Daisy Chain

Untie the ribbons from her hair
then watch them float down to the floor
She’s stood in front of the window
Her back towards me just for show
and as I peeled off her dress
let her soft skin feel my breath
My hands roll across her pale breast
her back faulters against my chest
But something doesn’t feel right
Her head bowed down, her eyes shut tight
It’s like she’s here but no she’s not
Or maybe she is but I am not
I buy her lots of fancy clothes
Like these beneath our naked toes
I roll my fingers across her skin
Then watch her as she pulls away

And sometimes, in the mornings
When she thinks I sleep
She ups and takes her leave
She opens up her drawers, and in her nakedness
Pulls a daisy chain, and puts it on her neck
then, in the darkness of our room
My beauty falls to her frail knees and cries
With that daisy chain

But I could give you things, that you never had, anything you want
I could buy you jewels to put around your neck over that daisy chain
You want a car, I could buy a car and give it all to you
I’d give you anything I could be your king if you would be my queen
Oh, will you be my queen?

Give you my hand but you turn it away
I give you my jewels and with that smile that you fake
You wear ruby’s and diamonds but can’t hide your pain
For your only true smile is for that daisy chain
And then in the evenings you lay in our bed
And I wish I could see what’s inside that head
When you make love to me, but no love was made
As you only have love for the daisy chain
But if you would just let me in, I could be your king!
Every lover has a past, the longest of summers never last

She looked outside her window
And saw the boy from down the road
Whose family lived outside the law
But she had history with him and of him she was sure
She put her best summer dress on
And from the window to the lawn
Where hand in hand they both ran
Through the wild city streets,
Her ribbons flowing at her feet
Then she stopped him in her tracks
and told the boy about the man
To who she was promised too,
he was older than her but had diamonds and jewels
but before she finished he kissed hand
and said he’d figure something out
as he made his first love to her
beneath the hanging trees in the dirt
and when they were done they stood hand in hand
facing each other on this one-night romance he sighed
I really don’t have a lot to give
I don’t have money like him, but I know how to live
But I got these 2 hands and there’s things I can make
And he bent down then pulled up a daisy chain
As he placed it on top of her naked skin
She held it so tight it almost sunk within her
Then stared at each other and both looked sad
Because both of them knew that long summers don’t last
One day I will be rich, and I’ll come and get you
Keep this daisy chain, and watch for me from your room

And so, in the mornings
When i thinks he sleeps
I up and take my leave
open up my drawers, and in my nakedness
Pull his daisy chain, and put it on my neck
then, in the darkness of our room
I fall to my frail knees and cry
Waiting for him,
With his daisy chain

As I maintain the whip,
As I kneel upon the ground,
I strike myself, not in sin,
But as eternal man profound,
-
I grip the cat’o’nine-tails,
Ever it has been sharper,
I bless my back in welts and wails,
Until I feel no longer.
-
Fifty lashes strong now,
No sin had been committed,
The longing to feel just something,
For love to find, be fitted,
-
O’er and o’er I feel the sting
O’er and o’er I’m branded,
For the darkness inside of me,
For the sorrow I’ve commanded.
-
Ninety lashes, still not feeling,
Swelling, my tongue I’ve bitten,
Until the hopelessness in my heart…
Is dead and long be ridden.
-
Adrenaline coursing and still no pain,
I’ve conquered all but you,
The questions in my heart are somber,
Your face in my mind is glued.
-
One hundred and twenty strokes now,
And forever still seems far away,
Overcoming this paradox,
To curse this mental pain away.
-
I strive for physical touch of blade,
For emotionally I am torn,
I’ve felt nothing until you,
Since the day I was born.
-
A wretched sense of memory,
Caresses my cheek and I
Rip apart myself with malice,
For this nastalgia defied.
-
I wrap the shroud around me,
The thin linnen to my flesh fuses,
I tear it quickly without flinching
Off my gashes and bruises.
-
Still nothing has fluttered,
In the pain recepters,
I wonder how my life could,
Ever be this disevered.
-
It aches and moans with cracks and groans,
My whip, serrated, ne’er faulters,
My robe in flagellation,
Lays down my blood at aulter.
-
One hundred and fifty after the shroud,
I confess I could strike harder,
Perhaps it decidedly best,
If I think myself of fodder.
-
Nightmares are but where I dream,
Yet dream of this, I don’t.
If I were spied upon, I guess,
They’d beg me stop, I won’t.
-
The shroud now soaked with blood and flesh
And false hopes of years of rot,
This punishment is not what it seems,
It is not one to be fought.
-
The outline cry for oil dipped rope,
Has not this pain be stopped,
Moreso however I do fear,
That your love for me has dropped.

Seek those tender moments,
embrace them with your soul.
Remember them for all their truths
before you grow too old.
Before you're lost to reason,
with a shield to hide the light.
Remember them for what they are,
they'll lead you to what's right.
What your vessel carries,
sometimes faulters
sometimes cracks,
but remember once you see the light
there ain't no headng back.
See light is sometimes handy,
when you've been basking in the dark,
but we should try remember,
just to listen to our hearts
If only everyone of us
could listen to our heart.

MOVEMENT I (written to be performed on tárogató, accompanied by acoustic guitar)

"The morn rises o'erhead
The baker bakes the daily bread
The people smell the blooming roses
Happiness in smaller doses

The children go off to their school
And think learning is ever so cruel
But they'll wish these days back
Everyone will wish these days back

Glowing rays crown the apartments
It is, in return, dubbed glorious hence
Though the clouds will later darken
And the air will taste of iron"

MOVEMENT II (written to be performed on baritone saxophone)

"Radiant, glowing
Destructive but invisible
The naked eye suffers
The body faulters and wilts
Crime and agony
Pain and suffering
Endless, endless throes of woes
Breaths draw short
The air becomes thin
The water grows darker
Blackness overtakes
This is the realm of Death
Come to take ye
Who dare tempt his fated word.

You, whose body fails
Whose organs rupture and fall apart
I suggest you tell your fellow man
Die screaming
The alternative is far more sinister."

MOVEMENT III (written to be performed on contrabass clarinet, accompanied by prepared electric guitar and bowed cymbals)

"Bloom (wilt)
Grow (die)
Sane (mind)
Must (cry)
...
Decay (decay (decay (decay (decay))))
And a reminder for the future folk:
Bury your dead far beneath."

In the darkness she comes to melt,
surge into cool shadows
and be at one with them.

But they cannot allow her to dissolve into the abyss,
they grab and clench their angry fists
at how beautiful she longed to be
and was,
but did not know.

She faulters in her black waves of mutilation
cutting strands of hair that cross her path.

the floor becomes her death bed,
awaiting to crumble and swallow her into the milky world of her iris.
They're coming for you. Her.

Can't control the grotesque feel of their lips upon her shoulder,
they smoulder
and smother.

Fear is eating away at my stomach,
And dissolving my brain.
So much so that the ability to think straight, eat, sleep, have all become a challenge.
A toxic mixture of fear and confusion are what's eating at my brain now.
Hey, at least for once it's not the drugs right?
There are two of me.
One says, the optimistic one, that it'll all be okay, and to just go with this.
The other, well, she doesn't like the look of this.
One is all lovey dovey, and the other is so scared of being stabbed in the back that she'd rather just sit in my room all day and ignore the fact that he exists.
She's always saying that this one is smart, he's not like the predictable idiots from the past. He's actually proven this time and time again, so its not just an assumption that he's a genius. This makes him so much more charming, and he has so much to offer, but it also makes him incredibly unpredictable.
Now that, that is some unknown territory for the both of us.
It bugs them both so much that they can't simply read his mind like the others. That they can't predict his every move days, or even weeks beforehand.
I've come to terms with the fact that the optimistic one is a *******. She always falls for stupid games. The other, she's not so dim, but even she is teetering on the edge for once. Teetering between trusting, and running the **** away.
That is a first for her, she never faulters, ever.
I haven't listened or taken heed of her words in the past. It's always left me unhappy, alone, and feeling stupid. She's the practical one, the one the never listens to her emotions.
The ******* on the other hand? Emotions rule her every decision, she's a fool. Listening to her has never gotten me anywhere good.
For once I'm listening to the practical one, and for the first time, even she's baffled by this oddity.
One cares to much, the other, usually doesn't even care as to whether she or anyone else dies.
Even she worries about him.
He may be smart, but he's just as ****** up. Just as likely to do the things I would. Just as likely to be utterly unpredictable. That, is terrifying.
I may love someone one day, but if they decide to stab me in the back, I'll still love them. However, I'll never speak to them again, and whenever they're around a fire will start inside of me. That continuously burns until they're so uncomfortable they feel the need to leave.
I may love him, but trusting is an altogether different thing for me. It only takes one mistake to destroy it and never gain it back. I'm always on high alert, and I refuse to take chances.
I believe this is the only thing that will keep me safe, but at what cost?

Something had to fill in....
The void that I have deep within,
So I've replaced the spot you slept in,
With a bottle of ***, Brandy or whiskey,
Because nights are cold and lonely,
And your not here to warm me,
So for now I've replaced the warmth of you,
With golden brown liquor,
1 Pint @ a time,
To mask all that I hide,
This sinking depression eating me inside,
I run on alcohol and chasers,
A substitute for love and a pseudo sense of happiness,
If only for a moment,
I can hold it...
Hold it just a bit longer,
Before my sanity faulters,
Something had to fill in,
The hole that's deep inside,
And maybe I hope in time...
I can pick myself up
ONE MORE TIME.

CONFESSIONS

A set thinking  mostly have I, but sometimes it faulters.

It should not, but questions arise and the decision alters.

Believe I in growing green n desperately prayed for my trees.

Wished I, their green curtain, their flowers, birds, shade n breeze.

But when chopped off they were, irate and very frustrated I was;

Asked You I questions, though humans, of their destruction were the cause !

When just before Shez's wedding, Dad suddenly critical was;

Accept the blow I couldn't and requested You to pull him out of death's jaws

Out of frustration, I asked You why, why, why; surrender I did not.

With You, angry I was; as emotionally with the situation I fought

Though my faith, I say, unwavering is, questions I often ask

Surrender I haven't totally, I admit; does that mean, I wear a mask???

Conffesions I today make, my faith faulter should never .

Help me O Ahura kind to change, to reverse this situation for ever.

Armin Dutia Motashaw