My behaviour erratic
My speech far from smooth
These days I can't wait to cut down anyone
Who thinks life is a bed of roses on a cloud
Life is not effortless like the rainbow you so seek
These days people are afraid
The spark dying
The fire extinguishable
Do not be depressed from what I say
There is family to hold you up
And words to console
These things are meant to be
There is a correctness in some rare person
But Me? I am far from right
I am twisted
Like a crooked spine, I hurt
If someone out there feels as I do
That no consolation may come due to uncorrectable mistakes
Please let me not feel so alone
Hopeless cases that we are
Erasures all over our life's draft
I can see my follies plain as day
I can see you clearly
There is a correctness in some rare person
Judgement, I pray you be far from swift and close to gentle
I plan to live out my days trying
Best efforts are like flower buds blooming
I plan to be celebrated for my triumphs over my trials
When I have died trying

a fervor, a flame,
a burning curiosity.
i fed the embers
and they glowed gold for me.
warm,
weak,
extinguishable.

a fervor, a flame,
gone with the wind.
too young to grow,
too naïve to coax.
you fed the flames
but they did not glow gold for you.

yet,
you would not surrender.
a fire blazed within you,
never dimming.
i felt the heat
emanating from your core.
i kindled the fire.

a fervor, a flame,
scorching too hot.
a confused heart,
a muddled mind,
frightened,
unsure,
lost.

a fervor, a flame,
rising from the ashes.
beginning only as an ember,
but burned hot enough
to consume my whole heart.
i see the fire,
blazing,
seething,
scorching white-hot.
i walk fearlessly into the inferno,
right into your open arms.

i've never looked back.

This evening I was listening,
To the ebb and flow,
Maynard James Keenan was telling me a tale,
One of struggle and heartbreak,
The passing of a person he loved,
After 27 years in tribulation,
That she would finally be free.

It reminds me of when I was a child ,
When a person very close to me died,
Cancer ravaged their body,
A brilliant mind imprisoned in a failing vessel.
He was smarter than any of us,
And because he knew what the endgame would be,
That there would be no last minute solution,
No magic cure,
Because he knew that he was calm.

The way he carried himself,
Knowing that terrible truth,
Was nothing short of legendary,
Every stride with purpose,
An in-extinguishable fire in his eyes.
And in the end he greeted the end that we all must eventually face like a cool summer breeze,
Knowing that he would no longer feel the pain,
That of his body turning on itself.

He was better than us all,
Someone we should all aspire to be,
We're glad he has peace,
That he was finally called home.

Fighting for right's  
To fight for rights  
Writing wrongs  
Scarlett letters forged  
Forgetting to neatly  
Pack clean draws  
Drawing conclusions of their own  
Panicking naked on a poet's stage  
Shooting one liners  
Mics for only one's spots lights  
Widening eyes  
Bright with green  
Envious envy's envying  
Monsterz flashing bright  
Diamond mynded reflections  
Borrowed timelessness  
At the many points of it ALL  
There's NOOOOO return  
Non extinguishable flames  
Searching for a diagnosis  
To this heart's burning burnz!  
 
P.S. Let It!!!

I am laughing all the way to the front door where I make myself vulnerable; extinguishable. I ask to be taken out - to feel the weight of something feasible; something absolute

I ask to be put away - I am tired now.