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ORLA Dec 2012
Once upon a time, there was me:
A simpleton of no account,
A dunderhead by word of mouth,
An addle-pate, a cracking crock,
A crazy who deserved a lock.
Not pretty, brainy, or well-bred,
Bespectacled, a short redhead
With hands too small and far too pink
Who’d trip or fall as soon as think.
Not many prospects, they declared
With such conviction I was scared.
But the cast was short one role,
The one who’d make the halfwit whole . . .

Once upon a time, there was you:
A lord of state, of high esteem,
The answer to each maiden’s dream,
A strong man, raven-haired, and tall?
No, not this person, not at all.
You had glasses just like me,
And freckles where your skin should be.
Your clothes were rumpled, torn and tattered
Not as though that even mattered:
You walked on set and came to me
You got down on one gawky knee
You took my pink hand in your red
And, as you fixed your glasses, said:
“I love your hands, your height, your hair,
I love you up, down, everywhere.
And I hesitate to ask you this . . .
But could I maybe have a kiss?”
And, for once, my tactless lips
Did not resort to stumbling slips;
I gave you one, I gave you two,
I gave every kiss I had to you.

Once upon a time, there was us:*
Two simpletons of no repute
Two dunderheads whose names were moot:
Prince Not-So-Charming and his *****.
And much as cynics tried to drench
The flames of addle-pated glee
I found in you and you in me,
As much as they enjoyed pretending,
They could not harm our happy ending.
Something I wrote a few years ago - forgive its awkwardness, the sentiment still applies.
Joseph Sinclair Feb 2022
Let blockheads read what blockheads wrote,
Lord Chesterfield once said.
Thereby inviting us to judge him
As a dunderhead.

Let wise men read what wise men wrote
Is what I say instead,
And you may judge me for yourself
Since my work’s quite widespread.
Aliq Sep 2020
Intro:
Shoot...

Verse I:
The moment I blink again; just check it out!
Stop staring at the other boys, you're stupid lout!
Your everlasting snort I have already pall,
It’s weird all, all, all...

Verse II:
How about being a lil' bit nicer to me?
Your cold words hurt me so much, don’t have you see?
I'm starting get used to, but still upset of this fall,
I hate this all, all, all...

Bridge I:
Where are you looking, crud?!
I am standing next to you!

Chorus:
You've made my heart covered with ice,
And I decided to speak out against your lies.
Your arrows are trouble, in trouble, in trouble.
You’ve targeted me. You shoot, shoot, shoot.
But I’m good, good, good.
Your words, full of poison, wound like lance,
But I decide to give you a second chance.
As expected you’re trouble, in trouble, in trouble.
You’ve targeted me. You shoot, shoot, shoot.
But I’m good, good, good.

Verse III:
You have fallen deep into another trap,
Enough of your excuses, you’re lower creep.
With this character you will not find a good boy,
You never, no, no, no...

Bridge II:
Don’t misunderstand,
You’re not cupid, dunderhead.
Oh, no, you are!

Chorus:
You've made my heart covered with ice,
And I decided to speak out against your lies.
Your arrows are trouble, in trouble, in trouble.
You’ve targeted me. You shoot, shoot, shoot.
But I’m good, good, good.
Your words, full of poison, wound like lance,
But I decide to give you a second chance.
As expected you’re trouble, in trouble, in trouble.
You’ve targeted me. You shoot, shoot, shoot.
But I’m good, good, good.

Bridge III:
You've caught in a trap like a foolish doll,
You go to the tricks of playing wrong role.
Innocence, if you are a small, sweet vole,
But unlike you, I won’t shoot arrows, denying rules.

Chorus:
You've made my heart covered with ice,
And I decided to speak out against your lies.
Your arrows are trouble, in trouble, in trouble.
You’ve targeted me. You shoot, shoot, shoot.
But I’m good, good, good.
Your words, full of poison, wound like lance,
But I decide to give you a second chance.
As expected you’re trouble, in trouble, in trouble.
You’ve targeted me. You shoot, shoot, shoot.
But I’m good, good, good...
Jabbering Ignominious Hypocrite Gabbles - against the backdrop of gross unbridled viscous wracking zealotry bruiting extinguishing inherent national trust...  

Poetic Introduction:

I wax and wane rhapsodic
plus prosaically politic
aware severe erosion
of American democracy
over run by narcissistic
over stuffed ego-freezer,
whose vocabulary
extremely laconic
foe swash buckling braggadocio
commander in chief
not gun shy
to brandish (hugely
bully like) jingoistic
tirade unleashing horrific
banshees more'n 10, 000
foo fighting maniacs
(nemesis of liberty) fatalistic
to sanctity of
United States democracy
throw back at him bigly,
his woeful treachery,
quasi xenophobic, tragic,
and lunatic bred anarchy!

Each ticking second of every single day, the pensive, doughy face execrably debased “dunderhead” criminal commander in chief (trumpeting acrimonious, calumnious, egregious...yakking), while donned in gay apparel) trumpeting lunatic, jingoistic, ideology imbues heretic catalysts.

Thou art unduly seething, quaking, and oozing mercurial kindling ideological glommed ethos of mine. These atrocious blaspheming, castigating, denigrating, excoriating, fulminating gross humiliations imply jerkiness, kookiness, lunacy.

No! Not for one more term can this acidulous, indecorous Mandates need outspoken politicians quickly removing this utterly vile wicked Xerses.

Thus spoke Zarathustra (without blandishment) to me, a gluten and monosodiumglutinate free, NON-GMO non-alarmist, nonestablishmentarian, nor ham aye a nihilist.

Yukon just **** sitter me a copacetic, energetic, ironic language lover (English is ma lingua franca late mother tongue), who waxes poetic, but tall so one babbling, creaking, and dabbling dis arming marine naval (gazing) scrivener expressing stance toward thee present lord save us (Te Deum) included despite admitting to espouse atheistic tendencies.

This “FAKE” president aces at blabbing acerbic, caustic, empathetic, fatalistic hoary jabbering mishmash!

I aim to affect a chain reaction while this paunchy dumpling remains in office, whereat he flirts, debases, colludes, with amoral, diabolical, execrable horrible ingrates.

His see-through debonair, imposter nuanced orbit poseur quite revealing sans, (inviting guests, sans agents provocateurs to join his all-star ensemble of mailer daemons, lampoon kickstarting imps of the pervert further underscores this delusional faux equalitarian huckster as an unqualified commander in chief!

A flourishing gesticulation (hocus – pocus) kindles, flickered and evinces braggadocio. This pantomime a charade, facade, inlaid limp odiousness. Via compounding gall, he makes official indiscriminate ******* legislation all the exempting himself and kin.

Smug slinking, sneering, sporting antics attempt to cocoon diabolical, horrible laws (automatically abrogating, evading, flaunting every decree, whereat he affixes his signature). This absolute zero with dangerous liaisons significantly, knowingly, and increasingly shortens the metaphorical burning fuse.

He sets the figurative and literal global shaky sphere stage setting off a global conflagration. If privy with box office seat, you will rub shoulders with guest appearances sans, worldwide webbed sheep in wool clothing faux allies.

These Janus faced grungy beastie boys, cagily, edgily cadge facile self-possessing knack to acquire fruitful knick knacks (paddy whacks give their dog a bone), which forsaken good and plenty treats blithely, blindly, blandly exchanged at the emotional, financial, and spiritual expense of American taxpayers.

This collusion to fiddle (while Rome burns), gamble and mollycoddle with turncoats actually, demonstrably, generously favors these chameleon nemeses.

Poetic Polemic Bookends this rant:

Though poor (financially),
this figurative anchorite
doth no longer
wanna feel powerless
against bicameral blight
thus approaching 2020 election...
uneasily doth excite.
(lesson taught during the foggy night
of December 29th, 2018)

Right there on the driver side
front seat of locked car
(2009 Hyundai Sonata
if that adds mar
soup pea el uber lyft, heft,
distraction, et cetera),

but may as well
bajillion miles afar
happened to mocking me
braking means to
mosey along tar
nation (albeit via four wheels),

plus access to apartment impeded,
yes which plight found
yours truly ajar
to concern lest a kick
starter prowler burglar,
and ransack maybe even hotwire

sole mode of locomotion lowering bar
on being a lunkhead,
dunderhead, bonehead,
et cetera, where mind
went AWOL earning par
tickle yule early cat us strophic

topic for poem - ah betcha yar
laughing (similar to the missus)
at my expense, asper war
re: ring how to resolve dilemma
as if a mouse caught by Gar
field with mere seconds to spar

(okay a bit of exaggeration),
but then Char
Lee horse made
an unexpected appearance,
thus incommodious, I hobbled
slow as a caterpillar

part way in the dark
til finally reaching familiar
windows of unit b44
thankfully unlocked,
thus plucked courage, and
grabbed reachable bedpost insofar

as to hoist my (nada so lightweight
former youthful body),
where every intercellular
muscle creaked, groaned,
and protested forced to
stretch to unfamiliar

height, length, width, et cetera
nonetheless, the porpoise
accomplished, matter I felt like
a dolphin with missing flipper,
though once dramatic egress complete,
an influx of radar

bombarded this cerebral
noggin, sans global surveillance drone
broadcast akin to shofar,
whereat this mild mannered man
suddenly found himself semi popular.
Bob B Aug 2023
In Cedar Glen, California,
A woman owned a clothing store.
The woman, Lauri Carleton, flew
A rainbow flag outside the door.

Someone took exception to that--
A hate-filled man, a dunderhead--
Who after making disparaging
Remarks, shot the woman dead.

Always valuing justice and love,
She welcomed the opportunity
To share that love with all and was
A pillar of the community.

She wanted a place that was safe for folks.
That was her dream; that was her plan.
Sadly, her hopes were cut short by
A vile, loathsome excuse for a man.

In an encounter with deputies,
The suspect was shot and killed. But why
Did such a lovely person as Lauri--
A mom with nine children--have to die?

Her husband and children now are grieving.
My heart goes out to each of them.
Certainly, they'll remember her as
A loving soul, a precious gem.

-by Bob B (8-20-23)
Torpedo style full speed ahead
keeping me in suspense,
what salacious gossip
gets browned, buttered, rolled
down the alley and bred
into unsavory tidbits,

these souffled ears dread
to hear hard boiled morsels
poached, scrambled, whipped
donning barren falsehoods
zeitgeist spouting dunderhead
trumpeting hex pence heave

signature border wall
inside this weatherbeaten egghead
sponge bobbing squarepants,
whereby passers by some with fathead
steer clear avoiding your truly
wobbly, and zany fountainhead

even atlas shrugged his shoulders
in repugnance at mine R.E.M. bored
heavy slimy algal filled
legally tendered greenhead
thank dog - me noggin
rock solid hardhead

able to withstand falsehoods
pitting this uber capital one
tindered linkedin lyfted loggerhead
with silent springing
black barbs snubbed from lunkhead
argh, those cruel verbal slings

fired weapons courtesy
mass destruction multiwarhead
lobbed, rocket propelled, tear gassed
glancing off cratered moon faced pate
said vicious unfounded nailhead
sharp hearsay twittering

with wingspan outspread
pterodactyl by bajillion miles exceeded
size of Sheepshead
Bay, I knew best to tread
softly, and carry big stick
admonished by Teddy Roosevelt
in conjunction with unifying thread

primarily on issues
in mathematics and logic
advanced by Alfred North Whitehead,
hence we must find another

place to escape widespread
senior citizens acting juvenile,
maybe a place gravely wrested
or willingly conceded
from grateful dead.
Addends, minuend, subtrahends... all Greek
to poor student long haired pencil necked freak.

****** (internal) revenue stream
plus plugged egress
equals flood of woe
torturous suffocation
of biosphere quite slow
particularly concerning one
Norwegian bachelor farmer from Oslo
amidst the bajillions of people,
one common Joe
(cur) just biden his time

pleading to acquire
much needed dough,
attorney General assistant Lynne Costello
sought out to help yours truly
(to no avail)
hoof hound himself cloven
and rent asunder courtesy
ofttimes mentioned cyber outlaws
preying upon (long in the tooth) fellow
suddenly his entire body electric
being deceived synonymous

with the plot of Iago
in my version starring
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
as none other than Othello
punch drunk as Judy
falling down laughing,
roistering, yammering hysterically
and rolling with a ****** Rockafellow,
whose role as a convincing fall guy
convincingly contradicted himself
as an above board underfellow.

Yours truly voluntarily recruited himself,
cuz he haint been rather astute
therefore welcomes
a swift kick in the derrière
courtesy squared off steel tipped boot
knocking the living daylights
predicated on lovely bonehead moment
linkedin to poppycock that did compute
as sense and sensibility
even suspicious to a deaf-mute
leary toward one extortionist

pièce de résistance, he did execute
and pulled wool over my eyes
analogous to snake charmer
playing magic (Johnson) flute
transfixing yours truly
a dunderhead lunkhead punked galoot
who in hindset could not add up
fishy (worm I going)
oh yeah... virtually nabbed
courtesy cyber bandits,
who gane nary a hoot

prying skewed logistics I impute
to wanna hang myself
courtesy suitable length of jute
tied with Gordian knute
gofundme page welcomes pledging loot
to help me (if you can)
with desired great expectation moot,
hence these lovely bones
when cremated will be transformed
into fine powder
more inert than a newt.
no matter whether or not ya give a hoot

especially after feeling super charged
watching the second night of
Democratic National Convention conclave
ushering a hint of "Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité.

Men and women are born and remain free and equal in rights. Social distinctions may be founded only upon the common good.

Article 1 of the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen (‘Déclaration des Droits de l’Homme et du Citoyen’)

Yours truly (a poker face)
exceptionally shy person
as a little boy who maintained an
inscrutable impassive expression
that hid my true feelings
similar to an adept card "Sharp" and "shark"
born this way nocturnal chronotype.

I dusk cover tenebrous dark shadows
creeping closer along the edge of night
punctuating the outer limits
of the twilight zone,
where something mist tickle
and magical happens
after the stroke of midnight
during the wee hours of a dawning day.

When morning hath broken
tis time to prepare tea for the tillerman
fifty plus shades of gray matter
in mine noggin o' mine feels askew
eyes wanna remain shut tight
add teared with super glue
bookmarking, dawning, and foisting
wispy tendrils o' daylight curlicue
wing analogous to fragrant
aroma of barbecue

said quotidian wake up calls
could not gently assuage, bestir,
boot cannot command.com, i.o.sys,
nor msdos.sys me
to arouse yours truly anew
without fail generated
abort, retry, and fail
thus deadened to
world wide web, I continued
to remain dead,

albeit "FAKE" robbed zombie,
this inability to evince being
bright eyed and bushy tailed
not always true
cuz, I remember myself as
precious, hilarious, rambunctious... kid shew
wing vital signs of life easily
confused for screeching bat that flew
out the portals of Hellenistic Hades
wolfing down breakfast of champions,

cereal, and then bidding cheery adieu
to mother (during her
prime mate ting years)
dashing off (with two
twisted sisters in tow)
to board school bus,
while said vehicle still in moe
shun, bobbing up and down,
(no app pell Le Cajun needed)
excited to mingle amidst peers,

especially Joe King
even when afflicted with Dengue
Fever, a slight setback
eagerly awaiting new
learning would ensue
maintaining enthusiastic countenance
never showing moue
handy dandy dee moody blue
affectation, yet buzzfeeding thru
one grade after another with flying colors

well..., not quite
straight exemplary A's, B's, nor C's
mine doting parents never made overissue
regarding grades (mine hew
wing, trending Xing past
beginning of ABC – alphabet)
nonetheless promoted,
cuz momma and poppa did eschew
the punishing impact,
wrought courtesy repeated grade

thus hopping, skipping,
and jumping kangaroo
simultaneously reed dully
playing invisible didgeridoo
until BAM, arising chipper as a lark
became futile effort this yahoo
suddenly feeling hijacked,
lowjacked, whacked... numbskull
metaphorically within by bamboo,
nope remaining like ****** temple pilot

doggone catatonic dunderhead *****
loose wooden demeanor,
when at some juncture switcheroo
inside this body dielectric fleshy hue
man, whereby he dozed off
until...four after midnight, (or thereabouts)
invariably entranced by practitioner of voodoo
hok kood also tame a shrew
wild horses couldn't drag me out of bed
(been there... done that) even a slew

of feral ponies quasi native -
all muscle and sinew
to Chincoteague, and/
or Assateague Islands,
thus resigned myself maximizing energy
particularly after using water loo
when hunger pains drove acute
ability with absolute zero effort
yes believe me you
such hyperawareness came to rescue
writer's block - whew!
Even over here, at this far corner of the world,
The impact rendered most of society....quietly astounded!
Most of the people I spoke to couldn't believe that over half the population voted in the dunderhead, the ego maniac, the destroyer of sanity,the causer of chaos.
And when he lined up with all of the old enterage, it was like a dull, time warp. Nothing had changed.
Four more years of monosylabilic utterance, four more years of caustic repetative rhetoric. Four more years of waiting for the axe to fall.....and it will.
You will all have plenty of time to reconsider the wisdom of your choice...(Those that made the choice).....and take it from me, that time span is going to drag and cost like you would not believe.

M@Foxglove.Taranaki.NZ

— The End —