Stretch marks, swollen ankles, itchy skin , aching back
Bigger feet, bigger bust, bigger belly as the day goes by
tiny flutters, little kicks, tiny fingers in my ribs
I've never felt like such a mess, or more beautiful

Unreal pain, Iv's, medication, the clock isn't moving
The room is spinning, a heart beat on the moniter next to me
Timing contractions, breathing, water, trying to ***
I never knew I had such detirmination , such strength

two days later, finally i look in the mirror at myself
Stretched out skin, saggy, swollen, bloated
Swollen feet, swollen legs, lots of extra skin
my hairs a mess, everything hurts and I have a scar

six months later, scar has faded, legs are back to normal
Feet are the right size again.. my bust, that's a different story
Then there's the weight that just won't leave
My body is totally different now.. and I still have a scar

I don't know how to relate to myself anymore , my body is different
I look at myself in the mirror and its not who i remember
I don't know what to wear or how to wear it
Things that I thought were comfortable are not anymore

I struggle each time i have to go somewhere to find something
Something I can nurse in, something that's comfortable
I feel fat, But I have strange moments of confidence
after all my body is freaking amazing, I made a human

All I ask is as I wade through these days of new motherhood
As I choke back tears everytime I have to find an outfit
As I have to second guess my outfits because I choose to breast feed
As I struggle with a bust so big its difficult to hide

All I ask from those in my life is a love and understanding
Understand this is a new world for me, being a mom
Understand that my body has changed permenatly
Understand I'm just getting to know the new me again

And please be patient as I figure all this out
As I nurse my baby and do whats right for my love
As I struggle through new outfits and my new body
As I learn to love the new me and feel beautiful again

Thank you <3

It was last night that I've wished for only the simple things with you
Like long kisses and to stay in your arms forever

Or for at least the rest of the night

But tonight I wonder if I'll ever get you
And why can't I permenatly alter my appearance so that I can be a true beauty in your eyes?

Tomorrow night it'll probably be a long prayer
Asking God to bless me with me you

For the millionth time.

The screen was tinted and no one could see
The radio was muffled and no one could hear
Their hearts were closed,
I was stationary and froze
I told them I was hurting
I told them I was lonely
Their minds did not recognise my darkness,
To them my life was faultless.

I scream and no one hears,
I cry and no one sees,
Understanding is null,
There are worst off people than you they said,
But my situation was not the problem,
They did not realise the inner battle
I was alone afraid and far away
Dramatic they called me

But I wanted to leave
Leave permenatly
If they listened would I be the same
Would I still be hurting
Would I be so scared that I can't make friends
That I am shaking when I walk down the street
Do people know me
Do people want me here
Do people ever see me
Do people hate me