Confusion with contusion,
But not on my skin-
On my mind

I feel the fractures
Of each emotion,
Or maybe I'm feeling
the lack there of

I feel  nothing
yet I feel everything
I feel hate
I feel remorse

"You'll find better"
"You deserve more"
"You'll find what you're looking for"

What if it was here
What if it was mine
And what if I threw it away

I can still hear you,
Singing to me softly,
Your eyes on me only,
Whispering "do you still love me?"
I can still feel you,
Cradeling my bones,
Your arms around me,
It still feels like home.
I still see you,
In every boy I kiss,
And every crack
On the sidewalk
I stay up late,
I grow weak,
I can't stop these feelings,
I can't stop you.
You flood my mind,
My brain is New Orleans,
And you're my Katrina,
And my levees break every time.
I know I can never have you again,
But at least I can miss you.
My body aches from
Aging too early
Because living without you
Is like adding decades to my heart,
And no fountain of youth
Can quench my thirst
You're my phantom limb,
Ive lost you, but I feel you
With every move
Every step
Every time.

They say home is where the heart is--
And my heart was with you.
In you.
Always.
I remember the first time we slept together...
Afraid to touch me
Your hands like feathers.
When I looked at you, I looked at you with such... Such... Awe.
Such love.
My heart would bump... Bump... Bump...
But now that bump is a thud.
You were my love, my drug,
But just like the sun rises, rehab cures
You are not home to me anymore.
Your arms, once my fortress are now crumbling
Your chest turned to dust
You say that now I am homeless
But I have found a place of my own...
I am my home.

What do people feel
When they let go?
I don't know, that's why I'm asking.
What do people do
When they can't feel?
No one knows, because there's no grasping.
Why did you do it?
How did you know
That it would be me that'd be feeling empty and alone?
I hope you feel better
I hope you feel great
Knowing you family just made your grave.
It started on concrete then into the vase,
Your body was too broken,
We couldn't make out a face.
And now I am sitting here
Tears never ending
And I ask myself why
I am feeling:
Alone.
Afraid.
Lost.
Empty.
Because now all I have
Are these memories and these tears that never seem to dry.

tonight i walked out of the house and sat in my car
it was the kind of night that you remember
i sat there for minutes, thinking of all the memories
that make me, we, happy
i imagined what would happen if i showed
up at your house at 10:58 p.m.
your mother wondering why the hell you chose
me, out of all the other girls in north central iowa
you, are the winter turning into spring
the slush on the side of the road
the puddles little kids jump into
i am the april showers
and you?
may flowers.

You were the first one, of a long time.
You swept me off my feet,
I don't need to say,
Why you made me feel complete,
November 17th.

You were Lon and you were lean,
A new tan shown from summer
You were out kicking in soccer
I miles away, taking a breath
Waiting for that text

We spoke often, even though
You hated to speak
And we couldnt wait
Till we were complete
November 17th

Days got longer,
Temperature got colder
So did our love,
Tears ran down my shoulder

You didn't speak back,
I felt useless as hell
Because I fell

Now it's months later,
I finally found
What I've been looking for
For all this time

He makes me complete,
Not how you used to
It's something different,
Some thing unique
November 17th

Goodbye, goodbye
See you next summer
Feelings change,
It's always a ******
But until again we'll meet
November 17th