Drug company antidepressants for breakfast with
feelings adrift at the corner of
Armageddon and Vine then
four cups of plundered coffee beans
bring heart poundings against that
swollen old surgery scar but hey now I'm
finally able to focus -
Ignore throat tissue issues that
issue forth acidic ******* bile
to navigate
mirrored command lines cut in
neat little rows -
They tell the machine what to do while
music blares and
****** I wish they'd
stop playing the ******
version of Blinded by the Light
for once -
Agitated and hurting -
But intrigued -
Like watching the jaws of life
wrapped around a car crash
you can't look
away from and
sometimes I just want to go
back to yelling
"Go **** yourself!" at everything
but it
didn't do any good then
why would it now?
An old friend's chaos algorithmic
paintings bring strange
comfort from mass media assault
and pepper spray -
Recall he was dead set on
a jukebox demise but maybe he realized
following linear models of
progression will
derail when spun
across time as a wheel
that breaks the back
of all who push against
it but that doesn't stop
hired guns from hitting
heavy pipes
in the park
after dark
and it's all over now baby blue
because I can't stop thinking
of desert roses even when a thorn
adorns their last names -
If you figure any of this out
let me know because I sure haven't -
Welcome to my stream of consciousness -
Fishing off limits -
You already took the bait.

The serpent dips his head beneath the sea
His mother, source of all his energy
Eternal, thence to draw the strength he needs
On earth to do indomitable dees
Once more; and they, who saw but understood
Naught of his nature of beatitude
Were awed: they murmured with abated breath;
Alas the Master; so he sinks in death.
But whoso knows the mystery of man
Sees life and death as curves of one same plan.

I remember once
They all used to say
I was the brightest shiny star
That I will go far
and reach the sky
As time passed by
I got bigger, taller
smarter
And I realised

THEIR TRUTH WAS ****
AND THEY WERE ALL LIES

A child depressed
oppressed
by greater forces
known as society
soon I saw
That lies defy gravity
As time marches on
Life gets harder
And evil gets further
Inside me
It marches on
in my veins
And I see
Childhood dreams
torn apart

Drawn together
Are the pieces
Made of me
Flesh and blood
sweat and tears that form a sea
Of despair and bitter joy
forming a personality
Identity
This is me
You're all the same
pattern, form,
And society is to blame
For my depression
Agression
lies within me

I'll just be myself
I'll stay myself
Because that is all I have
And it is the force which keeps me
From splitting in half

Time marches on
And so do I.
Forever
Until I'll die.

In shadows she cries as the weight of the world consumes her.
No one ever cared, they all seemed to stare right through her.
On the wings of the angels she flies through the skies just to be with him.
Trampled by devils, she's dragged underground as the light grows dim.

Torn into pieces, her soul she unleashes in the crimson flow.
The blades sticks fast in the dirt as she gasps in the pale moons glow.
No whimper or whine as she counts down the time till her heart stops beating.
Her skin grows pale as her life force fails and she welcomes his cold greeting.

i know a boy,
     who loves a girl,
          who loves his best friend.

he tells me, "i want to know nothing but her lips."
i say, "take my nothing, i want your something."
he asks me why i want his something
because his something is loving someone
who isn't sleeping in his bed
and there is nothing more painful
than watching her kiss another pair of lips

but what he doesn't understand is that i want his something
because having something that hurts
is better than having nothing at all

all he has is love,
and i don't even think i remember how to love anymore.

there are nights
when i stare up at the open sky
and wonder if there's anything left for me
because i buried alive everyone who tried to love me

there are nights
when the darkness tries to swallow me
and i have to rip up my skin to keep it away from me
because my blood is the only thing that reminds it i'm still breathing

there are nights
     when i look at the boy,
          who loves the girl,
               who loves his best friend

and i realise
he's just as empty as i am

I sit and wait
My eyes drift off
My mind sleeps

In my dreams I see a Dove
Beautiful, majestic and bright

I wake and what I see
Is the world for what it is:
Horror, Pain, and Disbelief

There is no hope
There is no sign
No faith, or love divine

We are stripped of our strength
The staff is shoddy and rotting
We walk
Tripping on tired, weary soles
Hiding our eyes from Hope

For where is our Savior?
Who will bring us out of the void
Who will shelter us and show us
The way has not been barred

As Moses did cry
“Let my people go!”
Who cries now
when a poor man has nothing and has stopped so far, far below
Below grass, time and life itself

That he wanders the Earth
Lost and afraid
Begging from strangers
Who offer nothing but contempt?

The truth is: we have no freedom
No hope, no none of that

We’ll continue to search the world, the sky and the soil
For a Savior to break this horrid and infallible net.

But we don’t deserve that
No, not yet.

Love is fickle
but lust isn't—
so come over here and
I'll fix this rift
I created with words