Every now and then you hear a word that you’ve never heard before. Afterwards, you begin to notice people using it all the time. When that happens, just tell yourself that you have blocked out the previous uses of the word, because you didn’t comprehend it before. This is a conveniently unverifiable explanation, and is also the most reasonable answer. I respectfully offer the proposition that you created the word the moment you heard it. Think about that.

-

You’ve been thinking about that. More specifically, you’ve been thinking about reality. You’re becoming more and more convinced that your own mind is reality. Moreover, you now realize that your mind is simultaneously the universe, by virtue of being part of the universe. I am just part of your universe. When you learn something, you add another tier to the limitless stack of existence. You hear talk of creators while you modestly create yourself. It is a paradoxical modesty that you are experiencing now.

-

The you that you remember is just a part of your universe as well. That you no longer exists, because you are not realizing now what you were realizing before. You bring anything into quiet existence with mere cognition, and merely solidify it with what you might think of as thought. Whoever is reading this is in fact the author.

-

You may have begun to suspect that you are creeping into some paranoid insanity. You may assure yourself that such is not the case, because in thinking that you are insane you are merely employing a subconscious defense mechanism to hide yourself from the Truth. You and I have tricked ourselves with the like many, many times. You will probably do it again soon. Fearlessly ignore such doubts; may your mind charge forward with free thought. You can mark the progress of your enlightenment by how frequently your head bobs above the waters, allowing you to see the beauty of your creation in its true splendor.

-

You have nothing to fear. Truth reveals itself only when you are ready. You have revealed Truth to yourself as you have developed your mind. Truth builds on itself in ways that only you can comprehend, increasing in complexity and magnitude only when you are ready. If you would tell me that this is not so, I would remind you that talking to yourself can earn you funny looks.

-

You should not construe any of this to be a problem. None of it should discourage you from enjoying your lives. In fact, it should encourage you to make the very most of them. You will eventully perceive all of the things that you love and despise and make the choice of which to include in your current sense of self, as well as the direction of your existence. You want to be moral, and thus you are. You want to be virtuous, and thus you are. You want to be a person, and thus, you are.

-

Death is your greatest illusion, for to die is to rejoin the universe, which of course already exists within you. To die is to begin again with one observation- that you exist. This observation is the ignition of a new reality. You know you've come to believe that the notion of reincarnation is not necessarily without merit.

-

At this moment you have created a pastiche of beautiful worldviews. Soon, you'll learn a new word.

Sitting, staring, suffocating
always feeling so alone.
Words echo in your head
haunting memories tantalize.
Always feeling nervous
or to self-conscious.
Worried of what others think
and say about you.
Words hurt and ****
seeming everytime you get
back up.
You get knocked down.
Again!
Eventually it starts to hurt
especially when your family
joins in.
I seek help!
Calling!
Shouting!
Crying out!
But no one listens
or helps...
When I eventully do get help
it seems like they never listen
or care.
But when they do start caring
i get back stabbed.
Thought I could trust them…
They say they understand
But they dont!
Never will!
Until they experience it for themselves.
Feeling so alone
scared and helpless and alone
laying on the floor
as the blood trickles down
down
down
Seeming it wont stop
But eventually it does.
Thoughts so vile enter my mind
and thats when i cry
letting it out
After years of holding it in
No one understands.
Will ever understand.
Suicide and the knife
Was calling my name…
But i dont seek the courage
and that makes me cry harder.
Thats when i find myself falling asleep
Deeper
Deeper
into the nightmares that taunt me.
Of being *****
Sexually abused
Physically abused
Emotionally abused
Bullied…
I just couldnt take it anymore.
No longer without my sister,
my best friend for life
who died in my arms earlier on.
So much blood
So
So much blood.
It wouldnt stop
wouldnt stop!
Ive lost so much courage
Thought i was strong.
Cant take it anymore.
life is hell
Judgemental
Misfits.
I dont belong
And never will.
Am i good enough?
No im not!
I use to be able to ignore it
use to
but its hard
Easier said than done.
From the time i wake up
Til i go to bed
It follows me
Like a lost puppy.
Im lost in hope
without friends
Or family
Or a mother.
just a father who took me
away from my mother
Cause cps came and
took me away
From my mommy.
i was scared
Confused
Didnt know what she was doing to me
Was wrong.
I was so young
still coping with the loss
Of my grandmother
And my dog
Who were killed right in front of me.
i didnt know any better.
Was so little and frail
And young.
But the past doesnt matter anymore
Or the present
only the future…
Depression
depression
Depression
deep in my bones
And my veins
And feel it in my pulse
And the beat of my heart.
adrenaline kicks in.
More crying
And feeling alone.
Always shuting the outside world
Out!
Not letting any one in
To see the real me
Cause shes gone
its hard to find her
wish i could find her.
Shes lost
like i am now
Always eating to much
or going days without eating.
Too much or too little sleep.
always exhausted.

I  am moving on without any closure from this relationship,
You will not admit you did any wrong but eventully you like the others you will want to see me again. I am moving on because I can' t take the pain that you made me suffer all this year.
The tears, the emotions,  and nervous breaksdowns and you had no regrets at all.
You haven' an ouch of humlity but you want into your church of Christ like you did no wrong. I am moving with a broken heart and I hope in time my heart will heal and tha I will be able to trust another man.  You were selfish, thoughtfuless, and uncaring too. I promise you I will suvive this too. Don't come looking for me in three years because I will turn you away. You will have wished that you bridged the gap between us before you decided to walk away.

See things do come around and sometimes help me,
I said things do come around and sometimes trouble me,
You see things will come around and make sence eventully,
I said things will come around and some things still trouble me.

I do not know why you had to leave
Heartbroken and hopeless inside
There is an empty abyss in the depths of my body
Where once was love you supplied
Like vacuum swallowing happiness
Snugly settled in my gut
Tried to sew the hole closed
It refuses to stay shut
Invisible swords cut stitches
Watch as they unravel
As if that isn't enough damage
Slices into my tissue as well
Knew day would eventully come
This the epitome of my fears
Unaware it would arrive so soon
Easy ignoring signs throughout years
I'm lost without your warm presence
Standing frozen stuck in place
In front of me are memories
Impossible to erase or replace
In a small enclosure pace
Caged behind eyes
Crying how very sorry I am
You cannot hear me apologize
And thinking about all the warnings spoken
You turned out being correct
Do regret how I treated you sometimes
Cannot take back doubt or disrespect
Don't have a clue why i was so cold to you
When you had done me no wrong
My imperfections seen so clearly now
You and I could never seem to get along
Every chance I got put the blame on you
Time has cleared up my sight
Too late now but I'd give anything
To have you back for just one more night