I turned on the light to the next door
and it came running in
photons splashing gore!

Straight through the streetlight
like stamps on a ***** and a tricycle
cyc-sickling atop of the poor.

Violence, begotten
the marsh has in store
and the sad watch like
rats watch gold watches and
stop

Grandfather
tells a long time.

Listen to the click!

You may learn a tock
or two in the bush.

zoom swish by

An arrow pierces the heart of time
along the same line as the pools filling with blood.

Tell me, stranger, why don't you look at me?

I see you growing beneath the surface, there...
You're blossoming up like a welt,
a cyst ready to pop!

, but I keep running as
I'm folding life in on itself

Hamburger or hotdog,
either way - I won't let you
see what I wrote inside.

I take it down the hallway and into my bedroom.
I collapse inward, a book's pages eating its own binding,
chewing on hollow spines, and synthetic adhesives.

Tell me, stranger.

He was old, but in a way that made it clear that he knew that growing old was a privilege.

He smelled like the rain. Like clouds and thunder, and he felt like sunshine when he touched my skin.

She could appreciate the thousand stories and million memories from a room full of detritus, keepsakes of a life lived without concern for colouring in the lines. A life of an artist. Not always happy, but lived in such a way that your whole world is a story worth telling.

I was seven years old the first time a teacher told me my tank top was inappropriate.
To cover my shoulders,
Cover up,
Close my mouth.
I was seven years old the first time my body was sexualized without my permission.
My body was sexualized without my permission
Before I even knew what that meant.

In the fifth grade I wore long sleeves,
To cover up a different kind of shame.
The kind of shame you give yourself when you’re tired of everyone else’s.
The kind of shame that bleeds before it heals into perfect pink lines,
Parallel with one another because something had to be perfect in my life even if I wasn’t.
But my teacher only noticed the sleeve that fell off my shoulder,
Told me to cover it,
Cover up,
Close my mouth.

I stood in the streets of Paris in eleventh grade, not feeling romantic at all
As I escaped an uncomfortable encounter,
Approached by a man on the subway.
My teacher tugged on the hem of my skirt,
“You dress like this because you want attention”, she said.
It was my fault, she said, because my clothes told him I wanted it.
Wanted him in my personal space, close enough to my face
To smell his breath.
Asking for it.
I should have been covered up.

What I heard in school were the words
****,
*****,
*****.
What I heard my teachers say was applied to girls,
Not women.
Little girls being taught that when we are born female,
We are born with shame engraved into our skin,
Into our hearts.
The only anatomy I ever learned in school,
Was my shameful own,
And to cover it.
Cover up,
Close your mouth.

My heart beats rapidly.

Alone i always am

My nervous hands are shaking

My body wants to run

To flee, escape, to hide, to shut the world away.
Driving, miles and miles, must not be late.
Fill the tank. No time to eat.
Always looking over my shoulder.
Wishing to sleep
Wishing to escape
To be warmed my the sun
Maybe by the light of your flame.
Maybe to find my own blazing fire

Must find the door. Driving. Ghosts haunt me: Call my name.
Want my attention. Scream in the night.
Wake up sweating. Time for work. Time to move
No food now. Drown in the music
find joy in the hope that tomorrow is lucrative. American dream. Slave ship destiny.
Prove yourself. Be strong, be a warrior.
Be remembered.

Long tall grass. The road stretches before me and time stands still for a moment. It looks at me, its eyes reflect infinity and it turns its heavy head. Antlers catch the moon. Then turns and runs. Faster and faster. Leaving me to wonder where it's gone off to.

I wish i didnt exsist

I wish i had no body, maybe just for a moment

I don't wish it in an emo depressive way
I'm not one of those poor countless souls that cut their wrists with razor blades in hopes
They can spell out help in blood.

I'm no longer the girl who hates the curves that surround her, and wishes herself into a skeleton.

I don't have a wish to end my life,
I wish to be completely part of all existence
Instead of separate in this one body.

People look to me as a friend or neighbor.
A girl or woman. Size me up. Size me down.
Tell me to smile, ask me to speak.
Beg to own pieces of my spirit and identity
Request that their relationship with me be significant
Or exclusive. Shame my choices or my prudence.

I want no part in this. It belongs to us all.
I just want to be. My face in the sky.
My hands in the fire
My feet in the moss
My eyes,
Let them belong to the sea. The salt water tears and the eternal blue of crashing waves

If my body were no more, i could hear the earths heart beat. If my body were gone
My spirit could inhabit every mountain waterfall. Every friendly word. Every lovers touch. Distance doesn't exist if you are nowhere and everywhere at once.
Without my conscious, i could think of many things. Without the insecurities of self and ego. I could wonder at the complexities of life.  
I could breathe in stars and echo and dream with the imagination of a sleeping moth.

I could exist in every dimension. In all possible futures, in every world .

I could exist outside the shell of all that is in that beautiful in between. Where all the things that have happened, are happening, and will happen exist side by side in a cluttered jumble of the impossibly true.

And i could sit beside you. And hold your head in my thought hand. And brush your hair with my thought fingers. I could kiss you with my thought mouth. And take you flying with my dream wings.
I could be ****** inside your every breath like specks of light seen in dusty sunbeams. I would flood your body with every beat of your heart. Warm your every extremity. Circulate through your mind and flash your brain with dopamine.

I want to exist completely. I want to blur the edges. From me and (you)niverse.

My wish to die is my greatest love poem.
My words lie down on the page in prostrated adoration of all existence.

But I love this mortal cage, this beautiful miracle of life and breath. These lungs these legs, this bounding heart. It stops one day. It melts away. It feeds the ground. It makes no sound.

My heart will deflate, a nail will rust and moss will cover me.

And i'll have gone. Become the wind.
For now this place is my truest home.
And i care for her and let her grow,

And try and hear the earths heartbeat
But instead my stomach growls and my fingers twitch. And little plastic toys go bing in the night. So let me sleep.

And dream of oblivion.

And when i wake i'll accept my existence with grace and gratefulness.


For Angels wish for flesh

And i wish for death

The wind wishes it was a kite

Blind wish for sight

Owls beg for night

And shadows wish for light.

And I wish...

I feel the exhaustion,
It creeps in.
My eyelids sag and flicker
I should have boundless energy.
My mind is getting sicker.
I'm tired.
Choices wound around.
Devices bleep.
All i want to do is sleep.

The balance of candor and forced affection
I meander from metric reason
To blissed indulgence

But between the desire
The good and the fun
The gap through the wires
Of who i become

I want the addiction.

The pleasant and sweet
The entertainment, the lazy
The chatting and treats

I want to be someone
A person of greatness
To write and to compose
And comment and state thus

But i stop for a minute
And look to the west
What should i be doing
Not working
no rest

I've fallen down the rabbit hole
My life is flying past me

The gentle dance of existing
Perceive me as you will
We all become dust one day

What difference is my will.
All that matters is my kindness

How i live each day
With presence
Joy and mindfulness
With silent smiles i pray

Thats cute and all, but not the truth
The truth is far more deep

I wish i could divine it's worth
But all i do is sleep.