"someimes" poems
hate. love. envy. disgust. what do all these words have in common? me. and you. how? you ask how? these are what i feel for and about you. i love you. and i hate you. i envy you. and i am disgusted by you. baby, you confuse me.. you make me feel things ive never felt before. OFF. turn it off. but i cant. what i feel for and about you is so strong. i want to spend every moment with you. and yet i never want to see you again. baby, you confuse me.. do our actions speak louder than words? then what are we saying? when our bodies meet we're saying we love eachother. but when im covering my bruises i know i hate you. baby, you confuse me.. i envy your sense of freedom and control. but what you do with that freedom and control, it disgusts me. youre always mentally free, physically in control, and completely disgusting. baby, you confuse me.. how you punish me for my mistakes, and never notice my achievements. but im sure thats easy when youre constant achievements and no mistakes. and i know im at fault for hiding your biggest mistakes. with you, im always at fault. baby, you confuse me.. such a loving gentleman with such hate filled eyes. eyes that say youre watching. eyes that say you see my mistakes. eyes that say I WILL PAY. and then the next day, eyes that say youre sorry. eyes that say it will never happen again. baby, you confuse me.. because it always happens again. i always make some mistake. i always trip you up in some way. and im always punished accordingly. but okay, its not always the same. sometimes its your fist. sometimes its the belt. and someimes its the blade.baby, you confuse me.. because you think im coming back. you think i need you. you think youre still in control. but i got away. and i hope that i confuse you. because now im in control. i make mistakes but i am NOT always at fault for everything. my eyes say that im happy. and it will never happen again.
Jun 14, 2011
Jun 14, 2011 at 6:26 PM UTC
someimes i get jealous.
what's there not to be jealous about?
she's
perfect.
she replaced me.
and now,
im just a background character.
Dec 9, 2020
Dec 9, 2020 at 1:56 PM UTC
Love is forever envy.
It forever soughted and seeked.
It has the power to make the strongest melt and appears weak.
Many runs from it.
And several tries to avoid it.
Only to give it.
And accepts it.
And sometimes makes a mess of it.
But
Love is forever envious.
It's lovable.
It's invincible
It's fabulous.
It's enchantable.
Plus, it's apart of life.
It's unavoidable.
And yes, someimes troublesome.
But it's forever adorable.
It's life.
Jul 27, 2012
Jul 27, 2012 at 12:07 PM UTC
*Theres a beautiful angel
Tha lives in my heart.
Shes always trying
to get me
to let her out
so everyone can see her.
But I keep her locked inside
She would spoil the me
I show the world.
The tough no nonsense me.
The my way or the highway me.
The never give a sucker
an even break me.
But then someimes
in the evening shadows
lay next to you in bed.
I let her out
just for only you to see her.
She makes my voice softer
and turns my man heart gentle.
She makes me
say dumb things
that tough old me
would never say.
Like I love you
so much honey
or
You mean everything
to me my love.
And
You are the most
beautiful thing in my life.
Its just some
Angel trick I guess.
But she turns me
into marshmallow soft.
And I melt with the love of you.
But then as the morning light
trickles through our window.
I put her back into her prison
inside my heart.
And I get ready to meet
the rough tough world
one more time
As tough hard old me
Walks out into the sunlight.*
Jun 2, 2016
Jun 2, 2016 at 5:10 PM UTC
And somehow it feels like
My body is a house I cannot afford
Maybe 'cause of the location.
An entire world of possibilities,
Accessible to me with just a few steps
And yet, for some reason,
I cannot step past the front door.
I try to not forget
feel grateful
That when I turn on the lights
I become a part of a dream,
a part of a skyline
people want, people envy.
That living here is a privilege.
No matter how much it seems as if
these walls are begnining to fall apart
into nothingness
I pay my rent.
Earned with sweet late-night chatter and laughter
By painting Orange-pink sunsets on the drive back home
By lacing my fingers with no regrets, so tight,
to ever come undone.
And yet, gradually, price of my existence grows higher
Every single day with
Every tear shed
Every fight where I struggle to make amends
Every story I begin to write
and somehow cannot possibly imagine the end
And then
I somehow start to earn less and less
and my rent is unpaid, still due.
One day
A letter comes in the mail
saying my rent has been paid.
I have a roommate now!
Or maybe I always have.
I think I know him
I have seen that silhouette before
On the other end of the apartment inside my brain.
I am living with depression.
There’s no other way to put it.
He puts my walls up , repairs them
and makes everyone else stay out.
He tells me he’s the only one
who can stand these cramped rooms
It seems as if he's been spreading out
more and more with every passing single week.
I don't think there's any space left
for anything that I recognize as me
I have a roommate now
And he also makes my friend uncomfortable.
'cause when he’s around,
I can't seem to say much of anything
My voice stays almost mute
Maybe cause I don't wanna make him angry.
Don’t wanna hear what he’ll
shout when they all leave (and they always do)
I always try to leave.
Try to find other places with different rooms
Different beds
Different drinks,
Different meds,
Anything to simply forget
that I eventually have to stumble back to him.
I have to face him in the living room.
Listen to his words,
Hear his laughter all night.
Keeping me up.
I know
He wants me to move out.
Wants me to vacate this space, these walls
with no questions asked,
with none of my things packed.
I can tell
By the thin pink sketches he draws in my skin,
his plans to make his own bloodlines.
I can tell by the way he keeps handing me the knife.
I know he wants me to move out,
and someimes I do too.
I don’t know if there’s a difference anymore.
Apr 8, 2017
Apr 8, 2017 at 11:46 AM UTC
*Theres a beautiful
angel in my heart.
Shes always trying
to get me
to let her out.
So everyone can see her.
But I keep her locked inside
she would spoil the me
I show the world.
The tough no nonsense me.
The my way or the highway me.
The never give a sucker
an even break me.
But then someimes
in the evening shadows
lay next to you in bed.
the Moonlight blooms
inside the room.
and it forms a halo
about your lovely face.
I let her out
just for you to see her.
only you.
She makes my voice softer
and turns my
hard heart gentle.
She makes me
say dumb things
that tough old me
would never say.
Like I love you honey or
you mean everything
to me my love.
And you are the most
beautiful thing in my life.
and I don't know how
I can live without you honey.
Its just some
Angel trick I guess.
But she turns me
into marshmallow soft.
And I melt with the love of you.
But then as the morning light
trickles through our window.
I put her back in prison
inside my heart.
And I get ready to meet
the rough tough garish world
for one more day*
Dec 20, 2015
Dec 20, 2015 at 10:07 PM UTC