Block - unblock - block
Heart opened, heart shattered, heart locked.
Mind screaming, silent dreaming
Mind hushed, dreams rush.

It seems like you are playing musical chairs,
I am free of you, but when the music stops.
When the world grows silent,
You sit in my mind again.

Unblock and stare at the words proclaiming "online"
Curiosity crawling up my spine.
Wondering if you ever opened our chat and stared as well.

Block - unblock - block
Heart opened, heart shattered, heart locked.
Mind screaming, silent dreaming
Mind hushed, dreams rush.

Every time I see you
I feel we can start afresh, anew.
You smile, I smile.
We try to remain in denial.

We go on as just friends
We finally make amends
We pretend nothing happened.
Then something happens

My heart flutters,
But nothing can come of it,
So it shatters
I locked it again, but you are a skilled lockpick.

unblock - block - unblock
Heart opened, heart shattered, heart locked.
Mind screaming, silent dreaming
Mind hushed, dreams rush.

I wait for your message to arrive,
You're no longer blocked, you're alive.
But it never comes,
I become numb.

My dreams are black,
Because if I sleep too deep,
I might miss your message back.
The memories creep.

I can see them sneaking over the fence,
Maneuvering through every defense,
Until it stands like a shadow learing over my bed.
A demon stuck in my head.

Block - unblock - block
Heart opened, heart shattered, heart locked.
Mind screaming, silent dreaming
Mind hushed, dreams rush.

I am almost over you.
I have almost made it through
This tormented affair
This maze of dispair.

The memory of you no longer walks with me down the street,
I don't see you in the places we used to meet.
Your face doesn't burn in the back of my head,
But now you have crawled into my dreams instead.

My mind is working through the last bit,
But I am so exhausted.
So tired of fighting guilt and shame,
So tired of breaking all over again
Whenever I hear your name...

Block - delete number
Heart broken, heart shattered, but heart finally locked.
Mind screaming, but screaming a different song.
All of the dreams are finally gone.

It is over.

Autism is just a word

It does not define who you are

It dont make you unintelligent

It is something about you that is unique

That should be embraced

It cant be corrected but can become easier over time

Your little gestures I understand

I know who you are

I see what you see

I have discovered what is beneath all the layers

That everyone is so afraid of

The many layers of autism

The communication barriers the learing disabilities

I shall as your mother love you and tenderly be here for you

Every step of the way

Caring for another,
living for them,
giving them your all,
not regretting knowing them.
Saving them from danger,
giving them strength,
never giving up on them.
Forgiving their mistakes,
helping solve their problems,
nurturing them.
Helping them cope,
giving them hope,
learing their perspective,
respecting them,
giving them ideas.
Comfort them,
hold them,
teach them,
understand them.
Love them.

There is a paper in front of me,
Having these empty spaces
Having these printed pixels

The reflected light rays, they reach me,
Marking these words
Marking these syntax

The eyes inside of me,
They read the sentences
They read the paper

And still I don't know what I read
And still I don't know what it means
And still I keep reading
And still I keep scrolling

In two days I have to do the resit
In two days my knowledge will be tested, again
But my brain keeps rejecting the words
But my brain keeps dodging the written knowledge

How will I pass this test
How will I answer the questions
If all the knowledge keeps flying past my head
If all the knowledge keeps bouncing of my brain

The problem with being
A genius
Is if learing
Is the line between
Life and Death
The path
Is too clear

I believe in the accuracy of horoscopes
I like listening to classic folk tunes
And getting lost in the dark
I like my car to smell nice
It almost always smells either like cherries or cotton candy
I like doing things by myself
It's sort of difficult for me to be in relationships
I don't think I've ever had a genuine friendship
At least not one where I could break down and cry
And truly open up myself with
I'm 22 and I'm still confused, stuck
Terrified about what I'm doing with my life
Career wise, heart wise, soul wise
And overall personal wise
I'm not as stylish as I used to be, sometimes I don't mind it
Sometimes I don't care at all, but most times I'm self-conscious
But I'm quite accepting of my insecurities
I'm still learing how to become one with myself
I'm still learning how to love myself unconditionally
I don't know what I'm getting to
But I'm getting there
And it will be for the better
I will live a satisfying life
I'll be happy
I'll be sad
I'll be in love
I'll be overwhelmed
I'll be many things, many times
I will make it

The socks I bleached
are haunting me
pale in darkness
restless soles watching
as I light candles and
incense my shoes
pulling their tongues
taught against lacing
up I have found better

Anklez bare to needs
flashing alternatively
propping me from falling
forward my jars of wish
that was printed on time
wailing on instruments
always carried unslung
in these neighborhoods

you wander alone ****
to learing appreciation
cigars and ham blowing
lives in curlers too hot
the at home underwear
holding us apart
falsely I claimed
being here again