she kept it all from us
she kept it all well hide
but once we all found out
what she had and what it did
it popped all of our tops
blew off all our lids
no one could have even guessed
she has a thingamajig

we called the t.v. stations
we called up the cops
when we heard what she had
and how much that it cost
half the town said no way
the other half said it's a must
when we all sat down and saw
what it was and what it does

it brought us all together
it gave us all a lift
lovers, friends and neighbors
now never would they miss
every other saturday
with picnic basket and the kids
all head down to central park
and watch her with her thingamajig

with no need to start it up
it's always on the go
though it may seem odd at times
there's always an even flow
no one saw this coming
no one could have known
nor would they believe it
if they hadn't seen it on there own

it keeps breaking all the records
like it's nobody's biz
bringing together the left and right
where all they now do is hug and kiss
never in a million years
would i ever thought it'd come to this
and all because we all found out
she has a thingamajig

you know what sends me
close to the edge
all these people
with their thingamajigs

they really think they're something
mr. and mrs. big
all because
they have a thingamajig

walking around with
their heads held high
their thingamajig
right by their side

who are they trying to fool
or wanting to kid
we all know
about their thingamajig

it's hard to hide
after you've cracked open the lid
no way of denying
you've got a thingamajig

MARY has a thingamajig clamped on her ears
And sits all day taking plugs out and sticking plugs in.
Flashes and flashes-voices and voices calling for ears to pour words in
Faces at the ends of wires asking for other faces at the ends of other wires:
All day taking plugs out and sticking plugs in,
Mary has a thingamajig clamped on her ears.

Problems can be small;
Problems can be big.
I'm having a problem
With my thingamajig.

Too much information,
Some might say.
But it's a kind of problem
You can't wish away.

When they are new,
They work like a dream.
Everything flows
In a steady stream.

But as they get older,
Like many things--I swear--
They start showing
A lot of wear and tear.

I'm sure you could
Make a funny quip;
But it isn't funny
When they start to drip.

One could try to stop
The dripping with one's hand.
But obviously,
It won't go as planned.

I often wonder what
Freud might have said.
The problem's not unique;
It's fairly widespread.

It really doesn't help
To squeeze it or strike it.
Where can I find
Another one just like it?

There HAS to be someone
Who could repair it.
Or do I have to
Simply grin and bear it?

I can't ignore the problem;
It won't disappear.
A LEAKY FAUCET is
A pain in the rear!

- by Bob B (3-18-17)

I don't need a necktie-
I don't need a wallet-
I don't need a thingamajig-
or a whatchamacallit!

I have what I want,
a wonderful son, daughter-in-law,
and the two most powerful vitamins
known to mankind---my grandchildren.
AND, last, but not least, my "Guardian Angel",
Brie!(as in cheese)--(my cat!!! :):):)
for they make everyday, Father's Day!

copyright: richard riddle: June 21, 2015

I tried to write a lullaby
With a 70's theme of sorts
Kids drinking Sunny "D" in their jammies
Girls in Mindy, Boys in Mork

But that's as far as I could get
This dried up crinkly brain stays in a daze
So I picked up the phone, dialed up some friends
In hopes of a friendly Friday night game of charades

Of course Sylvester brought his Ouija board
He thinks with the other side he's in tune
I hate to break it to Houdini here
But I think he's inhaled to many fumes

My friends say that I'm just paranoid
Like a jester without a court
So I turn and apologize to Sylvester
Okay dude, pull out the board

We place our fingers on the Doohickey
Or is that the Thingamajig
Redrum, Redrum, Redrum, is all that it spells
As Sylvester has a fit

He knocks the game table over
And screams it's that movie, The Shining all over again
This is ****** spelled backwards people
As the smell of the dead blows in on the wind

In all of the dark spirit world excitement
I think I even ***'d myself
I suggest in a manly way with a wet spot on the front of my Bell Bottom jeans
That we put the Ouija board back up on the shelf

I really wasn't expecting an evening
Of doom and gloom and tombs and such
I think I'll go back to writing that 70's lullaby
If you don't mind...thank you very much

One day Frick when to the place to buy some stuff
While Frack stayed in the area to do some things
Frack tossed out some junk
He used the the whatchamacallit to clean the thingamajig
Pick up the odds and ends
And he scrubbed a doodad with the thingamabob


Frick purchesed some knickknacks and bric-a-brac
A few sundries
A couple of tchotkes and trinkets
Some whatnot
A gizmo
A gadget
And more miscellaneous paraphernalia

When Frick got home Frack asked "What'd you buy?"
Frick said " Oh, this and that" "What'd you do all day?"
Frack said "Just a hodgepodge of etcetera, etcetera"
       -Tommy Johnson

today i am but,
a rude mechanical thing
a wind up toy.
plodding along with whining gears

today i am but,
a fool's pawn to swing
a mere pendulum being,
arcing between
the sun and moon

today every thing is done
purely on muscle memory.....
....my thoughts...
.... are engaged elsewhere.
the only difficulty encountered.....
....they neglected to inform me
of their intended  whereabouts

so now this is me,
a discombobulated, thingamajig
bought from Ikea, sans the allenkey, put together inexpertly, clunk-clunking
along, not right..a little bit wrong....clank- clunking on
by.

Lizbeth prepares for bed;
undresses, washes,
brushes teeth,
gets into bed
and turns off
the bedside lamp.

The moon light
coming through the window
makes an eerie feel
to her room.

What a waste of a day;
all dressed up
and out on her bike
to see Benedict
at the cottage.

He's gone out
with his father
to his father's work
in the woods,
his mother said,
I expect he''ll be collecting
bones and bird's eggs
and fossils in chalk.

Was he expecting you?
His mother asked.

No, Lizbeth had replied,
hiding her frustration
and anger, just came
on the off chance.

His mother said
she could come in
for a cup of tea and cake,
but Lizbeth declined
and rode back home again
in a foul four letter mood.

Then her own mother
had a go at her
about the state
of her room
and the leaving
of soiled linen everywhere
and last night's plate
and cutlery were
under your bed ,
she had moaned.

Lizbeth pulls the blanket
over her shoulder
and looks at the wall
by her bed.

She pretends he's there
beside her now;
imagines him
laying there
**** naked,
hand on her back,
his thingamajig
(she forgets
the name of it
in the book)
poking her belly;
him staring at her,
his hazel eyes
wide and ****.

She closes her eyes;
pretends he's kissing her;
his hand along her thigh;
his lips hot and wet.

What would he say?
She asks herself,
imagining him
parting her legs
(she'd read that bit
in the book)
and her father's voice
says(on the landing
outside her room)
to her mother
(moody cow)
have you put out
the cat and locked
the back door?

The imagined Benny
has gone;
the space beside her
in bed now vacant.

Her eyes are open;
the moonlight
making patterns
on the wall
and now she can't
make love to him
at all.

Better don your leather chaps it's going to be a rough one
Pack extra roll caps into your Six Gun

Ask for double shots to compliment your Starbucks
All that's left now is to wish you good luck

Bring an extra pack of Bottle Rockets if you have them
Monkey wrench and needle nose pliers if you can find some

This could read as the last page to the final chapter
In what we anticipate as the Happily Ever After

Do all you can do to bring the water balloons
A cassette if you could of your favorite Show Tunes

Add extra sugar in your Slurpee from the 7-11
This ain't going to be easy is what I am guessing

Get a tight grip on your Thingamajig
Loosen the top on the Pickle jar lid

We're about to go through another life lesson
Which ain't nothing new if I was a man betting

Pack your bags for another day in the life
Extra padding would help for the bumpy ride

Think we've thunk of it all there's no more to say
We're now more than ready for another day

oh i've had mine, several to lay claim to,
i'll go through the list,
but first i'll have to address a counter
to the psychology trinity of
consciousness, the subconscious
and the unconscious...
                           sorry, the schematic is
too rigid for me, and what once revolutionary
in the late 19th century and throughout
the 20th century... is... let's just call it stale...
meaning i have to borrow from Kant and
Heidegger...
and, what emerges, is a pseudo-paradox...

the subconscious i classify as...
   a priori i.e. from what came before...
for example... dating preferences...
you already know what you're looking
for...

hence?

consciousness i classify as...
a posteriori i.e. from what comes after...
basically ruminating on
the a priori "biases":
   or some sort of inheritance tax(ation)
of...

the unconscious, which i attribute
the posit of... argumentum a fortiori
i.e. from a / the stronger (thing)...
and the unconscious, last time i heard,
was where archetypes were born...
solidified...
          the archetypal / the primordial,
the savage intellect of
    a non-verbal language of knowledge
derived from images:
   hence... dreams are not exactly
audible, or prone to reveal writing...
movies... images... etc.

now my encounters with the police...
being stopped and searched outside
a fish bar, at night...
having walked for miles, stood beside
the bar and lit a cigarette...
a private license car pulls up...
three coppers jump out...
two women and one copper:
who was probably 5 months shy of
retirement...

- do you have any i.d. on you?
- will a bank card suffice?
- yes; where do you live?
- just around the corner, less than
2 minutes away.
- what do you have in your
back-pack?
- two bottles of wine & a bottle
of coke (i was big into my kalimotxo
at the time)
- (with tears in his eyes) so you're
just out here, having a walk a beer
and a cigarette?
- yeah, pretty much.

i was given my bank card back,
and...
            that was it...
    they took my word for it...
     maybe... compliance isn't such a bad
thing after all.

the next encounter was with two
coppers in the center of town,
drinking a beer on the bench...
    approached me and one started
a minor wrestling match with me
finally pulling the beer from my hand...
i was cautioned, but i asked:
so what are the parameters of where
i'm not supposed to drink...
oddly enough... he pulled out a map
with the desired radius...basically away
from all the pubs...
because... imagine... if everyone decided
to drink in public, a beer 3 times cheaper
than what they serve in pubs... chaos!

this next incident was the worst
(but i'll also write about the best) -
so i walk into a dark alley and start *******...
turn around and this ******* loud-mouth
starts screaming at me all about
public indecency and what not,
handcuffs me and tells me to get up...
at this point i'm kneeling and i tell him
in a soft voice that i'm tired...
he's still screaming at me like
some variant of Gny. Sgt. Hartman...
i try not to giggle...
              he really wanted me in the cell
for ******* in an alley...
so i said to him: well... it's not alley
to begin with?
some trouble, real trouble erupts
elsewhere, some bar brawl, whatever...
the handcuffs are taken off...
   and i walk back home giggling
from time to time.

out drinking, some shady bar in Seven Kings
near my old school,
a club which had carpets on the floor...
**** me... like walking on honeycomb...
warm *****... alcohol poisoning...
bus from Seven Kings to Romford...
i step off the bus and fall face flat on
the pavement...
      however many minutes or hours
later... i am woken up by a stranger
and there's also a copper crouching
over me, asking me: are you o.k.?
    head like it's been lodged up
an *** of a ******* elephant...
   yeah yeah... i'm o.k....
             do you need a ride home?
(the ****?!) really? can you?
    sure... jump in...
                     that was the first time i rode
home, not in a taxi, but in a police
van cell...
             fun experience...

point being, in Poland police officers
are not called pigs, rather?
            psy - dogs...
   and Police vans?
   you know, with the cages an all that
that's required to transfer criminals?
  suki....        ******* -
   which you already know is a mating term
for female dogs;
    
                           k                        
           ß                               ú

    ū                                               í

           i                                k
                            ß­

now that's a nice diacritical variation
thingamajig.

My wife said ‘I’d like a new kitchen’
And I had a Saturday free
With ambition designs for the project
We both had a wild spending spree

We picked up a range made of flat pack
And then went to the café to eat
The choice of hot food was extensive
And we both had a Swedish meat treat

My mancave was short of some gadgets
So, I thought I would pick up a few
You know, gizmos I’d need for the project
You can find in a big B & Q

Like chrome plated long nose snipe pliers
With a bright coloured high friction grip
A high-powered well-balanced hand drill
With a full set of carbonised bits

To help with the cutting and drilling
I bought me a fancy work bench
I got several adjustable spanners
And an American style monkey-wrench

With devices galore in my kitchen
A heart full of hope and a song
The flat pack was open and waiting
And a belief that nowt can go wrong

The kitchen was stripped of its cupboards
(Destruction sound so much like me)
The skip filled with trash and detritus
The air filled with cursed deities

The cupboards assembled, but wobbled
With left over dowels and screws
They collapsed right back into flat pack
And the air turns a little more blue

It can’t have been too many gadgets
So clearly, I needed some more
And after a hot steamy cuppa
I bought most of the rest of the store

I picked up a taper pin punch set
The label said “high tension steel”
I don’t know if that makes a difference
I just thought that it had a nice feel

Who needs a wall grooving chisel?
I don’t know but had one to hand
A magnesium carbon disc grinder
In case I was tempted to sand

I tried ultra-thin premium somethings
A large milling thingamajig
A jig made for holding a widget
And widgets from small up to big

By midnight the flatpack was kindling
There was no Sunday roast the next day
There were no scrambled eggs Monday breakfast
For a week we just ate takeaways

Come Friday raw bacon and sausage
Were beginning to look appetising
The wife gave me fairly blunt warnings
That showed her blood pressure was rising

It was time for a nail gun and ladder
And extension bars for my all sockets
It was taking so long I bought knee pads
And a tool belt with 15 large pockets

The riveting gun seemed quite boring
But I just loved the boring device
I had not a clue how to use them
But simply to own them was nice

Counter sinks for sinking the counter
A compressor for compressing some air
I also bought 3 different augers.  No reason
But because they were there

With the credit card pushed to its limits
And a month filled with heartache and trouble
I was craving hot food or a cuppa
From a kitchen all gadgets and rubble

But every contraption just vexed me
I was starving and then lost my cool
I condemned all of the useless devices
My wife just blamed one useless tool

We had not had a hot meal in ages
Since the meatballs we bought at IKEA
I guess gadgets are pretty much useless
If the one using them has got no idea

Cacophony of colours,
Bombastic bedlam,
Deafening distortions,
Onomatopoeic obfuscation;

All a mumbo,
And annoying jumbo,
That thingamabob,
Or is it a thingamajig?

Things we barely pay mind,
Stuff dancing around the mind's corner,
Clutter of confused emotions,
Just there, causing misdirection.