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 Nov 2013 Xander B
Abagail Marie
Have you ever sat there,
and realized you aren't real? I have.
I think about it a lot actually.
I smile all the time, but I don't want to.
I would rather lock myself in my
bedroom and sleep.

Have you ever had a dream,
and realized that dream was better than your reality?
I have.. I do that a lot actually.
I dream about going places I've never been,
and meeting new people.
Though I can never truly get away.

Have you ever looked at passing faces,
and wondered who they are as a person? I have.
I watch people everyday and wonder
if they are happy, sad, what they're hiding..
I pick them apart and try to put
them back together, to truly understand.

Have you ever wondered, which
friends of yours actually know who you really are? I have.
I don't think any of mine truly understand
who I am as a person, or how it
would be to go through, what I have.
I truly think they wouldn't care to even ask.

Have you ever broken down,
and told someone your life story for them to just shrug it off?
I have. I've told select people every detail of
my life, and it seems like it doesn't phase them at all.
Like they're just reading another fictional
novel, but they're not.

Have you ever excluded yourself,
from all fun with friends, to where you're not invited anymore?
I have. I lost most of my friends because
I was too depressed to leave my room, and none
of them knew why because I kept it to myself for so long,
so they gave up on me.

Have you ever lied to the people who love you,
just so they don't worry about you? I have.
I am the only person in my life who truly knows the
pain I've put myself through, physically and emotionally.
In many ways I have tortured myself by doing so
and completely destroyed myself.

Have you ever thought back about your past,
and wished you could go back? I have.
I wish I could erase a few things, and restart others.
I think that'd make me a better individual and
I could have a new shot at being happy,
but I can't.

Have you ever wanted to disappear for a day,
just to see if anyone would notice your absence? I have.
Every day I think about driving until I
end up where I truly want to be, and I don't
think anyone here would notice,
maybe someday.

Have you ever written,
just to get things off of your chest? I have.
I write every day thinking it'll truly help me,
and it has. I write about everything on my mind,
not for praise or acceptance, but to put myself at ease.
Just to get the weight off of my shoulders.
 Mar 2013 Xander B
Abagail Marie
As we lay here, I look into your eyes
And I picture us in a movie.
Your face is too beautiful, to not stare..
Your white t-shirt and your tan complexion
Just pulls me in.
Lie to me once, tell me you love me.
I'll hold on to those words for a life time.
As you hold me here, I hear your heart beating
And there's no other rhythm more calming.
I'm in love with you.
 Mar 2013 Xander B
Abagail Marie
I wish just for once..*

I was the one being loved.
Drop everything for a hug.
I could be happy.

I didn't come last.
I wasn't judged  by my past.
Somebody would be happy to see me.

I could drive for the day.
Put my worries away..
I wouldn't feel so unimportant.

I could live my own life
With out all the strife
I wouldn't be so broken.

Just once.
 Mar 2013 Xander B
Abagail Marie



I was Fifteen.
You were twenty.
Torn and broken,
That's how you left me.
What kind of man are you
To act the way you did.
To break down and destroy me
I was just a little kid.
It's been five years already,
You'd think I'd finally be ok.
But I can still run it through my mind
As if it were yesterday.
There was beer on your breath
And your eyes were red
Twenty minutes later,
I wished I was dead.
You pushed me down.
You called me a *****.
Even after all these years,
There's so much left to fix.
You finally left me
The room just seemed to spin.
Even now I just feel disgusting
Living in this skin.
I don't know what made you choose me
Nor do I care.
Just the thought of seeing you
Is too much to bare.
I hope someday you realize
How disturbed you truly are
For upon my heart
Will always be this scar.
Jordan
 Mar 2013 Xander B
Abagail Marie
Patience

Sometimes you have to wait
For beautiful things to come to you..
And when they do, it's not always the right time.
Sometimes you have to wait
For things to straighten out, for it to
Make more sense, for everything to fall in place.
Sometimes you have to wait
To find yourself, to find your smile.
To find the person you belong with and start over.
Sometimes you have to wait
For happiness to find you, and to
Finally feel worthy  in your own skin.
Sometimes you have to wait..
Patience.
I love you.
 Feb 2013 Xander B
Halie
This time
 Feb 2013 Xander B
Halie
I don't remember when I learned how to speak or even
drink

Yet, these thirsty lips always run to their words
-clinging to each syllable like a child to it's mother

But this time it's different

I'd whisper how while we kiss
but for the first time I have no words.

I don't remember the first time I heard your name

maybe, I just knew...

Funny,
it seems these days and long nights its all these love drunk lips are stumbling on.

and that's why
this time it's different.
 Dec 2012 Xander B
JM
Trigger music
 Dec 2012 Xander B
JM
I can't listen to the ******* cure
ever again with out feeling empty.
Way to go robert smith,
you big ******* depressing
*******.

Ever since you told me
lovesong was yours and fuckfaces
song I can't listen to some of my
favorite cure songs without thinking of....them.
Them being you and him, not us.
Us being you and me.

I can't listen to cat stevens
because harold and maude
was our movie. Ours!
Now, the last love song makes me cry like a *****.

I can't listen to ******* inxs anymore.
Never tear us apart drops me to my knees.
I can't listen to the kinks
or edith piaf
or talking heads
or leonard ******* cohen
or great lake swimmers
or fever ray
or peter sarstedt
or portishead
or killswitch engage
or paul mccartney singing maybe I'm amazed
or pearl jam
or ween,
especially ween, one of my favorites, *****.

Gotye is a prophet.

If I even think of antony and the johnsons,
my chest seems to cave in on itself
and I am filled with such a deep despair,
a longing for something,
anything
to take away
the pain of knowing
I lost you.

I can't listen to so much good music out there because that was our thing.
So many times we would lie in bed after loving each other
and listen to mixes we had made for one another.
Those were my favorite times.
Sipping whiskey with lime juice,
Reveling in your smells,
your juices covering me.
Your dog farting so bad
all we could do was laugh
or we would puke.

The first few notes of alexi murdochs
love you more, bring forth tears like niagra.
I cannot listen to that song without crying immediately.

I don't understand how feelings like that go away so suddenly.

It's *******.

This isn't a poem.

Poems are supposed to be beautiful
and about love
or beautiful and about loss of love
or just plain ******* beautiful
about something like a ******* tree
or a nice view
or flowers.

I have to write about how I hate the empty ******* space in my chest whenever I think of your name.
I have to write about the thousandth time I cried over you,
like now.
I have to write about how
the bright blue
of our love was replaced by
the ***** brown of
our lies and deceit.

Nobody gives a **** about that stuff.
I can't write a ******* poem to save my life.
I want to put down on paper
the weariness and exhaustion.
I want to express how I feel
so that maybe I can save
someone else
the pain of suffering alone.
I want to write you the most beautiful poem on the earth,
the one that makes you
understand just how much I care
for you
and how much and I love you
and I want you to read it
and forget about your fears
and past hurts
and realize I am the only man for you
and nobody else will ever come between us ever again.

But I can't.

I am not smart enough.
I am not creative enough.
I am not...enough, for you.

I don't want to even try anymore.
I want to forget you like I said I never would.
I want to love another like I said I never would.
I want to be a liar, like I said I never would.
I want to stop loving you, like I said I never would.

I want to listen to love songs and not miss you.
 Dec 2012 Xander B
JM
I hear a change
in your voice.
Something new has slipped in.
I hear a genuine tone,
the timbre of honesty.

Finally.

Seriously, about ******* time.
 Dec 2012 Xander B
Phillip Rios
There is a man, standing on a street corner
business men stroll past him
house wives brush past him, toting large shopping bags
The man watches as the world leaves him behind
he is the only free mind left
Distractions keep even the most intelligent professor,
whose wise teachings once shaped generations of ambitious young men
from seeing one thing

No one realizes what this man does
Long ago, there was an empty world
that world went on a glorious journey, filled with many disatrous
and joyous moments.
There were great rulers, whose harsh decisions lead to the deaths of ignorant, yet innocent citizens
There was even a genious
His discoveries helped the world become more advanced
All of this has been forgotten, or dubbed as a "used to be" memory

Images of past and present fill the man's eyes
and he staggers back, knocking over a young woman's coffee,
which has been placed on her table and never touched.
The young woman is angry and she leaves the table,
almost forgetting her favourite purse

Unkown faces still cross the street
not knowing what has just happened before them
A man has understood that all Great Journeys
must one day
come to an End.
Inspired by Billy Collins' animated poetry
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