As I hold you ever so tight, and gentally.
We kiss for our love so soft and sweet.

As I tell you all my flaws.
You rip my heart with your massive claws.

As I feel my heart tearing open.
You tell me you love me, and try not to hurt me.

I can't help if I am not perfect.
But trust me girl you aren't either.

I try to work through all the pain and suffering.
You have no idea that I'm even alive.

You say I have never tried.
So I stopped and you killed me.

I worry about you every day.
Just to get my heart ripped again.

You and your son mean the world to me.
But until you see that I have tried my best.

I will never be good enough for you.
So leave me alone to wilt like a cut rose in the sun.

Please if you love me like you say you do.
Just go and never return.

My heart can not take much more if this.
I feel like it is going into a rut that can never be fixed.

From my head to my toes I love you.
And the beat thing you can do is leave.

I was told if you love something, let it go.
If it returns than it was meant to be yours.

So just go and I'll die alone.
Hopping that one day you will return.

I sit here,
Fingers aching,
Smudged in ink,
From when I changed the ribbon,
My right knee decides,
At this very moment,
To make its regular bout of grinding pain known to me,
Yay.


Heloise Tunstall-Behrens and Luisa Gerstei are making my heart shatter,
From over 3,700 miles away.
These sirens are begging the listener to Sing them to sleep,
Because they've gone and lost the mindset,
To dream seamlessly.

Their club has swelled by one,
I say to myself as I light a smoke,
It's about to be a long night.

My knee starts complaining once more,
The old injury settling down after I massage the ailment.

Now the trickling of a xylophone is tapping out of the wires,
Gentally accompanied by a guitar and the girls,
They're warning the listener of their past transgressions,
It's gentle tone,
Lulling you into hearing,
Before your brain can register the lyrics,
However,
They're whisked away by the xylophone,
What was a steady trickle has swelled into a quick stream,
They're now telling the listener to use them up,
Because that's what they're expecting anyway.
Seems like a tale of escaping from something bad to me.

Is this why I write?
To escape?

Or is it to bring you into my world,
If only for a bit?

I'm not going to rant to you
as you may not understand

You have always said
promised to me, over and over again
that you will be there to talk to
if i ever dare feel the need

In a moment of weakness
i try to use the words
that i know you will not understand

english is a harsh language
With hard, stiff, stone letters
Sharp words
Blunt
The tough, callused hand
better at beating you down
Than helping you up

Other languages
A way to comfort you in a relation
a way to turn these stiff ways of the tounge
to silk and fresh water
to something
easily, gentally, softly felt
As smooth as a cold, gliding glacier's stream

English is the langague
for facts, explanations
plain, blunt topics
It's hard to have words for feelings
Emotions
ways of the heart
But other lanauges don't have words for such things
They have words, phrases, exchanges, dialects, customs
for moments
for memories
for dreams, almost out of reach

So when I try to explain to you
What i am going through
behind the "I'm fine."

"You know what I mean?"
"Uh, not really"
Well ****
Now you know the thoughts inside my head
Twisted by your interpritaion
your intake
of me

Undertow
Hues of blues stretch out endlessly until they plunge into the dark depths she has no light left to explore.
It starts gentally...so quietly that at first she doesn't notice
For fishes of many colors disrupt her vision and euphoria clouds her mind.
Ever more the tides tug at her clumsy feet as she swims out further towards the dissipearing sun.
Overcome with exhaustion, the ocean's deathly touches start to caress her thighs,
akin to a lover and she surrenders to waters as if they were sheets.
The waves begin to surround her head crowning her the queen of misery.
Eyes open, lungs empty, but she savors the silence.
Holes in her soul are filled with water,
watered down,
and bleeding into blurs,
She takes her first and final breath.