As I stare at the face in the mirror I think
It would look good through the window
of a casket

where time and decay can touch it
away from peering eyes

when all the thoughts are

              what she could have been

                                            what she was

and not

                                                               what she failed to be


So many have sealed their fates as legends
by dying
young

Like fireworks
that fly high and burst
as the crowd ooohs and ahhhs


I don't want to be the stars
hung forever
burning

burning
until everyone forgets their beauty

for in a crowd of white dwarfs
so few become supernovas
and there is always the risk
of becoming
a self-destructive
drag others down with you

black hole.

Bonfire Night,
Sat on top of Lickeys hills on the 5th of november,
a windy chill
Street lights glowing in the distance of the darkened city like dying embers.
And then it starts,
Red green and white golden sparkles suddenly erupt from the dark with bangs and whistles,
and ooohs and arrrs from the people in all of the parks staring at the sparkling missiles,
Phosphorus flowers pop up all over the city,
It sounds like a warzone
Yet a woman remarks,
"Ooooh that is pretty"
all the people staring up at that sky,
some standing some sitting
but everyone staring into the same places at the same time,
at the metal stained light
Ooo and arrs linger for the silent ones
sprinkling stars
a shining density against the dark,
everyone sharing them, not like at christmas,
where adults feign joy at their presents and the kids turn to viciousness,
Everyone enjoys the same fireworks,
their luminescent kisses on the sky
The tremor of their bang hitting your face and reverberating in your ear drums and in your eyes,
and then it starts to go quiet again,
and a few people start to clap, and then a few more but it doesn't really get going,
and everyone decides that their going home,
it is cold after all
******* windy aswell,
Let's go to a park next year.

Now I stood at the back of this old church. See you cry with all the intensity and emotions. You look divine in that suit. The air is filled
with the smell of roses. White ones.

You're doing the happy cry once more. I told you it
doesn't suit you one bit, but I will let you have it this time.

I can feel the weight of your stare from across this vast space of pastel colors, of ribbons with intricate details, of highly decorated pews, of slow murmurs of the guests half of which we barely know - your stare means, This is it, it is finally happening. I know your hands are clammy, you feel like your heart is going to jump out of your throat any moment. Hold yourself together, sweet love. It will be official soon enough.

Pachebel Canon is now being played softly on the piano, as if on cue, all the murmurs stopped, it was replaced by ooohs and ahhhs. I noticed the guests are as excited as you. I could very well feel the welling up of jumbled emotions inside me.

She looked perfect. She looked every bit of a happy girl marrying her dream guy - the love of my life.

And my heart plummets to this bottomless abyss of sadness.
Today you will be marrying her. Today you are no longer mine. Today you looked your happiest, and maybe that will be enough for me.

You loved me before, I love you now, I guess timing and chances will never rhyme.

There are veins
Arteries
That connect my heart to the rest of me
Something so vain to plainly see
Your heart exists floating free



Ooohs and aahs

I've never been the kind to shy
Away from another's mistake
And the clouds that live in my house were just another obstacle to shake
But there's only so much a tree can take
And my bows bent so low that I'm ready I'm ready to break
I'm ready I'm ready to break
I'm ready I'm ready to break