Violent roses
give me woozes everyday
I'm hammered on my own
something
is always slipping through
a filter of justifications

language misrepresents me
I don't think words that
spread ideas like intrinsic responsibility
are relavent outside of cults of personality
So I'd prefer to say
through a filter of new ideas
of what safe thoughts are in a fear house
reinterpreted

Soft violet soup
gifting a brainhorse with a two by four
or convictions falling
out of atrophy
or perhaps
a lack of neccessity

I don't know
maybe
a letting go of an abusive tack
that pressed you to let go of joy

Oh I don't knoowoh
To find yourself a damaged adult
with a mind aimed at forgetfulness and
forgivefulness

A new rage forms in tandem
with a promise
to a menacing question asked
by those who unfetttered their wallets

but that was ages ago

and now it's time for a letting go
at least that's
what the last night alone begot

but who is past that inside lie
that furthers time

well I can't see anyway

So **** it I'll lose it or die.

The phrase
'Stuck between a rock and a hard place'
Has never been so relavent

I'm caught up in a constant struggle,
A battle of wills, so to speak

My mind plays cruel tricks,
Mutters sour 'loves me, loves me nots'

The phone rings,
A flourish of excitement

But it's not you,
A tsunami of disappointment

You said you'd call
I've been sat here for 3 ******* hours.

He knew that changing with the times to stay relavent. He didn't want to give up on himself but he would evolve as a person. The disappointment made him more determined. The break ups made him stronger. He was learning to love again even though he was causious of who he would let into his world. He loved so many people found out they were bad mouthing him so he had to let them go. He did hold place for them in his heart but did not get close kept a distance from these people who betrayed his trust.
He didn't like being alone he was social in a smart phone universe so many texting or posting but no one could express themselves to another being. He was one who looked the girl he loved in the eyes told her how he felt things were right. Eventually things changed not in his favor when he sobered up things got easier made more sense. He coped checked his emotions and ego at the door learning to love again. He hated the outcome but made the most of things.

They have you nothing now they are mad you made the most of everything. Once you start bettering yourself they don't want you doing better than them. Anything you do bothers them no one cares or paying attention to them. They keep talking just keep ignoring them don't react because once you give them attention it ends up being a waste of your time.
It will fuel them to talk since they haven't done anything relavent.
Just keep doing your own thing from the bottom to the top don't stop. After being denied all you could do is keep working for it.