I remember as if it were yesterday,
You were helping me with math problems once again,
We would sit there for hours,
Sketching various triangles with one simple pen.
I can never forget,
The college-level words you asked me to spell,
We both were in complete fascination and suspense,
As far as I can tell.
I recall you teaching me a bit of yiddish as well,
"Yachna and fashlepta chlank,"
I annuciated so well,
This was no prank.
I remmeber beating you in shuffle board,
But It still might have been a tie,
Because you played exceptionally well,
As good and sweet as pie.
I will always remember,
Our long walks in Greak Neck,
Papa and Shari bonding,
While watching the beautiful scenery from the deck.
I remember you took me to the beach in Greak Neck,
Where we surprised Bubbie with a large horseshoe crab,
Bubbie was frozen will fear,
And almost took a cab.
The late night outdoor concerts,
You used to take me to,
I became really fond of the music,
And the massive amount of ***** in you.
Now I know this next line is going to seem quite strange,
But I remember blowing the garage door open with all my might,
Thinking that is how it's supposed to open,
And proud of myself for shining bright.
One of the best of times,
Was when you took me to the golfing range,
I swung the club multiple times missing the ball,
Calling myself deranged.
The days when we all went to ihop,
And to piccolos for lunch,
Everything was delectable,
Thanks a bunch!
We've been to the movies many times,
Where we'd sometimes surprisingly cry,
Bubbie would say, "Oh, my God look at Papa,"
But your reasons for crying were beautifully justified.
Just the thought of me coming to visit you,
Makes me form such a luminous smile,
Because there is no other Papa like you,
A Papa so outgoing, loving, and all the worth while.

I have to hold back my tears. No one can see me like this, vulnerable and not in control. 
They think that i can fend for myself, what do they know? Truth is im in need for their help, for their opnion and inspiring words.
For a long time it was me in the middle of the sandwhich. My older sister covering me, and i protecting my ypunger twin.
Its funny how the sandwhich turns into how my life is today. My older sister takes up all the spotlight, claimig it allfor herself. Absorbin all the attention until there is none left. I shake at the words she wont utter, like a simple please or thank you. How she would never help my mother how she leaves my mother fighting so hard, as she sits on the couch and jist watches. When my mother asks for her help she will make it more like a burden then helping out of respect. I will do any of those thigs in a heart eat just to take the stress off of my moms shoulders. But again thats how we differ...

As for my twin the one that i had felt the need to protect since we had been in the wound together 16 years ago. How can i put in words all the feelings she leaves on me? She is so irritable yet i yearn to watch her succeed. She is as slow as a turtle, yet sometimes shes as sharp as a knife . Some nights ill catch her talking to herself, it pains me to see her over think things. After so much effort of tryin to help her all i can do now is make beleive im sleeping, pull the covers over my head and let the tears roll down my cheek, burning it under their touch. She has this problem and the tendency to ovetthink thongs from the stipidest things to the most important. She lays them all on the same scale not considekg the dfferences betwene them . As muh as she overthinks , when she has an idea she lets it cloud her judgement.l
 I remember thst one time in our cribs its blurr but i still feel it in my blood. Diane had my moms attentiom absorbed for she was alsay a cryer even when her head hutt a lottle bit. Michelle  was sick with strep having my moms also and my dads granparents. Then my head throat and whole body was killing .. All i remmeber was keeping my mouth shut. And waitig for someone to come ask me how i was feeling. Which no one did.And still as i cry typing this no one will ask me how im feeling, for i have middle child syndrome

I remember when I first met you,
you were so excited to meet me,
as I was you.
The way you could fill me love,
and joy,
and fun,
it was only you Isabella,
that would show up at the best of times,
and always make me beam with joy from just your presence.
For you I would do anything to make sure I made you as happy,
as you made me.
I'd even go out of my way to make your favorite meal,
just to get a few more of your kisses,
because you being that joyful,
gives me the best delight.
You'd lie with me all night,
just because you knew I wanted to be next to you,
and you were always the best one for cuddling.
When I had to move,
you could not come with me,
and I regret it,
but I can't take it back now,
I just hope you were as happy in your last moments,
as you were in your best moments.
I'll always remmeber you Isabella,
as you are forever apart of me,
but you had a long and good life,
and I know you can rest forever more,
not having any more cares,
or anything else ever bother you again.
Even though you're a black lab,
there is no one else that I've been that close with,
and even though some people think you're just a dog,
you will forever be my best companion.
My best freind died today,
and I'm just happy I got to know you,
but I will be mourning a while longer,
before the pain starts to fade.

My father kept a rose in his bible
To symbolize him and my mother
I remmeber when he pulled it out
When I was little at churce,
I asked him what it was and
I forgot the whole story but I remember
It involved him and my mother
I can still smell the aftertones of rose
But it was brown and decade,
Withered from years of protection
Between pages as a bookmark
I realized I am the same for the ones I loved,
As little to none would admit it
I am that rose,
I am the withered bookmark you keep
I am the reminder of when you were human,
When you first started,
When you thought you knew everything,
When the simple things were enough.
I am the reminder of who you are.
I don't have a bible filled with bookmarks
I have a body colored with the reminder that
I am in fact human.
I will continue to add to it until I decide,
When I meet the one.
I will no longer need to print myself with bookmarks
But rather take photographs with my eyes
And feel with my hands and lips.
Taste and feel and experience why
Those other bookmarks are not here
But a reminder of how far I have come

sometimes i denied the importance of a breath
that keeps me ajar in times when everyone sleeps
a secret keeper of my naive heart
that has now been surronded by orchestra
a fresh start as if flowers have just erupted out of a fertile land
seeing through such veil,
behined the bars of the old wet times
i miss them, so eagerly, so wantedly i miss them
that my heart goes silent suddenly ,in a memory!!
i painted my walls, the color was so bright i cudnt see the amber,
i decorated my art wall with random childish faces, that made me smile even when i am astray,
she said today when she came upstairs, remember the ones that made themselves surrender in ur love,
and yes that love, a true love, will stay in a room filled with cups,
empty, full of beer, juices of different colors, and beverages of all types,
i put down them on the table bedside,and in nights i remmeber the laughters and joys...
and than tym flies on until i am flourished with the orchestra of different llyrics
and flowers are still fresh on my bed,a bald womb yet,
still filled up to my dreams,
a life so swift, a time keeps on drift,
until dawn turns to dusk and dusk to dark armor of night,
and untill u take last minute of  breathe, of ""The end"" sight!!

Let your veins bleed
Let your heart stop to beat
Its like you are freed
You have admitted defeat
People cry deep
For a person who has just pressed delete
Your loved ones have nothing but to weep
They are not sure how you can leave them incomplete
Your wife and kids lost their concrete
Just because life brought you down to your feet
Its easy to become obscelete
Buts its difficult to be elite
Preventing you loved ones to fall a sleep
Not everything in life is nice and neat
You have to heal from every bash of heat
Life will never be complete
Get up and stand on your feet
Remmeber all the great people you meet
Try to think of life as being sweet
There is no problem you can’t treat

I had wishes of me and you in the future.
I had many beautiful dreams and actions that now falter.
I'm not sure what to feel right now as I am with most things.
If anything it hurts to feel right now. So all I can do is ignore the pain.
You were everything I wished for and more.
You were life itself before opening that ******* closet door.
I had high hopes before drowning on these high seas.
Now I only see the negative things wrong with me.
And I know it's not about being better.
I just know its about your ***.
I get that maybe I'm being selfish.
I just wanted to give you everything I don't have yet.
You filled me with motivation and my heart rises to your sunset.
But now you leave my earth.
And I'll cry as this everlasting moon sets.
Good bye my sweet alibi I'll live with you forever.
I'll always remmeber the time.
When I thought I could have you forever.
I guess for now I'll just love the sky.
Hoping it rains acid.
I'd rather disintegrate slowly, than be hurt and remember false passion.

Give everyone their thanks,
Smelling like chrysanthemums they sing their songs
They ask them to celebrate my life.
All I see from here are smiles
I am living through a storm here, your prayers are way too early.
You were the blood in my vains, the only constant in my life.
May my place not be up for sell just not yet.
I also dont ask for a shrine. Please save my seat for a bit.
The scarse people yawn in boredom, they murmur that I was lost cause, meanwhile a choir sings Ave Maria.
Some are looking for gold, while I'm only looking to not let your hand go. And to see your face a bit longer. Here, infront of this audience, one last wish:
Please save my seat for a while.

Thank you for this farewell.
Even though the present body might be an overkill. It is as if you're celebrating my downfall.
Then you might as well have enough mezcal.
I spent the whole time looking at your eyes, you were holding in your tears. I may have to leave you soon. I wont be able to hold it in for too long, remmeber that you were my everything.
My island, in the middle of this ocean....
Please save my seat for a while,
and go on home. Nobody else will come.

When I die,
Maybe I dont want
People to move on.
Maybe I dont want
People to get on with their lives.
Everyone always says that.
Carry on, keep going.
Dont mourn me.
While I hear excerpts of
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
Maybe I want you to do just that.
For a grave is not where I belong.
It's not with you.
My light is extinguished.
It will no longer brighten your day,
Or make you smile,
Comfort you when you cry,
Or listen to your problems.
I want you to miss that.
So many moments,
Of deathbed, selfless, nobility.
But remmeber it's me on the deathbed.
I cant tell you it will be alright.
It wont.
I'm not coming home.
The dash on my headstone
May be filled with many things,
But it will always be incomplete.
There will always be more.
More that I want to see.
More that I want to do.
More that I want to say.
More that I want to hear.
The dash on my headstone,
Will always beg to be filled with more,
For there is never a good time to die.
I want you to cry for that.
I want you to dwell on it.
Think about it
Eat it.
Breathe it.
Sleep it.
Live it.
I'm just speaking the truth.
For the truth is no one wants to be forgotten.
No one wants to be a fleeting moment,
A satellite passing over head,
In a starry night sky.
Soaring into view,
and then fading into Obscurity.
I'd like to think my existence
Means so much to others
That, like me, it cannot be lived without.
That it's worth mourning infinitely.
Call it selfish, call it pretentious.
Call it what you will.
But remember it's me,
upon This deathbed.
My death is a mere part
Of your story.
But it's the end of mine.
My death is a passing note
In the harmonious, sometimes
Dischorded symphony of your life
But for me, it's the final note,
Of another incomplete
Requiem hymn.
When I die,
You will move on,
You will continue, as I cease.
You will find a way to live.
Your tears will dry,
And your sobs will quiet,
And like my death,
This is something
I will have to learn to accept.
I have the rest of my life.