Do you have any idea
how much it hurts me
to see you like that.
Stop struggling with your life
and do away with anything
that no longer serves you or
makes you miserable.
I love you so very much
and it breaks my heart
to see what you are doing
to yourself.
I know the unbearable distress
you are going through.
I see the pain behind your eyes,
I can hear your heart crying,
the anguish of your heart
finds echo in my own.
I feel your sense of loss,
I know how you feel right now
as if everyone has abandoned you.
I know the emptiness,
the hopelessness and
the helplessness that overwhelmes you.
I see the love you are seeking,
I know the unbearable ways you
struggle to stop but you can't
on your own.
I know the strength behind
those body and I'm confident
and convinced that you
will survive this too with help.
I want you to know that you
are not alone.
Narcotics have ruined lots
of people that they can't
help themselves.
Your mind can be a powerful thing
and an amazing tool to help you fight
your war and win the battle of self.
You can get rid of that stuff
if you really want to.
Please don't give up on your self.
You are a love child of a loving God,
he understands your pain
and will bring his power to bear
on your situation.
Absolutely nothing is ever impossible
for him if you can only trust him.
I will be here for you if you ever need me
or anything I have to offer.
©®2018,Emeka Mokeme. All Rights Reserved.

As usual I'm unsure,
If all he is,
Are good intentions,
Laced around the temptation,
Of curiousity,
Could there be a dark side?
The thought of such,
A delicate evil,
Revives hopeful nausea,
And the consequence,
Overwhelmes me

My yard is a forrest
Covered in mossy trees
There’s a ditch with muddy water
And a cracked up pavement road
The grass is long and unkempt
And weeds climb the fence.
Loose flowers hang
From drooping bushes.
A sigh can echo
Down the street
Into the forrest
And it’ll be answered by the creak of the wood.

My surroundings are grey
Fifty shades of sorrow
One hundred pounds of gloom
The leaves are changing color
And falling to the earth
Leaving bare bark bones
To spread like fingers to the sky.

All except one
At the corner of the property
The prime of the street
And crown of the yard,
It’s noticably smaller
Than all the others
But stands tall and delicate
Against the rainy winds.
The fog gathers
Hanging over it
Doing it’s best
But it will not succeed
To mist its summer color.

The leaves are a fire red
You can see it from within the forrest,
Not a single leaf has yet to drop
And they shudder and rustle
In a symphony of summer blaze,
It overwhelmes
And enchants the eye
Not letting it’s luminescent color
Fade with the world,
Staying bold through the snow
And skinny branches tough through storms.

A small and loud tree
Stands at the corner of the yard,
It is the jewel of the neighborhood,
A torch for courage
And sticking it through,

The weather cannot weather fire
It cannot douse the flames,
The tree will stay crimson
For 365 days.

Transcend Mode

. I did it in the pool one hot night. I floated with a noodle under my knees. I had earplugs in, and it was clear and moonless. I listened to my heart beat. I listened to the stars. I scared myself at one point. My eyes were  unblinking. And I remembered when I had last felt like that.

Have you ever heard of massage being transcendent, as a modality? I looked transcendent up, it means go beyond.

I think there is a threshold of intensity that overwhelmes my conscious self. I thought of it as a test, how far can I go.

At that time I felt less and less like myself. The word is irritated.  Skin crawling. I was hiding my tremor because I was scared of the unknown. I couldn't hide it from you

I left my body. I don't have good words, the experience I reconnected with in the pool. I'm not sure how much of this existed only in my head, that I wanted that experience.

So, anyway, the last appointment was transcendent.

sometimes
i feel like everything
i’m struggling with
is spiraling around me in circles

and the chaos of it all
overwhelmes me to the point
where it hurts to get out of bed
and my mom continues to ask what’s wrong
and my only response is that
i’m tired

i’m tired of not being in control
and i am tired of the solutions
being so incredibly close
yet when i reach out to grab one
it is just out of reach

i am tired of constantly being a mess
and i just want

r e s t .

I see
my family all together
except me,
I can't but help to remember my dream
that I had
a few weeks ago,
I came into my home
yelled at my father
looked at him
and said" I know what you did"!
"I know what you did to me and all of your children"!
I REMEMBER!!!!!

Each day,
the flashbacks are starting to return
the memories
so greusome,
return to me
and all I Can do is choke inside,
and feel nauseous
want to *****,

the glass shattered
he stood there in shock and couldn't answer
I walk to my room
and it was all there
as if I  hadn't left or changed
but that old life
felt like a stranger to me now,
and me I was different now
more healed more in my power
more alive
with better boundaries,
and self worth.

I looked at my mom
who is not thin anymore,
and I think so really all along
your hatred towards yourself
was projected on to me.

when I see children with their parents
my heart aches so deeply,
all I wanna do is crawl inside and hide
and die.
For the pain inside overwhelmes me,
all I remember is so many horrible things.

It seems they have all tried to forget me and  erase me,
but it really makes me wander is that ,
because real truth, in the midst of dysfunction
is always true .
Whether people want to try to hide it or cover it up ,
so no matter what  they try to do .

I am their daughter
and I will always remember
and never forget.