Understanding your mind is like trying to find a polar bear in a snow storm
Possible to know its there, yet impossible to figure out every detail
Your past is matted with a dusty haze of need, love and hate I can't always place
Anger mounting with every growing day of summer as memories replace today
Competition spouts in your blood as easily as Ole Glory spouts on a daily basis
Your lungs only have space for air to use in arguements or reassurance
The battle within your mind only plays emphasis to your need to win, to conquer
You challenge every move I make whether its the slightest blink or a giant leap
Every shuffling step toward an unattainable goal of laying intangled in your arms. As something more, more than a confident that is always open for an ear
Someone who you can call at all hours of the night knowing I'll be awake to whisper it's alright and to help you steadily drift right on back into soft pillowy dreams
More than a feverish kiss leading into *** with no passion but pure fire and heat
Burning ourselves in the process for we open ourselves for eachother and show our scars. Each touch you land on my imperfect skins leaves a brand that claims me as yours. Blue eyes twinkling as your lips burn lustful memories into the skin below my navel
Two opposite extremes racing together to create a chaos of confusion
Blindly feeling my way along the restricting walls of our relationship to figure it out/ Yet stupid me didn't remember to bring a flashlight (or learn to read brail)
Entering the darkest of tunnels I sigh knowing the results of this all too well
With my clumsy two left feet I slip and fall into an oblivion of needing you
As you close the gates to your heart, to your life, to your soul no longer wanting me. In any way no longer wanting me to be close, not even as a confident, as a lover. But my stupid heart still burns with passion now too strong to give up
Unrealizing fibers of my being push my tired limbs to try to stand up and beg you to let me in. Sick with hearing my voice you open up the gates and respond
Only to catch my hopes off guard and start a forrest fire of emotion off of a spark
I've been here before if you couldn't tell and I know I'm headed right back
But I can't turn around for every long winded bend in this dark dreary tunnel
Offers me something that no one else could, the touch of a hand on the small of my back. The jingle of laughter after my nightmares attack my unconcious mind. A smile from ear to ear of a knowing friend who wants nothing for me but the best
So my lips will stay silent, except for to give and accept hidden kisses
For losing you would mean losing a piece of myself too large to accept
But the battle within me rages stronger with each passing day, yet nothing can be done. Pains pull at my heart and tug at my brain begging me to make a move
Resisting to satisfy the urge my body feels to know more of you
Not on the surface, or of your soul just more that can not be known by a friend
Jealousy rages at the mention of other names yet I contain my explosions of hate
Saving those for another darker lonlier day where I can take it out on myself
On days like these I ponder what you know about these feelings for you seem to know everything else about me and about the way I feel towards other people
This only furthers my need to burrow my feelings and hide them like a bear does in the winter- to hibernate my feelings until we're so far away from eachother it doesn't matter
Because if my feelings are not as confusing to you as a polar bear in ice storm
Then you already know, and the seemingly never ending journey for the unattainable spot. Lying in your open arms grows further away with every blindly taken step down the tunnel. Further into the darkness that grows darker and longer with every movement
Causing me to believe I'm only biding my time until my heart crashes to the pavement in front of you and I'm screaming your name and begging through my tear stained eyes. Wanting nothing more than to take back the first step I took into this never ending oblivion of pain I can't even begin to try to contain even though I knew it was coming
Because I've been here before- but so have you, that's what leaves the smallest glimmer of hope in my heart, like a handrail along the walls in the dark
That .1 percent chance out of 99 that one day it will be me and you laying side by side.
If only I can convince you.
I hope no one reads this and takes this the wrong way. Because after reading it its possible. But whatever.
