I believe in promise more than I should
Grew up thinking that pinkys bent together were the strongest bond there is
I am just now learning how to ease my grip
Learning
How to break the rope I tie with vow
Just before it catches into noose
I have been hung from the rafters of my own vulnerability
Too many times before
And I am learning
How to build back strong
Learning
How to keep my doors locked
Trying
To stop letting people in
Those who lure me with the pledge of future
Who tell me their intentions are golden
And I,
The silver plated woman
Have nothing to worry about
But I've seen platinum turn to rust right before my eyes
And too often does metal twist into deceit
I want to believe
That everyone who gives me oath
Is genuine in their undertaking
I want to believe
That it is impossible
To tell someone you care
And then out of nowhere just pack up and leave
I never understood
How it is anyone is able
To wake up one morning
And just stop loving
How you could swear interest for months
And then one day just lose it
I am done
Holding on to words that never meant anything in the first place
How many times do I have to hit hard until I learn
To stop jumping in head first
I am still believing
And forgetting the lie within it
Forgetting
That pinkys can break too
Bone is not shatterproof
Yet somehow
Still heals much quicker than heart
My hopes
Are so much brighter than my reality
And every time they fail
I still find ways to put blame on something else
On someone else
But never the one who drops me
I still remember your promise
Still fresh from your tongue
I am holding on to it in the palm of my hand
Grasping it between fingers
Morphing it into skin
Trying to convince myself
That you're going to come back for it
That the leave was only temporary
See
I am skilled in the art
Of never letting go
It is a practice
I have mastered
And I do not intend
On stopping
Even if you never return
Even if I
Never come back down to earth
I am perfectly content with this delusion
Wake me up
When there is solace
In something other than falsity
Wake me up
When I finally find someone
Willing
To come back to me.

8:43 AM // 6/27/14

I don't know what it is about you but you make me feel something I've only seen in movies, you know how right before the big finale there's an uproar, a ******, a point of no return, or the kiss of a lifetime? Well you make me feel that in every inch of my bones, right down to stubs of my toes, you're smile sends chills down my spine although I have never been a fan of the cold you make my heart melt. When I hear your voice telling me all these sweet things I've heard millions of times before for the first time in a long time my gut is telling me to trust it, to trust you. Although letting people in has never been hard for me letting people go is what seems to be the hardest, I guess nobody bothers reading the fine print anymore, although mine clearly states that "I am an enigma of joy that will always put your needs before my own and shower you with affection even when the world is being cruel, I'll be the sun beam that shines through your window even though you haven't seen the sunshine in quite a few years and last but not least I will love every bit of you...even the parts you thought nobody ever could" so when you embrace me I hope you don't break me, by that I mean my heart, it's paper thin although I miss it being my favorite shade of purple velvet, oh yeah and that's another thing: skin. I love the feel of your skin, the way you ran your fingers in a circle along my lower back like geometrics and finger painting were your best hidden talents. the first day I met you i layed on your chest and listened to the rumble of your heart beat while the grogginess of our stomachs sang an entirely different tune, I guess we found even more things in common. So far I have found so many things I can't wait to love about you including every weird fetish and habit even if I have yet to witness it. Like the way your voice sounds when you sing and if you sing in the shower and if your favorite song changes every week or hey maybe you've had the same anthem for years now or how your laugh escalates and falls as you laugh at your own inconvenience or what you do with your hands when all you have to hold is air or if you pout your lip when you get upset ((like me)) or if you even do anything at all when you get upset, I want to learn why you love certain words even if it's just because of the way you pronounce them and what shows you still love to watch on Saturday mornings, do you even have breakfast on Saturday mornings or are you still dead asleep till noon breaks? What hand do you write with and how big your handwriting is, do you like letters and if so, how often can I write you one? Do you mind if I ramble or even tell you about the color of the sky or even coffee shops I've never set foot in. Do you value moments or are you a fan of the bigger picture, do you analyze things and if you don't then, i totally don't notice how tight you grip my hips when i kiss you too hard or how cute you look when you squint your eyes... if not then i am sorry for noticing these things. How often do you like to cuddle and if your not in the mood we can just lock pinkys, that'll be enough. Do you scare easily and if you do, pick a movie that scares the living hell out of you just so I can see how you let your emotions effect you, do you pick your nose when no one is looking or do you think that's gross (because if you do I so DON'T do that). I want to know what tv shows make you laugh and what food makes you happy and what things make you sad, does anything scare you and if so is it something cliche like the El Chupacabra or is it something more serious like what cereal you wanna buy tonight or the future or heck even dying because whatever it is everyone's afraid of something, I can't blame you for being human.  Are you ticklish? do you like nose kisses? can I use you as a pillow or a chair when I'm too lazy to move an inch Do you like silence or would you rather talk until sunrise, whichever is fine with me. I'll listen to sound of your voice or the sound of your breathing as long as I get to hear it forever.  

*(v.m)

He must’ve forgotten he called me the moon when our pinkys were intertwined and his smile lived on my lips. How do I say this place revolving your life while a distant planet is not the life I wanted?

I'm still wasting away time in thoughts of your eyes
Smile
Smile
Eyes
Smile
Lips
Lips
Smile
Eyes
Lips
Smiling on the outside
You're nothing more than the letters on my *******
The cuts in my rhymes
The songs in my throat that crawl out of my mouth to someday save you from all this worlds hate
Anger
Why is my heart still breaking?
Still wanting to tie our pinkys together so we can't let for of the promise of forever
So tell me
Why does it feel like Gods just a babysitter on the phone?
And why the hell am I still alone?
1. My aunt says I'm too sensitive and I can thank my father
But doesn't that make your smile just as sinister?
2. A chance is what I desire
But I've never had a chance I wait for change but change becomes passion
Passion becomes destiny
Destiny takes a lifetime
Lifetime is nothing but a waste
Just watch the channel
3. Yes, I keep guns in my lungs just waiting to pull the trigger on someone
4. I was taught that being alone is better than losing what you want
5. Let's pretend that we don't exist and love never sprung up from our finger tips when I first touched your lips with
Happiness wanted to exist
I think so did forever
6. I'm sorry I came hard with claws
7. I'm sorry your life looks like this in photo albums
8. I'm sorry I spit every single problem on the bottom of your shoes
But you denied it for no more and no less of a quarter
9. I went home with cuts down my spine thinking I'll be fine
10. Your words bleed the blues of my words that should be spoken but are only left scars
1. The moon is closer to the sun than I am anyone
4. You
To caught up in other peoples business because your own countless nights without sleep isn't enough
25. Everyone died their hair in memory of you
Blue
But they can't tell one thing about you
6. I'm down kneeling on already scraped knees
5. The trick of attraction is that it doesn't make sense
4. The trick of attraction is perfection
3. I'm sorry we can't talk about it
2. She spends her nights lying awake retracing her lips because there once was a time he had kissed them
1. Do you get the catch?
Or are you the chase?
Or the base?
Maybe the core?
Ya, you're the core of my hate

I don't do this for the thank you

I do it for you and only you

These rhymes I do chime
I hope they will calm in time
The roaming of your heart

Bringing me not a part
Instead the whole thing

Our pinkys would make a ring
Our thumbs we'd kiss

Squeezing them together
We'd seal Our Promise

Sometimes poems are so full of themselves,
loaded up on words and story,

with their "likes" and their "as"
to connect the most dissimilar things
     to denote clever

with their superior pinkys
erecting into the air

before prose ever made its
way into the catalogs of dialogue,

their indistinguishable punctuation
and schizophrenic indentation,

and the greatest of them all
never knowing when to stop,

sometimes deciding to merge into
the next book as you decide to
put them down.