the chair in his office was uncomfortable
as was i
when he pushed his wide-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose
adjusted his stethoscope
and asked
why on earth i would want to have an eating disorder,
my body was so beautiful
his eyes lingering on my thighs
a few seconds too long
as he looked me up and down

in that moment
i didn't know whether to thank him
or get out of the room as fast as possible

i wanted to puke

i filled myself with
sorrow
but i still felt
empty

you are not my sky
not my moon
not my air
the smile on your face
is not my sun
and i am not its planet
your freckles are not stars
scattered across the night sky
you are a person
not a sky
you aren't limitless
your being does not surround
my whole world

you are not
my world

you are not a wilted tulip
or a shattered porcelain doll

the boy with piercing blue eyes
and a lightning smile
is not going to appear out of the fog
and save you from yourself

stop pushing your dinner
to the edges of your plate
don't make yourself less
so that he will love you more

you deserve so much better
than a tear-stained pillow
and a splitting headache

you hang on his every word
and fall at his feet

spit on his scuffed up shoes and
pick yourself up, sweetheart
pour yourself a mug of black coffee
watch the sun kiss the horizon good morning

you are awake
you are significant

i woke up this morning
(the morning after you left me)
and drank a cold cup of coffee
it wasn't good
but it tasted right
fitting
for the occasion
bitter
lukewarm
left a bad taste in my mouth

"i'll always love you"
before you left me in front of my house
you uttered those four words
and my heart skipped about four beats
alone
confused
because, you see
since when does the word always make you feel so
hopeless
always means forever, right?
its supposed to be reassuring
it signifies something limitless, never-ending
but for some reason
when you said
i'd always be the first girl you'd really loved
the word always
hit me like a ten ton truck
leaving a tightness in my chest
that is still there to this day
and the worst part is

i'll always love you, too.

when the boy with musky cologne and hazelnut eyes
shatters your heart into a million pieces

you're going to have to put yourself back together

you're going to have to be your own super hero

you're going to have to love yourself