really can come true

It's nothing but daunting
But I must go on
Oppress the internal conflictions
This is who I should be
I've just gotta make it there first

Baby step by baby step
Sometimes I fall down
Sometimes everything goes wrong
Pick up the pieces
I can do it
I will do it eventually

Rewrite my story
Turn a new leaf
I'm no different to who I was before
Still just plain ol' me

Climbing the walls one at a time
I know it looks impossible
Each new stage is a challenge
Won't back down
This is my dream

Many others have made it through
It only stands that someday,
I shall too
Another one from ages ago
Zane2976 Nov 2015
As I look into the sky
Studying the bright silvery orb
Waiting as though it is filled with answers I've yet to hear
The leaves rustle like paper
As the wind softly carries on
Caressing the blades of grass with care
The cicadas call softly from far away
I wonder, what do they say
I hear the crickets underground
Calling for a mate
How simple life must be
The stars scattered in the sky
Is someone out there watching too?
The moonlight reflecting off the dancing leaves
Adorned in silver freely given by the sun
Life goes on

Its nights like these
That make me wish to fly
Leave my body here in time
And scatter upwards with my mind
Filling the sky with love
Leaving pain somewhere behind
I long to finally soar
Upwards
And no more
Zane2976 Jun 2015
I remember
We talked every day
We shared about our lives
We shared about our families
We shared about our dreams

I remember
We talked every day
We shared our plans for world *******
We shared our plans for our lives
We shared our plans for the school

I remember
We talked every day
We shared our triumphs and failures
We shared our wins and losses
We shared our sicknesses and health

I remember
We talked every day
I wish i could make things easier for you
Everything will be fine
I wish i could buy you a new body

I remember
We didnt talk for a month
I ran out of time to make things easier for you

I remember
We didnt talk for a month
I ran out of time to make everything fine

I remember
We didnt talk for a month
I ran out of time to buy you a new body

I remember
Your throat closed
I remember
Tears sliding down my face
I remember
Nothing from that school day
I remember
I had talked to you only a few hours before
I remember
It took a month to find you were gone
I remember
Your obituary
Age: 19
Died in hospital from Asthma related complications.
I miss you Aiggy.
Zane2976 Mar 2020
To approach with love and understanding
To greet with open arms and open heart
To share time and space together
To welcome that which has been repressed
As you would a dear old friend
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Once friend
Now enemy
Once trusted
Now rejected

This is the way of rejection
The way I have lived all my life
It's not gonna change

Tears falling
Broken hope
Once light
Now darkness

This is the way of rejection
The way I have lived all my life
It's not gonna change

Bursted happiness
Demanding thoughts
Once whole
Now broken

This is the way of rejection
The way I have lived all my life
I CAN'T CHANGE IT
one from the books.
Zane2976 Jun 2015
The world grinds to a halt
Seeing the inevitable destruction of an entire people
Yet powerless to prevent it
These heavy chains and ropes restrict my movements
The grey shades dull my senses
My brain feels no more than a thick sludge

What lead me here?
What contributed to my demise?
Where did I go wrong?
How can I free myself from this *******?

Endless hours of torment and pain
Inflicted upon myself by something I barely understand
Watching the world suffer as I do
Wishing there was a way to numb this pain
Wrists and ankles chafed to the nerves
Heavy locks bind my freedom
And the key is yet to be realised

Somewhere a girl screams for her mother
Lying lifeless on the floor
Not far, a boy sobs for his father
Sent off to some senseless war
Mere children faced with the weight of the world

Yet what can you or I do when bound by our own shackles?
Making noise with our manacles helps none but ourselves
Seeking solutions solves nothing when our minds are but a thick slime
Can the sources of fear truly be destroyed by a coin in the jar?
Zane2976 Sep 2020
How long can you last
In this snowstorm of accusations
How many lies have you used
In answers to my questions

How many times have I picked you up on my back
When you wouldn't even consider holding my hand to help me up
How long have you depended on me
When I've had to fend for myself

These days are cold
I have no clothes that keep me warm
And no house to come home to
You stand there watching me freeze to death

How many fires have burnt out under your watch
Do you even feel the cold anymore
This cold snow, this cold stone
It's as cold as your heart

I'm slipping away from you
In this cold world
I'm going far away from you
Where you can't watch me die

I will show you I'm stronger
I will prove I deserve to live
This life is mine and I'm not gonna let you break me
I'm taking back my life and making it my own
another forgotten one from the books.
Zane2976 Jul 2015
I've laid myself down
Completely bare to you
Judge me as you see fit
But be gentle when you do

I know I'm not there
When you think of those who care
But here I stand
Holding your heart again

I know you can't see
Just what you mean to me
Please come back to me
Please hear my plea

And as the waves, Meet the sand
The horizon, See's the setting sun
I know I, Did nothing wrong
Yet here I stand, All alone
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I'm sick of this life
I want to let go
Every day hurts
Everything's wrong
And I just wanna go back in time
I'm sick of feeling lost and confused
I hate not knowing the things that effect me
Found in another book, no idea when this was written though.
Zane2976 Nov 2015
It's like a speck of dust
That floats in on the wind
Settles down in a cavity
Slowly taking root
Every time you come to visit
Tending to it with care
The dust becomes a seed
Growing inside you
It takes time to develop
To grow with strength
Nourish the seed inside
Soon to reach the sky
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Softly                                                           ­                         


                                   Gently                                          


Patterns on her skin                                                             ­                         



Lost myself in giving once more



Death sentence                                                         ­                       



With delayed time                



                                                 Smoke another                                                          ­                        




Before                                                                                    
Its gone
Zane2976 Jan 2016
The seething pulsating mass oozes over you
Your chest constricting with the added pressure
So much weight balancing on your throat
Gasping for air as it slides over your mouth

"Is everything okay?"
"Are you alright?"

These questions burn inside your mind
Your eyes widen as if to connect with anybody
As you shake your head violently
The words trapped inside your chest
Zane2976 Aug 2020
Sometimes
To massage the heart
You must first
Break a few ribs
Zane2976 Jul 2020
Turn the knife away from them
They aren't the problem
If everyone has a problem with you
Then clearly you are the problem
Turn that knife inwards
Cut out the sickness
Drain away the disease
But still
No one treats you better
So you try again and again
The scars covering you whole
Nothing but one great big ****** up scar
A waste of space and oxygen
No one will care
Fly off the radar and they won't even notice
Go down to the river
That part where no one ever goes
Nothing with you but your thoughts and a rope
Trying to work out what you did wrong
Must have been something
Tired of hurting others
Tired of being hurt
You wont be coming home
Another old one
Zane2976 May 2016
Wrestling with the self
Back and forth
Over and over again
Senseless words etching themselves into my mind
Shouting "I don't want this"
While inscribing "suffer" into my core
Zane2976 May 2017
Twisted and churning
Torn yet whole
A thousand knives turning as one
Zane2976 Sep 2020
What words can I say that haven't already said?

I'm sorry?
Forgive me?
Love me?
Trust me?

Back and forth

Lost both in and between

Torn
Again
Again
Again

Picking scabs
Skin
Flesh

Ripping and tearing away

I can't find this wound that poisons me

Failing
Flailing
Falling

What's the difference when it feels the same?
What words can I say
Zane2976 Sep 2020
Start fresh
A new beginning
Clean slate
Fractured
Fragile
Broken

Build up
Back to speed
Fractured hope
Stained glass windows
And rose tinted lenses

Wash away
Clean yet not
Stable in quicksand

Lost again
Again
Again
Clawing at skin from within

Torn and shattered
Vocals strained and screaming
Words come and go
Can I hold myself to set
Rotting and diseased

Shhhhh
It's raining
The storm passed
Time for healing.
Zane2976 Oct 2015
Come and fly with me
Through the stars and sea
And maybe together
We could be stronger than me

The rain falls down
As my heart sinks low
My words cannot convey
Just what I am feeling now

A time gone by
Mistakes cant be erased
Things were simpler then
A lifetime away

Just words on a screen they say
Just as they can build you up
They can drag you down again
But I fought for what I threw away

Come fly
To the stars and sea
With me
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I wanted to tell you
How sad I am
And how much my body hurts.

I wanted to tell you
Tonight I’m crying myself to sleep
And I wish I could have a hug.

I wanted to tell you
But you’ve had such a good day
And I know you can’t help.

I wanted to tell you
But I couldn’t say the words
So I sent you a meme.
Zane2976 Sep 2020
I live in Australia
The land of extremes
I grew up in a world
Where everyone screams
I have a body
That holds no peace
My only refuge
The land and the beasts
The sky and the stars
Above my head
I want to see
It’s not time yet
I want to know
Is someone out there
Just like me?
I don’t know

Is your ceiling bored
Like mine?
Too?
That last bit references Cavetown’s Is Your Bedroom Ceiling Bored?
Zane2976 Oct 2015
I'm sorry
I couldn't be there for you
I'm sorry
I couldn't hold you up any more

I'm sorry
I couldn't **** myself for you
Zane2976 Oct 2020
Rain Rain
Go Away
Come again
Another Day

Be it dark
Be it grey
Come again
Another day
Zane2976 Jun 2015
I could sit here and write forever
And tell you of all the things I could think of
But the simple truth is I have no idea
Of what exactly I should write here

A simple poem of how I feel?
Or maybe a song of what's real
Either way I could not find the words
Those slippery things that dance in front of my eyes
But turn to mist as I try to grasp them

It temps me to write lies
Of all the things I see through my days
Yet somehow I cannot bring myself to do such a thing
Maybe it's because I do not wish to ruin the perfect
Although I am doubtful, I believe this is a dream

Yes, perhaps I shall tell you of my dreams
The swirling substance of make-believe that engulfs us while dozing
Long ago I taught myself not to imagine
Falling from the sorrow of trusting once too many
For a while, reality was the safest

I have grown so much stronger since then
Finally longing for what I once stole from myself
Prepared to take on the whole world and beyond
Though all I can do is look through the window you fashioned me
Wishing for a time gone past

Mayhaps I could tell you what I wish for
Sad thing there, because I do not understand
I wish for the trees and the land, the water and the beasts
Its all here, if only you look hard enough
But why must we search for something so sweet and pure?

I will take you outside one night
We shall stare at the stars until sunrise!
The wind should be warm if dares to caress your face
Lush grass pillowing our bodies against the hard ground
Is this what is considered a dream?

I remember a time when despair was my closest friend
Those days are gone now, to never come again
Be banished from me with your foul breath!
You shan't poison me with your lies once more
No, I have not found the truth, but I have found a new beginning

Ah, at last I am back from my journey
Joy rises in me as music slowly drizzles in the air
Come and dance, it whispers sweetly towards me
The music of life I can hear once again
Lifts me up into the sky as I dance upon its tune

So it seems I can write once more
Not only that, but new words are in abundance
Drawing me back into the world of creation
It feels good to be home again
Bringing a gift called Joy to decorate with
Zane2976 Oct 2020
I remember
When I was young
I used to play in the garden
And there were my friends
The insects, the dogs and the cat
We’d be lost out there for who knows how long
Climbing the trees
Climbing the fences
Nothing was too high
Watching the skies
As they say,
Time flies by

I’d spend all day
Out there
If I could
Feeling my feet
Conform to the wood
The same way
The snail
Holds the ground
And the boatman beetle
Swims upside down

Do you remember
That one time
Not so long ago
When your mother said
She locked you out sometimes
And forced you to stay outside
Pretending not to hear youre screaming
To come in
She sent away the neighbour
Through the window
That I could only come in
When my father
Got home.

And do you remember
Sometimes
That the only acceptable excuse
Was in desperate need
All the fun things
Always come back
And I can’t avoid the connotations
The sly suggestions
That all I knew
Has been tainted
In the tentacles
Stuck in that slime
That never washes off
The yellow stain
Of so many millipedes
I wanted to show
Everything I know
Has been
Enshrined
In neglect
Or abuse.
Zane2976 Aug 2020
In the middle of the windstorm
You didn't hear the roar
That thundered out across the sky

In the middle of the windstorm
You didn't see the fire
That spewed forth upon the ground

In the middle of the windstorm
You didn't feel yourself burn
Caught in the eye of the inferno

As the world incinerates to ash
Know the seeds you planted
May finally have the warmth to grow
Zane2976 Feb 2016
"Does it help?" He asked softly

The old man looked up from the paper he was scrawling on with a pen "Hmm?"

"Does it help? I mean, does it help you get the demons out of your head?" There was a glint in his eye, as though the question had sparked some sort of hope within him, overriding the despair that people commonly saw etched on his face.

The old man turned back to his paper, staring at the words as though he had lost his thoughts within them. Time passed between the men, the silence echoing off the walls of the small study. Eventually the younger man drew a breath to repeat himself when the older one suddenly spoke.

"No. So what do I write for then? I give life to the words when I write them. A small imprint of my soul lingers long after my pen has stopped. With this, the demons can feed and sleep quietly for a while. If I don't, they will **** away at my soul, until I am nothing more than an empty shell walking around. With these words, I can survive until I have learnt how to cast the demons from my mind. Perhaps then, I will find peace."

The younger man turned away, wishing to prevent the other man from seeing the tears well in his eyes. The older man didn't need to look at him though, for he had asked his mentor the very same question to receive a similar answer. He knew that he had just shattered the new hope his young charge had found. It pained him to know, but he could not bare to lie. False hope only ever leads to more unbearable pain.
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Zombie
Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
Zombie
Mindless shell
Walking through the plains
Can you feel your soul burning?
Zane2976 Jan 2016
Hey zombie
Where have you been
Did you lose your mind
What have you seen

The days counting past
Only seem to weather you more
Each sleepless night you've endured
Drag your eyes deeper inside your skull

Zombie please
Tell me what you have seen
The day is becoming dark
And the grass is no longer green

Why is the air I breathe so very stale
Did you lose your heart
When you sold your soul
Where did your compassion go

— The End —