Looking back, you never really cared. All you did is strip me down naked. I gave you everything I had. I even gave you my arms and my legs and got left in the cold because I guess you're a coward. After five years I finally decided to trust someone again and I was just left the same way. I was strung along like a simple-minded fool and I was manipulated blindly so you could have me to your convenience and liking. You ****** everything out of me: my confidence, my light.. and you just left me there to look like a fool. I don’t even know who I am anymore or what’s left of me. I don’t think you really care. I mean... who gives a **** about used trash anyway, right? Promises only mean something when things are easy, right? It's my fault. I should've followed my gut while it was screaming truths I wanted to deny. I had mistaken my gut for self-destructive over-thoughts, and you for my hero. I had mistaken learned-lessons for walls. I had mistaken you for a man. I can't help but feel like you knew that.. like watching a wave crash over me as cluelessness had my back towards the horizon and my eyes towards you. My heart's freezing over again now. For better or for worse it's happening, and I don't think it will melt for a really long time. In the meantime, I'll have boy friends but I won't feel. I'll maybe flirt here or there, but I won't feel. I’ll **** a lot but, regretfully, I won’t feel. I'll keep on moving and I won't feel. I'll try to feel, and there will be a split resentment for you and myself for making me this way. At the end of the day, it's my fault for being stupid and thinking anything good could ever come out of love. They say love yourself, and love will find it's way to you. What I didn't know is that love is an evil thief that comes and then goes with every piece of you in hand like it was an insignificant amount of small change.
7/19/13